Can’t find a new sponsor

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Westiemom
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Can’t find a new sponsor

Post by Westiemom » Fri Feb 01, 2019 6:50 pm

I recently parted ways with my AA sponsor. This is my first time in AA and she was sort of assigned to me by a well meaning AA friend. I was brand new and grateful to have this choice made for me. After working with her for 3 months and getting some Step work done it was clear to me it wasn’t a good fit. She was very intense, preachy and hard to talk to. She has been very cold towards me since i told her how I felt. I’m now going into month 5 with no sponsor and frankly am ok without one after this experience. I am listening and looking for one but haven’t met her yet. I am worried people will find out and chastise me for it or try to force another bad choice on me.

ODAAT
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Re: Can’t find a new sponsor

Post by ODAAT » Fri Feb 01, 2019 8:03 pm

It took me about 10 to 14 months to get a sponsor. I don't remember exactly.

Make sure you thank your ex-sponsor. She did fine AA service with you.

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Jojo2
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Re: Can’t find a new sponsor

Post by Jojo2 » Sat Feb 02, 2019 3:50 am

Westiemom wrote:I recently parted ways with my AA sponsor. This is my first time in AA and she was sort of assigned to me by a well meaning AA friend. I was brand new and grateful to have this choice made for me. After working with her for 3 months and getting some Step work done it was clear to me it wasn’t a good fit. She was very intense, preachy and hard to talk to. She has been very cold towards me since i told her how I felt. I’m now going into month 5 with no sponsor and frankly am ok without one after this experience. I am listening and looking for one but haven’t met her yet. I am worried people will find out and chastise me for it or try to force another bad choice on me.

Welcome Westiemom,

The emphasis where I am is very much on 'listening and looking' for someone who has what you want and approaching them yourself, as an important part of recovery. They may have to decline if they already have too many sponsors at present and we learn not to take this personally.
By the same token, we learn when to let go gracefully if a sponsee needs to change sponsors. Experienced sponsors want the best for their sponsees and will recognise that we are always free to select another sponsor with whom we feel more comfortable, particularly if we believe this member will be more helpful to our growth in A.A.


The sponsor emphasises the fact that it is the A.A. recovery programme , not the sponsor’s personality or position , that is important.

The newcomer learns to rely on the A.A. programme, not on the sponsor.
It is the whole A.A. programme, not the individual’s sponsor, that maintains the newcomer’s sobriety.
Sponsorship is just the best way we know of introducing a newcomer to the programme and helping them to continue in A.A.

A sponsor well-grounded in the A.A. programme will not be offended if the newcomer goes to other A.A. members for additional guidance or even decides to change sponsors.

You will find much emphasis on this and and invaluable information on sponsorship in general in this AA pamphlet from GSO. It is helpful to both the person seeking a sponsor and the person wanting to be a sponsor.

Questions and Answers on Sponsorship:

http://aa.org/pdf/products/p-15_Q&AonSpon.pdf


We provide a Temporary Sponsor facility here at e-AA.

You may find this helpful in answering any further questions you have whilst you seek to secure a face to face sponsor.

To be assigned a temporary sponsor, please complete the form here:

http://www.e-aa.org/form_sponsors.php

A temporary sponsor is a sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous who is willing to share their experience, strength, and hope with another alcoholic as a way of service to help insure their own sobriety.

Their main function is to help guide the new person towards the 12 Steps, and also, where appropriate, to help guide the new person to face to face meetings and a f2f sponsor in their local AA community.

Please do ask if you have any questions. You may need to be patient and prepared to travel to different meetings to find the right sponsor for you.

Westiemom
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Re: Can’t find a new sponsor

Post by Westiemom » Sat Feb 02, 2019 4:57 am

Odaat....I thanked her profusely! I told her how integral she was to my remaining sober. I’m sad she no longer wants any type of relationship with me.

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avaneesh912
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Re: Can’t find a new sponsor

Post by avaneesh912 » Sat Feb 02, 2019 6:08 am

I am worried people will find out and chastise me for it or try to force another bad choice on me.
I would suggest, you start listening to the workshops on the big book on Youtube, pick one, most of them are good. Chris R, BobD are some of the favorites of mine. And get a good understanding of step 1 and that will lead you to a good sponsor.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)

ODAAT
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Re: Can’t find a new sponsor

Post by ODAAT » Sat Feb 02, 2019 10:13 am

Westiemom wrote:Odaat....I thanked her profusely! I told her how integral she was to my remaining sober. I’m sad she no longer wants any type of relationship with me.
Very good. Now, that's in the past. You both gain by the experience.

People changing sponsors is not unusual. Even Bill Wilson, cofounder of AA, changed his...

JeffS.
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Re: Can’t find a new sponsor

Post by JeffS. » Sat Feb 02, 2019 11:23 am

I have also had bad luck with sponsorship. I treat everyone in the fellowship as a sponsor. We are all here for each other. Everyone will answer your questions and help. I have been sober for over five years now and currently without a sponsor.

tomsteve
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Re: Can’t find a new sponsor

Post by tomsteve » Sat Feb 02, 2019 12:42 pm

[quote="Westiemom"I am worried people will find out and chastise me for it or try to force another bad choice on me.[/quote]

Westie- you are allowed to have a backbone and use it. youre allowed to stand up for yourself. my very first thought that came to mind reading this is if someone tries to do that, replying with something like,"and this is your problem how?" or,"opinions vary." let em whirl.
basically meaning theyre stickin their nose where it doesnt belong. they are allowed to do that and you are allowed to not let them do that to you.

As God's people we stand on our feet; we don't crawl before anyone.

Westiemom
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Re: Can’t find a new sponsor

Post by Westiemom » Sat Feb 02, 2019 4:25 pm

tomsteve wrote:[quote="Westiemom"I am worried people will find out and chastise me for it or try to force another bad choice on me.
Westie- you are allowed to have a backbone and use it. youre allowed to stand up for yourself. my very first thought that came to mind reading this is if someone tries to do that, replying with something like,"and this is your problem how?" or,"opinions vary." let em whirl.
basically meaning theyre stickin their nose where it doesnt belong. they are allowed to do that and you are allowed to not let them do that to you.

As God's people we stand on our feet; we don't crawl before anyone.[/quote]

I’ve never been very good at this but I am trusting myself more in sobriety. I was able to end things with my sponsor fairly quickly because I spoke my mind and my truth!

Wiganman
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Re: Can’t find a new sponsor

Post by Wiganman » Sun Mar 17, 2019 2:58 am

Thanks for your post. I can only relate to my own experience and pass this on. I have only had one sponsor and my attitude was to just do whatever he suggested. I respected him because he had very good sobriety and always shared very passionately and in an informed way on the 12 steps. I wanted the same. I have had a sponsee who said he wanted to find a different sponsor because it wasn't working for him. I wished him luck and there was no malice or awkwardness between us.

In my experience a relationship with a sponsor is a wonderful thing. However, it isn't all about being best friends and chatting over a coffee. We have to take a good, honest and hard look at ourselves. Once we do that and we have a full assessment we can start to work on a plan to change and life gets better. Whichever sponsor you choose you have to go through that process. For me it was the best thing I have ever done.

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