Sponsorship and ACCOUNTABILITY

Most of us who recovered with AA's program did so with the help of a "sponsor". But what is sponsorship? How do I get one? Who can be a sponsor? What makes a good sponsor?
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Brock
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Re: Sponsorship and ACCOUNTABILITY

Post by Brock » Sat Nov 28, 2015 6:19 am

I find that sometimes the word 'resentment' is used out of context, if someone posts something that can be demonstrated by our text as being wrong, then we can say so without holding a resentment. Just as I might eyeball a fit person parking in the handicap spot, small fellow I might suggest he move, big fellow I might tell the guard, no resentment he is a jackass but I don't resent him.

Those who just turn and walk past those who flout the laws of common decency, or ignore posters with a stir the pot agenda, the none of my business types, I don't resent them either but I am different. Even a famous person whose example I try to follow, kicked down some tables and chased tax collectors for doing crap, and he was kind of well known for forgiveness and not holding resentments.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."

Stepchild
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Re: Sponsorship and ACCOUNTABILITY

Post by Stepchild » Sat Nov 28, 2015 6:56 am

Nice post Brock. Sanity is a beautiful thing. A lot of things get plucked out of that book and misused...Love and tolerance is our code for example. Do I just turn a blind eye to anything I see that is wrong?...Go through life saying nothing?...Become a human doormat? If sobriety was only about that....It wouldn't be for me. God did give us brains to use. If I say one thing that is helpful to one person...That's good enough for me. Even if it's just debunking crap when I see it.

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Tosh
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Re: Sponsorship and ACCOUNTABILITY

Post by Tosh » Sat Nov 28, 2015 7:29 am

Stepchild wrote: Do I just turn a blind eye to anything I see that is wrong?...Go through life saying nothing?...Become a human doormat? If sobriety was only about that....It wouldn't be for me. God did give us brains to use.
Who is treating you like a human doormat, Stepchild? Why are you over-reacting?
Stepchild wrote:A lot of things get plucked out of that book and misused...Love and tolerance is our code for example
How can love and tolerance be 'misused'?

My mind boggles sometimes at what I read here. :lol:
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)

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Brock
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Re: Sponsorship and ACCOUNTABILITY

Post by Brock » Sat Nov 28, 2015 8:27 am

How can love and tolerance be 'misused'?
Someone writes something which might put a new person off, one of us says something different to counteract it, someone else chimes in 'why argue love and tolerance is our code' = misuse.
Who is treating you like a human doormat, Stepchild? Why are you over-reacting?
He didn't say anyone was treating him like a doormat, but to go through life saying nothing in the face of misinformation being submitted here or elsewhere, or turn a blind eye to social injustice, I believe leads to becoming little more than a doormat.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."

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Re: Sponsorship and ACCOUNTABILITY

Post by Stepchild » Sat Nov 28, 2015 8:52 am

Amen.

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Tosh
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Re: Sponsorship and ACCOUNTABILITY

Post by Tosh » Sat Nov 28, 2015 9:21 am

Brock wrote:but to go through life saying nothing in the face of misinformation being submitted here or elsewhere, or turn a blind eye to social injustice, I believe leads to becoming little more than a doormat.
I think you're over-reacting too, Brock. "To go through life in the face of misinformation leads to being little more than a doormat". I'm not even sure where to start with explaining how mental that is, but I'm going to give it a try.

We each have our own beliefs that are all based in our self centredness (not always in a bad way); they're seen through the filters of our own perspective.

But to even infer that if anyone disagrees with them is akin to being 'treated like a doormat', then I'm afraid you're going to have a tough life trying to correct the millions of people with different beliefs and views.

In fact your post makes me feel like a doormat!!! Actually it doesn't. I'm responsible for the way I feel and for how I allow other people to treat me. I just won't allow anyone to treat me like a doormat, however, I will allow everyone else the right to their own thoughts, beliefs, to be wrong, and to disagree freely with me, which they will, and I'll be cool with that, but I still won't be a doormat.
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)

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Is that an admission, then?

Post by No.3 » Sat Nov 28, 2015 9:58 am

Brock wrote:Someone writes something which might put a new person off, one of us says something different to counteract it, someone else chimes in 'why argue love and tolerance is our code' = misuse.
There's no might about it: several posters have repeatedly attacked newcomers here for years. They've been called out before, they clearly defend their right to argue then & now, even hiding behind the Censor's (oh sorry, Moderator's) knife to cut out rebuttals which annoy them.

Another recent lurking poster (whose reply was deleted) is correct: this forum is like watching a train wreck: nothing like AA. You've made it that way! Sure it's an interesting forum to discuss any AA stuff, but that's about all IMO.
"The Group demands total loyalty to the inner group. Some have had to leave the movement because of the Groups' demands which conflict with truth or duty." The Oxford Groups by Herbert H. Henson, 1933, pages 73-74.

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Re: Sponsorship and ACCOUNTABILITY

Post by PaigeB » Sat Nov 28, 2015 10:12 am

AA is a bit different F2F - words (mostly) disappear after they are said... Here not at all. Capital letters in the title of this thread are considered "yelling". You all know what I mean.

I do not like these argumentative threads and it has NOT always been like this.

Some posters have had many warnings before the get a deletion or a ban on posting - not unlike a disruptive member at a f2f meeting.
Step 6 is "AA's way of stating, the best possible attitude one can take in order to make a beginning on this lifetime job... with most of them we shall have to be content with patient improvement." 12&12 Step Six, p.65

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Re: Is that an admission, then?

Post by Stepchild » Sat Nov 28, 2015 10:18 am

No.3 wrote: There's no might about it: several posters have repeatedly attacked newcomers here for years.
I don't buy that...But seeing as you joined this site on the 2nd of this month...I guess I have to take your word for it. I'm not real sure what your purpose is here....Or in AA for that matter...If it's creating calamity...You're good at it. But it doesn't seem like this is your first rodeo...

From one of your first posts here...
I'd like to write about this at length, on another thread. I have a few definite opinions and some unformed theories on the evolution of the "12 Steps" which might be interesting to some here. I'm not offended if people aren't persuaded or disagree with mine. It's just a shame &pity the megalo "Moderator" of the so-called "AA History" site routinely bans/censors legitimate civil discourse which includes OPINIONS he disagrees with.
It's always the moderator's fault...Right?

No.3
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You're blatantly stalking

Post by No.3 » Sat Nov 28, 2015 10:30 am

If this forum were moderated, you'd be given a "timeout" for that. However, given that it's your m.o., a responsible site would have banned you loooong ago.

I'm not surprised AA newcomers avoid looking at this trainwreck. Or that sponsors wouldn't tell their sponsees it's a useful resource for early sobriety.
"The Group demands total loyalty to the inner group. Some have had to leave the movement because of the Groups' demands which conflict with truth or duty." The Oxford Groups by Herbert H. Henson, 1933, pages 73-74.

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Brock
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Re: Sponsorship and ACCOUNTABILITY

Post by Brock » Sat Nov 28, 2015 11:09 am

No. 3 said
I'm not surprised AA newcomers avoid looking at this trainwreck.
We have three 'newcomer' threads ongoing, Cynbad has been coached through FIVE pages while having trouble to get a day in, now has four and a half days as reported a short while ago. Nellie and Alan are receiving good advice and encouragement, and Barbara is pleased she found us. And we have to listen to this from someone new to the site, every thread here that might be classed a trainwreck has #3 all over it.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."

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Re: Sponsorship and ACCOUNTABILITY

Post by BPG » Sat Nov 28, 2015 11:43 am

No.3 wrote:Another recent lurking poster (whose reply was deleted) is correct: this forum is like watching a train wreck: nothing like AA. You've made it that way! Sure it's an interesting forum to discuss any AA stuff, but that's about all IMO.
I think this may have been my post. I do confess a little bit of curiosity as to why it would have been deleted. I don't think it was offensive at all, really; just a matter-of-fact statement as to what I find on this site. I DO watch it like I might watch a train wreck, although a train wreck is at least comprehensible. Much of what I try to read here --- to put it kindly --- is not so.

To be honest, I've been around long enough to find the deletion a little bit funny. Like Tosh said, '.... My mind boggles ...

'
PaigeB wrote:Some posters have had many warnings before the get a deletion or a ban on posting - not unlike a disruptive member at a f2f meeting.
Not true in my case. Rather, I suspect this was the work of a moderator who disagrees with my stance that this site is inappropriate for newcomers. IMO, this is like shooting the messenger --- a little reflection might be more appropriate and useful.

I'll continue to check in on the site, but I'll also continue to discourage newcomers from visiting it. What they need ain't offered here.

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Brock
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Re: Sponsorship and ACCOUNTABILITY

Post by Brock » Sat Nov 28, 2015 12:48 pm

I'll continue to check in on the site, but I'll also continue to discourage newcomers from visiting it. What they need ain't offered here.
I don't expect many sponsors would recommend any discussion site like this, I've met some who even try to get new members to stay off the internet entirely. When someone in a meeting speaks well of a speaker like Chris R, some say don't tell the newcomers about speakers like that. Some of this is justified, but I suspect some is also sponsors ego, listen only to his masters voice sort of thing.

Where this site excels in my opinion is in encouraging new people to attend meetings, letting them know of the benefits and the friendly people, suggesting they get sponsors as well. Perhaps somebody may ask you to sponsor them, when you say stay away from e-AA, they may say how the hell you think I got here in the first place.

Also for 'old timers' who should have the experience, it is unfortunate that the best that can be done is speaking of trains and discouraging others, what about advising how things might be improved, maybe start a new thread on the subject.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."

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Re: Sponsorship and ACCOUNTABILITY

Post by ezdzit247 » Sat Nov 28, 2015 12:55 pm

Brock wrote:
No. 3 said
I'm not surprised AA newcomers avoid looking at this trainwreck.
We have three 'newcomer' threads ongoing, Cynbad has been coached through FIVE pages while having trouble to get a day in, now has four and a half days as reported a short while ago. Nellie and Alan are receiving good advice and encouragement, and Barbara is pleased she found us. And we have to listen to this from someone new to the site, every thread here that might be classed a trainwreck has #3 all over it.
LOL.... :lol:

Three? What happened to the thousands of other newcomers who have visited this site looking for help and then quietly disappeared, never heard from again? What happened to the newcomer who started a thread looking for help and then disappeared because you and your buddies ignored him and highjacked his thread to argue with another poster over AA's ONE DAY AT A TIME slogan ? Where are the other 8000 plus registered members who have registered but disappeared and no longer post here? How many times have you been told to dial down the off-topic personal attacks on other posters--LIKE THE ONE YOU JUST POSTED ABOVE?
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

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incessant crosstalk by "moderators" allowed? obviously yes.

Post by No.3 » Sat Nov 28, 2015 1:07 pm

Brock wrote:Perhaps somebody may ask you to sponsor them, when you say stay away from e-AA, they may say how the hell you think I got here in the first place.

Also for 'old timers' who should have the experience, it is unfortunate that the best that can be done is speaking of trains and discouraging others, what about advising how things might be improved, maybe start a new thread on the subject.
That's delusional: the way things aren't. There's some grandiose thinking, too: the likelihood I would ever meet someone f2f who followed this forum is about zilch. Site traffic reveals what the daily number of posts confirm - e-aa is just a dozen or so posters, three or four harassing newcomers and the occasional registereds who mostly lurk in this seedy cybercinema. Like the geriatric regulars in a vintage porno: same old couple of trolls, year in year out...

There's no accountability here, apparently: your Group doesn't have a conscience? How's that working out for you?
We see. The whole world can see, in fact.

And you reiterated the truth others have shared with me privately, ez, but it's utterly lost to those who need it most, as pearls cast before...
"The Group demands total loyalty to the inner group. Some have had to leave the movement because of the Groups' demands which conflict with truth or duty." The Oxford Groups by Herbert H. Henson, 1933, pages 73-74.

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