Reborn wrote:My sponsor held me accountable to move forward in the steps....he called me on my bullsh!t...asked me "How's that working for you?"....and these things and many others lead me to the sunlight of the spirit. I do the exact same thing with my sponsees today....I hold them accountable to move forward...in my view that is what a sponsor is supposed to do. I'm not sure what everyone else's experience is but I needed another man to help deflate my ego and hold me accountable to keep moving forward....pretty simple isn't it?
Yes, thank you.
I've heard from a gentleman I'd like to Step-sponsor me (yet again) that his first spons passed along his 4th Step notebook through 2 more spons and the third spons asked (around his 15th year of Sobriety) "Are you ready to make amends to _________, now?" Is that in line with your experience also, Reborn?
My spons says if someone's behavior might lead him to drink, a spons can & should say something. (Another form of ACCOUNTABILITY) I agree, but I spons younger, disordered men whose ethical systems are often severely retarded. I try not to let "counsel with persons" go too far; it would be a full time job otherwise, and I am not qualified for many issues they clearly need help with. I'm ok with the Sponsor-as-whiteboard theme, mostly.
As example, a sponsee (success story) recently asked me if I think that he's now ready for romantic relationship(s) and I replied this way:
1. AA is not the arbiter of anyone's sex conduct, p.69 ; that "wait 12 months" admonition is common prudence, not AA.
2. Elsewhere, Bill W. offers lots of advice about relationships that I don't think appropriate.
3. Your sexlife is really none of my business, but thank you for your respect and confidence in me!
4. My opinion: I see you're still sad/lonely, seem pretty fragile, emotionally fearful, defect-laden: do you
We may review and update his Sex Ideal together, if he so desires. Would any here recommend also reading this Grapevine book, Forming True Partnerships
– GV34 ? It's fairly new, I haven't read it.
I counseled prayer and finally getting a therapist (HIS and his parents' goal, yet unfulfilled) for his pre-existing outside psych issues. I don't think a spons should EVER be a substitute for seeing a qualified medical/psych professional, but it seems spons are mis-used that way alot.
"The Group demands total loyalty to the inner group. Some have had to leave the movement because of the Groups' demands which conflict with truth or duty." The Oxford Groups by Herbert H. Henson, 1933, pages 73-74.