Time to move on...

Most of us who recovered with AA's program did so with the help of a "sponsor". But what is sponsorship? How do I get one? Who can be a sponsor? What makes a good sponsor?
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Niagara
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Re: Time to move on...

Post by Niagara » Thu Oct 01, 2015 12:54 am

Congrats on 9 months :)
If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month -
Theodore Roosevelt

Service
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Re: Time to move on...

Post by Service » Mon Oct 05, 2015 11:58 pm

Larryp713 wrote:I have been with my first sponsor for 8 months. He helped me work through the 12 steps, and I am grateful for his support. But I have reached a point where I don't see our relationship as a sponsor /sponsee relationship.
It came to a bit of a head tonight. He was offering advice that I don't feel really aligns with what the program teaches. It is too complex to explain in a post, but basically I realized it touches on parts of recovery that I think he is still working on.
I have seen others post about this, but I might need help outside of AA such as couples counseling, etc... I don't think a sponsor should be opinion on all matters of your life, just those related to recovery.
I think I want to try an online sponsor for awhile. I don't know if it is the right thing, I just know my current sponsor situation no longer feels right. I would appreciate any thoughts and experience on this. Thanks - Larry
Question: We know it's not in the steps - We know it's not in the Traditions - What's with this outside sponsorship followship system craze ? What's wrong with being you and knocking off all this that came from hospitals and was injected into A.A in the 70s? lot of impressing and depressing man made BS here

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PaigeB
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Re: Time to move on...

Post by PaigeB » Tue Oct 06, 2015 1:09 am

Service? As an admin I ask you... are you trying to stir stuff up?
Step 6 is "AA's way of stating, the best possible attitude one can take in order to make a beginning on this lifetime job... with most of them we shall have to be content with patient improvement." 12&12 Step Six, p.65

Service
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Re: Time to move on...

Post by Service » Tue Oct 06, 2015 9:48 pm

What are you taking about ? What "stuff" are you talking about? Like what I heard? if it's not in the 164 pages of the book it's BS - That stuff ? Is that what you mean by stiring stuff up? or talking about what's in instead of not in the Big Book? what do you mean by stuff? Stuff you personally disagree with ? That stuff? what stuff? :idea: give me a hint what stuff?

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Re: Time to move on...

Post by Layne » Tue Oct 06, 2015 10:47 pm

Service wrote:What are you taking about ? What "stuff" are you talking about? Like what I heard? if it's not in the 164 pages of the book it's BS - That stuff ? Is that what you mean by stiring stuff up? or talking about what's in instead of not in the Big Book? what do you mean by stuff? Stuff you personally disagree with ? That stuff? what stuff? :idea: give me a hint what stuff?
When you stray from sharing your ESH and instead focus on what other people are doing or not doing. When you become judgemental. When you become sarcastic and belittling. When you insist that your comprehension of the big book is the correct and only one.

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Re: Time to move on...

Post by Larryp713 » Wed Oct 07, 2015 7:46 am

I appreciate all the positive comments. I think service raises very valid points about reliance on sponsors.

My new sponsor really operates more of the direct sponsorship program. He has five years sober, and still calls his sponsor every night. He asked me to call him every night, and I do that. Grudgingly. I respect how he works his program, but I don't like feeling compelled to call somebody every night.

But a few days ago, we were in a meeting together and the topic was working the tenth step. I did not get specific direction from my first sponsor, so I asked my new sponsor how he does his 10th step. I told him I didn't feel like I was doing it diligently. He asked me to recall what we had talked about on the phone the last couple of nights. I told him we discussed how my day went, challenges I was experiencing and emotions I was feeling. I mentioned how I said mean things to my teenage daughter and he encouraged me to make direct amends. I also told him some of the good things I did, like making breakfast for my wife. He then asked me if that sounded a little bit like a 10th step, and my mind was blown.

Like many things I have learned since working this program, these revelations hit me as powerful yet simple. If I take action as suggested by the people in this program, it usually yields positive results.

This change has really helped me grow closer to my higher power. I am grateful for AA and my sponsor. Thanks again for all your support.
Trudging the Road of Happy Destiny!!!

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leejosepho
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Re: Time to move on...

Post by leejosepho » Wed Oct 07, 2015 9:57 am

Larryp713 wrote:... He then asked me if that sounded a little bit like a 10th step, and my mind was blown.
I have had similar experiences where someone had been helping me along without my even realizing what was going on, and I am grateful for good sponsors willing and able to do that. It exemplifies a level of character where they are transparent vessels even though they might be all we can see, and at times that has helped me learn and grow even by doing "Wax on, wax off" kinds of things where I could have easily messed things up for myself or stunted my own progress while believing I might have had something to contribute along the way!
=======================
"We A.A.s do not *stay* away from drinking [one day at a
time] -- we *grow* away from drinking [one day at a time]."
("Lois Remembers", page 168, quoting Bill, emphasis added)
=======================

Larryp713
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Re: Time to move on...

Post by Larryp713 » Wed Oct 07, 2015 11:07 am

I love the wax on, wax off analogy, Lee. That is so perfect for how I felt after my epiphany. Thanks for sharing that.
Trudging the Road of Happy Destiny!!!

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avaneesh912
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Re: Time to move on...

Post by avaneesh912 » Thu Oct 08, 2015 4:15 am

the topic was working the tenth step.
I drew knowledge of working the steps from many great AAers but when it comes to when and how to work each step was succintly illustrated by Mark Housten in his stalk on 10 and 11. Though he mainly focuses on 10 and 11, he talks about how to get there. Its available on youtube and xa-speakers (delmar speech).
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)

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Re: Time to move on...

Post by Service » Thu Oct 08, 2015 8:33 pm

avaneesh912 wrote:
the topic was working the tenth step.
I drew knowledge of working the steps from many great AAers but when it comes to when and how to work each step was succintly illustrated by Mark Housten in his stalk on 10 and 11. Though he mainly focuses on 10 and 11, he talks about how to get there. Its available on youtube and xa-speakers (delmar speech).

LOL
God could and would if sought !

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Re: Time to move on...

Post by Lali » Thu Oct 08, 2015 8:51 pm

Of course that's what Service is doing. He's a troll that comes around like clockwork to stir things up.

So how about we ignore him and he will go away. Everybody on board?
Step 1: I can't
Step 2: He can
Step 3: I think I'll let him

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avaneesh912
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Re: Time to move on...

Post by avaneesh912 » Fri Oct 09, 2015 3:32 am

Of course that's what Service is doing. He's a troll that comes around like clockwork to stir things up.
Probably his/her sponsor abused him/her. So much attitude toward sponsorship.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)

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leejosepho
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Re: Time to move on...

Post by leejosepho » Fri Oct 09, 2015 3:35 am

Lali wrote:Of course that's what Service is doing. He's a troll that comes around like clockwork to stir things up.

So how about we ignore him and he will go away. Everybody on board?
Yes, I only check one thread where I have offered to have some discussion* and then never look at any others unless someone else is the most-recent poster. However, that does not necessarily guarantee the "go away" part!

*No baiting intended there.
=======================
"We A.A.s do not *stay* away from drinking [one day at a
time] -- we *grow* away from drinking [one day at a time]."
("Lois Remembers", page 168, quoting Bill, emphasis added)
=======================

Service
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Re: Time to move on...

Post by Service » Fri Oct 09, 2015 6:24 am

avaneesh912 wrote:
Of course that's what Service is doing. He's a troll that comes around like clockwork to stir things up.
Probably his/her sponsor abused him/her. So much attitude toward sponsorship.
It's amazing the length these co-dependents go to inside a "spiritual" program, they are such physical control freaks they leave no room for a spirit, reminds me of religious people who use God as their control board - Religion has nothing to do with God it's mans way of telling others they are always right and knows what is right for you too.
The program is an inside job, these kinds can't see it so they control and find desperate member here already Co-Dependents that will play their games - Lonesomeness can take you to some strange places
Take a closer look at the difference of a spiritual program verses and outside co-dependency program - God I really wish I was a troll all this co dependent BS would not be here .

Let Go and Let your Sponsor oops I mean God almost slipped there ! rule 64 control freak
A- B- C a simple program for complicated control freaks maybe even trolls that pry on sober non drinkers the menacing forces inside a spiritual inside program.

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Re: Time to move on...

Post by Larryp713 » Fri Oct 09, 2015 12:27 pm

avaneesh912 wrote:
the topic was working the tenth step.
I drew knowledge of working the steps from many great AAers but when it comes to when and how to work each step was succintly illustrated by Mark Housten in his stalk on 10 and 11. Though he mainly focuses on 10 and 11, he talks about how to get there. Its available on youtube and xa-speakers (delmar speech).
Thanks for this suggestion. I will definitely check out Mark's talks. I just finished Joe and Charlie and they really opened my eyes to the program. I am going to start working the steps with my new sponsor this week. I am actually looking forward to doing the steps again with a new perspective and level of understanding of the Big Book. Thanks again!
Trudging the Road of Happy Destiny!!!

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