for my kids, hello and help

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for my kids, hello and help

Postby NoNameSeemsFitting » Mon Feb 05, 2018 7:30 am

Hello, I am a newcomer here and wanted to introduce myself and what led to me joining and reaching out to you today. I am 34 years old, a mother to two beautiful young children, live a fairly 'typical' and 'happy' life but am an alcoholic. In the privacy of my own mind I've always looked at myself as a highly functioning alcoholic... as I'm sure so many of us do/did. I grew up with a ton of alcoholics around me, my father being the worst of them. He sadly passed away this year of kidney failure among other things after quitting drinking a few years ago.

I started drinking steadily from a very young age. I'm now finding myself rationalizing drinking, making excuses, compensating food or vitamins to fit in more alcohol. I'm embarassed all of the time, even if no one's watching (which of course, kids are always watching and one of the biggest motivators for stopping). I function well, take very good care of my family and home, go to work each day, etc. But today, I called in sick to recover from the 3 bottles of wine I consumed last night. I hate that my family has to live with an alcoholic. I am terrified to go to a meeting (although I have been to them in the past to support friends who were recovering). I fear how to be social without alcohol. I fear possible withdrawl symptoms. I fear yo-yo-ing like this for another 20 years.

I know today my sadness comes from the alcohol in my body but tomorrow I will feel great and refreshed and will inevitably feel inclined to pour myself one of many drinks when I get home. I don't want to.

Can anyone provide any books, podcasts, tips tricks, insight, help?
Thanking you in advance for your support and insight
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Re: for my kids, hello and help

Postby Brock » Mon Feb 05, 2018 10:21 am

Hello and welcome here, you are among good folks who have been where you are now, and found a way out to ‘happy sobriety,’ we enjoy providing suggestions and it helps us as well.

One of the greatest underlying problems with alcoholics is fear, your fear of meetings is normal and many newcomers have that, but you have been and know what it was like. Also meetings vary quite a bit, and if you have a few to choose from you will find the ones which suit you best. Keep in mind it’s the steps of the program which promises ‘recovery,’ not the meetings, and once you get these done the meetings become less important.

Living without alcohol another common fear, but again the program gives us a new sense of confidence, we attend social gatherings where booze is flowing, if we have a good reason to go, the temptation is removed and we can do this safely, and feel quite confident. The withdrawal is not a nice thing to go through, but the worse symptoms only really last an average of three days. We always suggest a visit to your doctor if possible, be honest and explain, usually the treatment includes tranquilizers for a limited time, lots of fluids especially sweet ones help.

I will put up some literature links, and as for ‘podcasts,’ on you tube you can type in “AA Speakers,” you can refine it by adding the word ‘lady’ if you wish, or ‘most popular.’

I expect others will give their own encouragement and suggestions, please feel free to ask any questions, and many find it helpful to stay in touch here, plus we enjoy knowing how you are getting along.

Is A.A. For You – 12 Questions.
http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/is-aa-for ... can-answer

A Brief Guide To AA.
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-42_abriefguidetoaa.pdf

Three Chapters From The Big Book-

1.The Doctors Opinion.
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbo ... pinion.pdf

2.There Is A Solution.
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbook_chapt2.pdf

3.More About Alcoholism.
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbook_chapt3.pdf

A.A. Meeting Finder.
A.A. Near You.
http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/find-aa-resources
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
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Re: for my kids, hello and help

Postby PaigeB » Mon Feb 05, 2018 11:26 am

1.The Doctors Opinion. (Before the Chapters)
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbo ... pinion.pdf

This tells us what happens to our bodies when we drink. If you are an alcoholic like me, one who develops the phenomena of craving once I take in any alcohol whatever ~ I CANNOT DRINK SAFELY or comfortably and it NEVER occurs in the average temperate drinker....

3.More About Alcoholism. (Chpt. 3)
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbook_chapt3.pdf

Which is exactly what it says & has a few quick stories in it. I like the whiskey in the milk guy.

And Chapter 1 - Bill's Story - the story of our founder. They drank themselves to death back then. The kids watched it all. But it also has what happened to him and gives some hope because it tells what it is like now.

You can get this book at your Library. But it is the "most often stolen" book... so if they don't have it call our General Service Office and ask for a free copy. If you don't like it, you can donate it to the library!

A.A. Meeting Finder.
A.A. Near You.
http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/find-aa-resources

Follow the links from US/Canada right down to your neighborhood. Look to see where they are even if you do not intend to go to one. You can look and see how many cars there are and where they park. You can see the folks with their coffee outside smoking and chatting. No need to go to a meeting - just go talk to the bunch on the steps.

LOL I said STEPS. Working the 12 Steps is how we recover PERMANENTLY. No half measures. I worked them with another person who worked them herself. I must remember I can never drink safely again. I have taken my body from being a cucumber to being pickled. I cannot go back. I must go forward. You will find the Steps in Chapter 5. "Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path." Even The Doctor's Opinion says that he sees this "movement" as the best solution he knows of!
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
The e-AA Group's 7th Tradition link: www.e-aa.org/group_seventh.php
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Re: for my kids, hello and help

Postby PaigeB » Mon Feb 05, 2018 11:35 am

February 5th
Daily Reflections book

A GLORIOUS RELEASE

The minute I stopped arguing, I could begin to see and feel. Right there, Step Two gently and very gradually began to infiltrate my life. I can't say upon what occasion or upon what day I came to believe in a Power greater than myself, but I certainly have that belief now.
To acquire it, I had only to stop fighting and practice the rest of A.A.'s program as enthusiastically as I could.

— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 27

After years of indulging in a "self-will run riot," Step Two became for me a glorious release from being all alone.
Nothing is so painful or insurmountable in my journey now. Someone is always there to share life's burdens with me.
Step Two became a reinforcement with God, and I now realize that my insanity and ego were curiously linked.
To rid myself of the former, I must give up the latter to one with far broader shoulders than my own.
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
The e-AA Group's 7th Tradition link: www.e-aa.org/group_seventh.php
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Re: for my kids, hello and help

Postby Roberth » Mon Feb 05, 2018 12:23 pm

Hello Noname and Welcome to E-AA. My name is Robert and I am a Los Angeles area alcoholic. Fear is the thief of dreams…..I can’t promise you will be a social butterfly what I can tell you what happened to me. My friendships became honest and stronger. I stopped pushing people out of my life due to my drinking and because an example of sobriety for a few. One in particular, and that was my son
Robert
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in pretty, well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming WOW What a ride!!!!
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Re: for my kids, hello and help

Postby NoNameSeemsFitting » Mon Feb 05, 2018 12:30 pm

Thank you everyone for taking time out of your days to respond to me and offer resources. I started reading the aa book today and it all just sounds so familiar, in a scary way. I’ve searched meetings in my area, many times actually, but I’m not quite there. I plan to spend the little little bit reading up on everything you’ve sent me and doing some soul searching. I’ve always had really bad self control and succumb easily to temptation, I really want to stay stting and fight those cravings and demons.
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Re: for my kids, hello and help

Postby avaneesh912 » Mon Feb 05, 2018 12:32 pm

Welcom to e-AA. Like you I was desperately looking for a solution about 11 1/2 years ago. And found it in AA. I see the same level of desperation in your post. I too love the podcasts. When we read a book we assume certain things and then when you hear other explain the same, it makes a whole lot of difference. There are lot of workshops on the internet that are available for free. Please feel to visit your local AA meetings. Having a person who can walk you through the steps will be the best. But these workshops are of tremendous value that will augment what you hear in the meetings.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: for my kids, hello and help

Postby tblue818 » Mon Feb 05, 2018 1:33 pm

NoNameSeemsFitting wrote:Thank you everyone for taking time out of your days to respond to me and offer resources. I started reading the aa book today and it all just sounds so familiar, in a scary way. I’ve searched meetings in my area, many times actually, but I’m not quite there. I plan to spend the little little bit reading up on everything you’ve sent me and doing some soul searching. I’ve always had really bad self control and succumb easily to temptation, I really want to stay stting and fight those cravings and demons.



Hi, NoNameSeemsFitting and All ~

The Big Book is kinda hard to read for many of us when either still drinking or even in the first days of sobriety - a scary place to go alone!. I utilized online AA from the start and it really helped to be able to read and take time to 'digest' what was said by re-reading. There is amazing es&h in the e-AA archives.

To this day, the "mental obsession, the physical craving, and the spiritual malady" fascinate me. I've done searches of the archives and collected many aspects of this disease for those categories, cuz those identification were what 'convinced me beyond doubt that I belonged here'. I was AMAZED at what I absolutely couldn't see while caught in the cycle of alcoholic insanity. As odd as it seemed at the time, it was such a relief to suddenly realize, "I'm IN! I fit here! They can help me!" As afraid as I was to enter AA online, I was also afraid that I wouldn't 'qualify'' and would be doomed to the hell alcohol had become.

Below is a post that relates, from the experience of an AAer, a particular aspect of the mental obsession that I'd never identified in myself until running across it the archives. "The object is to look for a Way In....identify, don't compare."

------
by martin08 » Fri Nov 13, 2009 9:58 am
As mentioned previously, the mental obsession or the "alcoholic mind" is described brilliantly in Chapter 3 of the Big Book.

For myself, I had responsibilities to honor. My young child would be at day care and it was my responsibility to pick him up after work and take him home. I would think that I should do that task sober as I left work. His safety was part of my duty. This would be an example of sound reasoning.

But along the route was the liquor store. My mind would justify that if I took a few minutes to patronize the store and then take a few nips in the parking lot, then at least my son would not see me drinking while driving. That's still being responsible, right? Sure. He would not be subjected to watching his father drink while driving, so it made it "sound" O.K.

But there was always the curious mental phenomenon that parallel with our sound reasoning there inevitably ran some insanely trivial excuse for taking the first drink. Our sound reasoning failed to hold us in check. The insane idea won out. P.37

Straight line thinking, or seeing the consequences of my actions, would have taken me to the daycare and then straight home. I could see that scenario. But running directly parallel to that thought was an obsession that I could easily justify its means by courting the emotions of nervousness, anger, worry, depression, jealousy or the like. The trivial excuse crowded out the sound reasoning and I would arrive at the daycare with a buzz.

The mental obsession for myself was to justify my drinking and insanely fit its necessity into my responsiblilites.


martin08

-------------

Also, it is always a little concerning when someone wants AA for any other reason than themselves. Not that it can't change to 'self' after getting started. When I did it for me, everyone else in my life benefited. If I'd done if 'for others', I'd eventually have resented them and would have 'left a door open'. I'd already lost the marriage and the child before getting my deepest wish....to be able to drink as much as I want whenever I want. It didn't turn out to be Nirvana.

AA is such an incredible journey....but gotta do the hard part first. We know; we've been where you are. "We didn't tell you it would be easy....we told you it would be worth it." Both sides of that sage saying became true, for me.

Feed Hope.

AA heart huggers,

Pamela
dos 8/98
Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved.

"Life becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got."
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Re: for my kids, hello and help

Postby 1Peter5:10 » Mon Mar 05, 2018 10:14 am

I think there may be some restrictions on posting video links, but if you search ALL the terms
"youtube when you are about to give up," you will find a video.

I watched that video so much, I eventually saved my phone battery by converting the sound part to mp3 and listened to it, in whole or in part, 365 times in my first 365 days of sobriety.

That's 365 times in my first 365 days of sobriety.

It reiterates, in different, more up-to-date words, much of what is in our literature.

It helped.
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Re: for my kids, hello and help

Postby tomsteve » Tue Mar 06, 2018 11:47 am

NoNameSeemsFitting wrote: I plan to spend the little little bit reading up on everything you’ve sent me and doing some soul searching. I’ve always had really bad self control and succumb easily to temptation, I really want to stay stting and fight those cravings and demons.


if you have bad self control it would be wise,then, to not spend too much time with the soul searching. i hope you decide to act NOW.

if the demons youre referring to are from the past, the program works wonders on them. i spent years using my thinking to get rid of demons. using my thinking- the thinking that got me drunk- wasnt a very good way to take care of them.
however, AA does say some problems may need outside assistance.
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