getting through the holidays, smashing the illusion, ter

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Re: getting through the holidays, smashing the illusion, ter

Postby curtis s » Tue Nov 25, 2003 10:48 am

Many of the answers are in your post. And you are partly right, we do have a thinking problem. Drinking is a symptom, however the symptom is killing us slowly and horribly (sometimes quickly and horribly)and recovery is most likely impossible until the symptom is dealt with. Refraining from drinking/using is our way of dealing with the symptom so that we can get on with addressing the problem.

Sometimes I wonder if I am an alcoholic. Perhaps after a number of years of recovery drinking would be possible. But lets look at this a bit. I estimate the odds of my being able to drink again without disastrous consequences over a period of time to be quite low-perhaps 1 in a 1000. My disease tells me those are good odds!

What are the possible gains and costs? It's not like drinking again will bring world peace or anything like that. Possible gains-I did like the taste of the stuff. Everything, from beer to 151 rum just tasted good. I could maybe enjoy a mild buzz now and then. Maybe I could enjoy getting drunk occasionally. There were some things that really were more fun with a few drinks. Dancing for one thing has never been the same. So i would if successful be able to have a bit more fun. IF I WAS SUCCESSFUL.

Possible downside...there is always good old jails, institutions, and death. Not to mention constant fear at what is happening to me, and causing horrible pain to those who love me such as my family. The fact that the quality of what life is left would not be more fun but instead would deteriorate to a terrible degree. You can add your own thoughts here.

So lets see- a small chance of a bit more fun vs a very big chance of utter disaster. The sort of risks that make bungee jumping look
like sitting on a porch in a rocking chair. Comparable to playing Russian roulette with a fully loaded automatic weapon while hoping for defective bullets. Becase the truth is I don't really want just a few drinks or even an occasional drunk.

Only an alcoholic would think this was even worth considering even if the odds were 50-50, which they are most definitely not, at least in my case. And I had a high bottom. Some of the other people her can paint a far more discouraging picture.

As for vicodin, along with marijuana, cocaine, and etc, I'm going to borrow from another fellowship for a moment. Hopefully this will not bother anyone.

"thinking of alcohol as diferent from other drugs has casued a great many addicts to relapse. Before coming to N.A. many of us viewed alcohol separately but we can not afford to be confused about this. Alcohol is a drug. We are people with the disease of addiction who must refrain from all drugs in order to recover"

It is literature from another fellowship which is separate from A.A. You might find it helful- I certainly have. There are lots of folks just like me there. I have also found it helpful to paraphrase it a bit "thinking of other drugs as different from alcohol has caused a great many alcoholics to relapse"

Have a nice thanks giving. In a big place like CIncinatti there are probably marathon meetings on the holidays because the holidays are difficult for alot of us. Try remmebering what the holiday is about-Thanksgiving. Practice giving thanks for your sobriety and keep coming back

Curt
"What a long strange trip it's been."
curtis s
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