I can't stop drinking and don't know how to stop:(

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I can't stop drinking and don't know how to stop:(

Postby Ghostman258 » Sat May 05, 2018 12:21 am

Over just 8 years it started and now I can't stop. I'm a 48 year old man and I don't even know how this happened. Before age 40 I seldom would drink. It started around 40 slowly, but now has me in a cage. This makes no logical sense! No one becomes an alcoholic in 8 years after 40. I'm now divorced because of it and have been pushing everyone out of my life. Worst part is the next day with severe depression after drinking. I always say to myself, "I can stop anytime." I think I'm full of S*** because nearly everyday after work my car drives itself to the liquor store. Why is my brain not working right the next day after drinking? I'm not hung over, but it's like I can not hold any focus in my mind the day after drinking. I can go 2 days without drinking pretty easy, but then I break every damn time! The urge has become so powerful that I can not even imagine how I can stop this destructive cycle.

Each morning after drinking I am so handicap that I can not even will myself motivation enough to get out of bed. Yet after a couple days I repeat the cycle again! No amount of will power seems to stop it from repeating over and over. So I guess this is alcoholism? I don't know how to diagnose if I am an alcoholic. It's happened slowly and progressively therefore I never fully noticed it. I keep thinking; not me because every alcoholic I know started heavy drinking 25 years younger than me. How could this have started at age 40 and developed into this at 48?
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Re: I can't stop drinking and don't know how to stop:(

Postby D'oh » Sat May 05, 2018 4:27 am

Welcome back!

7 years is plenty of time to become an Alcoholic. Have a read of Chapter 3 ( http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/alcoholics-anonymous ) and see what you think.

Any Ways, there is an answer, if you are ready to have it.


Keep coming back.
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Re: I can't stop drinking and don't know how to stop:(

Postby Shoreline » Sat May 05, 2018 4:29 am

The disease of alcoholism can strike at any age. Actually I know a few people in AA that did not have a problem with alcohol until they were middle aged. There is an AA pamphlet called "Do you think you're different?" that has personal stories of AA members. As far as I remember, one of these stories is a man who did not join AA until he was in his 70's. i think you can download this pamphlet for free from the AA website.
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Re: I can't stop drinking and don't know how to stop:(

Postby Chelle » Sat May 05, 2018 5:13 am

Hi Ghostman. welcome to e aa.
You have come to the right place to get over your problem with the drink. Alcoholism does not care how old you are. I was able to quit on my own in my twenties for several years. Believing I did not have a problem, I picked it back up in my late 30s and figured I could quit anytime I wanted.. By 40 I was on my way to on out of control. Like you, I could go a couple of days without it, swearing off for good, only to find myself at the gas station after work, wondering the next morning how in the world did this happen again. It went on until I was 45 and I reached out for help. It happened so fast. I didnt realized I couldnt quit until I tried to quit.

Alcoholsim is a cunning, baffling and powerful. I remeber the mornings waking up with remorse and dread. I can tell from your post that there are many things in our text that may resonate with you. You have touched on several in your short post .Perhaps you could give it a read and check out a couple of meeetings and see where you identify.

It talks about the insanity of the first drink. No matter how much alcohol has cost us, we still pick it up time after time. There is a solution, if you really want to get over it for good. I am glad you are here.
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Re: I can't stop drinking and don't know how to stop:(

Postby avaneesh912 » Sat May 05, 2018 5:14 am

Yet after a couple days I repeat the cycle again!


Yes, the book calls it the peculiar mental twist. The mind plays a major role in this. It always tricks us into believing its going to be different this time. If we manage to stay sober, we get real miserable. So call it spiritual malady, some call it untreated alcoholism. Thats where the 12 steps help us.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: I can't stop drinking and don't know how to stop:(

Postby Brock » Sat May 05, 2018 12:09 pm

Some of us may have started younger, for me I liked drinking because it gave me the confidence I sometimes needed, a few drinks and suddenly the life of the party instead of the shy wallflower. But as our big book says - “But what about the real alcoholic? He may start off as a moderate drinker; he may or may not become a continuous hard drinker; but at some stage of his drinking career he begins to lose all control of his liquor consumption, once he starts to drink.” Some start like myself as a moderate drinker, just at parties and so on, and some have short heavy drinking careers before we realize we can’t stop when we try to.

But your story is one you will hear from others here and in meetings, because we all were in the same boat, and scared about how we would stop, and whether we would feel this urge all our lives and have to fight it. And at first there is some fighting when the urges come, but the people at AA promised that by doing the steps these would stop, and I would not miss drinking at all, it was true and a whole new life opened for me, one which is far better than I ever had.

What you need to do is find where meetings are in your area, visit a few and see where you feel most comfortable, nothing to be scared of, just some friendly folks drinking coffee and talking, nothing to sign or commit to, come and go as you please. I will put up links to some literature, please have a read when you have the time, included is a meeting finder. And don’t be shy about asking questions or making comments here if you want to, we enjoy helping each other.


Is A.A. For You – 12 Questions.
http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/is-aa-for ... can-answer

A Brief Guide To AA.
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-42_abriefguidetoaa.pdf

Three Chapters From The Big Book-

1.The Doctors Opinion.
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbo ... pinion.pdf

2.There Is A Solution.
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbook_chapt2.pdf

3.More About Alcoholism.
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbook_chapt3.pdf

A.A. Meeting Finder.
A.A. Near You.
http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/find-aa-resources
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
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Re: I can't stop drinking and don't know how to stop:(

Postby Mike O » Sun May 06, 2018 3:01 am

Hi Ghostman,

Welcome to the forum.
I was 45 when my drinking became an issue for me. At this point, I could see trouble ahead if I kept on drinking.
I had been suspicious of my own drinking for many years but could sometimes go weeks without drinking more than the odd beer here and there, so I didn't think I had a real problem. What I had been most suspicious of over the years was the fact that once I'd had a drink, I didn't want to stop. Going to the pub with a mate for a Sunday lunchtime drink - he would be happy to go off home and carry on with his life; I would seeks ways to keep on drinking. If, for some reason, I was unable to do so, I became irritable and restless.

At age 41, for no apparent reason, I began to drink "seriously". From then until I stopped 4 years later, I was always either drinking, recovering from the night before, or planning the next drinking session.

So, there is no rhyme or reason to the disease.

I found A.A., did the steps, continue to work the steps, and I haven't had a drink in over 10 years.
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Re: I can't stop drinking and don't know how to stop:(

Postby 1Peter5:10 » Sun May 06, 2018 9:10 am

Hello Ghostman.

I am Peter, and I definitely an alcoholic.

My story is not a whole lot different than yours. I don't know when I became an alcoholic, probably in my early 40s, but by my late 40s I spent 4 years as a man who because of alcohol, was unable to do many of the things regular people do. At the end of that 4 years I had lost my wife and my son. It took a few months to spend all the money but within the next year, I had pawned my electronic toys, could not hold even a menial job,and was evicted from my skid row flophouse. Faced with living in my uninsured car, I entered treatment.

Page 32 of the Big Book includes an extended parapraph describing a similar case. While younger, he quit drinking altogether, and accomplished much. Once he retired he went back to his first love, alcohol. He died of the disease 4 years later.


Be wary of medical advice you get from an alcoholic who is not a doctor, but a fetus can become addicted in under 9 months. I have read and heard that both mice and monkeys can become addicted. The monkey studies didn't last 4 years, mice live only 2 years.

How does that translate into adult human terms? I dunno. Ask a doctor.

My point is you are not alone. In AA you'll find others like us.

Suggestion: Read the title you chose for this thread. Read it several times. Read it again and again on multiple days.

I wish you well.
Last edited by 1Peter5:10 on Wed May 09, 2018 7:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: I can't stop drinking and don't know how to stop:(

Postby Roberth » Mon May 07, 2018 7:17 am

Hello Ghostman and Welcome to E-AA. My name is Robert and I am a Los Angeles area alcoholic. Reading your post take me back to my last years of fighting with my disease. My problem wasn’t knowing I had to stop but rather I didn’t know how to. I tried so many different ways to stop yet I ended up drunk. I finally threw in the towel and ended up in AA. It still was a struggle but in AA I found people just like me and there were able to walk me through times.
Then the day came that I wanted to drink more than I could ever remember. I told my wife to take me to a meeting or I was going to the liquor store. She took me to a meeting where I heard my story coming out of someone else’s mouth.
At that moment I knew AA would work for me and I made my decision to keep coming back to AA drunk, sober or crazy. They say the longest journey is the one from them head to the heart and that is what must of happened because that is when it happened to me. The obsession to drink was lifted and has not returned. That was over 26 years ago and so far I am still going to AA. sober and sometimes crazy…..but without ever taking a drink.
Robert
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in pretty, well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming WOW What a ride!!!!
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Re: I can't stop drinking and don't know how to stop:(

Postby 1Peter5:10 » Wed May 09, 2018 8:09 pm

Hey again Ghostman.

How are you making out?
Earlier you wrote:
    - I can't stop drinking
    - (I) don't know how to stop:(
    - Over just 8 years it started and now I can't stop.
    - It . . . . now has me in a cage
    - I'm now divorced because of it

These are your words not mine. You also wrote:
    - (I) have been pushing everyone out of my life.
    - I can go 2 days without drinking pretty easy, but then I break every damn time!
    - The urge has become so powerful that I can not even imagine how I can stop this destructive cycle.

Then you wrote (Still your words. Still no prodding from anyone.)
    - Yet after a couple days I repeat the cycle again!
    - No amount of will power seems to stop it from repeating over and over.
    - It's happened slowly and progressively therefore I never fully noticed it.

Please read your words again.

I'm not going to diagnose you. Imagine your adult son or daughter, or some other loved one came to you and said those things.

What would your response be?
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