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New to AA? Got questions? Here's the place to ask. Note that no one person speaks "officially" for AA. AA meetings in your local area are always the best source of information. Note that anyone may post and reply to messages in this forum.
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LadyByrd
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Hello

Post by LadyByrd »

I just wanted to say hello, I am rather shy and feel it is a big step to join and tell my story, but other people have, so here goes...

I am a married and in my early 40s. We don't have any children. I love my husband to bits, he is my life. We have had our ups and downs but are settled and happy together. He is doing his best to support me with this issue I have with my drinking. It might be relevant to mention that I didn't have the easiest of childhoods, there was violence and indifference at home and I was bullied at school. I don't see my family at all.

I was originally planning to give up after Christmas as I thought trying to stop before then was going to be too hard, but I have now reached the point where I honestly don't think I can wait that long, I have to stop now.

I should be at work today but have had to take a day's holiday because of my drinking. When I woke up yesterday morning (having had two bottles of wine on both Friday and Saturday night, and one bottle on the Wednesday and Thursday before) I was determined to be good, I held out until lunchtime, I even went to the shop and didn't buy any alcohol, but then I had to pop next door and ask a favour of my neighbour, and her chap offered me a glass of wine. I said no, then changed my mind and had a glass. After that I went back up the shop and got a bottle of wine - I only meant to have that one, but when I poured my last glass out I just had to go out and buy another one. My husband bless him knew it was pointless trying to persuade me otherwise although he did try. But I was determined.

I work up this morning retching and shaking my head with grief and disbelief at what I had done - yet again. I rang work and told them my central heating had broken - a total fabrication. My poor husband has gone to work and I've once again told him I'm going to give up drinking - but I really want to mean it this time. I know I have a good life now and I want to stop pressing the self-destruct button.

I need to understand that despite several attempts to do so, I cannot drink sensibly. I have to get my head around Christmas, birthdays, holiday etc. without alcohol but I don't see that I have any other choice.

Sorry if I have gone on a bit, thanks for listening.

LB

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avaneesh912
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Re: Hello

Post by avaneesh912 »

but then I had to pop next door and ask a favour of my neighbour, and her chap offered me a glass of wine. I said no, then changed my mind and had a glass. After that I went back up the shop and got a bottle of wine - I only meant to have that one, but when I poured my last glass out I just had to go out and buy another one.
I see the obsession of the mind and the phenomenon of craving at work. You may want to read the Doctors opinion and More About Alcoholism in the book called Alcoholics Anonymous http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_tableofcnt.cfm and see if you can identify yourself with the disease concept. And if so, read the rest of the book so you may understand how we can recover from this seemingly hopeless state of mind and body.
Show him the mental twist which leads to the first drink of a spree. We suggest you do this as we have done it in the chapter on alcoholism.(Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)

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Todd M
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Re: Hello

Post by Todd M »

Welcome... Pleasure to meet you...

Thank you for Sharing... it helps me stay sober.
I found a Solution, and understanding, and Hope... at my local AA meetings...
and also right here at this e-AA web site...

you are not alone... We get through each day together... one sober day at a time
There is Hope, Todd M
Keep it Simple

The e-AA Group's 7th Tradition link:
http://www.e-aa.org/group_seventh.php

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ann2
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Re: Hello

Post by ann2 »

Welcome LB, so glad you are here. I too couldn't wait to stop drinking, once I realized that drinking had control over me -- but when I tried to stop on my own, I couldn't. I was ready to give up until a friend told me that AA would help.

In AA, I'm just one among many who couldn't stop on my own. In AA, I found the solution that has been tested and proven by millions of others.

The online support I've found in e-AA has been wonderful. When I first got sober, however, I made use of local AA groups exclusively, partly because it was before this group was founded, and partly because I lived in a major city and could get to meetings anytime I needed. Now that I can't, I'm so grateful for online AA keeping me connected and continuing to show me how it works.

Let me know if I can help, and again welcome!

Ann in Sweden
"If I don't take twenty walks, Billy Beane send me to Mexico" -- Miguel Tejada

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LadyByrd
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Re: Hello

Post by LadyByrd »

Hi again, thank you all for your replies and for the link which I will look at properly this afternoon (when my head is aching a little bit less!). I'm very grateful for the support. I think it's fair to say that I do have an obsessive/addictive personality and that I am definitely my own worst enemy and have talked my wonderful patient husband half to death in the process agonising over what I can and cannot have and when I am going to give up, etc. I think what I have finally accepted today is that I can't do moderation and I've got to stop altogether. So I've stocked up with fruit juice and soda water and set the little app on my phone with the date/time of my last drink last night. I'm not going to worry about Christmas and all that now, I'm just going to try to focus on today to begin with.

LB

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ann2
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Re: Hello

Post by ann2 »

LadyByrd wrote:So I've stocked up with fruit juice and soda water and set the little app on my phone with the date/time of my last drink last night. I'm not going to worry about Christmas and all that now, I'm just going to try to focus on today to begin with.
Love it! And you don't have to do it alone. We're here, and we've been there, and we can say there is a way out -- one I infinitely prefer to the alternative.

thanks for sharing!

Ann
"If I don't take twenty walks, Billy Beane send me to Mexico" -- Miguel Tejada

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PaigeB
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Re: Hello

Post by PaigeB »

Hi Lady! Glad you found us here at e-AA! Just to let you know, we have many ways to assist you here at e-AA like "chat meetings" at our other places in e-aa link and "temporary sponsors" at our get help now link (which is one on one help we AA related stuff from another female) and if you go to the aa.org web site you can find a plethora of meetings online through the Intergroup link as well as finding meetings in your own area.

I love e-aa and I use it everyday to strengthen my commitment to not take a drink today! I also go to face to face (f2f) meetings 3 or 4 times a week! If that seems like a lot, it might be important to know that drinking took up a lot more of my time & attention than AA will ever need to! I am now capable of actually paying attention to and caring about my family & my community!

Good luck! If you have a drinking problem, we have a solution!
Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have - the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them. page 124 BB

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LadyByrd
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Re: Hello

Post by LadyByrd »

That's good to know thanks Paige, I will look into these. I also looked at the sections in the book suggested to me earlier by avaneesh192, I found it particularly relevant and helpful, thanks! I will prioritise reading the whole book over the next few days.

At this moment in time I am relieved that I have got through today without having a drink, but I realise this is only the start and I have to work at it, and there will be lots of tricky days ahead. Your support and encouragement is very much appreciated!!!!

Mike O
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Re: Hello

Post by Mike O »

Hi Lady,

Monday mornings phoning in sick? Very familiar to me :)

I had the same thoughts as you about Christmas, Weddings, Christenings, in fact virtually all social events. I started reading the book which Avaneesh has recommended to you above and it changed my life.

Welcome to the group.

-Mike :D

happycamper
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Re: Hello

Post by happycamper »

Hello Ladybird and welcome!

Sooooooo glad you are here and that you shared with us your problem w/drinking.

You are not alone and we are here to help you. We need you here!

Take it one day at a time.

Are there any AA meetings available where you live? The meetings are full of wonderful , caring, giving ppl who are ready and willing to help you.

If you are serious about quitting drinking and having a wonderful life, then you are on the right track.

2 things I will promise you .....

#1. If you stop drinking, work the AA program by applying it to yourself and help others do the same, then your life is gonna be very good.
#2. If you continue to drink, your life is gonna get worse ... guaranteed.
Faith without works is dead

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LadyByrd
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Re: Hello

Post by LadyByrd »

Good morning and thank you for your welcomes!

I am feeling much better than I did yesterday, not brilliant but OK, and I have started reading the book this morning. I'm going back to work today, but when I get home I will take a look at everything available on line. I'm feeling more hopeful than I have in a long time, I did an online shop and stocked up on fruit juice, squash, Bovril etc. which will be delivered soon but I appreciate this is just the start and it won't always be this easy, although I recognise the choice is very simple!

Where I live there are no meetings that I am aware of but I will double check, although I am very shy and self-conscious so at the moment I think being online is the best way - I have read some of the other threads on here, and have wanted to post a message of support and in time I will - but in the meantime I am going to make sure I post on here every day - not because I want to draw attention to myself but just to say hello and let you know how I am getting on. As time goes on hopefully I will feel confident enough to be as supportive to other people as they are to me, and post on other threads, and join an online meeting.

Thanks again
LB

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ann2
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Re: Hello

Post by ann2 »

Just try to stop me from posting every day here :mrgreen: :lol:

Glad you're here!!!

Keep writing, keep reading -- and you might notice as you read that there are actions involved -- if you have questions, shout out, that's what we're here for!

Ann
"If I don't take twenty walks, Billy Beane send me to Mexico" -- Miguel Tejada

Mike O
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Re: Hello

Post by Mike O »

LadyByrd wrote:... I recognise the choice is very simple!
Yes. :D

Lali
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Re: Hello

Post by Lali »

Hi, LadyBird,

Where I live there are no meetings that I am aware of but I will double check

Do, double check, because there are meetings most places. You can google Alcoholic Anonymous or you can look up Alcohoics Anonymous in the phone book, then call and talk to a live person.


I have read some of the other threads on here, and have wanted to post a message of support and in time I will -

Helping othes is key for alcoholics in staying sober.


. . . just to say hello and let you know how I am getting on

Please do, we'd love to hear from you!
Step 1: I can't
Step 2: He can
Step 3: I think I'll let him

MyNameisVictor
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Re: Hello

Post by MyNameisVictor »

LadyByrd wrote:I should be at work today but have had to take a day's holiday because of my drinking. When I woke up yesterday morning (having had two bottles of wine on both Friday and Saturday night, and one bottle on the Wednesday and Thursday before) I was determined to be good, I held out until lunchtime, I even went to the shop and didn't buy any alcohol, but then I had to pop next door and ask a favour of my neighbour, and her chap offered me a glass of wine. I said no, then changed my mind and had a glass. After that I went back up the shop and got a bottle of wine - I only meant to have that one, but when I poured my last glass out I just had to go out and buy another one. My husband bless him knew it was pointless trying to persuade me otherwise although he did try. But I was determined.

I work up this morning retching and shaking my head with grief and disbelief at what I had done - yet again. I rang work and told them my central heating had broken - a total fabrication. My poor husband has gone to work and I've once again told him I'm going to give up drinking - but I really want to mean it this time. I know I have a good life now and I want to stop pressing the self-destruct button.
Hi LB,

My name is Victor and I'm an alcoholic. Your story isn't new to anyone on this site or in the rooms of AA. I personally found out a long time ago that one glass of wine for me might as well have been two pints of vodka. All I can tell you is that my bottom was low to the point in which I couldn't even conceive of the notion of staying sober for 24 hours, and that everything else in my life-my marriage, my job, my relationships, etc.-took a back seat to drinking.

I found a solution in AA and through working this program, my life has been relatively peaceful and productive, and it can be for you as well. I am still doing this thing one day at a time.

God bless LB and the best of luck to you.
Victor
"They said a miracle would happen on my 90th day of sobriety, and it did happen...I was sober."
-Anonymous from the Trinity Group of AA in NYC

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