It has gotten worst

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It has gotten worst

Postby NewChapter » Tue Sep 05, 2017 7:51 pm

It has gotten worst... I now know I need help because I keep saying I will stop when I haven't. I haven't been a day without drinking since March 2017 and even though it isn't always until intoxication, I feel I will get there. The worst part is I can't even go to a councellor because I have two small children and I fear if I say anything they will take them away ( I have shared custody)... I am so stuck... I don't know what to do...
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Re: It has gotten worst

Postby positrac » Wed Sep 06, 2017 2:00 am

NewChapter wrote:It has gotten worst... I now know I need help because I keep saying I will stop when I haven't. I haven't been a day without drinking since March 2017 and even though it isn't always until intoxication, I feel I will get there. The worst part is I can't even go to a councellor because I have two small children and I fear if I say anything they will take them away ( I have shared custody)... I am so stuck... I don't know what to do...



I will come off holier than thou on this and so be it! What is important to you? You have kids and they are so blind they can't see you are a train wreck? They see and your sole job in this life is to care for them and to protect them from your insane ways under the influence of alcohol and any other addiction..... Right? People make mistakes and It is a mistake to live in denial and to act like no one can see you are in a bad way. But a mistake can be forgiven and eventually overlooked and a mishap stays with us for life!

Also you are a better parent than the ex? maybe, and maybe not and you and your ex brought life into this world and so do the right thing and get help and stop with all of the excuses. You are no good to your kids drunk, and or dead! Although you are hope for a better tomorrow in these lives that are innocent and thriving to survive and to learn.


If this post was just you then I'd say you'll figure it out eventually and nothing more. But you have put lives in the way of sound judgment and what goes around comes around in this life and maybe as you ponder and get pissed at this you'll also realize you have a duty to look out for yourself by honestly working on sobriety and also caring for your kids. May one day they never remember your past that you are in right now and only see the good you have for them.
You must live your life from beginning to end: No one else can do it for you.
Hopi Proverb
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Re: It has gotten worst

Postby clouds » Wed Sep 06, 2017 2:37 am

Hi Newchapter,

Welcome back! I see you joined a few years ago here. :)

My best advice is to do what I did when I was younger and had two small girls, age 10 months and 2 and a half years old. I was ready to quit alcohol for good and all, I saw it was destroying my life.
So call your nearest AA office and tell them you are ready to go to an AA meeting. They can have someone, another woman, phone you and make arrangements to get you to a few meetings. There you will meet other women who have been through what you are going through and they can talk with you, they'll explain AA and help you make arrangements to get to meetings. They will telephone and offer their numbers to you so you can have the help you need at any time. Many of those women will have sobered up with kids and they can offer really good advice, much help, and bewt of all they will understand.

Its the only solution I can offer, it will work if you give it an honest try.
By the way, its great you have finally come to the place where you know you need to get off the merrygoround of drink, drunk, hungover, repeat repeat. Congratulations on seeing yourself where you are at now and describing yourself here.

Let us know if you need more help or support in making that call.
Best
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Re: It has gotten worst

Postby clouds » Wed Sep 06, 2017 2:46 am

sorry, computer problems today, double posted. :|
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Re: It has gotten worst

Postby avaneesh912 » Wed Sep 06, 2017 3:54 am

See if someone close to you will take care of your children for few days and see if you can get yourself detoxed. Or atleast for couple of hours so you can get to an AA meeting and spend sometime with some sober alcoholics. It will help you see the power in others so you could work the 12 steps yourselves and reach that state of neutrality.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: It has gotten worst

Postby Cristy99 » Wed Sep 06, 2017 8:51 am

NEWCHAPTER:

Hello!! Thank you for your post.

Positrac posted about the cold, hard facts of our disease (not to include you in "our disease" because I don't know if you have the disease of alcoholism, only you can tell). It was a very good reality check for you. It is sometimes the proverbial "slap in the face" we need to wake us out of our drunken stupor. Please know that is was written out of love and experience. So many times we don't realize the damage we are doing to our children. The pain we sometimes cause when we are drunk goes totally unnoticed by us because we are truly not in our right minds when we are drinking....even after a little bit of alcohol. Not judging you here....I have no knowledge of how you treat others when you are drunk. I was horrible. Mean, hateful, nasty, verbally abusive to my precious daughter whom I love more than life itself. How I wish I could undo the damage I did!!! But I can't. It's done. Forever.

I want to offer you hope. Your life can turn around completely. There is LIFE after alcohol, and for me, life is very good!!!! Life still happens, but I am learning to deal without damaging others in the process.

The program of AA is VERY do-able!!!! It is not difficult to do. It is a little harder at first, but gets easier. If you are an alcoholic you can get better. You, my friend, and your children are so worth it!!! Not to mention your other relationships. Can you picture yourself being productive, thinking well, becoming a strong person??? The best part is that you never have to be alone in this. We are here and so are many many alcoholics in your area. We give to struggling people what was so freely given to us!!!

For the alcoholic, weaning off of alcohol will not work. It cannot work because of the nature of the disease...you will learn more about this later. You have had poisonous alcohol in your system for a very long time. It is very dangerous to stop cold turkey without being under the care of medical personnel. Some people die from this. Someone else suggested you to go to a facility to detox. Detox lasts a few days and the purpose is to let the poison work its way out of your system. Medical or detox facilities have medication you may need to safely detox. This is the first step. Do whatever it takes to make this happen, even if it means lying to your ex. If you don't have insurance, go to a county hospital and they will help find a place for you to detox. (assuming you are in the US). Please keep in mind that many medical personnel treat people who are needing to detox very poorly. They are jerks that don't take time to learn about this disease before they judge. If you are treated poorly, let it roll off your back. They do it out of ignorance. You are sick, and if you are alcoholic, the disease is not your fault.

Some believe that the only way to stay sober is a rehab facility for an extended stay. This is true for some, but not me. I did not go to alcohol and drug rehab. I went straight to AA. I finally felt at home in that room and the greatest comfort that I was not crazy or alone. I listened, took notes, talked to people when I got a little courage, and asked for phone numbers of members of the same sex. I got a sponsor, put the energy I had formerly put into drinking into working the program of AA. Today I am happy. I don't fear getting caught anymore and losing my freedom, or my daughter. Life is good....better even than before I became an alcoholic. And it has been much easier than I thought, and best of all....I could afford it because it is free.

Please get help before it gets worse. If you are an alcoholic, it only gets worse!!! You can take that to the bank.

NewChapter, you can do this....and you are SO worth it!!!
PLEASE KEEP IN TOUCH!! WE CARE ABOUT YOU!!!
"Talk doesn't cook rice."
~ Chinese proverb
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Re: It has gotten worst

Postby PaigeB » Wed Sep 06, 2017 9:39 am

Get to an AA meeting. I did not go to treatment. They teach you to "Cope". AA teaches you to Live.

Find your local AA by following the links starting here with your state search until you find your neighborhood or find a local pphone number to call... then Move your feet. Go to a women's meeting & take the kids. Ask for help. You will receive it ANONYMOUSLY.

https://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/find-aa-resources
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
The e-AA Group's 7th Tradition link: www.e-aa.org/group_seventh.php
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Re: It has gotten worst

Postby Noels » Wed Sep 06, 2017 9:40 am

Hi NewChapter glad you are asking for help. You have received excellent responses ffrom members above so I'll keep my input short.
For some unknown reason in your instance I feel that it would be best for you to attend a rehab facility for the simple reason that you will be 1. Under medical supervision for as the members said - some withdrawal can be deadly. 2. You will be 'removed ' from 'normal active society ' for an extended period thereby removing the ability to get too achohol which is easily available in all supermarkets so you won't be tempted, 3. You will be removed from ordinary daily stress which will make giving up booze easier and 4. Most good rehab facilities 'teach ' you how to institute a new routine and have meetings from 8-5 each day teaching you about alcohol/ other addiction as well as yourself. Then a further meeting usually from 7- 8 or 9 - AA or NA meeting each day which is compulsory to attend. The 'norm ' would be to remain in rehab for 21 days but there are other rehabs who do 3 month programs. Try to find a rehab listed as NPO- non profit organisation since their charges are minimal - basically only enough to cover expenses - and in some instances (rare but still available here and there ) if you can't pay they still take you in. Nobody is shown away.
With regard to your children - my son never said a bad word to me whilst I was drinking. Always tried to understand as young as he was that mom can't help it - that it was circumstances and pressure causing the 'problem ' which we now all know is somehow correct but not completely but when I had my first Christmas at home sober for just over a month and he was crying in my arms - so grateful that I'm sober and becoming the mother and person he knew me to be before alcohol took over my life and personality - I knew in my heart that I have caused him more pain and damage than I ever could imagine by my drinking.
So although we say - and it's true - that you need to do this for yourself - think of your children's faces whenever you have doubts and want to give in to the craving for booze. They can not stop you from drinking but they can definitely give you the courage to refrain from picking up that first 'fatal drink ' as one of the members here like to say.
At the end of the day, being slightly over 21 months sober I will tell you that it's worth it. Not only for myself but also to see/hear/feel the pride, joy and pure gratitude and love in my son's face / voice and hugs. I am once again a mother and a friend he can trust and be proud of.
All the best to you.
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Re: It has gotten worst

Postby Brock » Wed Sep 06, 2017 10:32 am

Some good advise has been given, as Paige said it's called anonymous for a reason, so your fear of people finding out should not be an issue.

The only “troubling” part of our advise which I find happens quite often, is there are many opinions on how to initially get sober, stay home, go to rehab, go to hospital. You have expressed your concern about others finding out with valid reasons, so perhaps we can take any extended stay rehab off the table, it's probably not practical in the circumstances.

I have sobered up very many times, trying to show my wife and myself that I could stay sober, usually lasting a couple of weeks each time. Being a rum for breakfast type of alcoholic, and having no rehab where I live, I did this at home, but always after seeing the doctor. I was given Valium each time, and this kept the jitters away and helped me sleep, it's no fun doing this it's hard, but the bad feelings subside after 3 to 4 days, and we are pretty much back to normal.

Depending on the shared custody arrangement, perhaps you can do this when you don't have the children, if the shared custody is such that you don't have them for a fairly long time, you may of course consider the rehab suggestion, but usually this shared custody is for short periods. While you have them, if they are of school age, you may find daylight meetings in your area to attend while they are at school. If your desire is strong enough, (and it seems to be), you will find a way, keeping in touch with us here will help as well.

This is a program which will remove the urge to drink and open a new way of living, you will not be stuck to constant meetings for life, it's something we try to concentrate on at the beginning, to get you through the steps. In the past you said the idea of religion was off putting, we spoke about that, as we said then you will be picking a higher power of your own choosing, you have nothing to loose and a great way of living to gain, best of luck.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
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Re: It has gotten worst

Postby Noels » Wed Sep 06, 2017 11:02 am

Rehabs are also anonymous. No press is allowed inside and you can choose to receive visitors - which you are not allowed to have in the first week or two in any case and first 3 weeks if a 3 month stay. Cellphones not allowed for first week or two or entire stay if 3 month treatment. You can find out more about this from the rehab you choose. Discussion in meetings and with councillors are confidential as per AA /NA protocol.
You need to decide for yourself on this one purely thinking of yourself. Alcohol addiction is deadly and progressive and if the right assistance is not received WILL get worse. You probably will end up losing whatever you are trying to hold onto or protect.
Take your life back. For yourself, your children and those who truly love you. You are worth it.
Love and light Noels
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Re: It has gotten worst

Postby NewChapter » Mon Sep 11, 2017 7:21 pm

That post probably sounded a lot worst than how I really am. I have my children half the time. I am a lot worst on the weeks/weekends that I don't have them. I have a good job and feed, clothes, bathe them and nurture them. When they go to bed that is when I have a few drinks, basically every night. When I don't have them I am pretty bad but still manage to get to work as I don't have a choice but am miserable... drinking makes me forget my feelings and puts me to sleep so my brain shuts off... anyways thank you for all the advice I truly appreciate it.
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Re: It has gotten worst

Postby Patsy© » Tue Sep 12, 2017 3:21 am

Hi Newchapter and Welcome!

It sounds as if you have the time to get to as many AA meetings as you can, especially since you have your children half the time. Just look up Alcoholics Anonymous in your area and then attend the AA meetings. When you get to the AA meeting, ask a woman there for help. Let them know what you have posted here, they will welcome you with open arms.

The truth is that this disease is progressive, its an obsession of the mind, coupled with a physical compulsion and a spiritual loss of values... and it only gets worse NEVER BETTER. We as mothers often think of exactly what you have put here. What if I lose my children? The truth is this, that if you DON'T do something about getting sober, the time will come when you will not be able to mother your children. Alcohol takes and takes and takes.....and it will take your children, your job and anything else that you put alcohol in front of. The other truth is this, that out there today, you can get the help you need to get sober, work this simple program, become who you are meant to be... and be the mother to those children that I know you want to be.

Don't beat yourself up, this is a disease! I learned from those wonderful AA women that I was not alone anymore, and that what I was feeling was what most newcomers feel...... alone, lonely, scared, confused, lost, sad, anxious, irritable and discontent. And the good news is that there is Solution for this disease, one step at a time. Just Don't Think, get dressed, put one foot in front of the other and get to the nearest AA meeting. You will be surprised how many women and Moms you will meet at the AA meeting who feel exactly as you do....and yet, they have a life second to none today.

When I walked through those doors of AA, it was suggested that I let someone there know that I was new, and then to sit up front and listen, Identify and do not compare. Talk to the women at the AA meeting, get a Big Book, a phone list and a meeting book list. Take the literature that is out on the table, read it and then...don't drink and keep coming.


Do what Paige suggested and you will be on your way :)

Quote Paige:
Get to an AA meeting. I did not go to treatment. They teach you to "Cope". AA teaches you to Live.

Find your local AA by following the links starting here with your state search until you find your neighborhood or find a local pphone number to call... then Move your feet. Go to a women's meeting & take the kids. Ask for help. You will receive it ANONYMOUSLY.

https://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/find-aa-resources
Failed 12 Step Call? Not if we walk away sober!
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Re: It has gotten worst

Postby avaneesh912 » Tue Sep 12, 2017 3:43 am

When I don't have them I am pretty bad but still manage to get to work as I don't have a choice but am miserable... drinking makes me forget my feelings and puts me to sleep so my brain shuts off


Exactly. I was in the same state about 11 years ago. But suddenly realized that this will have to change. That was the first step. That led me to a group therapy and then a shrink and eventually was led to AA for a spiritual solution. Later on I realized that is I completed step one. Then I had to see the people and the stories in the book and be convinced that I also need this process. Go to a meeting, grab a book and dig deep. It is mostly by identification with others you could draw strength. Wishing you good luck.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: It has gotten worst

Postby Roberth » Tue Sep 12, 2017 11:34 am

No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker.
Pg. 30 of the book Alcoholics Anonymous

Hello Newchapter and welcome to E-AA. My name is Robert and I am a Los Angeles area. If I could control and enjoy my drinking at the same time I don’t think I would be here. I was always trying to keep the buzz that a couple of drinks would cause, you know warm and fuzzy feeling, but I kept over shooting the mark. By a lot…….
I will told you what they told me when I got to AA and that is, you will never have to take another drink if you don’t want to and even if you what to you won’t have to if you are willing to do a few simple thing. Drink, don’t drink that is up to you. If you want to stop we are here to help whenever that might be.
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