Sponcer said he was holding me back, dumped me.

Most of us who recovered with AA's program did so with the help of a "sponsor". But what is sponsorship? How do I get one? Who can be a sponsor? What makes a good sponsor?
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Momster5515
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Sponcer said he was holding me back, dumped me.

Post by Momster5515 » Sun Oct 18, 2015 9:14 pm

Hello, my sponcer said I probably need to get a gal sponcer in my hometown after leaving treatment 2 hrs away. This really made me sick- like really physically sick. This guy had ran me thru my steps quickly while in rehab and got me to my higher power. Why did I get I'll when he suggested to find someone else. Maybe I already know the answer. Hoping someone had has a similar reaction to help feel better. I'm obsessing over it. And part of me thinks its because I can't have what I want
But I'm pissed because that wasn't the deal when I asked him to sponsor me
The deal was that I had to do the same for someone in a year. See what happen was I asked him if I could make a lost of amends. Or should I do that with him
And because I'm out of rehab for over a month now I'm 2 hrs away. But when I asked him about the distance prior to, his respoce was, there r phones ain't there.. Right. Phones. Bullshit. I'm pissed. I'm hurt. Having a hard time accepting it. I read did a 5th step with a woman I met in another town while at an outside meeting in rehab. He had an accident 3 weeks prior to my discharge. However when I got home from rehab while he was recovering from the accdent he gave me a cpuple assignments.. Told him I was done. Now this. Anybody got anything? I feel like i lost somebody huge in my life. And it just really sucks.

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leejosepho
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Re: Sponcer said he was holding me back, dumped me.

Post by leejosepho » Mon Oct 19, 2015 2:17 am

Welcome, Momster!
Momster5515 wrote:Hello, my sponcer said I probably need to get a gal sponcer in my hometown after leaving treatment 2 hrs away.
Many of us agree that following the advice of someone we had first asked to help us is usually good advice. However, that would be for you to decide.
This guy had ran me thru my steps quickly while in rehab and got me to my higher power.
It is not unusual for one of us to help get someone started and then suggest a change for any of a variety or reasons.
I'm pissed because that wasn't the deal when I asked him to sponsor me...
I asked him if I could make a lost of amends...asked him about the distance...his responce was, there r phones ain't there..
Sometimes something like that can seem better than risking the possible discouragement of something like "No, I think it would be better for you to get a gal near you in the future when you get to that part."
...he gave me a couple assignments.. Told him I was done. Now this. Anybody got anything? I feel like i lost somebody huge in my life. And it just really sucks.
My first sponsor got me started and then we became separated by distance and I will always feel that loss simply because it happened. So, maybe just do what many of us have done and "Get a new sponsor!"
=======================
"We A.A.s do not *stay* away from drinking [one day at a
time] -- we *grow* away from drinking [one day at a time]."
("Lois Remembers", page 168, quoting Bill, emphasis added)
=======================

Service
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Re: Sponcer said he was holding me back, dumped me.

Post by Service » Mon Oct 19, 2015 9:07 am

Momster5515 , so another recognized what co dependence is in A.A and your pissed!

“When we developed still more, we discovered the best
possible source of emotional stability to be God Himself.
We found that dependence upon His perfect justice, forgive-
ness, and love was healthy, and that it would work where
nothing else would. If we really depended upon God, we
couldn’t very well play God to our fellows nor would we
feel the urge wholly to rely on human protection and care.
PG 116 twelfth step”
Notice the word developed not learned?
Don't worry no big deal, someone else will will find you if sober here is not enough
Spend an hour on all 12 steps and it will take you a life time to practice them

Momster5515
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Re: Sponcer said he was holding me back, dumped me.

Post by Momster5515 » Mon Oct 19, 2015 10:51 am

Thx. I understand.

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Tosh
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Re: Sponcer said he was holding me back, dumped me.

Post by Tosh » Mon Oct 19, 2015 3:05 pm

Welcome to the forum, Momster and well done on your sober time.

Regards

Tosh
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)

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tyg
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Re: Sponcer said he was holding me back, dumped me.

Post by tyg » Tue Oct 20, 2015 3:07 am

Many times i have not liked the changes that come into my life but...I have found that I always grow and learn from them. Deepak Chopra said, "Happiness is a continuation of happenings which are not resisted." Not Resisting life's Happenings is a gift this spiritual program has given me.

I'd just get another sponsor, and pick the gender that could not create any sexual interest between us. During troubled times, I step it up... find more suffering alcoholics to help, reach out and talk with other recovered alcoholics f2f, go do extra activities (in & out of AA), and Steps 10 and 11 will help me see the real forces driving my emotions that keep me from serenity.

Glad you are here Momster, look forward to reading more of you :)
~The secret to the AA program is the first three words on page 112~

Momster5515
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Re: Sponcer said he was holding me back, dumped me.

Post by Momster5515 » Tue Oct 20, 2015 6:29 pm

Thank u for it response. I miss him. I'm still learning. I didn't think I had any sexual attraction at first..I was just desperate to work steps with someome to get better. I loved his passion for the program. Now looking back maybe I did have feelings towards him. If I didn't then. Ibfeel like I do now. Im learning a lot about relationships from this experience. My first awakening was in his back yard , looking out on a green pasture after reading out the BB before doing third step. It was amazing. I didn't feel this way towards him until after he said he wouldn't do my 5th step with me. I'm so grateful for the program and having such a great teacher in the beginning. Thx everyone.

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whipping post
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Re: Sponcer said he was holding me back, dumped me.

Post by whipping post » Tue Oct 20, 2015 7:30 pm

Hey Momster,

You are starting to "get it" and are on your way to the new freedom and happiness the promises refer to. Keep on keeping on. Glad you are here!

Service
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Re: Sponcer said he was holding me back, dumped me.

Post by Service » Tue Nov 03, 2015 4:21 pm

Momster5515 you feel lost ?

Are you sober? Do you have a roof over your head? Are you bumming off anyone ? Do you have food in your stomach ? If so you are doing what life is asking you, as far as God is concern there is only 3 things you need to know.
1. That there is one.
2. You and your co-dependent is not it.
3. Gods not lost you and your co-dependent is.

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