Female sponsor?

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Female sponsor?

Post by abes » Wed Jan 01, 2020 3:56 pm

I just relapsed and I am doing my 4rth step.

I am terrified of doing my 5th step.

A lot of my fears revolve around my penis size being inadequate. I need to see a counselor.

I can count on two hands the number of times girls left after feeling me. My sponsor talked about using women.

I feel incredibly ashamed and inadequate.

Can I do my fifth step and ninth step with a counselor?

Society places an inordinate amount of pressure on men.

I need to get this done so I stop relapsing. I need to be honest but I am terrified.

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Re: Female sponsor?

Post by Brock » Wed Jan 01, 2020 6:42 pm

Welcome here abes.

Certainly the step can be done with a counselor, this is part of what the book says -
Rightly and naturally, we think well before we choose the person or persons with whom to take this intimate and confidential step. Those of us belonging to a religious denomination which requires confession must, and of course, will want to go to the properly appointed authority whose duty it is to receive it. Though we have no religious connection, we may still do well to talk with someone ordained by an established religion. We often find such a person quick to see and understand our problem. Of course, we sometimes encounter people who do not understand alcoholics. If we cannot or would rather not do this, we search our acquaintance for a close-mouthed, understanding friend. Perhaps our doctor or psychologist will be the person.
I underlined the part which says psychologist, more or less the same as a counselor.

This step is mainly about resentments and fears, and yes you may have resentment toward certain women who rejected you, and fear of future encounters. But it’s to also see where you have been selfish in life, in every section of this step we look to see what part we played in whatever happened, however small that part may be. I would be inclined to discuss this fear regarding size with a professional, but in my opinion it’s not something to go into great detail as part of the step.

These steps are difficult but most important, and once you start speaking in #5 it tends to all just come out, especially if you have someone who understands what you are trying to do, someone who has an idea of the AA steps. It gets easier once you start. I don’t understand if your sponsor suggested you use a female AA member to do this with, because that’s against the suggestions in the book, if the counselor is female then it might be OK.

I wish you the best of luck with this, please believe it’s not as hard as it seems. I would ask that you consider all talk of penis size etc just between yourself and a counselor, I have been here on these forums for a number of years, and seen people get valuable advise on many things, but I feel things this personal, are above and beyond what these forums are intended to be used for. Best of luck.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."

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Re: Female sponsor?

Post by tomsteve » Thu Jan 02, 2020 2:43 pm

abes wrote:
Wed Jan 01, 2020 3:56 pm

Can I do my fifth step and ninth step with a counselor?

do you owe amends to a counselor?

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