Selfish...Selfishness..self-centeredness...self-seeking.

The 12 Steps are the AA program of recovery from alcoholism.

Selfish...Selfishness..self-centeredness...self-seeking.

Postby leng12 » Tue May 17, 2016 5:49 am

selfish
adjective
(of a person, action, or motive) lacking consideration for other people; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure.
Concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself : seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others
arising from concern with one's own welfare or advantage in disregard of others <a selfish act>.
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Re: Selfish...Selfishness..self-centeredness...self-seeking.

Postby leng12 » Tue May 17, 2016 5:50 am

Hi everyone. Back again for one last shot at the above. Join in if you can!
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Re: Selfish...Selfishness..self-centeredness...self-seeking.

Postby leng12 » Tue May 17, 2016 5:58 am

Spoke to a lot of people at meetings since I last posted. Actually felt the embarrassment in one room when I shared about how I don't identify with these pages in chapter five. Bemused looks all round from people who thought they knew me. I don't care. I have to get this before moving on. A lot of people just don't drink and go to meetings. Not having a sponsor and not doing the steps seems to be the norm for a lot people. I'm beginning to see why.

Feels like I'm the only one, though, that can't get this selfish thing.

Sitting down with my Sponsor later today. I'll let you know what happened.
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Re: Selfish...Selfishness..self-centeredness...self-seeking.

Postby Stepchild » Tue May 17, 2016 5:59 am

When I look back on my drinking....I didn't put a lot of thought into what others said to me...Whether they cared about me or not. Drinking was what was important to me. When I showed up for work hungover...That was my employers problem....Not mine. When I would come home four hours late and my wife would think the worst...That was her problem. I know where I was. When I lost friends due to my drinking...That was there loss. Don't ever call me selfish.
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Re: Selfish...Selfishness..self-centeredness...self-seeking.

Postby avaneesh912 » Tue May 17, 2016 8:50 am

self-cen·tered


adjective: self-centred; adjective: self-centered

preoccupied with oneself and one's affairs.

"he's far too self-centered to care what you do"
synonyms: egocentric, egotistic, egotistical, egomaniacal, self-absorbed, self-obsessed, self-seeking

In the big book, Bill W elaborates "Self-Centeredness":

Our actor is self-centered, ego-centric, as people like to call it nowadays. He is like the retired business man who lolls in the Florida sunshine in the winter complaining of the sad state of the nation; the minister who sighs over the sins of the twentieth century; politicians and reformers who are sure all would be Utopia if the rest of the world would only behave; the outlaw safe cracker who thinks society has wronged him; and the alcoholic who has lost all and is locked up. Whatever our protestations, are not most of us concerned with ourselves, our resentments, or our self-pity?
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: Selfish...Selfishness..self-centeredness...self-seeking.

Postby whipping post » Tue May 17, 2016 10:48 am

I didn't relate at all until I worked the steps. Then it became obvious.
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Re: Selfish...Selfishness..self-centeredness...self-seeking.

Postby PaigeB » Tue May 17, 2016 11:57 am

whipping post wrote:I didn't relate at all until I worked the steps. Then it became obvious.

Ditto that. Move forward and it will come to you some day. Maybe sooner than you think!

Also, I have found that taking action changes my thinking. Besides working the Steps, what other action do you feel you might take that is unselfish? Practice that everyday for a week or so - not just thinking about it, doing it. Like cleaning up trash on the street where ever you see it or leaving that good parking spot for someone else and taking the far one. Something simple.

Also you might try to think of what a self action would look like. I don't want you to get a fine, but consider taking that handicap spot everyday for a week. Think of leaving your dirty dishes or dirty clothes laying about and see what that selfishness does to others.

"I can't fix a broken tool with a broken tool". Meaning I can't think my way around things. I have to act. :wink:
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
The e-AA Group's 7th Tradition link: www.e-aa.org/group_seventh.php
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Re: Selfish...Selfishness..self-centeredness...self-seeking.

Postby Barbara D. » Tue May 17, 2016 1:42 pm

To me, being self-centered means I thought my belief system, my judgments of everybody and everything were THE TRUTH for ME. I was aware that others did things differently, but I never dreamed my own perspective could be changed. I had to live by my own ethics. Life on life's terms was the enemy. I fought to control Barbara long before I ever took that first drink. I just wasn't normal somehow. That's what being in charge of my own life did for me. Thank HP for alcohol. It forced me to surrender and ask for help!!! I am not alone or a clone! I still think ego is a basic survival trait, that it is necessary for being a healthy human being once the "self-will run riot" is taken out of it! In fellowship, Barbara D.
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Re: Selfish...Selfishness..self-centeredness...self-seeking.

Postby ezdzit247 » Tue May 17, 2016 2:01 pm

leng12 wrote:selfish
adjective
(of a person, action, or motive) lacking consideration for other people; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure.
Concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself : seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others
arising from concern with one's own welfare or advantage in disregard of others <a selfish act>.


It might be helpful for you to go at this conundrum from a different angle. The polar opposite of "selfishness" is "selflessness" or altruistic. Do you think "altruistic" is an accurate description of your attitude, motives and behavior when you were drinking, regardless of how you self-identify now in sobriety?

As I said before, I don't view "selfishness" per se as a bad thing nor I do view "altruism" per se as a good thing.

Keep coming back.....
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Re: Selfish...Selfishness..self-centeredness...self-seeking.

Postby D'oh » Tue May 17, 2016 3:58 pm

I recall my 1st, 5th step with my sponsor. How could he write so much on so little?

Anyways, he handed me the list, told me to go home a review what we had just did.

I recall reading on his list "Unconditional Love has no strings, Love people for who they are not what you want them to be."

I thought he had flipped his lid. But found those words to hold so much meaning in my life today.
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Re: Selfish...Selfishness..self-centeredness...self-seeking.

Postby Noels » Wed May 18, 2016 12:18 am

Selfish can be many things. The simplest way I can explain it at the moment is - to let others do for us what we can actually do ourselves. Example - I sit on the couch watching TV. I ask hubby to bring me a glass of water. I could have gotten up to get it myself but it is easier to let him get up and do it. That act is selfish. Try to apply this simple definition to all you are battling with to understand selfishness and you will find a few simple selfish acts which you can start with . Once you understand the simple selfish acts the bigger ones will be revealed and easier to see and deal with.
Drinking in itself is a selfish act. How did YOUR drinking affect your job, your commitments to events and people, your fiance, friends, animals, etc.
Keep it simple. Start with the small things. The big things will come when you're ready for it.
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Re: Selfish...Selfishness..self-centeredness...self-seeking.

Postby Layne » Wed May 18, 2016 8:39 am

In the dictionary of Layne, selfish would be when I spend more time trying to configure the universe to fit Layne rather than trying to configure Layne to fit the universe.
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Re: Selfish...Selfishness..self-centeredness...self-seeking.

Postby Noels » Wed May 18, 2016 12:00 pm

leng12 wrote:selfish
adjective
(of a person, action, or motive) lacking consideration for other people; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure.
Concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself : seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others
arising from concern with one's own welfare or advantage in disregard of others <a selfish act>.


I look at the word itself without the actual meaning - "self-I-S-H" - and what comes to me is "SELF-I-SEE-HIM". From that I make my own explanation - so my explanation would be that being selfish would usually be when I see something in another person which could have affected my self BUT BECAUSE I know that it is about SELF it is actually something that APPEARS to me that is another person's fault but is actually my fault / doing - therefore the SELF at the beginning = "SELF-I-SEE-ME".

The same with the word - "alcohol I-s-m" - "alcohol-I -self-me" OR as I see it - "alcohol-I-see-me".

Hope this helps.
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Re: Selfish...Selfishness..self-centeredness...self-seeking.

Postby leng12 » Tue Oct 04, 2016 11:43 am

Hi all!

Revisiting this post after 4 months. Still no change in attitude regarding above. Oh well! Still sober and focus on the parts of meetings/program I identify with. I have a good Step One and pray/meditate every day. That'll have to keep me going.
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Re: Selfish...Selfishness..self-centeredness...self-seeking.

Postby PuppyEars » Tue Oct 04, 2016 4:13 pm

leng, there are some bombs on page 65 of the 12 & 12 you should check out that relates to what you are pointing at in this thread.

Selfishness is equivalent to the hard drive in a computer. It just comes with the product. Something I have been finding out about myself is I am a 'closet perfectionist'. To the world, I will take it as far as poking fun at someone else when I see them struggling to be perfect. But the second I fall short, I am stopping the presses and throwing all 12 steps and a cat at it trying to fix something I should just be observing only. It's hard to watch problems go by; the ego likes to show up with a mop and broom trying to collect a paycheck. There are all kinds of pride involved like what I am trying to be perfect at is more important than what you are trying to be perfect at, and so on. I will always be a work in progress.
I wish Bill Wilson would of referred to this as a process rather than a program.
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