Still in denial

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MrsC
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Still in denial

Post by MrsC » Tue Oct 30, 2018 4:55 pm

After staying away from AA meetings I tried to drink 'normally' but this did not happen. I had a frank discussion with my husband this morning and admitted to not being able to control my drinking when i start. I went back to an AA meeting tonight and people there were saying that i am an alcoholic and need to admit it to get better. Which is true but i find it hard to accept and say. I just keep hoping one day i can control my drinking but deep down i know that is not the case. How long did other online members take to finally admit to it? Is this normal?

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avaneesh912
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Re: Still in denial

Post by avaneesh912 » Tue Oct 30, 2018 6:52 pm

Welcome to the forum. I did all the experiments outside the rooms and one afternoon without knowing anything about alcoholism, something told me that I must stop. That awareness led me to a doctor and who led me to the rooms of AA.

You say, you loose control after you take a drink. That is easily recognizable but what is not is that subtle insanity that precedes each spree. The mind always tricks us back into taking that 1 drink and then we set off the allergy. If you can recognize that, we stand a better chance. The other part is being in the state of restless irritable and discontented you could add more. Being bored, anxious, fearful all these some form of un-manageability which leads us to that blank spot.

Grab a copy of the big book and read the chapter More about alcoholism. They nicely illustrates how all the characters come up with some insane idea to go back out.
Show him the mental twist which leads to the first drink of a spree. We suggest you do this as we have done it in the chapter on alcoholism.(Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)

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Spirit Flower
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Re: Still in denial

Post by Spirit Flower » Tue Oct 30, 2018 7:45 pm

I have seen many people come to AA and not fully admit defeat. The price is many failed attempts to drink like normal folks. Its up to you.
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Brock
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Re: Still in denial

Post by Brock » Tue Oct 30, 2018 7:54 pm

Welcome MrsC.

I think it is quite normal at first to hope that we may regain control one day, the literature speaks of this, for example in the chapter ‘More About Alcoholism’ -
Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
I know many like myself who reach such a low point in life, loss of jobs and money, and finding ourselves having to reach for the bottle first thing every morning just to survive. And finally facing likely death we decide we will do anything AA asks, admit anything and go to any lengths. But then for someone who hasn't lost so much it’s harder to admit, and easier to hold out hope of being ‘normal’ one day.

And this would all be much easier, if we would only believe that life after doing the steps can be so wonderful, that we wouldn’t want to drink even if we were cured of our alcoholism. There are promises made about serenity and happiness, when we experience these we laugh at the idea that we were once scared of a life without alcohol.

The people in the meetings are right, we must admit defeat, that we have no control once we start, and without the program of AA we will be led back to drink time and time again, will power will not work. As pointed out in the first reply to your post, our feelings of discontent and restlessness will win out every time, we need the program to remove those feelings.

Try to have faith that one day you too will laugh at having been scared of admitting these things.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."

tomsteve
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Re: Still in denial

Post by tomsteve » Wed Oct 31, 2018 5:00 am

welcome and glad youre here,mrsC.
admitting I was an alcoholic wouldnt have helped when I walked into AA. I had done that YEARS before walking in.
what did help was desperation- the pain of getting drunk had exceeded the pain of reality. It's not necessary to go that far down the scale.
THEN it was about admitting I was powerless over alcohol and my life had become unmanageable. A great example of unmanageability was admitting I was an alcoholic and still drinking.

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Roberth
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Re: Still in denial

Post by Roberth » Wed Oct 31, 2018 8:54 am

Hello Mrs. C and welcome....whether or not you are an alcoholic makes no difference. if you want to stop drinking you are in the right place.
Robert
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in pretty, well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming WOW What a ride!!!!

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PaigeB
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Re: Still in denial

Post by PaigeB » Wed Oct 31, 2018 9:25 am

MrsC wrote:After staying away from AA meetings I tried to drink 'normally' but this did not happen. I had a frank discussion with my husband this morning and admitted to not being able to control my drinking when i start. I went back to an AA meeting tonight and people there were saying that i am an alcoholic and need to admit it to get better. Which is true but i find it hard to accept and say. I just keep hoping one day i can control my drinking but deep down i know that is not the case. How long did other online members take to finally admit to it? Is this normal?
Do you have a book? I suggest you read The Doctor's Opinion and Chapter 3 from the Big Book. They both helped me A LOT. You can read the BB and the 12 & 12 here:
https://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/read-the ... traditions

And you do not have to say - ANYTHING. I know women who say:
My name is ______ and I have alcoholism.
My name is ______ and I have a desire to not drink today.
Hi my name is ______ and I am glad to be at this meeting today.

You can also go to Open meetings which are for anyone who is interested in Alcoholics Anonymous and just say:
Hi my name is ______ and I am trying to decide if I am an alcoholic.
Hi my name is ______ and I am glad to be at this meeting today.

But I had to recognize that I had a DISEASE that needed me to do something every day to treat it. I chose to treat it using the AA program. I got the phone numbers of some women and called them looking their individual experiences AND looking for a sponsor to take me through the Big Book... through the STEPS to recovery. One on one is a good way to ask these types of questions and I have found that being able to look into someone's eyes, knee to knee, I can better Hear the Truth - Feel the Truth - and Trust that I am going to have to Look Inside myself for the answer as to whether or not I have this disease and decide if I want to work the Steps to get a new Experience.
I just keep hoping one day i can control my drinking but...
The first page of Chapter 3, page 30 says: The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker.
Last edited by PaigeB on Wed Oct 31, 2018 9:29 am, edited 1 time in total.
Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have - the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them. page 124 BB

D'oh
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Re: Still in denial

Post by D'oh » Wed Oct 31, 2018 9:26 am

I truly believe that No One walks through the Doors of AA by Accident. If life was good the last thing I would do is want to stop drinking.

The Degree of Trying to Manage it Ourselves, is the only difference. "The Bottoms" My first trip was a relatively High Bottom, my second time was definite Proof that "I cannot do it alone" and Yes the "Extremely Bad Case of the Jitters" was worth the True Knowledge of my Condition. Because I made it back (By the Grace)

Act as if for the time being. Good Luck, many never get here and walking through the Doors Is the Hardest Step.

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Roberth
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Re: Still in denial

Post by Roberth » Wed Oct 31, 2018 2:24 pm

well from the sounds of it I might be the only person that came to AA to stop drinking. that is why I came and that is why I stay. it is true I didn't thing it would work but nothing else I tried worked either and I tried for around 5 years.

so D'oh you can now said you met someone who came to AA to stop drinking
Robert
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in pretty, well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming WOW What a ride!!!!

D'oh
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Re: Still in denial

Post by D'oh » Wed Oct 31, 2018 4:02 pm

so D'oh you can now said you met someone who came to AA to stop drinking
Exactly like I stated, It wasn't by Accident then was it?

MrsC
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Re: Still in denial

Post by MrsC » Fri Dec 28, 2018 5:18 pm

Thank you for all your advice. I am now 9 weeks sober and hoping to stay that way.

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Spirit Flower
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Re: Still in denial

Post by Spirit Flower » Fri Dec 28, 2018 6:17 pm

I am now 9 weeks sober and hoping to stay that way.
=biggrin =biggrin =biggrin
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ODAAT
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Re: Still in denial

Post by ODAAT » Fri Dec 28, 2018 6:32 pm

Good going, MrsC.

Keep up the good work...

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