Last Drink?

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gxtr
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Last Drink?

Post by gxtr »

Hi everyone, am I supposed to introduce myself as an alcoholic? Well, I truly believe I am. If there is a bottle in my cabinet, I'm drinking when I get home!!! I go through a big bottle in 3 days on average. I don't drink beer, just the hard stuff. I don't drink everyday, but when I do, I usually drink until I blackout/passout. I'm sick of it, I'm done, I want to control it, but I don't think I can, what do I do? A little about me, I'm mid thirties and a single father, my drinking hasn't gotten so bad that I miss work or anything, but it has affected my kid, I know I'd be a better father if I were sober everyday!!! I feel so much better when I'm sober for 2-3 or more days, but I keep going back, I like the initial feeling after a few hard drinks, but I don't stop, then I hate myself the next day. I'll be honest, I don't want to quit, I want to learn to control myself, but I'm realistic, I know that it's probably near impossible to control it, I know my only hope is to quit. This is why I'm here, I want my life back, I want to provide for my daughter and be the best father I can be, the father she deserves, I can't do that while I'm drunk, please help, I want tonight to be my last drink, how can I make that happen? Any advice is appreciated, thank you.

jak
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Re: Last Drink?

Post by jak »

Are there AA meetings in your home town? There are people there like us that can answer questions and offer sober friendship. We at e-AA offer the same. You are welcome here. I need both face to face help and online support.

jim k

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Karl R
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Re: Last Drink?

Post by Karl R »

Good to read you.

I came here with similar circumstances and similar questions. At that time it seemed pretty hopeless.

The people here made some suggestions and they shared their drinking experiences and their recovery with me.

You have asked for a way out. We have that to offer. It worked for me and many others. It is called the 12 step program of alcoholics anonymous. This program of recovery is outlined in a book called "alcoholics anonymous". We also call this book the big book. It's available online and is much like a textbook for sobriety.

You can view it at http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/

I would suggest you read the chapters called "the doctor's opinion", "There is a solution", and "more about alcoholism". Please come back and let us know if you find anything in those chapters that you identify with.

Oh....and one more thing.....take your sobriety one day at a time. Don't worry about the next day...just stay sober for today. :-) And think about that 12 step program which leads to lasting sobriety. :-)

Good to read you tonite.

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jakpar
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Re: Last Drink?

Post by jakpar »

hi gxtr,
I agree with jak, get to an AA meeting in your area.
you may also consider the "Get Help Now" tab on this sites home page.
good luck
Jack

"We are of service by accepting responsibility for the authority God has given us and by respecting the authority God has given to others"
Anonymous

gxtr
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Re: Last Drink?

Post by gxtr »

Thanks for the quick replies. There are meetings in my area, they are actually a bit confusing though. There are different meeting names and I'm not sure what I would need. There is actually one within 100 yards from my house, it's for "attitude modification" but meets at 6am and I leave for work at 6:20, how long are the meetings typically? I'm not sure what to do, guess my hope was to get at least a little support here since I'm too weak to ask for it in person from friends and family. Actually, that's a bit of my problem, most of my friends drink a lot and most of them can control it or they are ok with it even when they don't control it, I'm surrounded by tempation almost everyday...

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ann2
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Re: Last Drink?

Post by ann2 »

Hey gtx, great to read you, thanks for coming here and sharing. Meetings usually last an hour and there are some where it's okay for people to drop in and leave before they end, but that depends on the meeting.

I think the "attitude modification" you read is probably the name of the group or the meeting, it may not have too much to do with what goes on in the meeting. Most AA meetings open with the AA preamble, which describes our purpose for being there, and then most times a selection from AA literature is read, most of the time from our Big Book ( you can read it online at the main AA web page www.aa.org) which is what our fellowship is based on.

If you call the number listed for AA you can maybe get some info about the groups in your area and a little more understanding of AA and what we do.

I don't know if you are too weak to ask from friends or family -- really, with our particular problem contact with other alcoholics, people who have found a way out, is the fastest way to hope and help. And that's why we love getting together online as well, to share with each other and to offer the support we received when we first got here.

Big hugs,

Ann
"If I don't take twenty walks, Billy Beane send me to Mexico" -- Miguel Tejada

gxtr
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Re: Last Drink?

Post by gxtr »

I can't believe I almost only made it one day!!! I am usually able to make it the first few days of the workweek sober without much difficulty, well I don't know what my problem was today, but I found myself looking forward to picking up a bottle on the way home from work. I don't want to bore you with the details, but I am home and I have no bottle. It came down to one text message that was the deciding factor, luckily it was the right message!!! But even as I was home without the bottle, I was trying to make an excuse to make a run to the store to pick up "groceries", of course there would've been some alcohol as well. It took me about an hour after getting home that I suddenly felt ok, the craving was gone for tonight, but I was so close to giving in already, this happens all the time, if it wasn't tonight, will it be tomorrow? What about the next day? Yeah, thursday will be the hardest day, I don't work friday, so thursday will be difficult to not try and "relax" after a horrible day at work...

I'm sorry, I feel like I'm rambling on. I originally came back to this thread to mention that I read some sections of the book mentioned by Karl. I felt like I understood the doctors opinion, there are many things he mentions that I can relate too. The "solution" chapter and "more about" started out good, then went a little extreme. After reading the "more about" chapter, I almost felt that I didn't have such a bad problem, I have gone no where near some of the descriptions of the cases involved. But, what I realize and especially after reading my own words I've written here, I can't control my drinking once I start. Let me take that further though, I can't control my drinking when I don't have to drive. If I'm out and I have to drive home, I can control it, but even then, there are times when I have had more than I should've and shouldn't have driven. The past few months I have been able to say no to any drinks if I'm driving. In the past few years, 2 of my friends have gotten DUI's, that was a wake up call for me, even though I didn't pay the consequences. A little over a year ago, when my last friend got the DUI, I quit drinking for a month. I even went on a camping trip without bringing alcohol. I always bring alcohol on these trips, it had been one month and I was doing great with no alchohol. Well on the last night of the trip, I gave in to my friends and had some drinks. Guess what happened the next day after driving home... Yup, picked up a bottle and the whole process started over. I haven't gone for more than a week since then being sober.

Having said that, however this attempt at quitting goes, I have a camping trip coming up in just over a month. This one will be a very difficult one. I will be surrounded by more alcohol than ever, besides being in a bar of course!!! I wish I could control my drinking for the trip and enjoy the days as well as the nights. But I'm learning that won't be possible. But if I have to choose one over the other, I choose to be sober to enjoy the days. You see, this is an annual Father's Day trip and it should be more about spending time with my daughter than with a bottle and a bunch of other drunks!!!! I have to find a way to gain control, I have to figure out how to convince myself I can't just have a couple drinks and stop. I know that now, why do keep telling myself I can drink and be ok, I know I can't!!!

I guess this is my main reason for joining this group and creating this thread, I think I'm ready to make a serious effort to fix myself. I'm worried though, I was soooooo close to giving in today, I was telling myself that it's ok, I'll just start next week. I've told myself that too many times...

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ann2
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Re: Last Drink?

Post by ann2 »

gxtr wrote: It took me about an hour after getting home that I suddenly felt ok, the craving was gone for tonight, but I was so close to giving in already, this happens all the time, if it wasn't tonight, will it be tomorrow?
Hi, welcome, and thank you for posting. I really appreciate your sharing about the alcoholic craving -- the physical necessity to drink -- and the obsession -- the mental part of our problem, which leads us back to drinking even if the alcohol is out of our systems.

When people are honest and share like this, I am so grateful because for me it points to the existence of our illness. I have heard your story told over and over again, from people all over the world, and often with the question, "Why do I keep drinking?"

The reason I have adopted is that I am alcoholic. No matter what I truly want for myself, no matter how hard I try, and no matter what may result from my drinking, I will always drink -- left to my own resources. That is my problem, one that is shared by many.

As a member of AA I no longer have to rely on my own resources. I still try, from time to time, and usually the consequences show me the foolhardy nature of those attempts. What I need is the solid foundation that AA's program provides, and the support of understanding people like me, people who apply the principles of recovery in their lives.

Glad you're here --

Ann
"If I don't take twenty walks, Billy Beane send me to Mexico" -- Miguel Tejada

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Marc L
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Re: Last Drink?

Post by Marc L »

gxtr wrote:Hi everyone, I go through a big bottle in 3 days on average. I don't drink beer, just the hard stuff. I don't drink everyday, but when I do, I usually drink until I blackout/passout.
Hi;
I'm Marc and I'm Alcoholic.
Welcome... Damn, and I thought drunks like me were extinct.
My favorite poison was Jack Daniels (Black).
I often went through a Two Liter bottle of the stuff in 2-3 days also.
PassOut/BlackOut at least once or twice a week. And one time I got stupid enough to go swimming and drowned. Oh I was powerless allright but I wasn't convinced that alcohol beat me because I could sleep it off and go back for more. :lol:
How insane is getting into the ring against an Ali in his prime and let him take your head off time and time again.
On March 08, 1996 I finally acquired the good sense to stay down and it saved my life.
There is no shame in waving the white flag in a surrender or die situation.

Marc
Recovery won't just happen by Osmosis. You gonna' have to work at it some.
12th Step work ain't just a job... It's an Adventure.

Mike O
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Re: Last Drink?

Post by Mike O »

MarcLacroix wrote: And one time I got stupid enough to go swimming and drowned.

Marc
Wow!!!
So, you're actually dead???
That's a neat trick there.
:lol:

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Marc L
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Re: Last Drink?

Post by Marc L »

MarcLacroix is an Alias. My real name is Houdini. :D

Marc
Recovery won't just happen by Osmosis. You gonna' have to work at it some.
12th Step work ain't just a job... It's an Adventure.

gxtr
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Re: Last Drink?

Post by gxtr »

Thanks for that replies everyone, I'm starting to realize that an AA meeting would probably help me a lot. Just posting this thread and talking to the few people that have responded has helped already. When I find myself thinking about whether to give in or not, I actually think about having to post my failure here. It actually makes a difference, I don't want to admit my failure, even to complete anonymous strangers!!! I could easily lie, but that's defeating the purpose of me fixing my problem, I'm not going to lie. I'm doing better each day, I still thought about it today and again was close to giving in, but I didn't think about it as much, I hope I get through this weekend sober, that would be a huge accomplishment for me!!!! Does it ever get easier? I still keep thinking I'll be able to just have a few and be ok, I feel good now, I can control it... How do I get these thoughts out of my head and put the truth in there, that is, I can never control it and I never want to drink again!!!!! I can tell myself this now, but why do I keep thinking I can at times throughout the day?

And Marc, thank you for posting that, I can relate to it all even though I never killed myself!!! I've been very lucky to not have physically harmed myself or anyone else, but it's only a matter of time if I continue on this path. I've been close to hurting myself many times, I've gotten away with it for now. I don't intend on pressing my luck any more than I already have. I've done more than enough damage to my health, I need to stop while I can and hope I can reverse most of the damage!!!

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ann2
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Re: Last Drink?

Post by ann2 »

gxtr wrote: Does it ever get easier? I still keep thinking I'll be able to just have a few and be ok, I feel good now, I can control it... How do I get these thoughts out of my head and put the truth in there, that is, I can never control it and I never want to drink again!!!!! I can tell myself this now, but why do I keep thinking I can at times throughout the day?
Understanding the answers to these questions came with some thorough study of step 1. For me, this is the nature of my illness, and why I practice the principles of AA. Then, yes, it gets not only easier but safer :)

You can read in the BB about lots of people who had the same feelings, and find out what happened to them.

Thanks for your share, Ann
"If I don't take twenty walks, Billy Beane send me to Mexico" -- Miguel Tejada

gxtr
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Re: Last Drink?

Post by gxtr »

I just wanted to give a little update on my progress. I thought this past weekend would be near impossible to get through without buying a bottle and finishing it by sunday. Well, amazingly enough, I really had almost no craving throughout the weekend!! I don't understand it, it's never been this easy, I didn't even want to drink. It just doesn't make sense. I think the only thing I have changed in this effort is the way I approached quitting this time. Every other time, I told myself that I'll stop for awhile, then I'll learn to control it. I never told myself I'd quit for good like I'm doing now.

I've thought about this a little, I used to smoke in high school and a few years after, I got sick of smelling like smoke and decided to quit, it's supposed to be hard, but I had no problem quitting. Same thing with pot, I smoked for years and had no problem quitting when I wanted to, I could even be around it with my friends smoking and I had no desire once I decided to quit for good. I have smoked pot on rare occasions recently (like once or twice in a year) and had no problem giving it up again each time.

Could this be the key for my quitting alcohol? Is it a simple psychological thought process that triggers the craving or lack of craving? I know it can't be that easy, but I'm at a loss as to why this weekend was so easy to barely even think about drinking. And honestly, the reason I thought about it was because I was so amazed that I wasn't wanting it, I wasn't craving it or anything.

Whatever the reason, I'm happy I'm past the first week sober. I hope this is the start to the new sober me, only time will tell I guess...

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avaneesh912
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Re: Last Drink?

Post by avaneesh912 »

The book talks about the queer mental twist we alcoholics develop, illustrated by stories in the "More about alcoholism" chapter.

Where the car salesman, thinks after his 1st sandwich, it would no harm to mix a shot of whiskey in Milk and succumbs to the desire of taking the 1st drink and then the Craving kicks in and ends up drink.

And then the accountant, after a great day, Not a cloud in the horizon, ends up picking up the first drink and then getting drunk.


Hence the book called Alcoholics Anonymous talks about getting connected to the power greater than ourselves by working the 12 steps and that power will keep us sober. We don't have to worry about it, we just follow the simple rules.
Show him the mental twist which leads to the first drink of a spree. We suggest you do this as we have done it in the chapter on alcoholism.(Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)

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