whats 13th stepping

The 12 Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous, the principles that hold our groups and society together.

Re: whats 13th stepping

Postby Allamerican » Thu Oct 29, 2009 11:35 am

13 stepping is when "anyone" tries to fulfill someone else’s spiritual void (emotional problems)with their own.
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Re: whats 13th stepping

Postby Ken_the_Geordie » Fri Oct 30, 2009 1:56 am

I would just like to point out to any newcomer that having been in AA for over six months now, I have never seen nor experienced any sort of 13th Stepping in any of the groups I go to. Maybe they're a well behaved lot round here, I don't know, but I'd hate anyone to get the impression that AA is some sort of place where Old Timers prey sexually on newcomers.
I'm more commonly known as Tosh (it's a nick name, but everyone I know in real life calls me it); just in case there's any confusion; I tend to use Tosh or Ken interchangeably and it confuses some; including me. ;-)
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Re: whats 13th stepping

Postby LetgoJoe » Fri Oct 30, 2009 5:26 am

Well put Ken. I never completed the 13th step - well, cause it wasn't in the book. :wink: And no one ever 13 stepped me and my first sponsor was a woman addictions counselor because it was such a small group in holland and no men were available - well, that's what they told me anyway. So there is some more information to put that in the balance. I'm not saying it does not exist but it is rare. Another reallistic observation I have is that I have met way more perv's outside the rooms than I have in them. ~Joe K.
Honesty gets us sober, tolerance keeps us sober. ~Bill W.
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Re: whats 13th stepping

Postby soberandsane » Tue Jul 06, 2010 6:55 pm

Hello everyone,

I have a question that has been on my mind. I'm not new to AA or new to recovery. But, several years ago, I was in a slippery place when I met this woman that sent me a drink. Little did I know that she was supposedly a member of AA.

At the time, I didn't want to stop drinking, I was quite happy. I didn't know that when she paid for my favorite mixed drink that I was going to be suckered into recovery. I didn't come into recovery through the usual paths: jails and institutions: Rehabs or a mental health facility. When I came into recovery I white knuckled it all the way. I didn't enjoy the idea of coming to a meeting every night and going home alone. I was basically 13th stepped into the program. I was looking forward to having sex after coming from a meeting. It wasn't until I learned different that that's not the purpose of going to meetings.

I know that 13 steppers aren't working their steps and really don't respect themselves or anyone that is new or those that really don't think that they have a drinking problem.

But, I must admit, after staying for a period of 10+ years, I did learn alot about myself, I just don't like how I got into going to meetings. And if you ask me...and I know that this is stinking thinking, I don't think that I have a problem. I'm not foolish enough to go out and do more 'road tests', I know that the disease is not only doing push-ups, it is cunning and baffling.

I just don't think that I have a problem with drinking.

Thanks!
"We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscience contact with God, as we understood Her, praying only for knowledge of her will for us and the power to carry that out..." Step 10
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Re: whats 13th stepping

Postby Blue Moon » Wed Jul 07, 2010 3:00 am

soberandsane wrote:I have a question that has been on my mind.
...


So.... what's the question?
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Re: whats 13th stepping

Postby soberandsane » Wed Jul 07, 2010 4:35 am

Thank you for your response, I guess I didn't have one, huh? lol!
"We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscience contact with God, as we understood Her, praying only for knowledge of her will for us and the power to carry that out..." Step 10
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Re: whats 13th stepping

Postby Marc L » Wed Jul 07, 2010 12:18 pm

I do not know where this expression comes from... and it is not part of the program.
Just like in many other places the imperious urge and mating rituals are alive and well in the rooms of AA.
13th stepping sometimes is a means by which Alcoholics, Drug Addicts and Other unwanted lifeforms are produced. Accidents do happen. So drive carefully. :lol:

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12th Step work ain't just a job... It's an Adventure.
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Re: whats 13th stepping

Postby Karl R » Wed Jul 07, 2010 12:55 pm

So drive carefully.


To borrow an expression

"your mileage may vary"

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Re: whats 13th stepping

Postby Marc L » Wed Jul 07, 2010 2:26 pm

Karl R wrote:
"your mileage may vary"

K.


In my case it was and remains simple. I just don't do it.

Marc
Recovery won't just happen by Osmosis. You gonna' have to work at it some.
12th Step work ain't just a job... It's an Adventure.
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Re: whats 13th stepping

Postby Steven F » Sun Jul 25, 2010 11:08 pm

soberandsane wrote:Hello everyone,

I have a question that has been on my mind. I'm not new to AA or new to recovery. But, several years ago, I was in a slippery place when I met this woman that sent me a drink. Little did I know that she was supposedly a member of AA.

At the time, I didn't want to stop drinking, I was quite happy. I didn't know that when she paid for my favorite mixed drink that I was going to be suckered into recovery. I didn't come into recovery through the usual paths: jails and institutions: Rehabs or a mental health facility. When I came into recovery I white knuckled it all the way. I didn't enjoy the idea of coming to a meeting every night and going home alone. I was basically 13th stepped into the program. I was looking forward to having sex after coming from a meeting. It wasn't until I learned different that that's not the purpose of going to meetings.

I know that 13 steppers aren't working their steps and really don't respect themselves or anyone that is new or those that really don't think that they have a drinking problem.

But, I must admit, after staying for a period of 10+ years, I did learn alot about myself, I just don't like how I got into going to meetings. And if you ask me...and I know that this is stinking thinking, I don't think that I have a problem. I'm not foolish enough to go out and do more 'road tests', I know that the disease is not only doing push-ups, it is cunning and baffling.

I just don't think that I have a problem with drinking.

Thanks!


Hi Sober&sane,

You have kind of hijacked a thread that is dying out, so you might not get too much attention on this one. It seems to me you have questions that would probably best fit in a fresh topic ;-).

Forget how you got to AA. That is different for everyone, and your path is your own. The course of your life is not to be attributed to what this or that person did to or for you, and neither is your future shaped in that manner. You are your own person, on your own journey.

Then I would say to you that recovery is not about meetings. It is about the programme of AA, as described in the big book. I presume you have a copy of that book (http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/) and have read about the steps - maybe even taken some steps. The thing is: what the steps mean and how you can take them, work them, enjoy them... is written in that book. You are doing it right if you follow that book, understand it and do exactly what it asks you to do.

If you have access to meetings where people do the same and share their experience, that is great! If the people in your meetings are not like that, I would personally suggest you find a group that works with the programme as it was given to us (not their own adapted version) and/or cut back a bit on the meetings you have now and use the time for some study and work. At the very least, please grab hold of someone online (perhaps one of the people in this forum you particularly like) and start a correspondence. You can easily do that aside from your face-to-face meetings.

The purpose of that correspondence would be to re-explore the programme without all these "non-book" influences you are talking about. You seem to have misconceptions on how people get to AA and on what alcoholism means. You seem to be repeating things you hear in meetings without - it seems to me - having a real grasp on what they mean to you personally ("stinking thinking"?). You might even have a resentment towards the programme you are trying to follow, on the basis on how you feels you got "suckered into it". In other words, you need to find out what you are doing in AA, and if you understands the steps as they are intended. Starting with the first one, obviously...

There are also big book study meetings around, and excellent tapes. I really urge you to explore. You might see everything you think you know confirmed, but you might also find that you have been thinking in a certain box. In which case it is very much worth it seeing different perspectives.
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Re: whats 13th stepping

Postby pcm54 » Sun Mar 30, 2014 5:50 pm

I am fairly new to the program. I live on an isolated island that has three women in the program. All three have long periods of sobriety. I was told to ask one to be my sponsor. I reached out to all three and was (on numerous occasions) shut down or stood up. They are all too busy to bother with a newcomer. Conversely, they all preach at me that I am "too lonely" and will drink again. Two of them are very close and say things to me that are a bit hurtful I finally asked a man to be my sponsor. We agreed to handle the relationship in a certain way. He is wonderful for my sobriety. I have reached out to women in my home country and on line and am very content. I still go to meetings consisting of men speaking a language I still struggle with and men who view women as chattel. They consider me their personal ATM machine. I try to keep the mission of AA at the forefront.
This site and the on line meetings have been lifesavers for me. Thanks for being here!
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Re: whats 13th stepping

Postby joey » Fri Jun 12, 2015 4:09 am

pcm54 wrote:This site and the on line meetings have been lifesavers for me. Thanks for being here!


Well the contents of this thread have got me through today. Excellent comment by someone about how once we get sober, co-dependency is the next biggest issue.
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Re: whats 13th stepping

Postby steephills » Mon Jul 17, 2017 3:26 pm

The Pooka wrote::D :D :D

There is another saying in AA. " If you like everyone you meet in AA, then you are not going to enough meetings."

Listen, I don't mean to be negative or to be dis-couraging but people are people no matter where they are.
We are not bad people trying to get good, we are sick people trying to get well. Some are sicker then others.

Just stick with the winners and you'll be fine. The winners are those whose actions match their words.

:coffeecup:


I love this, especially the first part.
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