Nothing left- looking for advice

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Nothing left- looking for advice

Postby Jakel » Tue Sep 12, 2017 2:40 pm

Hello. Im 35. Ive probably drank everyday for the last 15 years. I used to function i suppose. Im a journeyman diesel mechanic....well i was. In a nutshell i lost my family about 8 years ago. Followed by a drunking motorcycle crash....i barely drink beer anymore. Whiskey or vodka cause beer wont cut it. Im fixin to do 30 days in jail for my 3rd dui. I lost about 4 jobs in the last 5 years. I just get depressed and dont go to work and sleep all day. Untill i finally get up to get a drink. I got a nother job about 3 weeks ago. Did really well at it. And then last week i didnt wanna get out of bed. When i get off work i pound mixed drinks untill i pass out usually everyday. ..thats if i go to work. . im getting evicted from my apartment cause i got too far behind on rent. Ive went to detox before...left after 4 days. I dont know what to do. I dont have health ins anymore. But i think i need an inpatient program. Ir im gonna fn die and be homeless. So there is that. I also have 2 little boys i share about half the time. And they see im sick. Its breaking me to the point im not sure if i should poison them with me.. Or just go away.
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Re: Nothing left- looking for advice

Postby Cristy99 » Tue Sep 12, 2017 4:03 pm

JAKE:

YOU ARE NOT ALONE MY FRIEND!!!

Welcome to this forum.

So many alcoholics have been exactly where you are. I am here to tell you that there is hope!!! It requires a little work on your part, but it's not nearly as much effort as you are putting forth to maintain your current lifestyle.

You will be receiving many responses very soon from men in this program who will give you tons of hope. You don't have to live like this anymore. You can make a 180 degree turn around with just a little effort. People do it ALL THE TIME!!!

I know you don't have insurance. If you can find a detox and rehab that has funding for you, I believe that would be a good choice for you. At least a place to safely detox....very dangerous to do it alone. If rehab isn't an option for you, get to an AA meeting as soon as you possibly can. It can be done without rehab. I know because I did it. I came to AA and never looked back. I started working the program and I am making it!!!! Even if you do stay in a rehab for a bit, A.A. still needs to be your first stop after discharge. It will save your life and help you be the father you want to be. Oh, and A.A. is free.

Keep checking back!!! You will hear from Brock, Blue Moon (Ian), Positrac, and John Daniels among many others soon. They are super heros that will help you through.

Jake, remember: you are loved. Your life is worth fighting for. And most importantly......YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!
"Talk doesn't cook rice."
~ Chinese proverb
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Re: Nothing left- looking for advice

Postby Brock » Tue Sep 12, 2017 4:17 pm

Welcome to our group Jakel.

Very nice words from Cristy there, man I am sorry to read of the bad position you are in right now, but it's not the worse I’ve heard, far from it, many of us need to reach this sort of point before we are willing to give AA a try, I messed around for about 30 years in and out of AA, until I was in a desperate situation, like you are in now.

Without the insurance an in house program may not be available, but don't set your mind that you can't do the program without it. If you have to do the 30 days, I would tell them up front that you are an alcoholic and will need medication for withdrawal, I hope the facility has an AA group since many do, some members here go to prisons to help run these. I tell you if you throw yourself into this program a lot can be achieved in 30 days, and the urge to drink goes away completely.

We come to AA to stop drinking, we stay because it doesn’t only remove the urge, it also opens up a new way of life, best life I have ever known.

Do me a favor, go to you tube and type in AA Chris R, listen to one of his talks, at some point he usually gives a bit of his story, he tried to end it with a tranquilizer overdose, he survived and found the 'right' AA meeting, (after being in and out for years), two weeks later sitting on the tray of his truck crying tears of joy, because as he says it “the stupid obsession to drink was removed.”

I hope others will come along as Cristy said, with their own words of advise and encouragement, this thing will work for you as it has for all of us, have faith in that.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
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Re: Nothing left- looking for advice

Postby Noels » Tue Sep 12, 2017 5:07 pm

I also have 2 little boys i share about half the time. And they see im sick. Its breaking me to the point im not sure if i should poison them with me.. Or just go away.

Hi Jakel, welcome to e-aa and thank you for reaching out. You have received good responses above relating to getting assistance for the alcohol additiction so I'm not going to add to that. What concerns me is the words I quoted above.
Since you say you have the boys "share about half the time" I take it there is another person who takes care of the children the other "half of the time"? Is it perhaps possible (if you're on good terms with this other person) to leave the boys in his/her care for say a 30 day period to enable you to either attend a facility (rehab NPO - Non profit organization) or start going to AA meetings on a daily basis and get yourself "cleaned-up" without having to stress, worry or feel guilty about taking care of the little ones for that period so that you can concentrate fully on your recovery?
Thinking back to my own situation the people who I had contact with whilst drinking knew long before I would admit it that I was drinking way too much so its possible that the other person already have an idea that something's going on and could be happy that you wish to seek help and wouldn't have a problem taking care of the boys for that period?
If it was me in the situation you find yourself in the care and safety of my children would come first so I would (I) arrange for them to be looked after by someone I know capable of doing so for the period I needed to get assistance and (II) find out about rehabs, out-patient programs, etc, and decide which option would be best for me including affordability, (III) disclose to my employer in confidence that I have a problem and are seeking help so that I could get the time off work to do so without losing my job and (IV) commit to my decision, get the help and do whatever it takes to get my life back on track WITHOUT alcohol.

Wishing you the best of luck. Both you and your young ones are worthy of and deserve to live and enjoy a full and happy life without alcohol casting a shadow over it.

Noels xxx
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Re: Nothing left- looking for advice

Postby positrac » Wed Sep 13, 2017 2:24 am

Jakel wrote:Hello. Im 35. Ive probably drank everyday for the last 15 years. I used to function i suppose. Im a journeyman diesel mechanic....well i was. In a nutshell i lost my family about 8 years ago. Followed by a drunking motorcycle crash....i barely drink beer anymore. Whiskey or vodka cause beer wont cut it. Im fixin to do 30 days in jail for my 3rd dui. I lost about 4 jobs in the last 5 years. I just get depressed and dont go to work and sleep all day. Untill i finally get up to get a drink. I got a nother job about 3 weeks ago. Did really well at it. And then last week i didnt wanna get out of bed. When i get off work i pound mixed drinks untill i pass out usually everyday. ..thats if i go to work. . im getting evicted from my apartment cause i got too far behind on rent. Ive went to detox before...left after 4 days. I dont know what to do. I dont have health ins anymore. But i think i need an inpatient program. Ir im gonna fn die and be homeless. So there is that. I also have 2 little boys i share about half the time. And they see im sick. Its breaking me to the point im not sure if i should poison them with me.. Or just go away.



Hello and welcome: First off you aren't unique as we drunks and others with addictions have at some point done, been and or mentally were you are today. I say step back and look in the mirror and re think your post and I am sure if you are honest you have the answer. Mind you I know it is not the answer you'd like and being me I always want the clean, easy no mess answers to my life's problems. news flash! You've got to go through hell before you can see the light of peace and it is a process we all have had to endure.

So you are going to do 30 days in lock up and it might be a good time to get a Big Book and start doing yourself good and make meetings inside as well because you have nothing but time. Hopefully once you are out of jail you'll desire sobriety over getting drunk and find a in person AA meeting and get to living sober. I wish I had a cure for you that would take all of the crap you are in away and I don't and not even a snake oil salesman has one. We do this day by day and some days are hard and others are good and almost not meant for us. But if you keep coming back you can get your self respect back and also learn to live life on life's terms. I am sure this makes no real sense right now and that is ok as in time lights will go off and you'll understand.


I wish you well and get your legal stuff cleared up and get yourself right and things will come around like you never thought possible all in the right times.
You must live your life from beginning to end: No one else can do it for you.
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Re: Nothing left- looking for advice

Postby JohnDaniels » Wed Sep 13, 2017 6:45 am

Jakel wrote:Hello. Im 35. Ive probably drank everyday for the last 15 years. I used to function i suppose. Im a journeyman diesel mechanic....well i was. In a nutshell i lost my family about 8 years ago. Followed by a drunking motorcycle crash....i barely drink beer anymore. Whiskey or vodka cause beer wont cut it. Im fixin to do 30 days in jail for my 3rd dui. I lost about 4 jobs in the last 5 years. I just get depressed and dont go to work and sleep all day. Untill i finally get up to get a drink. I got a nother job about 3 weeks ago. Did really well at it. And then last week i didnt wanna get out of bed. When i get off work i pound mixed drinks untill i pass out usually everyday. ..thats if i go to work. . im getting evicted from my apartment cause i got too far behind on rent. Ive went to detox before...left after 4 days. I dont know what to do. I dont have health ins anymore. But i think i need an inpatient program. Ir im gonna fn die and be homeless. So there is that. I also have 2 little boys i share about half the time. And they see im sick. Its breaking me to the point im not sure if i should poison them with me.. Or just go away.


WELCOME HOME JAKE,

You're right where you belong, among a family of alcoholics who understand your situation, some more than others.

Jake I also was raising 2 babies when I came into this program. A son 3 months old and a little girl 2 years old. I'm an old fart now but back then I was young and in my prime working up north on a pipeline in the Bible Belt. In an area where no man ever got custody of his children. Something miraculous happened, I was the first man in 17 years who ever got custody of his children in that area. Somebody up there likes me Jake.

By the way Jake, as you I'm also a Diesel Mechanic (retired). I worked as a field mechanic, field welder, and field machinist for Cat making heavy equipment repairs in the mines all over the world. I raced motorcycles, my wife and I still ride motocross out through the desert on weekends, I drag race an AMC Rebel Machine, my wife and I belong to an off road 4X4 club with our AMC Eagle, we're part of a 1950's Greasers Car Club. I'm a drummer. Her and I build hotrod frames and parts. We absolutely insist on enjoying our sobriety.

Jake, I had a son named Jake.

Buddy, this is one time in your life when you're going to have to really trust others who really want to help you. I know there's some fear in that. It might seem like you're sticking your neck out on the chopping block to trust others to help you with all your needs now, but hey buddy, those folks just like us here are in the business of helping alcoholics. We're in the business of saving lives. Do you know what that lack of trust really is? It's the disease of alcoholism so powerful it's telling you you don't have a disease. It's happening below your level of thinking. It's conning you. Hey buddy this is a real disease, it's cunning, powerful and baffling.

There's a saying in AA where I got sober "If you want to drink that's your business. If you want to stay sober, that's our business". We're a brotherhood in recovery. Nobody wants to see your children ripped from your arms. Trust me on this. I am just sure if you make the right calls and your heart is in the right place, things will happen to make you realize there is a power greater than yourself holding the puppet strings above everyone and the right things will happen at the right time. Trust and Faith.

Buddy I feel for you. These problems you talked about here are more powerful than you are or any of us here are. But some how it will work out for you if you give it up to a power greater than yourself - God. But this is going to take a big leap of trust from you. Be as honest with the ones you ask for help as you've been with us here. My experience has been that any alcoholic treatment center you go to will assist you in finding the right people to help you when you have done all you can do for yourself. I've always been big on only AA as a way of healing our alcoholic minds, bodies, and spirits. For the most part, from what I'm reading from you, you're hurting buddy and you need to be detoxed and have your Shakes and/or DT's handled properly with your children taken care of while you go through all this. I know if you ask most people they'll tell you "You're the only one who can decide if you're an alcoholic or not." But that's not me. I'll tell you, you are the only one who can decide if you are a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. I don't want to loose you buddy. So I'll tell you, you are an Alcoholic because as my home group always said "If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck has feathers like a duck ... it's a duck!" You're a duck/alcoholic and you need help before it's too late. Yes, you have to get sober for yourself, but also you have 2 babies there relying on you. Their dad is their whole world. Don't break their hearts buddy. You are their world.

Jake, our drinking is only a symptom of our disease. AA has a program of living called The 12 Steps to take the place of alcohol. A program of living to fill your holes. Get yourself as Big Book Alcoholics Anonymous and the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions. I used to tell the guys I sponsor if they couldn't afford those books to just steal them because there's a step in there that'll take care of that later. But I quit telling guys that since the age of the Internet where you can find these books Online to read until you can scrape the money together to buy them. Heck after you stop drinking, you'll notice money coming in anyway to pay for those 2 books.

Jake, you can do this! I'm here for you. All you have to do is send me a private message or we can talk on the air here. If I don't appeal to you, contact one of the others here. There's some good men here. This thing works I tell ya! The son-of-a-gun really really works! It's worked for me for 38 years and 4 months. That's been my experience and don't think I forgot how you feel or where you're at.

Stay close. We love ya and I can't wait to hear from you again here

Again, welcome home
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Re: Nothing left- looking for advice

Postby Roberth » Wed Sep 13, 2017 8:51 am

Hello Jakel and welcome to E-AA. My name is Robert and I am a Los Angeles Area alcoholic. I have heard it’s always darkest before the dawn. I think I would make the 30 day sentence a new start. I would detox with their supervision and most likely they will have members of AA bring meeting in to the jail. I have many friends that have started their sobriety while in incarcerated and were able to continue their new way of living when they were released.
I can’t promise you will get all the things back that you have lost but I can tell you what they told me when I was new and that is you will never have to take another drink if you don’t want to and even if you want to you won’t have to if you are willing to do a few simple things. That has been true for me for the last 25 plus years.
I found something more in AA than not drinking. I found peace of mind.
Robert
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Re: Nothing left- looking for advice

Postby PaigeB » Wed Sep 13, 2017 10:16 am

Ir im gonna fn die and be homeless. So there is that.

Only an alcoholic like me would weight these options:
Spiritual life? or homeless and dead?
Hummmm :? :? :|
Spiritual life? or homeless and dead?
Spiritual life? or homeless and dead? ~ I just don't know which to choose! :lol:

You ARE NOT ALONE. Call out to whatever Powers there might be in this Universe! Then get to an AA meeting Fast!
AA near you: https://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/find-aa-resources
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Re: Nothing left- looking for advice

Postby Jakel » Sat Sep 16, 2017 7:06 am

I appreciate yall taking the time to give me kind words. The desire to get help to the point of actually doing it only happens when im so drunk and depressed i dont care. Then ill sober myself up 2 or 3 days. Feel better....and the idea of moderating it takes over. My kids are 5 and 11. And yes their mother knows im a drunk ass. Hell i blame it partly on her...but i know its not her fault. Im gonna pack up all my S*** in my apartment today. (Im getting evicted). I lost my job too long and got way behind on rent. Never ran outta booze though!!!haha. Monday i will go to work and see if i still have a job. I havent been in a week. I think my biggest thing about quitting drinking is what the hell am i going to do instead? Cause everything i enjoy doing ive always done while partying. I used to take vicodin eberyday for the hangovers and energy...and no i didnt have a script. They got so damn expensive i quit. Been about 5 months now. And thats when i really started feeling bad. Absolutely zero drive or energy. And its still that way. Part of me thinks if i kept taking the pills and quit drinking id at least have my good job and a place to live. I was making 27 bux an hour. Now i can barely make 15 ans keep a job. Life is a Expletive.
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Re: Nothing left- looking for advice

Postby Cristy99 » Sun Sep 17, 2017 8:06 am

Jakel:

I would suggest going to an AA meeting if you're not going to seek out a detox or a rehab that could take you given your financial status. Sitting in on an AA meeting with people who have been where you are now May really offer hope. If you continue on this path it will only get worse and you will end up institutionalized or dead. The cold hard facts of alcoholism. Meetings are free. Won't cost you a dime. Just an hour of your time.

As my signature says, "Talk doesn't cook rice." -Chinese proverb.
You must take an action to get better. Are you going to allow alcoholism to win? To take your life away? It's all up to you. There is hope and tons of people willing to help....but you do have to ask.
"Talk doesn't cook rice."
~ Chinese proverb
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Re: Nothing left- looking for advice

Postby Jakel » Sun Sep 17, 2017 10:29 am

I will find and go to a meeting. My will power sucks
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Re: Nothing left- looking for advice

Postby Jakel » Sun Sep 17, 2017 10:33 am

I do have a questiin about aa...lets say i get sober a while and then screw up and hammer drinks..or if i cant even stop long enough to get to a meeting without some beers....i dont imagine rhey want people in there smelling like booze...
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Re: Nothing left- looking for advice

Postby Brock » Sun Sep 17, 2017 11:01 am

Drinking before going may not be the recommended way, but I have known many who did, they will not judge you on that. The current chairman of our local inter group and a real good example of AA, often says in meetings that he drank for the first six months of attending meetings. Just don't go stumbling drunk and disrupt the proceedings, otherwise it will be fine, you have nothing to lose and a lot to gain, best of luck.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
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Re: Nothing left- looking for advice

Postby Spirit Flower » Sun Sep 17, 2017 4:07 pm

Jakel wrote:I do have a questiin about aa...lets say i get sober a while and then screw up and hammer drinks..or if i cant even stop long enough to get to a meeting without some beers....i dont imagine rhey want people in there smelling like booze...

Get over it. We are alcoholics. We know how hard it is to quit drinking and walk in the doors. I've seen new people in meetings who have been drinking. No one will say anything unless you are disruptive. In which case, a couple of guys will take you to another room and sit and talk for as long as you want.
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Re: Nothing left- looking for advice

Postby Roberth » Mon Sep 18, 2017 9:18 am

Jakel wrote:I do have a questiin about aa...lets say i get sober a while and then screw up and hammer drinks..or if i cant even stop long enough to get to a meeting without some beers....i dont imagine rhey want people in there smelling like booze...
Hi Jakel You won’t be the first to do that and you won’t be the last either

Our third tradition States “The only requirement for A.A. membership is a desire to stop drinking.” It doesn’t say anything about the ability to stop. That’s where we, the member of AA, can help.
Going to a detox is always good suggestion, but they aren’t always available. I have had guys on my couch with a bucket and a beer to get them through the night so they wouldn’t go in to DTs.
Robert
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