Step Question

The 12 Steps are the AA program of recovery from alcoholism.

Step Question

Postby GoobElder » Wed Mar 16, 2016 3:25 pm

Howdy, I recently moved and was lucky to find a killer group in my first outing, but am unsure what to do about a sponsor. My old sponser went out before I moved so I've been without for a bit, im in no danger in drinking, and certainly don't want to grab someone prematurely. But my question is, now that I am kind of doing a 10,11,12 thing, if someone is willing to take me on must I do all the steps again? I understand inventory and amends come to up from time to time but seems redundant to go back. Most people I've talked to said that's usually only after a relapse, what's the consensus here?
I
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Re: Step Question

Postby avaneesh912 » Wed Mar 16, 2016 4:47 pm

Wecome to the forum. A person who understand the process of sponsorship, would like to know you so he/she can help you. Otherwise, you are defeating the purpose. A guy came to me wanting just help with making amends but when I asked him about the inventory he vanished. Hope you are honest about the process so you can be helped.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: Step Question

Postby Stepchild » Wed Mar 16, 2016 5:06 pm

Welcome...I guess the questions I'd have are....Have you had a spiritual awakening as the result of the steps?.....Have you experienced the promises that the book offers? If the answer to those questions is yes...I'm curious why you feel the need for a new sponsor. Why not get to know some oldtimers in this group and find some newcomers to sponsor yourself? Maybe I'm different...I had someone I did the steps with...We remain friends....Go out to lunch every now and then. I don't consider him as someone I need to have. I have a lot of AA friends I can bounce ideas off of. He's one of them. But if you feel you need to have one....I see no reason for redoing the steps. Take someone else through them.
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Re: Step Question

Postby Brock » Wed Mar 16, 2016 5:35 pm

Welcome to e-AA GoobElder. I have a different understanding of the question than my friend avaneesh, what I think was said is that you have completed the steps and are living in the solution of 10, 11 & 12. My feelings are similar to that of Stepchild, which is fairly usual here.

What most people have said about any necessity to redo the steps after a relapse makes sense, redoing them just because you get a new sponsor makes no sense to me. But really I wonder why get a sponsor at all, the literature is pretty clear that a sponsor is to take us through the steps, and then we may help others. Sure we may have friends in the fellowship we ask a question now and then if we are unsure about something, but I just don't see the need of long term sponsorship.

However I realize that many would disagree with me, and we hear in meetings and on here members with years of sobriety speaking about their sponsor, and in some cases it is plural as in sponsors. Quite honestly I believe that not having one has made me more reliant on my higher power, when I have something I am unsure of, the answers come with practice, from chapter six -
 In thinking about our day we may face indecision. We may not be able to determine which course to take. Here we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or a decision. We relax and take it easy. We don't struggle. We are often surprised how the right answers come after we have tried this for a while. What used to be the hunch or the occasional inspiration gradually becomes a working part of the mind. Being still inexperienced and having just made conscious contact with God, it is not probable that we are going to be inspired at all times. We might pay for this presumption in all sorts of absurd actions and ideas. Nevertheless, we find that our thinking will, as time passes, be more and more on the plane of inspiration. We come to rely upon it.

It is my belief that if we rely too much on the opinion of others, we will fail to enlarge on this important advise, as it says and I agree 'we come to rely on it,' at any rate it is your decision to make and I wish you the best of luck in doing so.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
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Re: Step Question

Postby GoobElder » Wed Mar 16, 2016 6:03 pm

Thanks for the replies. I had no other option but to be rigorous for my recovery! I guess I just kind of thought the sponsorship was a lifelong thing, just seemed that way in my parts. As for sponsoring, I think I'm up for it! After all it's my way to pay back!!

P.s. thanks for the welcomes!
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Re: Step Question

Postby Spirit Flower » Wed Mar 16, 2016 6:05 pm

Studying the steps and perhaps working them again more in depth than the first time is always possible. I have done several 5th steps but don't say its mandatory. Just part of the "more will be revealed" point of view. Sponsor is not mandatory; but I did have one for a long time.
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Re: Step Question

Postby GoobElder » Wed Mar 16, 2016 6:19 pm

I've come across some stuff I left out by simply not remembering, maybe I'll talk to whoever it will be about going back and doing the 5th step again. What could it hurt? Lol. Other than working the steps in the beggining and catching up once a week, I didn't really have a "relationship" with him. With a meeting once or twice a week and family I'm pretty straight. :lol:
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Re: Step Question

Postby Stepchild » Wed Mar 16, 2016 6:59 pm

Spirit Flower wrote:I have done several 5th steps but don't say its mandatory. Just part of the "more will be revealed" point of view.


I've never heard that point of view. Do you know "more will be revealed" never even appears in our literature? I'm not going to tell you how many fourth or fifth steps you need to do. But I do believe if you follow the directions for step 10...You're pretty much covered.

This thought brings us to Step Ten, which suggests we continue to take personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along. We vigorously commenced this way of living as we cleaned up the past. We have entered the world of the Spirit. Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for our lifetime. Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. We discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone. Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. Love and tolerance of others is our code.
pg 84

Pretty simple.
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Re: Step Question

Postby tyg » Wed Mar 16, 2016 11:25 pm

When I have been without a sponsor, deciding if I should get another one... I meditated a lot to listen to what was stirring deep inside instead of letting my SELF decide on something because it was a little more convenient and many validated what I would rather do. Nothing I've done in AA has been a wasted effort. Everything I have done in AA has always paid off big time.
Spirit Flower wrote:
I have done several 5th steps but don't say its mandatory. Just part of the "more will be revealed" point of view.

I've had several sponsors and each time I got a different one, they wanted me to go through the steps again. I am glad I did because "more was revealed" EVEN though I was applying 10 thru 12 in my life. Going through the Steps with a different person, who had a different way of doing them while staying close to the Alcoholic's Anonymous book was also beneficial. I have also sought out people to teach me how to take one through the 12 Steps steps in a couple hours at most a few weeks. All of this has been irreplaceable to my recovery and in helping others.
~The secret to the AA program is the first three words on page 112~
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Re: Step Question

Postby positrac » Thu Mar 17, 2016 2:17 am

GoobElder wrote:Thanks for the replies. I had no other option but to be rigorous for my recovery! I guess I just kind of thought the sponsorship was a lifelong thing, just seemed that way in my parts. As for sponsoring, I think I'm up for it! After all it's my way to pay back!!

P.s. thanks for the welcomes!


You posed a good question regarding furthering your step work and I always say go to meetings and meet and greet and keep you motives low key and you'll find that person who has what you want from a sobriety stand point. We are people and we do stuff that will let us down and if I may I would suggest that you find a person who has an active sponsor as to be doing the checks and balances in their lives. If this is the case then you can find success as this is the full circle of quality sobriety. These include good days, bad days and stuff in between and so growth is the key. As you grow you might need to find another sponsor because things change and leaving as friends is key.

Lastly a urge to drink can come upon us unexpectedly and so I would caution you to be mindful and keep doing what you are doing as you have worked hard and this is a life time gig and keeping it real is more than a "saying"

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You must live your life from beginning to end: No one else can do it for you.
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Re: Step Question

Postby avaneesh912 » Thu Mar 17, 2016 4:53 am

What could it hurt? Lol.


Yes, thats a very positive attitude. Also re-visiting the steps with other people could give us a whole new perspective and that open-mindedness is lacking in many people today. They "know what it is" working the steps once. I got it syndrome. Even, today, if someone, hands me a cd or points me to some work, I will definitely listen/read once. Not like some of them here who trash the speakers.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: Step Question

Postby Brock » Thu Mar 17, 2016 6:46 am

There have been several opinions that redoing the steps can provide additional insight, most of these point to redoing them with someone else, I am a fan of doing things myself.

I believe that as we grow our moral compass changes, something we left out in 4 & 5 because at that time it didn't seem like a big deal, may now be weighing a bit on our mind. But unless we really held back our worse stuff the first time around, there is no need to redo the entire 5th. I have even said in meetings something like I left out this or that in my 5th but now see where it was a wrong thing to do, and then it's off my chest, I have heard others do the same thing.

To me the major problem is people failing to think about them after doing them the first time. We have a Sunday morning meeting which I like because it's the only 'step meeting.' But you would be surprised to know that even the chairperson sometimes looks to me for an answer as to what step we are on, and everyone else has a blank stare as well, and yet we do them one after the other, so it seems they even forget which one we did the week before, so have to ask which one we are doing this week. Many just say something like this step reminds me of my drinking days and launch off on their usual drunkalog, others struggle to find something to say. A little interest an hour and a computer, and you can find so many new twists and ideas you never thought about on any of our steps. Why would I want to go back through with one person, when by just Goggling step X or Y I can get a world of different views. And it is kind of obvious that you pick what sites you get the views from, or what speaker you might listen to on a particular step, all that is needed is a little willingness. Right here, when a step topic comes up, I find it can be very rewarding and provide new insight, providing we keep our mind open and are willing to look at different viewpoints.
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Re: Step Question

Postby Stepchild » Thu Mar 17, 2016 3:07 pm

The founders and authors of this program of recovery admitted themselves they didn't enjoy going through this process...But it was required. And there is an ending.

There is a solution. Almost none of us liked the self-searching, the leveling of our pride, the confession of shortcomings which the process requires for its successful consummation.

pg 25

I've worked with enough people that finding one person willing to work a fourth step is no small feat.....Now I'm going to tell him this is something he has to do over and over? I ask anyone here to show me where this is suggested in the directions....Or even brought up?

When I was new I heard people in meetings talking about reworking the steps every year and it bothered me. I approached two oldtimers I admired as well as my sponsor and asked a simple question...How many fourth steps have you done? One oldtimer had 50 years sober in AA...He passed two years ago...God bless him....His answer...."It says in the book...Here are the steps we took...I did one fourth step." The answer was on the same line from the other two.

It doesn't bother me if people want to rework them every week...I look at it as we have had a spiritual awakening...as "The result" of steps one through nine...And we continue to improve on that in steps ten through twelve....As it is written. It does bother me to share in meetings or on message boards that this is the norm...Because it's not. I give credit to Spirit Flower for adding they have done several fifth steps but that it's not mandatory....Too many people leave that out.
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Re: Step Question

Postby Brock » Thu Mar 17, 2016 5:10 pm

It does bother me to share in meetings or on message boards that this is the norm...Because it's not.

A sentiment close to my heart as well. There are many things I found I just didn't look forward to in AA, and unless people say they do certain of these by choice, the new person will likely get the impression that's what they have to look forward to themselves. I also had the benefit of speaking to a serene looking old timer who set me straight on a few things, before that things were looking pretty bleak. From the way some people were speaking it sounded like meetings every day and steps each year, thank God I found out different.
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Re: Step Question

Postby Stepchild » Thu Mar 17, 2016 5:40 pm

Brock wrote:From the way some people were speaking it sounded like meetings every day and steps each year, thank God I found out different.


That's at least two of us out of this small group...Kind of makes you wonder how many people worldwide walk out of meetings feeling that way everyday.
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