Sober friend

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Sober friend

Postby MellyD » Thu May 10, 2018 8:15 pm

Hello all. I am new to AA and I have a question. I have a friend in recovery sober 6 yrs and never goes to meetings. She seems miserable. How should I approach her about this? I have asked her to go with me to several meetings but she says no. Do I just call her out on her meeting attendance (or lack of)?
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Re: Sober friend

Postby positrac » Fri May 11, 2018 2:28 am

Welcome and my question in reply is this:
Why doesn't your friend want to attend AA meetings? Is the area, or just AA as a whole. The other thing is literature such as the 24 hour book, Big Book, and As Bill sees it are examples of opportunities to attend a meeting and when one or more present that is considered a meeting. You are new to the AA life and so it is important to take care of yourself first because if you get drunk it is on you and not your friend. So pry and then maybe offer to have a home meeting in her comfort zone and maybe this could cheer her spirits? Maybe it is not AA and something much bigger in her life that is a struggle right now.
Work hard, stay positive, and get up early. It's the best part of the day.
George Allen, Sr.
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Re: Sober friend

Postby avaneesh912 » Fri May 11, 2018 4:06 am

Hello all. I am new to AA and I have a question. I have a friend in recovery sober 6 yrs and never goes to meetings. She seems miserable. How should I approach her about this? I have asked her to go with me to several meetings but she says no. Do I just call her out on her meeting attendance (or lack of)?


No, doing so, could be detrimental. Show her the goodness in working the steps yourself. Sometimes, you have to leave them alone. Prayers work. Read Dr Bob and the good oldtimers. See how the lady prays and God brought Bill W to Dr. Bob.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: Sober friend

Postby Brock » Fri May 11, 2018 8:29 am

Welcome to e-AA Melly, nice of you to care about your friends happiness.

It is quite possible that meetings might help her, but then as suggested by another poster, maybe she has deeper troubles which are holding her back. We don’t know if she has done the necessary steps, and is trying to live in the solution of #’s 10, 11 & 12 which the program recommends. Most importantly I believe, seeking to build on the spiritual awakening the program provides, the more we develop this the more contented we become. Your main job is to do the steps yourself and start feeling the magic, then you will be in a far better position to help your friend.

I know some who attend meetings regularly and don’t look or sound very happy at all, always complaining about this or that, and some who seem to attend only now and then, but are like a breath of fresh air with serenity and hope that inspires others. Some believe that even after the steps are completed, meetings are necessary for happiness and sobriety, others like myself see meetings as something we have come to quite enjoy, and are a good platform for assisting newcomers, but not as something we must have to stay happily sober, it’s a subject we have discussed here quite often.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
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Re: Sober friend

Postby Layne » Fri May 11, 2018 8:55 am

The only person I should call out on anything is myself. When I call out other people on something, it is because my ego is telling me that I know best. It is human nature to think our way is best...if my way wasn't best, why would I be doing it that way then?...but many times when I think like that I am sadly misled.

Even if my way is best, how could I know it would be best for someone else. I try to stick to relating my experience, strength, and hope; in hopes that it might prove to give some food for thought.

It is okay for me to make plans. It is when I plan outcomes, that things go sideways. At any rate, that is my story and I'm sticking to it...for the moment. :~)
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Re: Sober friend

Postby tomsteve » Sat May 12, 2018 7:35 am

MellyD wrote:Hello all. I am new to AA and I have a question. I have a friend in recovery sober 6 yrs and never goes to meetings. She seems miserable. How should I approach her about this? I have asked her to go with me to several meetings but she says no. Do I just call her out on her meeting attendance (or lack of)?



welcome,melly. im glad to see someone new to AA and already wanting to help someone.
what you could do is share your concern about the way she is acting/behaving and leave the choice to address it up to her.
HOWEVER
she is still allowed to be how she wants to be.
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Re: Sober friend

Postby Greywolf » Mon Jun 25, 2018 7:33 am

Rather than trying to help her, try seeing how she can help you. It's a little sneaky but so what.

She will get more out of helping you stay sober than you helping her. Actually you will be helping her by letting her help you.

You seem like a smart girl. You can figure this out an figure out the best way to get her involved with you.
I don't care how much you know until I know how much you care.
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