Checking In.

New to AA? Got questions? Here's the place to ask. Note that no one person speaks "officially" for AA. AA meetings in your local area are always the best source of information. Note that anyone may post and reply to messages in this forum.
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Spirit Flower
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Re: Checking In.

Post by Spirit Flower »

Hi ebear, glad you're still here.

This evening I went to a small meeting which meets once a week in a little house. I think 26 years was the least amount of sobriety in the room. And my actual age of 60 made me the youngest person there. Yes, I have known those people for most of my 30+ years of sobriety and thats why I go to their meeting, to see them. I go to other meetings which are bigger and have many new people. They are much more alive. New people are the life blood of AA (Bill said that).
...a score card reading zero...

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ebear
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Re: Checking In.

Post by ebear »

Yes, I am here. But I failed today.

I think I will not share on any of these posts for a while.

Thank you all.
If you don't change direction, you'll end up where you're headed.

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Brock
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Re: Checking In.

Post by Brock »

I ‘failed’ many times, but now I see it was really an opportunity to gain experience in understanding the powerlessness the book speaks about, you will succeed, the steps hold the solution.

“...Adversity gives us more opportunity to grow than does comfort or success." As Bill Sees It pg. 234
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."

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Spirit Flower
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Re: Checking In.

Post by Spirit Flower »

Hey ebear, come back when you can. AA does not shoot it’s wounded
...a score card reading zero...

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ebear
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Re: Checking In.

Post by ebear »

I love you folks. I'll be back.
If you don't change direction, you'll end up where you're headed.

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ebear
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Re: Checking In.

Post by ebear »

My nephew in law, Mark, is not quite 30 years old. He will probably die tomorrow.

He was such a happy boy. Curly blond hair, giddy smile, full of energy. I have pictures that I cherish from that time years ago.

He lives many states away, with my ex-wife’s sister and her husband. Some years ago, he became depressed. Then he became alcoholic. He dropped out of college, moved back home, crumpled under anxiety and drink, couldn’t leave his room, got sick and sicker. And sicker. Rehabs didn’t stick. He gained tremendous weight. He lost it and more. He was prescribed Percocet for the crippling anxiety, and he over medicated and drank vodka without restraint. He said he wanted to die. He said he’d never make 30.

A couple of weeks ago, he stopped eating because he couldn’t keep food down. He went to the emergency room. He was put under to remove a necrotic section of his intestines. His organs have been failing while he has been intubated and kept under. More intestines were removed. Now, too much has to be taken away.

His mom and dad and sister can’t say goodbye with him in a conscious state. He has to be kept under because the pain otherwise would be horrific.

He is not yet 30, and he will die tomorrow. Depression drove him down. Alcoholism destroyed his body and any chance he had of rising. My nephew Mark, who loved Sonic the Hedgehog and climbing on my back.
Last edited by ebear on Mon Jul 08, 2019 12:48 am, edited 1 time in total.
If you don't change direction, you'll end up where you're headed.

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Chelle
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Re: Checking In.

Post by Chelle »

I am sorry e bear. Please do not drink. It will solve nothing. Use the program and the steps to carry you through. We could all of ended up like Mark. Be the example. Show your family that this thing works. My prayers to you and your family.
Chelle

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ebear
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Re: Checking In.

Post by ebear »

Thanks, Chelle. I have edited my comment because the impulse passed, and the desire to maintain my sobriety took over big time. I also had good conversation with my 20-year-old daughter about opportunities Mark missed and my own pathway to recovery.
If you don't change direction, you'll end up where you're headed.

innermost
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Re: Checking In.

Post by innermost »

Hello ebear

I am grieved to here of your situation.
I can sense your GREAT Love for your Nephew Mark.
I will remember Him,you and your family in my prayers.
The first 164 pg. is the program!

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ebear
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Re: Checking In.

Post by ebear »

Thank you, innermost.
If you don't change direction, you'll end up where you're headed.

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ebear
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Re: Checking In.

Post by ebear »

Update: Mark passed this morning sometime after 4. His parents were spared making the decision.
If you don't change direction, you'll end up where you're headed.

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ebear
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Re: Checking In.

Post by ebear »

I went to both of my home group's meetings last night: the speaker meeting and the beginner meeting. I'd been spending far too much time alone in my apartment and in my head (ie, behind enemy lines). But this saying, which Paige shared, inspired me to get up and go:
My disease wants me dead.
It will settle for me drunk.
But first it has to get me alone.
What a powerful truth for me!
If you don't change direction, you'll end up where you're headed.

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Spirit Flower
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Re: Checking In.

Post by Spirit Flower »

ebear, .... don't know what to say except meetings always help me.
...a score card reading zero...

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ebear
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Re: Checking In.

Post by ebear »

They help me, too. I just haven't been disciplined enough lately to stick to a regular schedule. Sometimes a couple of weeks can pass before I realize I haven't been to any of my meetings, and I'm getting unusually disturbed by life. I always admire those folks who say they don't think about whether to make a meeting; they just go.

I need discipline!
If you don't change direction, you'll end up where you're headed.

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PaigeB
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Re: Checking In.

Post by PaigeB »

ebear wrote:
Tue Aug 06, 2019 9:13 am
Sometimes a couple of weeks can pass before I realize I haven't been to any of my meetings,
I need discipline!
I use a discipline called Home Group. I am dedicated to go to that meeting no matter what is going on. I do my service work there - this month, the month of my sober day - I always sign up for cleaning. I usually chair in December in case Christmas falls on Monday we won't worry about getting in on somebody's family plans. My husband likely works on Christmas because he is a prison guard and my mom always did too - she is a nurse. My family is pretty used to strange days to celebrate lol. If I am on vacation out of town, I call a couple home group members on that day and try to find a meeting in the town I am in.

Page 89, Chapter 7, WORKING WITH OTHERS... The chapter starts here:
Practical experience shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics. It works when other activities fail.

I make my Home Group a super-habit... a discipline. Set the alarm on your phone!
Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have - the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them. page 124 BB

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