How often do you speak to/interact with your sponsor

Most of us who recovered with AA's program did so with the help of a "sponsor". But what is sponsorship? How do I get one? Who can be a sponsor? What makes a good sponsor?
s492m
Forums Newcomer
Posts: 5
Joined: Wed Jan 07, 2015 8:56 am

How often do you speak to/interact with your sponsor

Post by s492m » Wed Jan 07, 2015 9:18 am

Hey All,

I am new here to the forum and have been in recovery for a little over 15 months now.

Recently I have been thinking about how often people speak to/see/interact with their sponsors - I often hear in the rooms of people with long time sobriety speaking to or meeting up and just chatting etc.... with their sponsors weekly and in some cases daily and that got me thinking about how often i speak to my own sponsor which is rarely.

I work the program and hardly see or speak to him but i know that when i am really struggling he is there for me to meet up with and speak to , etc...

Anyways I am just curious as to if i should speak to him weekly, talk to him about every little detail that affects me, etc... or is it entirely up to me and him...

thanks

s

User avatar
avaneesh912
Forums Old Timer
Posts: 5143
Joined: Fri May 30, 2008 12:22 pm
Location: Atlanta, GA

Re: How often do you speak to/interact with your sponsor

Post by avaneesh912 » Wed Jan 07, 2015 9:22 am

I work the program and hardly see or speak to him but i know that when i am really struggling he is there for me to meet up with and speak to , etc...
Welcome S, can you elaborate bit more what you term as "work the program". Are you referrin to the 12 steps or just going to meetings? I don't talk to my sponsor either on a regular basis. But I focus on working on my character defects to the best of my ability. Sometimes pain is a great motivator, I dig deep and go back to the causes.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)

s492m
Forums Newcomer
Posts: 5
Joined: Wed Jan 07, 2015 8:56 am

Re: How often do you speak to/interact with your sponsor

Post by s492m » Wed Jan 07, 2015 9:42 am

Hi Avaneesh,

I work the 12 steps - I am constantly working on my amends, nightly reviews, etc... so basically steps 9 - 12... and in general all 12 steps - i pray, I watch for defects, etc...

I had dropped going to meetings regularly but am slowly getting back there - I am attending 3 a week at the moment with a service commitment at 1.

User avatar
Niagara
Forums Old Timer
Posts: 1074
Joined: Sun Jul 06, 2014 5:38 am

Re: How often do you speak to/interact with your sponsor

Post by Niagara » Wed Jan 07, 2015 9:59 am

I'm similar to Avaneesh, I guess. We met on a weekly basis to do step work/book study, and currently once every few weeks now to do further book study. We do chat on the phone maybe once a week, but more of a friendly catch up, although she IS there if I need her for any advice/support. I tend to do this when I'm struggling with something (as directed by my sponsor) only if my own step work of handing over, inventory etc isn't helping. Hopefully then she can direct me as to where I'm going wrong, or what I need to be doing differently.

Generally, given a few days the problem that was a major catastrophe initially, has lessened to 'what on earth was all that fuss about in my head' and if I do discuss it with my sponsor retrospectively, we usually laugh about it because we are very similar in the way we think/react.

I've been in the rooms around six months, if that's any help.

My sponsor told me at that start that she's not here to parent me, only to show me how the steps worked for her. It's my responsibility to work them, as my recovery is my responsibility. She helps if/when I get stuck.
If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month -
Theodore Roosevelt

User avatar
Tosh
Forums Old Timer
Posts: 3743
Joined: Fri May 13, 2011 10:43 am

Re: How often do you speak to/interact with your sponsor

Post by Tosh » Wed Jan 07, 2015 1:31 pm

Niagara wrote: My sponsor told me at that start that she's not here to parent me, only to show me how the steps worked for her. It's my responsibility to work them, as my recovery is my responsibility. She helps if/when I get stuck.
Yes, that's pretty much my sponsor's take on it. He likes me to call him every-other-week, just to touch base. He says that at some stage in my life, the S*** is going to hit the fan, so some fairly regular contact is good. Other than that we don't have that much contact now. I met up with him face-to-face once last year for a meal and a meeting.

Dependence upon Higher Power 'n' all that.
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)

User avatar
Tommy-S
Forums Old Timer
Posts: 1696
Joined: Thu Jan 26, 2012 3:11 pm
Location: Norfolk, VA

Re: How often do you speak to/interact with your sponsor

Post by Tommy-S » Wed Jan 07, 2015 10:01 pm

Hi S

Thanks for the topic...

Father Dowling, in his 1955 St Louis Convention speech (Appendix on Religion, AA Comes of Age) is recorded as having said, "Blessed are the lazy for they will find their shortcuts"

That's me... I manage to find a sponsor who regularly attends my home group meeting, or make my home group his home group. That way I'm guaranteed to run into him at least weekly, more if the meeting is a daily versus weekly.

I got even lazier this time... I picked a sponsor, and while I was looking for a place to rent after my move here, I lucked out as he informed me he had a garage top apartment... I get to see him everyday whether he likes it or not :lol:

(And his family has adopted me... I got it good)

And for those sponsors I have not outlived, but changed because I moved to another state, I still maintain contact through that thing they call a telephone... even got some of the old guys using that high-fangled Texting :)

I do so because I'm grateful for the time they spent with me, because it's a way to pay back they debt I owe them, because they are some of my best friends and strongest supporters, and also, to help keep them sober because even with 30 - 40+ years, ain't none of us CURED.

AA is referred to as a Way of Life... and as such, it's not something I do once in a while. It works for me.

Thanks... Tommy
Together, we don't have to cave in or wimp out to that Fatal First One, no matter what today!

maurits
Forums Enthusiast
Posts: 156
Joined: Sun Oct 13, 2013 1:59 pm
Location: Amsterdam The Netherlands

Re: How often do you speak to/interact with your sponsor

Post by maurits » Thu Jan 08, 2015 8:45 pm

Tosh wrote:
at some stage in my life, the S*** is going to hit the fan, so some fairly regular contact is good.
in early recovery i went to 90 meetings in 90 days (actually i went to more than 90 meetings in 90 days, a bit obsessively one might say),
and in that period i had daily contact with my sponsor to share my day-to-day experiences and to do step work,

i don't recall that we agreed upon any specific numeric targets of some sort, but later he might have said something as to stay in touch with him for at least 4 times a week, which i surely did in my 1st and 2nd year of recovery,

looking back, i think that our mutual trust grew gradually, step by step, one day at a time,

and yes, later in life, i experienced some difficult periods,

suddenly one moment i picked up the phone and called my sponsor,
while i was on the phone, i realized that moment that i hadn't spoken him for a while (3 months or so),
but as soon as he answered the phone it was as if we spoke each other just the day before,

today i still have the same sponsor but my sponsor changed sponsors 3 times himself in the past 6 years,
so i know, it's not always easy to find mutual trust,

stay safe

s492m
Forums Newcomer
Posts: 5
Joined: Wed Jan 07, 2015 8:56 am

Re: How often do you speak to/interact with your sponsor

Post by s492m » Mon Jan 12, 2015 1:32 pm

thank you all for the replies.

Initially I did speak to him on an almost daily basis but as I have progressed through the steps we dont speak as often but we do have the odd email back and forth when I do get round to doing my nightly reviews. I havent been very good with getting to my meetings and as such havent bumped into him lately - I used to attend his home group once a week and it was always nice to catch up with him.

I have been faltering lately in terms of attending meetings etc...

User avatar
PaigeB
Trusted Servant
Posts: 8282
Joined: Fri Jun 24, 2011 12:28 pm
Location: Iowa USA

Re: How often do you speak to/interact with your sponsor

Post by PaigeB » Mon Jan 12, 2015 1:45 pm

I have been faltering lately in terms of attending meetings etc...
Are you saying that you could be doing more to get in touch with him? :lol:

I know that feeling. I need to call my sponsor right now.
Step 6 is "AA's way of stating, the best possible attitude one can take in order to make a beginning on this lifetime job... with most of them we shall have to be content with patient improvement." 12&12 Step Six, p.65

s492m
Forums Newcomer
Posts: 5
Joined: Wed Jan 07, 2015 8:56 am

Re: How often do you speak to/interact with your sponsor

Post by s492m » Mon Jan 12, 2015 2:32 pm

PaigeB wrote:Are you saying that you could be doing more to get in touch with him?
hahaha - thats exactly what I am saying - it's my subconscious and as a result I did end up emailing him a little while ago. I am going to go and see him this weekend - it's been almost 3 months I think :roll:

User avatar
PaigeB
Trusted Servant
Posts: 8282
Joined: Fri Jun 24, 2011 12:28 pm
Location: Iowa USA

Re: How often do you speak to/interact with your sponsor

Post by PaigeB » Mon Jan 12, 2015 4:40 pm

Me & you both my friend! Funny how this thing between alkies works for us huh?
Step 6 is "AA's way of stating, the best possible attitude one can take in order to make a beginning on this lifetime job... with most of them we shall have to be content with patient improvement." 12&12 Step Six, p.65

sober8688
Forums Enthusiast
Posts: 29
Joined: Sat Oct 11, 2014 6:04 pm

Re: How often do you speak to/interact with your sponsor

Post by sober8688 » Thu Jan 15, 2015 5:45 am

I met my sponsor weekly f2f untill I got thru the steps.Then he slowly backed off after he was sure I was getting in the habit of doing step 11 daily.

I see him every now and then and we usually have breakfast somewhere.We have a good time and he usually will hit me up with a question or 2
1.how are you doing with step 11?
2.Do you have anything that needs to be discussed with another person at once?

chefchip
Forums Long Timer
Posts: 774
Joined: Mon Nov 04, 2013 5:28 am
Location: Northern Kentucky

Re: How often do you speak to/interact with your sponsor

Post by chefchip » Thu Jan 15, 2015 8:39 am

sober8688 wrote:I see him every now and then and we usually have breakfast somewhere.We have a good time and he usually will hit me up with a question or 2
1.how are you doing with step 11?
2.Do you have anything that needs to be discussed with another person at once?
I like this. I'm stealing this without apologies or shame. Thanks for sharing it!
The only constant in life is change.

catcar
Forums Enthusiast
Posts: 152
Joined: Sat Jul 12, 2014 2:16 am
Location: Chicago

Re: How often do you speak to/interact with your sponsor

Post by catcar » Mon Jan 19, 2015 10:45 pm

I struggle with this. I try to not need too much from my sponsor but I probably communicate too much? Nobody from my old life know about my involvement in AA so when I have struggles, or achievements, I don't really have anyone else to share them with. I try to not occupy a lot of her time so it is easy to text her...I do not expect a response every time. I don;t expect a response most of the time. She is the only one who is advising me on this so I feel like I should keep her in the loop of my super up, or super down, times. I am terrible at bringing things up in a once a week call so if I don't get it out that day I am afraid I will burry it, hide it and not be honest about it when I need to because I bury it for myself actually. Am I beginning to feel terrible about overwhelming my sponsor and I do not want to do that.

User avatar
Niagara
Forums Old Timer
Posts: 1074
Joined: Sun Jul 06, 2014 5:38 am

Re: How often do you speak to/interact with your sponsor

Post by Niagara » Tue Jan 20, 2015 12:46 am

Hey Catcar

How is it going with the steps for you?

Step 10 makes my job of knowing what to share with my sponsor easier. If something is still bothering me after a few days, then I contact my sponsor to discuss it. Mostly, luckily for her I don't need to do that :lol:

Also since doing the steps, I found myself feeling easier around other AAers, and meet up for coffee usually at least once a week with other female members. Sometimes we just talk life stuff and it does help to get me out of my own head, and it's good to have a laugh with people.
Often after these meetings it shocks me a bit how normal a thing to do meeting up for a coffee and chat is. I was so isolated for so long, housebound, no friends that sometimes I do a double take to realize I just went on a social outing :lol:
If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month -
Theodore Roosevelt

Post Reply