I relapsed....do I rework the steps?

The 12 Steps are the AA program of recovery from alcoholism.

Re: I relapsed....do I rework the steps?

Postby Brock » Thu May 19, 2016 12:45 pm

Bill's compared the work of doing personal inventories to that of businesses doing REGULAR inventories.

O Boy, everyone looking for a personal interpretation of the man's meaning, just to show he meant we should go back to 4 & 5 regularly. The regular inventory is what he speaks about in the first line describing step 10 -
This thought brings us to Step Ten, which suggests we continue to take personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along.

And when we tell the new man buy this book and read it, the first night he gets to page 25 and he reads this -
Almost none of us liked the self-searching, the leveling of our pride, the confession of shortcomings which the process requires for its successful consummation.

He wants to make sure he understands consummation right, so he takes the dictionary the good folks at AA said he should have, and he reads -
The point at which something is complete or finalized.

He thinks yes I can understand why nobody liked this part, but it's just once, I think I can do it, I think I can, and he sleeps well.

Unfortunately at his next meeting his hopes may be dashed, thank God it won't be by me.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
User avatar
Brock
Forums Coordinator
 
Posts: 3169
Joined: Fri Sep 07, 2012 1:45 pm

Re: I relapsed....do I rework the steps?

Postby ezdzit247 » Thu May 19, 2016 1:33 pm

How about an objective definition of the word "regular" from any standard English dictionary?

reg·u·lar/ˈreɡyələr/
adjective
arranged in or constituting a constant or definite pattern, especially with the same space between individual instances.
done or happening frequently.
conforming to or governed by an accepted standard of procedure or convention.
used, done, or happening on a habitual basis; usual; customary.
(of a word) following the normal pattern of inflection.
(of a figure) having all sides and all angles equal.
(of a flower) having radial symmetry.

According to the stats presented in Father Martin's Chalk Talk, about 50% of AA's membership are either practicing Catholics or former Catholics. Where I attended AA meetings, members joked about being C.I.A. (Catholic Irish Alcoholic). I am an ex-C. but still I.A., baptized and raised in the Catholic religion, attended parochial schools, etc etc etc. and Saturday night confession is a very regular tradition in Catholic life. I never felt any fear or trepidation or balked at doing AA's 4th & 5th Step because it's not that much different from Catholic confession. I can't imagine any other Catholic or ex-Catholic AA member fearing or balking at doing it either. It's actually much easier, because we don't have to fast afterwards or do 10 Hail Marys and 10 Our Fathers! Such a deal... :lol:
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
User avatar
ezdzit247
Forums Old Timer
 
Posts: 2077
Joined: Tue Mar 11, 2014 4:38 pm
Location: California

Re: I relapsed....do I rework the steps?

Postby Reborn » Thu May 19, 2016 1:58 pm

I know for me I cannot afford to pack any resentments around...

page 66...
It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent that we permit these, do we squander the hours that might have been worth while. But with the alcoholic, whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it is fatal. For when harboring such feelings we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit. The insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again. And with us, to drink is to die.

This is why we must continue to take personal inventory...not anually or semi-anually but DAILY. This also bleeds over to step 11...

page 86...
When we retire at night, we constructively review our day. Were we resentful, selfish, dishonest or afraid? Do we owe an apology? Have we kept something to ourselves which should be discussed with another person at once? Were we kind and loving toward all? What could we have done better? Were we thinking of ourselves most of the time? Or were we thinking of what we could do for others, of what we could pack into the stream of life? But we must be careful not to drift into worry, remorse or morbid reflection, for that would diminish our usefulness to others. After making our review we ask God's forgiveness and inquire what corrective measures should be taken.

If I follow those directions and right any wrongs as I go along day by day then I'm not packing resentments around...so I shouldn't have to do a 4 and 5. As I said before I'm not against people who believe doing 4 and 5 again and again...but according to the Big Book it is not necessary.
We have recovered, and have been given the power to help others. BB pg 132
Reborn
Forums Long Timer
 
Posts: 501
Joined: Mon May 25, 2015 6:20 pm

Re: I relapsed....do I rework the steps?

Postby Patsy© » Mon May 30, 2016 1:46 pm

Page 84 in the Big Book:

"This thought brings us to Step Ten, which suggests we continue to take personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along. We vigorously commenced this way of living as we cleaned up the past. We have entered the world of the Spirit. Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for our lifetime. Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear."

What Step did we use to look for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment and fear? Yes, Step 4.

When these crop up we ask God at once to remove them. What Steps did we use there? Yes, Steps 6 & 7.

We discuss them with someone immediately. What Steps did we use there? Yes, Step 5.

And make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone. What Steps did we use there? Yes, Steps 8 & 9.

Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. Love and tolerance of others is our code.

If we follow the directions in the Book, we will be doing Steps 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 & 9 everyday on a daily basis for the rest of our lives.
This Step is not about "Maintaining", this Step is about "Growing"

During the day, when things aren't going ok with me, I get by myself and say "OK Patsy, who are you mad at? What did they do to you? What part of self is affected? What did you do, if anything to set it in motion? What character defect has come back to the surface?"

I can't get upset unless one of those old character defects has come back to the surface - selfish, dishonest, self-seeking, frightened or inconsiderate. I can spot it just like that. I then ask God to take away this selfishness or dishonesty, whatever it is. I try to discuss it with someone immediately, preferably my sponsor. Then I make amends quickly if I have hurt anyone in this process. Ten or fifteen minutes and its all gone.

I have wasted all the time that I want to waste in resentments, anger, fear and worry. I don't want to waste anymore time.
As I continue to take personal inventory, I learn more about myself. As I make amends quickly my relationships with the world and everybody in it becomes better and better.

We can't do Step 10 the way the Big Book says and stay the way we are. My relationship with God, with myself and with my fellow man becomes better and better, a new dimension of living that I never dreamed existed.



The night time portion is in Step 11, not in Step 10

Page 85 and 86 in the Big Book:

"Step Eleven suggests prayer and meditation. We shouldn't be shy on this matter of prayer. Better men than we are using it constantly. It works, if we have the proper attitude and work at it. It would be easy to be vague about this matter. Yet, we believe we can make some definite and valuable suggestions.

When we retire at night, we constructively review our day. Were we resentful, selfish, dishonest or afraid? Do we owe an apology? Have we kept something to ourselves which should be discussed with another person at once? Were we kind and loving toward all? What could we have done better? Were we thinking of ourselves most of the time? Or were we thinking of what we could do for others, of what we could pack into the stream of life? But we must be careful not to drift into worry, remorse or morbid reflection, for that would diminish our usefulness to others. After making our review we ask God's forgiveness and inquire what corrective measures should be taken.

On awakening let us think about the twenty-four hours ahead. We consider our plans for the day. Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives. Under these conditions we can employ our mental faculties with assurance, for after all God gave us brains to use. Our thought-life will be placed on a much higher plane when our thinking is cleared of wrong motives."
Failed 12 Step Call? Not if we walk away sober!
User avatar
Patsy©
Forums Contributor
 
Posts: 476
Joined: Wed May 26, 2010 5:04 pm
Location: Boston, MA

Re: I relapsed....do I rework the steps?

Postby ezdzit247 » Mon May 30, 2016 2:55 pm

Patsy© wrote:Page 84 in the Big Book:

"This thought brings us to Step Ten, which suggests we continue to take personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along. We vigorously commenced this way of living as we cleaned up the past. We have entered the world of the Spirit. Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for our lifetime. Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear."

What Step did we use to look for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment and fear? Yes, Step 4.

When these crop up we ask God at once to remove them. What Steps did we use there? Yes, Steps 6 & 7.

We discuss them with someone immediately. What Steps did we use there? Yes, Step 5.

And make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone. What Steps did we use there? Yes, Steps 8 & 9.

Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. Love and tolerance of others is our code.

If we follow the directions in the Book, we will be doing Steps 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 & 9 everyday on a daily basis for the rest of our lives.
This Step is not about "Maintaining", this Step is about "Growing"

During the day, when things aren't going ok with me, I get by myself and say "OK Patsy, who are you mad at? What did they do to you? What part of self is affected? What did you do, if anything to set it in motion? What character defect has come back to the surface?"

I can't get upset unless one of those old character defects has come back to the surface - selfish, dishonest, self-seeking, frightened or inconsiderate. I can spot it just like that. I then ask God to take away this selfishness or dishonesty, whatever it is. I try to discuss it with someone immediately, preferably my sponsor. Then I make amends quickly if I have hurt anyone in this process. Ten or fifteen minutes and its all gone.

I have wasted all the time that I want to waste in resentments, anger, fear and worry. I don't want to waste anymore time.
As I continue to take personal inventory, I learn more about myself. As I make amends quickly my relationships with the world and everybody in it becomes better and better.

We can't do Step 10 the way the Big Book says and stay the way we are. My relationship with God, with myself and with my fellow man becomes better and better, a new dimension of living that I never dreamed existed.



The night time portion is in Step 11, not in Step 10

Page 85 and 86 in the Big Book:

"Step Eleven suggests prayer and meditation. We shouldn't be shy on this matter of prayer. Better men than we are using it constantly. It works, if we have the proper attitude and work at it. It would be easy to be vague about this matter. Yet, we believe we can make some definite and valuable suggestions.

When we retire at night, we constructively review our day. Were we resentful, selfish, dishonest or afraid? Do we owe an apology? Have we kept something to ourselves which should be discussed with another person at once? Were we kind and loving toward all? What could we have done better? Were we thinking of ourselves most of the time? Or were we thinking of what we could do for others, of what we could pack into the stream of life? But we must be careful not to drift into worry, remorse or morbid reflection, for that would diminish our usefulness to others. After making our review we ask God's forgiveness and inquire what corrective measures should be taken.

On awakening let us think about the twenty-four hours ahead. We consider our plans for the day. Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives. Under these conditions we can employ our mental faculties with assurance, for after all God gave us brains to use. Our thought-life will be placed on a much higher plane when our thinking is cleared of wrong motives."


Precisely. Exactly.

Works for me..... :wink:
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
User avatar
ezdzit247
Forums Old Timer
 
Posts: 2077
Joined: Tue Mar 11, 2014 4:38 pm
Location: California

Re: I relapsed....do I rework the steps?

Postby Patsy© » Mon May 30, 2016 3:15 pm

Quote ezdzit247: Precisely. Exactly.

Works for me..... :wink:


Works for me too :D
Failed 12 Step Call? Not if we walk away sober!
User avatar
Patsy©
Forums Contributor
 
Posts: 476
Joined: Wed May 26, 2010 5:04 pm
Location: Boston, MA

Re: I relapsed....do I rework the steps?

Postby tyg » Tue May 31, 2016 7:02 pm

Just starting up with the maintenance Steps 10 thru 12 do not seem to suffice for most after relapse. Maybe because the "I got this" or "I know what I am doing because I've done this before" gives way to false pride being in control. After relapse there is a lot of debris to clean up within us and outside help is often needed to get back on solid spiritual ground. I continuously see higher success rates with those who do not try to do this program alone (or on their terms) when starting over and have greatly benefited from having another alcoholic take them through the 12 steps again, while getting involved in the fellowship with service work.
~The secret to the AA program is the first three words on page 112~
User avatar
tyg
Forums Long Timer
 
Posts: 574
Joined: Sun Mar 29, 2015 6:34 pm

Re: I relapsed....do I rework the steps?

Postby clouds » Wed Jun 01, 2016 11:29 am

Yeah, me too, (as far as not being concerned about inventory as an ongoing process in life) even though I haven't had the experience of going back out again. I mean I wasn't worried about having to look at myself in regard to all the things like self centeredness, self pity, resentments, dishonesty and all that. I saw that as part of the principles of the 12 steps and I was willing to do those things to get sober rather than go back to my old life of drinking. There wasn't too much that really put me off in AA because others in the meetings told me personally, and shared at meetings what this 12 step program had done for them and how it changed their lives as they took the 12 steps. I got reassurance that the steps work.
" Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house." page 98 A.A.
User avatar
clouds
Trusted Servant
 
Posts: 1061
Joined: Mon Mar 23, 2015 11:45 am
Location: España

Re: I relapsed....do I rework the steps?

Postby Stepchild » Thu Jun 02, 2016 5:56 am

tyg wrote:Just starting up with the maintenance Steps 10 thru 12 do not seem to suffice for most after relapse. Maybe because the "I got this" or "I know what I am doing because I've done this before" gives way to false pride being in control. After relapse there is a lot of debris to clean up within us and outside help is often needed to get back on solid spiritual ground. I continuously see higher success rates with those who do not try to do this program alone (or on their terms) when starting over and have greatly benefited from having another alcoholic take them through the 12 steps again, while getting involved in the fellowship with service work.


That makes good sense.
Stepchild
Forums Old Timer
 
Posts: 1437
Joined: Tue Sep 16, 2014 1:31 pm

Re: I relapsed....do I rework the steps?

Postby Stepchild » Thu Jun 02, 2016 6:00 am

The Big Book brings us to choices, the entire AA Program is all about choices.


I think I look at that differently. I guess I only see one choice.

You may already have asked yourself why it is that all of us became so very ill from drinking. Doubtless you are curious to discover how and why, in the face of expert opinion to the contrary, we have recovered from a hopeless condition of mind and body. If you are an alcoholic who wants to get over it, you may already be asking -"What do I have to do?"

It is the purpose of this book to answer such questions specifically. We shall tell you what we have done.

Page 20

We can do what they did....Or something else.

As far as the directions go...

Following the directions brings us to who we really are, what we really want and how to get that without hurting anyone, including ourselves. I think they call it being Human.


Further on, clear-cut directions are given showing how we recovered.
Page 24

I think I prefer the word...Recovered.
Stepchild
Forums Old Timer
 
Posts: 1437
Joined: Tue Sep 16, 2014 1:31 pm

Re: I relapsed....do I rework the steps?

Postby Patsy© » Thu Jun 02, 2016 2:13 pm

Following the directions brings us to who we really are, what we really want and how to get that without hurting anyone, including ourselves. I think they call it being Human.


Further on, clear-cut directions are given showing how we recovered.
Page 24


Those clear cut directions, if followed, bring us to become honest, responsible, accountable, and happy citizens again, which is, imho... Recovered.

I think I prefer the word...Recovered.

Recovered, is the term that the Big Book uses....so I too prefer it :)
Failed 12 Step Call? Not if we walk away sober!
User avatar
Patsy©
Forums Contributor
 
Posts: 476
Joined: Wed May 26, 2010 5:04 pm
Location: Boston, MA

Previous

Return to The 12 Steps

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Google [Bot] and 1 guest

cron