4th Step Progress

The 12 Steps are the AA program of recovery from alcoholism.
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leejosepho
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Re: 4th Step Progress

Post by leejosepho »

BigD wrote:I didn't drink because of sex. I drank because I wanted to drink ...
Yes, and sometimes even so I *could* have sex! One of the nicest "live-ins" I ever had ended after she realized I could only "make love" while drunk, and that was just not good for anybody. For myself in the past, sex was typically nothing more than a bit of interpersonal masturbation.
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"We A.A.s do not *stay* away from drinking [one day at a
time] -- we *grow* away from drinking [one day at a time]."
("Lois Remembers", page 168, quoting Bill, emphasis added)
=======================

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Tosh
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Re: 4th Step Progress

Post by Tosh »

BigD wrote:I drank because I wanted to drink. Sheesh.
Then why are you here? If you drink simply because you wanted to drink, then drink. And when you've had enough, and you don't want to drink, then don't drink.

But as we both know, for alcoholics like us, it's not that simple is it?

That's because drinking isn't our problem, drinking is only a symptom of a deeper underlying problem, described in the Big Book as a 'spiritual malady' which manifests itself as causing us to be restless, irritable, and discontented. Therefore drinking isn't our problem, being SOBER and how we're feeling when we're SOBER is the real issue here.

If we wish to change the way we feel when we're sober, we can drink, we can take drugs, we can use sex, we can spend money (that maybe we shouldn't); we can do a lot of things that will in the short term distract us from the way we feel at our default setting (my own default setting is a little bit anxious and pissed off). Or, we can take on board what A.A. has to offer with regards to the Steps.

With regards my Sex inventory, it was just another way of it showing me how self centred I was through my use of sex. I'd have sex outside of relationships that I knew I shouldn't, and this caused me problems. Of course, I could think that 'getting caught' was what caused me problems, but the deeper truth is that my self centred attitude towards having sex outside of relationships caused me problems; and that the actual 'getting caught' was a symptom of a more deeper underlying problem.

If we don't tackle the roots of a problem, the problem will still remain there and grow again; so a Step 4 inventory is vital in understanding our problem. Of course, it's not easy at first to link the 12 Steps with drinking; I thought it was some underhand way to convert me to being a Christian or something - but it's not - and it has everything to do with all our problems; not just the drinking.
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)

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Frankie
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Re: 4th Step Progress

Post by Frankie »

I had to smile at the talk of our Sex Inventory. My sponsor almost had to rip mine out of me. It wasn't that I was bad, or any of those names I would call myself. It was just as stated here, it's to look at behaviors I have that can cause harm to others.

Great thread thanks!

KathyAnne
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Re: 4th Step Progress

Post by KathyAnne »

Thankyou everybody for all your very helpful advice and insight on step 4 which i am now working on. I've now been sober for 7 months and wow, life is so much better. The craving for a drink went very early on thankfully, i am learning so much about myself and others its a great program and has saved my life. On a sad note it looks as though i may have to have alot less contact with both my sisters, as thier both big drinkers and don't like me sober.They are both full blown Alcohlics but can't see it. I find i can't be myself around them without putting on an act, like i used to. I will remain hopeful that someday we can start seeing ea other again and that they seek help. On a positive note i have began to trust people again, and found friendship and real laughter although i still feel scared about getting hurt we have to trust. I was so numb emotionally when i first got sober, i forgot what it was like to have feelings and now there back its great. Although there has been alot of crying and still alot to come its better to feel this way than not to feel at all.
Having been through alot this year( i know i'm not the only one) also a big operation 2 months ago, i know i do not need a drink for anything, if someone had said you won't make it without a drink i would have believed them. I'm very lucky that i have alot of inner strength to, but i couldn't have got through all this without the AA program.

Mike O
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Re: 4th Step Progress

Post by Mike O »

That's wonderful to hear KathyAnne.

Well done.

-Mike :D

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Tosh
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Re: 4th Step Progress

Post by Tosh »

That sounds great, Kathy; it's amazing that we can learn we can react to negative stuff in different ways, other than the ways we just used to naturally react. It's like we're more 'awake' to ourselves. Spiritually awake!

I hope you're recovered from the operation; and all is ok in that department.

Regards,

Tosh
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)

KathyAnne
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Re: 4th Step Progress

Post by KathyAnne »

Thanks, the op didn't go as planned but i'm getting my head round it. The hosp also gave me an infection which i had to be readmitted for and have just finished antibioctics after 6 weeks of being on them. It seems your guarantened an infection theses days i was warned by them it may happen so it was no surprise. Anyway at least i didn't drink on any of it. When i was first told i needed an op i was just sober i thought well ive got the perfect excuse to get pissed, and drink on this news for weeks but i didn't thank god.
Its amazing the things we drank on, any excuse, insanity.

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ann2
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Re: 4th Step Progress

Post by ann2 »

Dear Kathy Anne, so glad you are taking care of yourself. You'd be amazed at how you increased your health returning by not having any alcohol in the system. I know I was. Great to hear you girl, thanks for letting us know how you are.

Hugs from Sweden,

Ann
"If I don't take twenty walks, Billy Beane send me to Mexico" -- Miguel Tejada

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Tosh
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Re: 4th Step Progress

Post by Tosh »

KathyAnne wrote: Its amazing the things we drank on, any excuse, insanity.
Spot on. And it's not only the bad things we drank on either; imagine what would've happened if you'd won the lottery?

:mrgreen:
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)

Mike O
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Re: 4th Step Progress

Post by Mike O »

Tosh wrote:
KathyAnne wrote: Its amazing the things we drank on, any excuse, insanity.
Spot on. And it's not only the bad things we drank on either; imagine what would've happened if you'd won the lottery?

:mrgreen:
Yep.
Charles Bukowski once said that we drink when something good happens, drink when something bad happens, and when nothing happens we drink to make something happen.
That about summed me up at the time I read it.
:)

KathyAnne
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Re: 4th Step Progress

Post by KathyAnne »

Thanks, nice to hear from you all. Your comments gave me a good laugh this morning, thats something i never thought i would do again when i stopped drinking. But there's lots of it at times.

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Blue Moon
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Re: 4th Step Progress

Post by Blue Moon »

BigD wrote:This is Lame. What does the people whom I have had sex with have to do with why I drank? I didn't drink because of sex. I drank because I wanted to drink. Sheesh.
AA is for those who have a need to drink despite not wanting to. I'm not sure why anyone else would be here.

if you want to drink, AA won't stop you. If you want to quit and can do so alone, by all means do so. If your drinking has consequences, you should deal with them. But if you honestly want to quit and find you can't, maybe you need a change in your point of view.
Ian S
AKA Blue Moon

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