Totally new

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Jordanmarie
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Totally new

Post by Jordanmarie »

I'm totally new to this. I really thought I could just quit on my own but I made it 7 days. I drank last night and feel horrible. It wasn't even that bad of a bender, but I feel like such an idiot. I'm not a big group person, so I'm really unsure about aa meetings. I thought maybe this online thing could help. My mom is an alcoholic and I feel like I cannot talk to anyone in my life about this because of how much I have complained about my mom and how she's hurt me over the years. I turned out to be a hypocrite. I turned out like her. I'm almost 23 years old and I'm already struggling. I'm so disappointed in myself. Any suggestions? What should I do? I'm ready to change. I am ready to make it more than just 7 days without drinking.

Step 1, yeah I can admit to myself that I am helpless when I drink.

Step 2, I'm trying to build my faith in God. I've struggled with this even before I ever took a first sip of alcohol. I'm praying but it just feels like I'm talking to myself.

Any advice on going from here? I don't know where else to turn.

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Brock
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Re: Totally new

Post by Brock »

Welcome here Jordanmarie, sorry it took a little while to approve your first post.

One of the good things about AA, is we can all say we have been exactly where you are, trying to quit on our own and failing, it’s something that has to happen for us to see we can’t quit this thing without help.

Don’t feel like a hypocrite about your mom’s condition, you couldn’t have known it might happen to you as well, and alcoholism is recognized as a hereditary disease, it’s quite normal that it runs in family's.
Step 1, yeah I can admit to myself that I am helpless when I drink.
Well done on admitting that, but the problem is a little deeper, we are helpless against taking that first drink, the one which leads to another and another etc. It’s nice that you appear to believe God will remove this compulsion, and give you the power you don’t have. But don’t worry about having trouble praying and so on, many in AA are even atheist, or some other form of non believer in a formal idea of God, and they get through fine. It’s a spiritual program, not a religious program, and you can, and will form, your own idea of a higher power as you go along.
I'm not a big group person, so I'm really unsure about aa meetings.
Most of us felt this way, but we will always still recommend meetings, especially at first when you are finding your way and doing the steps, you may back off of meetings somewhat afterwards. And the thing about meetings, they are not half as bad as we imagine they will be, just some nice folks drinking coffee and talking, come and go as you please, nothing to commit to. Also, we find it best to try a few different meetings in our area, find the one we fit in best at, maybe if there is a ladies only meeting try that first. I will put up links to some literature you might read, and feel free to ask any question or make any comment here, we love having newcomers and trying to help.


Is A.A. For You – 12 Questions.
http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/is-aa-for ... can-answer

A Brief Guide To AA.
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-42_abriefguidetoaa.pdf

Three Chapters From The Big Book-

1.The Doctors Opinion.
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbo ... pinion.pdf

2.There Is A Solution.
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbook_chapt2.pdf

3.More About Alcoholism.
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbook_chapt3.pdf

A.A. Meeting Finder.
A.A. Near You.
http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/find-aa-resources
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."

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avaneesh912
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Re: Totally new

Post by avaneesh912 »

Step 1, yeah I can admit to myself that I am helpless when I drink.

True powerlessness is we cant stay away from that first drink. Loosing control after we drink is very obvious, but the insanity is, we dont remember that. Our mind tricks us into taking that drink over and over again.

Many people in sobriety dont have that understanding, and many crap out because they let the guard down.
Show him the mental twist which leads to the first drink of a spree. We suggest you do this as we have done it in the chapter on alcoholism.(Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)

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Spirit Flower
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Re: Totally new

Post by Spirit Flower »

Just thought I'd mention my story: my mom was an alcoholic. One morning I woke up in my apartment by myself, noticed the devastation though I was the only one that lived there, and realized, "If I keep drinking, I'll end up like her, and I hate her." I quit and my emotional condition quickly dumped me over the edge and I had to seek help. I was already and alcoholic and a doctor pronounced me so and ordered me to AA. That was when I was 26. I've been sober ever since (33 years).

AA is fantastic. Just try it. You'll find many people just like you.
...a score card reading zero...

innermost
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Re: Totally new

Post by innermost »

Jordanmarie wrote:I'm totally new to this. I really thought I could just quit on my own but I made it 7 days. I drank last night and feel horrible. It wasn't even that bad of a bender, but I feel like such an idiot. I'm not a big group person, so I'm really unsure about aa meetings. I thought maybe this online thing could help. My mom is an alcoholic and I feel like I cannot talk to anyone in my life about this because of how much I have complained about my mom and how she's hurt me over the years. I turned out to be a hypocrite. I turned out like her. I'm almost 23 years old and I'm already struggling. I'm so disappointed in myself. Any suggestions? What should I do? I'm ready to change. I am ready to make it more than just 7 days without drinking.

Step 1, yeah I can admit to myself that I am helpless when I drink.

Step 2, I'm trying to build my faith in God. I've struggled with this even before I ever took a first sip of alcohol. I'm praying but it just feels like I'm talking to myself.

Any advice on going from here? I don't know where else to turn.
In the book of Alcoholics Anonymous (The Big Book) we read about certain people who have an allergy to alcohol.
This allergy has 2 parts that we should recognize for our step 1.(the 1st step is covered from the beginning of the book to page 44 the chapter:We Agnostics)
#1 which after so many drinks we break out with cravings for more.
#2 This is the baffling part, which once we stop drinking, it's like a spring starts winding tighter and tighter until the mind talks us back into the drink again.
( it usually starts "well this time_______ " fill in the blank.Or "just a couple". Or whatever your mind uses.)

So when we see this never-ending cycle that makes us alcoholic,(the insanity) we see that no human power can relieve our alcoholism and only a higher power can if sought.
Many people have misgivings toward God and or religion, but many use the group at AA meetings as their Higher Power.
Many use other things as their Higher Power.

Just a few thoughts that or may not help.
The first 164 pg. is the program!

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ebear
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Re: Totally new

Post by ebear »

Jordanmarie wrote:I'm not a big group person, so I'm really unsure about aa meetings.
I never was a big group person either. In fact, being something of an introverted loner has been central to my identity for most of my life. AA proved the exception, though. For a variety of reasons, I feel immediately comfortable when I walk into a meeting room. Thank goodness for that because with the increase in my drinking, being a loner turned into being an isolator--and my alcoholism loves that! I'm still a corner-seeker at other group gatherings. I sometimes stand looking out the window, as if I'm absorbed by something outside, rather than look into the faces of people with whom I can't seem to get a conversation started. But to me, nothing feels forced at AA meetings. Before the meetings get started, some people are talking one-on-one or in little groups; others are sitting by themselves, sipping coffee, eating Oreos, and thinking silently. It's the safest and most comfortable place for me.

Thanks for being here.
If you don't change direction, you'll end up where you're headed.

Jordanmarie
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Re: Totally new

Post by Jordanmarie »

@all,

Thank you so much for you kindness. I am looking into meetings near me today. I am still sober since posting. (So, day 4). I am also going to the library to find a copy of the big book.

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Brock
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Re: Totally new

Post by Brock »

Well done on the day four and thinking of meetings, you won’t regret it.

The big book is often available at meeting places, some meetings who have a healthy financial position actually give them away, otherwise they are sold at cost, probably around $8. I say this because rather than a borrowed one from the library, it’s good to have your own where you can highlight certain things and so on. It’s not the easiest book to read and it’s old fashioned, but if you use it, it will work, and that’s the main thing. Best of luck.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."

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avaneesh912
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Re: Totally new

Post by avaneesh912 »

Just wanted to say the actual name is Alcoholics Anonymous. The librarian may not now this unless he/she is part of the fellowship.
Show him the mental twist which leads to the first drink of a spree. We suggest you do this as we have done it in the chapter on alcoholism.(Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)

Mike O
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Re: Totally new

Post by Mike O »

Brock wrote:... but if you use it, it will work, and that’s the main thing.
Welcome, Jordanmarie.
No truer words have been spoken...um, written... than those by Brock above.
:)

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Chelle
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Re: Totally new

Post by Chelle »

My mom was a drunk. I begged, pleaded and did everything I could to get her to stop. I swore I would not be like her. I loved her and she was loved me, but she was sick. I turned out just like her. I went to AA, and learned how to stop and understood why she could not. You are not a hypocrite.

AA has the solution. We do recover. Please find a meeting even though you are scared. You will not regret it. Many of us come from alcoholic homes and you will find much understanding.

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ebear
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Re: Totally new

Post by ebear »

"I am so disappointed in myself." Have you ever heard someone with cancer say that? With diabetes? With heart disease? Alcoholism is not a failing. It's a disease.
Like other diseases, it sucks to find out you have it. Unlike other diseases, treatment will make your WHOLE LIFE better.
And you're not a hypocrite. Your disappointment in your mom was natural. There's a lot in the book Alcoholics Anonymous that addresses learning compassion for others and for yourself by learning what this disease is, and how it operates.
I love your honesty; honesty is the keystone to recovery.
If you don't change direction, you'll end up where you're headed.

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