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What's the point. I can't keep doing this.

PostPosted: Wed Oct 25, 2017 1:33 pm
by Aujeremy
I can't keep battling the ins and outs. This is too defeating. I can't get through a normal day without crippling anxiety that tells me I have to have a drink. I just don't think god put me on this earth for something special.

Re: What's the point. I can't keep doing this.

PostPosted: Wed Oct 25, 2017 2:15 pm
by PaigeB
Welcome Aujeremy... You might be right about not being special. I am not special and that is actually great! Nothing to live up to except my humble purpose to carry the message to the still struggling alcoholic. This is a life or death disease and I chose to Live.

It started getting better for me by walking into a meeting. I am not alone any more. I have millions of people that will help me no matter where I am. I came in as atheist and still found a Power Greater than Myself and had a change of personality sufficient to recover from Alcoholism.

Find a meeting near you... Then just walk in and sit down. Help is there. They are a little too happy to help. :shock: but hang in there and ask for what you need. :wink:
https://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/find-aa-resources

Re: What's the point. I can't keep doing this.

PostPosted: Wed Oct 25, 2017 5:18 pm
by Brock
I can't keep battling the ins and outs. This is too defeating. I can't get through a normal day without crippling anxiety that tells me I have to have a drink.

I know you can't the book tells us we can't. Some people seem able to manage a while, just holding on without the power of the steps being part of their lives, you said a couple of weeks ago that you have done a few months more than once before, then what happens? Just what the book says will happen, over and over they say we are without defense against the first drink.

You said before you are going to meetings and doing all the right things, I said then and say again, find a sponsor who says yes I will take you through those steps quickly, the sponsor you spoke about last time seems to be a slow poke. Sometimes people come in and their sponsor takes a long time with them, and because they are not that bad off they can hold on and do the steps slowly, problem is they then sponsor others and do it the same way, the old one size fits all approach because they don't know better. In the early days of AA and still today with some better sponsors, you would be past step five in the two weeks since you last wrote here, and would have felt relief from some of these crippling symptoms you are experiencing.

If you can't find someone, do it by yourself, just Google step 4 and get some worksheets, do your 5th with anyone trustworthy, doctor or clergy etc, it says after step 5 in the book -
Once we have taken this step, withholding nothing, we are
delighted. We can look the world in the eye. We can be
alone at perfect peace and ease. Our fears fall from us.
We begin to feel the nearness of our Creator. We may
have had certain spiritual beliefs, but now we begin to
have a spiritual experience. The feeling that the drink
problem has disappeared will often come strongly. We
feel we are on the Broad Highway, walking hand in hand
with the Spirit of the Universe.

That's the kind of relief you need, anyway we can help please let us know, ask any questions, but you need to take this action, and please believe we have been through this and found complete relief.

Re: What's the point. I can't keep doing this.

PostPosted: Thu Oct 26, 2017 12:59 pm
by highcostofliving
Welcome Aujeremy! I'm right where you are... at this very moment, so you're not alone..... if you haven't been to a meeting get to one when you can... they help me... even if only for the hour or so I'm there, it's a nice break from the mental assault.... all we can do is keep working at it. Drink, not drink.... keep trying. Alcohol is relentless, persistent and patient, we have to be too. Just be active in your recovery, slip or no slip. Read this forum, post on this forum, go to a meeting... "have the courage to change the things we can"... that's making a change right there... actively trying to work on it... I like this quote:

"I will persist until I succeed. Always will I take another step. If that is of no avail I will take another, and yet another. In truth, one step at a time is not too difficult. I know that small attempts, repeated, will complete any undertaking."

Just the two cents of a struggling newbie... thanks for reading

Re: What's the point. I can't keep doing this.

PostPosted: Thu Oct 26, 2017 2:39 pm
by Roberth
Hello Aujeremy My name is Robert and I am a Los Angeles area alcoholic. Sounds like you are at a pretty good starting point. Whether you are special or not this AA still works. I’m just a drunk that couldn’t stop drinking. All I had was the desire to stop not the ability when I got to AA. That ability came from the steps.

Re: What's the point. I can't keep doing this.

PostPosted: Thu Oct 26, 2017 6:40 pm
by beginningagain7
The only thing that I can say because it worked for me and some others that I know. Is to drink Orange juice, eat turkey, and eat a chocolate candy par or anything with chocolate. It helps to keep the cravings down. Might or might not work for you but at least give it a chance.

Re: What's the point. I can't keep doing this.

PostPosted: Fri Oct 27, 2017 2:02 am
by positrac
Aujeremy wrote:I can't keep battling the ins and outs. This is too defeating. I can't get through a normal day without crippling anxiety that tells me I have to have a drink. I just don't think god put me on this earth for something special.


Been some great feed back and outside of maybe a rehab that at least makes you detox and get some clearer thinking before you get released into the real world, what other options do you have? We all had our vises in early recovery and excuses of why it just wasn't us and some how we kept trying and coming back. We've tried to express concerns, empathy, and that it does work if we work it.
H-Hungry
A-Angry
L-Lonely
T-Tired
If you get into any of those things it will give you one hell of a mind screw and you'll feel like just giving up and only to wake up feeling worse.

Re: What's the point. I can't keep doing this.

PostPosted: Fri Oct 27, 2017 4:14 am
by avaneesh912
The main thing if we are alcoholic, we need to realize is that, we have a warped mind, a bias towards alcohol I would say. For every damn thing that we run into we get frustrated and we turn to alcohol. Then comes another realization, the mind will always trick us into believing that this time its going to be fine.

The almost certain consequences that follow taking even a glass of beer do not crowd into the mind to deter us. If these thoughts occur, they are hazy and readily supplanted with the old threadbare idea that this time we shall handle ourselves like other people. There is a complete failure of the kind of defense that keeps one from putting his hand on a hot stove.

The alcoholic may say to himself in the most casual way, "It won't burn me this time, so here's how!" Or perhaps he doesn't think at all. How often have some of us begun to drink in this nonchalant way, and after the third or fourth, pounded on the bar and said to ourselves, "For God's sake, how did I ever get started again?" Only to have that thought supplanted by "Well, I'll stop with the sixth drink." Or "What's the use anyhow?"


So consequences dont deter us from alcohol, only a spiritual awakening will.

Re: What's the point. I can't keep doing this.

PostPosted: Fri Oct 27, 2017 4:59 pm
by marthamaree
Hi. I am day 6 today. I am told it gets better and I hope you feel better. I am also told we can do together what is hard alone. I am trying to get to a meeting everyday BUT I am horribly tired. I feel a bit hopeful and proud of myself at the moment. (I know this will pass) :-)
smiling helps and jokes but nothing is very funny when one feels like (poo) I hope I made you smile.

Re: What's the point. I can't keep doing this.

PostPosted: Fri Oct 27, 2017 6:03 pm
by Brock
Well done on your six days, it's great when one newcomer supports another, that makes all of us smile.

Re: What's the point. I can't keep doing this.

PostPosted: Sun Oct 29, 2017 12:49 am
by JohnDaniels
Aujeremy wrote:I can't keep battling the ins and outs. This is too defeating. I can't get through a normal day without crippling anxiety that tells me I have to have a drink. I just don't think god put me on this earth for something special.


Welcome home to the e-AA Discussion Boards. Welcome as part of your new family.

I am reading your post about your struggles and heart felt pains. Your Alcoholism is really talking to you. Most new folks who come into AA don't understand the depths of their Alcoholism right off. I know what it say's about Alcoholism being a Disease, a Physical Compulsion coupled with a Mental Obsession and that is true.

The things happening with you have answers and they can be dealt with. First you need to understand something more about the disease of Alcoholism:

There is something that is part of Alcoholism that I am seeing happening with you - that is the way the phenomenon of craving is sneaking up on you. You are detoxing and your body is cleansing itself of the toxins and the alcohol. You are having a reaction to alcohol with-drawls. You are suddenly in a new place in unfamiliar territory. Your mind is fighting the mental obsession while every fiber of your being is crying out for alcohol, that is the physical compulsion for alcohol. Your body is sending messages to the pleasure center in the brain for Alcohol, trying to convince you that you are actually compelled to take that drink. You may be telling yourself "Oh NO I don't want to drink. Drinking is the LAST thing on my mind."

Well, remember we deal with alcohol, cunning, baffling and powerful! And in layman's terms, this disease of Alcoholism is SO powerful it is trying to convince you that you don't have a disease. It's happening below the conscious level of your thinking. Without help it is too much for us. But there is One who has all power. May you find Him now.

So as your body detoxes, it sets up the Phenomenon of Craving that is hard for most newcomers to understand, I mean really understand the details simply because it has not been explained to you. It's the first thing I explain to the guys I sponsor. It was the first thing I had explained to me in detail by my sponsor who had it explained to him by Bill W who had it explained to him by his doctor. It's the first thing my original home group insisted on explaining to all the newcomers. Also letting the newcomer know they are the most important person in that room at that moment.
I have never met a person coming into AA for the first time who understands what an Alcoholic really is. Neither did I at first and that is why when I was called to say something at the speakers podium I introduced myself as "Hi everybody my names John and I'm and Alcoholic" I said it because everyone else said it, but I didn't know what I was saying. I wanted to desperately to belong to AA and wanted so desperately to be happy like the folks in AA that I'd have said anything! If the folks would've said "Hi my names Ivan Oder and I'm a Communist" then that's what I would have said too. Then the man who became my original sponsor took me under his wing and explained what an alcoholic really is. It covered allot, even the way Alcoholism is a disease of perceptions.

Hey I went on long enough here. I can guarantee you one thing my friend, we all want to see you keep coming back here. We all want to be here for you.

You are not forgotten here. You are certainly on all our minds as caring brothers and sisters of your family of AA members. You'll never be dropped or forgotten about. None of us will give up on you, I know I won't. We have a strong AA unity here my friend. A strong AA unity like the triangle of the three legacies of AA - recovery, unity and service. Which in a sense represent three impossibilities. The impossibilities that we know became possible.

Re: What's the point. I can't keep doing this.

PostPosted: Tue Oct 31, 2017 6:15 am
by jenko
I suffered through terrible anxiety and panic attacks in early sobriety. I would have panic attacks in meetings all the time. I always sat by the door so I would have an escape route. What I believe helped me through this terribly difficult time was prayer. Even though I wasn't sure I really believed in anything like a higher power, I still prayed. I didn't know what I was praying to and it felt much like talking to myself, but I just had a few mantras I would repeat over and over until the anxiety passed - my favorite being, "I trust you God." I just repeated it over and over. And eventually, I began to believe it. :)

Re: What's the point. I can't keep doing this.

PostPosted: Tue Oct 31, 2017 10:01 am
by Brock
Jenko's post reminded me about this from the book -
Actually we were fooling ourselves, for deep down in every man, woman, and child, is the fundamental idea of God. It may be obscured by calamity, by pomp, by worship of other things, but in some form or other it is there. For faith in a Power greater than ourselves, and miraculous demonstrations of that power in human lives, are facts as old as man himself.

I just had a few mantras I would repeat over and over until the anxiety passed - my favorite being, "I trust you God." I just repeated it over and over. And eventually, I began to believe it.

Some years ago I heard someone in a meeting say they often use, “I love you God,” I thought I can't say that it's for Him to love me, I would be an upstart saying I love you back. But in reading various literature and maturing spiritually, I have come to find it acceptable and very good.