Do you really need a sponsor?

[Steven F]

There is lots of stuff to be found by and about Clarence H. Snyder. Google will help you out!

Ken, you write that you are a "rubbish sponsor". I hope you don't say that because someone didn't follow through on what you asked. Sponsors are only responsible to share their own experience and to go a bit deeper into the matter than would be possible at a meeting. Sponsors are not responsible for getting someone sober, and should also not be discouraged when someone right in the middle decides that he or she wants to work with someone else. It is not up to you to decide when and where you are useful. It is only up to you to reach out, and to take an extended hand when it presents itself.

And about the amends: best to look for someone who has had tough amends to make himself, rather than someone who has great expertise on the "mechanics" of amends...

[MarcLacroix]

Hey Ken;
I can identify with some of those feelings you have regarding helping others.
During my 'Weekend Winner' days I went through many disapointments.
The kids would show up at the meeting. Some court ordered and others because a friend had suggested they had a problem.
I felt for them. I knew they were good kids. They had just gotten caught up in awful circumstances and were desperately looking for a way out. I did the best I knew how with the experience I had at the time and was able to reach one every once in a while.
So many are lost to The Ways of the World and it is disheartening. Over the years, though, I have learned to detach and concentrate on what is important(The AA Message). So I try to not deviate from our primary purpose as described in the Preamble. I may be perceived as a stickler but it has kept me on the path and sober through the crossfire of life in the battlefield.

Marc

[Ken_the_Geordie]

Ken, you write that you are a "rubbish sponsor".

Well, I'm not bad, I guess, I'll put the time and effort in that's required; but because I haven't been sponsored properly, I therefore didn't know if I was doing it properly. I've heard poor sponsorship breeds poor sponsorship, and in my case that was true. I've been asked to sponsor two guys (though I'm sponsoring just one now), though I've also helped a third; and I've also went through the Big Book in a sort of sponsorship way with an older lady. But I've always tended to carry the alcoholic, rather than the message; though I have learnt much from doing so; so I don't regret what I've done.

Anyway, I've since got myself a 'Big Book Sponsor', and he sponsors a lot of guys, has a good family life, has an outside interest (lawn bowls; he's old) and I like the way he sponsors me. No messing about; this is the way it is; he's laid down what he expects of me, and he asked what I expect of him. I liked that. Clear cut direction from the word 'go'. I've got set work to complete by set dates when we meet; I also go to his homegroup once a week.

So from him, I can learn how to be more effective when I sponsor other guys. As he says, my knowledge of the programme is pretty good, it just needs some 'joining up', so when I transmit the information, it's given in a logical and bitesize manner; (or something like that).

[Blue Moon]

I've heard poor sponsorship breeds poor sponsorship

I think that depends on the motives involved. I think the best way to help a newcomer is to really study (not read - study) the Big Book, particularly those parts which a sponsee is most likely to need urgently - the Doctor's opinion and first 5-6 chapters. If someone's suffering from an urgent crisis likely to result in a drink, there may not be a lot of time to say "hang on, I read somewhere in the Big Book about self-will run riot, let me try to find it".

Of course, there may be a thin line between this and being a book-thumper. The latter is not attraction, even though we tend to see it quite a lot.

But I've always tended to carry the alcoholic, rather than the message

So I've noticed IMO this is normal - we get well, then want the rest of the world to get well also. It takes time and experience to realise just how much they've got to want it first.