Comparing your drinking to your peers

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Comparing your drinking to your peers

Postby minime » Sat Mar 03, 2018 11:28 am

Going back to the topic of denial or to be honest confusion as a newbie. My friends drink MORE than me i'd say. I am a bit of a contradiction.. a lightweight alcoholic. I can't go a week without a drink, I hide drink from my partner, I drink every 3 days generally. I don't drink daily & the max I will drink a day is 2 bottles of wine or a small bottle of vodka so I'd feel embarrassed to go to an AA meeting as i'm a fledgling alcoholic.

I feel like in British culture, most people drink a similar amount but I KNOW i have a problem because I can't stop & it feels like a bad attachment. I guess the difference might be that my friends drinking is still youth playful & mine is 'bordem' 'trauma' 'addictive' 'releif' based for sure. But when it comes to denial & wanting another drink, I just think eh everyone else drinks in excess... because honestly, they do.

How do I set in stone in my mind that mine is an unhealthy bond regardless of why my friends/ the nation drink so much?
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Re: Comparing your drinking to your peers

Postby kaosxtech » Sat Mar 03, 2018 1:10 pm

Well diagnose yourself.
Do you have an obsession of the mind: Do you think about alcohol and that first drink when you are sober?
Do you have an alergy of the body: Are you able to do controlled drinking? Can you drink one or two and then stop or do you need to keep drinking?
This is maybe over simplified, but understanding this and that you may be ill is a great beginning.
Selfishness—self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 62)
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Re: Comparing your drinking to your peers

Postby Shoreline » Sat Mar 03, 2018 3:11 pm

When I was 20 I also did not drink as much as my friends. A friend of mine would drink a 12 pack of beer in a night and I would drink 4 beers and get drunk. By the time I was 25, that friend had pretty much stopped drinking regularly and was focused on his job/career. I was going on benders and had been in detox 4 times. Alcoholism is a progressive disease. If you continue drinking, years from now, you may be drinking huge amounts compared to what you drink now.
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Re: Comparing your drinking to your peers

Postby 1Peter5:10 » Sat Mar 03, 2018 8:42 pm

kaosxtech wrote:Well diagnose yourself.
Do you have an obsession of the mind: Do you think about alcohol and that first drink when you are sober?
Do you have an alergy of the body: Are you able to do controlled drinking? Can you drink one or two and then stop or do you need to keep drinking?
This is maybe over simplified, but understanding this and that you may be ill is a great beginning.


That was it for me.

My story was much different but in the end it was beyond missing football at the end of football season, or missing American breakfast when traveling overseas.

I was obsessed with my next drink, planning to have it, where I'd have it etc., in ways no non-alcoholic and no "sorta" alcoholic would.

Even my sick, deranged, excuse-filled mind couldn't out think that. I had to admit I am addicted.
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Re: Comparing your drinking to your peers

Postby avaneesh912 » Sun Mar 04, 2018 6:32 am

Never compare the quantity. Different people go through the torture depending on the individuals capability. You don't know whats going on inside their head. Its better to realize ourselves if we are alcoholic, what others do with their life is their business.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: Comparing your drinking to your peers

Postby Blue Moon » Sun Mar 04, 2018 7:34 pm

It's not about the quantity, it's about the motivation. Alcoholism could be equated to "alcohol dependency", distinct from "alcohol abuse". Some who abuse alcohol more than you might never become dependent on it.
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Re: Comparing your drinking to your peers

Postby Roberth » Tue Mar 06, 2018 1:22 pm

Hello Minime, My name is Robert and I am a Los Angeles area alcoholic. For me it wasn’t about how much or how often I drank but what happened when I did. I didn’t know I was going to have a couple of beers or if it was going to turn into a blackout drunk again. And that was no matter what plans I had made.
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Re: Comparing your drinking to your peers

Postby tomsteve » Tue Mar 06, 2018 2:55 pm

minime wrote:How do I set in stone in my mind that mine is an unhealthy bond regardless of why my friends/ the nation drink so much?



one day early on at a meeting before the meeting, there were just the 3 of us there. 2 guys with combined 50 years of sobriety and me with a month. we got talkin about drinking and hangovers. something i suffered from greatly. tom1 said," i used to have a glass of whiskey on my nightstand so whenever i woke up i would have that drink to keep the hangover from happening."
tom2 said,"i never had hangovers. i didnt sober up long enough to get one."
and there was me- i didnt drink near as much as they did, but ya know- it didnt matter.
our THINKING was exactly the same.
alcoholism has nothing to do with the amount consumed or how often that occurs.its all about the underlying issues and the thinking.

relate to the thinking thing and not the drinking thing.
want to set it inb stone? then do it. stop using others' lives to controlk your actions.
basically, you wont find crap out in public- people gettin knee walkin drunk arent going tell whats going on inside. hit some AA meetings. sit back and listen.
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Re: Comparing your drinking to your peers

Postby DaveGuy01 » Fri Aug 03, 2018 8:53 pm

Has anyone on here thought about voluntarily having an interlock device installed in their vehicle?

I say that because it is not so much drinking....but drinking AND driving that is the problem. If you get sh** fCed at a bar and then uber home...who cares.

At least that is what I plan on doing. I have repeat dui(s) and so I am done with it.

I don't consider myself an alcoholic but I will say I binge drink...I view as it I like to enjoy myself. I like to go out and socialize and not think about how much I am drinking. Drinking is only fun to me if I don't have to think about it.

So for me....the device in my car is perfect because it does the thinking for me.

Outside of the social stigma of it (yes chances you will be the only person in your peer group with that in your car....f** em who cares)

Lol clearly I do since I am on here talking about it.

I am keeping it in my car. I have already mentally decided that. I was just curious if others on here ever contemplated that?
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Re: Comparing your drinking to your peers

Postby Spirit Flower » Sat Aug 04, 2018 6:10 am

Has anyone on here thought about voluntarily having an interlock device installed in their vehicle?
I know someone who did that so their husband would have peace of mind.
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Re: Comparing your drinking to your peers

Postby Brock » Sat Aug 04, 2018 6:25 am

Welcome to e-AA DaveGuy.

I don’t think anyone here would be interested in installing something like that for themselves, but maybe as Spirit said for someone else. Because the reason we came here is that we know when we drink that we will have a lot, the definition of an alcoholic in one of our books says -”But what about the real alcoholic? He may start off as a moderate drinker; he may or may not become a continuous hard drinker; but at some stage of his drinking career he begins to lose all control of his liquor consumption, once he starts to drink.”

So we know once we start we will ‘overdo’ it, we don’t need a machine to tell us that. If you can have a few and feel OK that’s good for you, but if you ever find that after taking one or two, then you have a real craving for more, maybe you will check back with us. We have found a way to stop drinking and never really think about it or miss it, and we are enjoying a real good life without it.
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Re: Comparing your drinking to your peers

Postby DaveGuy01 » Sat Aug 04, 2018 10:58 am

I was more.so asking.cuz I know.for myself as a single man 31 years old no kids.....I.still want to go out and have a good time.

I just personally dont see myself stop drinking all together. That just seems unrealistic. When Im married sure.

Now if I am being honest with myself.....when I drink I like to drink. I dont like or even try to regulate myself or think have I had 5 drinks maybe I should stop?

No I drink until I dont feel like it anymore and usually its I drink until I pass out.

And knowing me.....Im gona drive after finishing and so the device protects me.from myself I guess.

Idk.
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Re: Comparing your drinking to your peers

Postby Brock » Sat Aug 04, 2018 12:08 pm

I just personally dont see myself stop drinking all together. That just seems unrealistic. When Im married sure.

The thing is we have a solution for those who want to stop but can’t, I will put up the long version of the explanation from the book of what a real alcoholic is, fortunately not everyone waits until they are in the gutter as some of us did, because they see the gutter coming. The main test is when you try your best to stop but can only do so for a short while, or you stop but find life really crappy without it, that’s where our program comes in. This explanation may help you or any other reader understand more -
How many times people have said to us:“I can take it or leave it alone. Why can’t he?” “Why don’t you drink like a gentleman or quit?” “That fellow can’t handle his liquor.” “Why don’t you try beer and wine?” “Lay off the hard stuff.” “His will power must be weak.” “He could stop if he wanted to.” “She’s such a sweet girl, I should think he’d stop for her sake.” “The doctor told him that if he ever drank again it would kill him, but there he is all lit up again.” Now these are commonplace observations on drinkers which we hear all the time. Back of them is a world of ignorance and misunderstanding. We see that these expressions refer to people whose reactions are very different from ours. Moderate drinkers have little trouble in giving up liquor entirely if they have good reason for it. They can take it or leave it alone. Then we have a certain type of hard drinker. He may have the habit badly enough to gradually impair him physically and mentally. It may cause him to die a few years before his time. If a sufficiently strong reason—ill health, falling in love, change of environment, or the warning of a doctor—becomes operative, this man can also stop or moderate, although he may find it difficult and troublesome and may even need medical attention. But what about the real alcoholic? He may start off as a moderate drinker; he may or may not become a continous hard drinker; but at some stage of his drinking career he begins to lose all control of his liquor consumption, once he starts to drink. Here is the fellow who has been puzzling you, especially in his lack of control. He does absurd, incredible, tragic things while drinking. He is a real Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.1 He is seldom mildly intoxicated. He is always more or less insanely drunk. His disposition while drinking resembles his normal nature but little. He may be one of the finest fellows in the world. Yet let him drink for a day, and he frequently becomes disgustingly, and even dangerously anti-social. He has a positive genius for getting tight at exactly the wrong moment, particularly when some important decision must be made or engagement kept. He is often perfectly sensible and well balanced concerning everything except liquor, but in that respect he is incredibly dishonest and selfish. He often possesses special abilities, skills, and aptitudes, and has a promising career ahead of him. He uses his gifts to build up a bright outlook for his family and himself, and then pulls the structure down on his head by a senseless series of sprees. He is the fellow who goes to bed so intoxicated he ought to sleep the clock around. Yet early next morning he searches madly for the bottle he misplaced the night before. If he can afford it, he may have liquor concealed all over his house to be certain no one gets his entire supply away from him to throw down the wastepipe. As matters grow worse, he begins to use a combination of highpowered sedative and liquor to quiet his nerves so he can go to work. Then comes the day when he simply cannot make it and gets drunk all over again. Perhaps he goes to a doctor who gives him morphine or some sedative with which to taper off. Then he begins to appear at hospitals and sanitariums. This is by no means a comprehensive picture of the true alcoholic, as our behavior patterns vary. But this description should identify him roughly.
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Re: Comparing your drinking to your peers

Postby Chelle » Sat Aug 04, 2018 8:03 pm

DaveGuy01 wrote:
No I drink until I dont feel like it anymore and usually its I drink until I pass out.

And knowing me.....Im gona drive after finishing and so the device protects me.from myself I guess.

Idk.


I'm sorry, but I am more concerned about the innocent drivers out there with a black out drunk driver on the road than "you protecting you". AA is for people who want to STOP drinking. Do society a favor and uber there so you do not even have an option to drive home when you a are " finished". Multiple DUIs indicates a problem to me, but hey, everyone quite has to reach there own bottom. Sometimes it is after killing some one in a drunk driving accident.
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Re: Comparing your drinking to your peers

Postby avaneesh912 » Sun Aug 05, 2018 4:51 am

In an inebriated state, its very difficult to make decisions. Most of us "thought" we were in good sate to drive and many have had car wrecks. A guy at the correction facility serving vehicular homicide thought so when he hit a woman who died two weeks later. Funny part is, he had been to 2 rehabs. Today he is about little over 1 year sober and almost going to be paroled out early because of taking action. We can't scare you into recovery, but we can give you hope. I too enjoyed my drinking, but being recovery, looking back, that was also so irresponsible, o many scrapes with the law. I got to consider myself just lucky, thats all. We CAN live a life without alcohol and other mind altering substances.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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