How often do you speak to/interact with your sponsor

Most of us who recovered with AA's program did so with the help of a "sponsor". But what is sponsorship? How do I get one? Who can be a sponsor? What makes a good sponsor?
catcar
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Re: How often do you speak to/interact with your sponsor

Post by catcar » Tue Jan 20, 2015 2:53 am

I understand that isolation thing Niagra & also the shock that you've actually made it to a social outing. I'm still stuck working on my 4th step. Its been a challenge for me.
I do meet up with and talk to other aa ladies. Guess I need to figure a way to get out of my own head and not reach out to my sponsor so much.....?

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Re: How often do you speak to/interact with your sponsor

Post by Lali » Thu Feb 05, 2015 12:58 pm

catcar wrote:Guess I need to figure a way to get out of my own head and not reach out to my sponsor so much.....?
I don't think this is what anyone was saying. Needing to speak to a sponsor has a LOT to do with where one is in their step work. Not having completed step 4, I would expect for you to be in regular contact with your sponsor. Let your sponsor help you through ALL of the steps. That is the #1 reason that we have sponsors.

As an aside, catcar, I don't think I have seen you around the boards lately. I hope you are still here. Keep asking questions when you have the need. That's why we are all here - to help one another.
Step 1: I can't
Step 2: He can
Step 3: I think I'll let him

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Re: How often do you speak to/interact with your sponsor

Post by zteknik » Sat Feb 07, 2015 12:45 am

Evening family, Bob alcoholic
When I first started to get sober I interacted/talked with my sponsor on a daily basis. Sometimes almost all day.
But one I had some time and some sanity I would just call him every couple of days. But I still would meet him once a week.
But when I feel out of sorts I would talk to him on a daily basis until we felt I was past it.
It also helps when you talk to other alcoholics during the week as well, this way if you can't get a hold of your sponsor you have someone to help you through.

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Re: How often do you speak to/interact with your sponsor

Post by catcar » Sat Feb 07, 2015 6:37 am

Lali wrote:
catcar wrote:Guess I need to figure a way to get out of my own head and not reach out to my sponsor so much.....?
I don't think this is what anyone was saying. Needing to speak to a sponsor has a LOT to do with where one is in their step work. Not having completed step 4, I would expect for you to be in regular contact with your sponsor. Let your sponsor help you through ALL of the steps. That is the #1 reason that we have sponsors.

As an aside, catcar, I don't think I have seen you around the boards lately. I hope you are still here. Keep asking questions when you have the need. That's why we are all here - to help one another.
Yes Lali I am still around. Have not had the change to be on the computer much the past couple weeks. Thanks for the support. With my sponsor we did a daily call for first 90 days and then weekly check in call after that. I also see her at one to two meetings a week. She is there for me if I need it but when I am going through rough times I feel like I could end up leaning too much on people. (Thus my questions all the time here...) I am doing better at developing a circle of friends in AA that I can hang with so that I don't feel so isolated and alone. I am learning that I feel much better about my own things when I reach out to others and help them so I try to reset me thinking into doing that. There are some really great women in my area and surrounding myself with other sober people has been such a gift!

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Re: How often do you speak to/interact with your sponsor

Post by Service » Tue Oct 06, 2015 10:28 pm

I speak with God in the Morning and at night sometimes in the course of my day depending how tough or good it goes
Read page 86 in the Big Book Hint it's on page 86 for a reason !

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Re: How often do you speak to/interact with your sponsor

Post by avaneesh912 » Wed Oct 07, 2015 7:07 pm

Service, I have been trying to get hold of his number. Can you share the number please? And how expensive is the call? You see mine cell phone charges cover only local calls?
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)

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Re: How often do you speak to/interact with your sponsor

Post by Service » Sun Nov 08, 2015 3:54 pm

Every morning and every night sometimes 3 or 4 times a day -- There is only one may you find him now ! Lol :P

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Re: How often do you speak to/interact with your sponsor

Post by Tosh » Mon Nov 09, 2015 1:34 am

Service wrote:I speak with God in the Morning and at night sometimes in the course of my day depending how tough or good it goes
Read page 86 in the Big Book Hint it's on page 86 for a reason !
Okay, you speak to God and He answers you with what? Silence?

Thomas Merton, Letter to an Unbeliever in Faith and Violence: (all typos my own)
Faith comes by hearing, says St. Paul: but by hearing what? The cries of snake-handlers? The soothing platitudes of the religious operator? One must first be able to listen to the inscrutable ground of his own being, and who am I to say that your [the non-believer] reservations about religious commitment do not protect, in you, this kind of listening?

The "absence of God" and the "silence of God" in the modern world are not only evident, but they are facts of profound religious [spiritual] significance.

What do these metaphorical expressions mean? They refer obviously to another metaphorical concept, that of "communication" between man and God. To say that "God is absent" and "God is silent" is to say that the familiar concept of "communication" between man and God has broken down. And if you are an Unbeliever it is often enough because such communication is, to you, incredible. We, on the other hand, have insisted more and more that communication with God was credible and was in fact taking place: when we spoke, God spoke. Unfortunately, the terms in which we have continued to say this did little to make the idea acceptable, or even conceivable, to you. We keep insisting that we and God deal with each other morning, noon, and night over closed-circuit TV. These pious metaphors are permissible with certain reservations, but to try to force them on you can border on blasphemous idiocy. Thus our very language itself (to many of us still adequate) has tended to become an important element in the absence and the silence of God.

Does it occur to us that instead of revealing him we are hiding him?
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)

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How often do you speak to/interact with your sponsor/sponsee

Post by No.3 » Mon Nov 09, 2015 2:12 pm

Like any relationship, it's a 2-way street: best take your sponsor's advice.

I'm male, mature adult, 26yrs sober. I see my sponsor (older male) at meetings 1-2x week, call as needed. I'm not obligated to contact him on any schedule, but he may do that with his newcomer sponsees as warranted. No set rules.

I sponsor men about the same age I was when I got sober. I expect to see every newcomer sponsee weekly, step work additionally, so we go to at least one meeting in common. otoh I do NOT insist they call me every day, which seems to be a very common sponsor request/expectation. Lately, some local AAs share that they've been instructed to email a nightly 10th to their grandsponsor - my sponsor would flip out if he was inundated nightly this way.

On the 'virtual interaction' issue, many other spons that I know ALSO discourage/refuse "txt msgs" as inadequate; I don't. Phone, txt, email, FaceTime all equally fine interactions for me - so long as it's not evasive.

When a newcomer sponsee won't call or text, it's usually a bad sign and precursor: those guys rarely make it to the 4th Step, almost never complete a 4th now, etc. So I tell the undecided newcomer guys "Stay in contact with your sponsor, let him know you're alive!" Admittedly, a lot of them are really 'tourists' but I've also seen a few get it - thru the 12 Steps, sponsoring, sobriety, civilian life, sanity.

I don't spons women, but I do recommend women sponsors. It sounds like young female sponsees (compared to young males) are much more diligent re: daily contact - likewise I believe expectations with younger female sponsors are higher (different) on this point.
"The Group demands total loyalty to the inner group. Some have had to leave the movement because of the Groups' demands which conflict with truth or duty." The Oxford Groups by Herbert H. Henson, 1933, pages 73-74.

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Re: How often do you speak to/interact with your sponsor

Post by Larryp713 » Mon Nov 09, 2015 4:50 pm

My sponsor likes to speak to me daily, so I call him every day. I have only been working with him for a couple of months and I have over 10 months sober, so there may come a day when he doesn't expect to hear from me as often. But I still think our daily conversations are productive for me, and he doesn't seem to mind.

Obviously every sponsor will have different expectations. I think as long as I am willing to do whatever it takes, and I want the quality of sobriety my sponsor has, I will call him as often as he asks me to. Thanks for the topic, it is a good thing to read others opinions about.
Trudging the Road of Happy Destiny!!!

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Re: How often do you speak to/interact with your sponsor

Post by avaneesh912 » Tue Nov 10, 2015 4:42 am

Service wrote:
I speak with God in the Morning and at night sometimes in the course of my day depending how tough or good it goes
Read page 86 in the Big Book Hint it's on page 86 for a reason !
If you read closely:

Page(86) When we retire........

Have we kept something to ourselves which should be discussed with another person at once?

Page(84) This thought brings us to Step Ten .....

We discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly

Note, unlike the Friend in Bills story, there is no capital letters either. So, Bill is definitely talking about earthlings.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)

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Re: How often do you speak to/interact with your sponsor

Post by PaigeB » Tue Nov 10, 2015 12:30 pm

I love Thomas Merton!
Step 6 is "AA's way of stating, the best possible attitude one can take in order to make a beginning on this lifetime job... with most of them we shall have to be content with patient improvement." 12&12 Step Six, p.65

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Re: How often do you speak to/interact with your sponsor

Post by Service » Tue Nov 10, 2015 3:24 pm

Unread postby Tosh » Mon Nov 09, 2015 1:34 am

Okay, you speak to God and He answers you with what? Silence?
Most things are not just bar room talk in the flapping of the gums - One day you may hear the language of the heart, I can now understand your lack of acceptance
and need for a God with skin. :idea:

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Re: How often do you speak to/interact with your sponsor

Post by Tosh » Tue Nov 10, 2015 3:40 pm

Service wrote: One day you may hear the language of the heart,
I'm not hearing it from you, Service, mate. Since when does God - during this communication of the heart - tell you piously infer insults on others?
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)

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Re: How often do you speak to/interact with your sponsor

Post by Tosh » Wed Nov 11, 2015 9:10 am

emotional sobriety wrote: What happen to SERVICE for relying on God ? did you ban SERVICE he was my interaction until I find emotional sobriety for myself ! Whats going on here ?
Hi Service; I see you've got yourself a sockpuppet account. Now, be honest, mate, did God tell you to do that? :lol:
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)

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