want to go deeper

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Re: want to go deeper

Postby Cristy99 » Wed Sep 27, 2017 3:45 pm

Hellooooooo Ms. Lansbury!!!

Always so good to hear from you. You're doing fantastic my friend! I'm so proud of you!!! Being an alcoholic is not your fault. I really think if you knew what was going to happen...truly believed it, you would never have taken the first drink. Is it your fault when you catch a cold??? No ma'am. Also, you mentioned your relationship with God. My experience was like you describe. "God??? Are you really there???" I would have to write a book to tell you how my relationship with God has grown since those days.

You are doing everything you possibly can to get better. You are taking your medicine. Atta girl!!! JohnDaniels' post was perfect in describing the gradual change that happens with us. I've never heard of anyone else having the lightning bolt spiritual experience similar to Bill W's. Not that it has never happened, just haven't heard of it.

I am so sorry you are having marital problems. That is heartbreaking. From what you said, it sounds like your husband is very angry and resentful. I wish so much that everything would turn happy and lovely in life when alcoholics get help and start taking actions to help themselves. Unfortunately, that is not the case. I don't pretend to know what your husband's issues are. Sometimes the family of the alcoholic can be as sick, or even more sick than the alcoholic. I have a close friend in the program who is almost 70. He keeps relapsing. He texted me recently and said his wife locks him in his room. He is only allowed to go to work, but cannot take his own car, she takes him. She has taken his debit and credit cards and will not allow him to go to AA meetings. "house arrest" he called it. Who is sicker? Her thinking this will fix him, or him allowing her to have this kind of control????

Hang in there sweetheart!! Yes, you are loved!! It sounds like you may have been introduced to some Al-Anon ideas..."love and detach." Good job!! That is very healthy!!! That's a very hard thing to do....for me it is anyway. Take comfort in the fact that you don't have to make any big decisions right now. I am reading a book that is fabulous right now. It is so very informative!!! It's called Codependent No More. It is easy for me to read and is teaching me so much about the sick codependent relationship.

You will definitely be in my prayers, and private message me any time!!
"Talk doesn't cook rice."
~ Chinese proverb
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Re: want to go deeper

Postby PaigeB » Thu Sep 28, 2017 10:19 am

Lansbury wrote:Hi everyone

I'm wondering if I'm supposed to feel different or transformed after saying the prayer?

But I didn't get a bolt of lightning or anything. Just a sense of calm and relief and willingness to do the dirty work that comes next. Is that right?

With thanks


I am sitting on the floor by my bed doing my prayer as my sponsor suggested. I feel a bit daft and a bit like a fraud, as I can't say that I have a strong belief, just that I am willing to say that there's plenty I don't see and don't understand, and God might be one of those things, so I may as well act as if there's a higher power rather than allowing myself to be certain that there isn't. It does make me feel calmer.

Yes it is WORK. For me it was anyway - still is. Not just morning and night but all through the day! "God help me."

If it makes you feel calmer (it did me too) then that is better than it used to be. Practice. Progress not Perfection.

Be at Peace. =smile
Step 6 is "AA's way of stating, the best possible attitude one can take in order to make a beginning on this lifetime job... with most of them we shall have to be content with patient improvement." 12&12 Step Six, p.65
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Re: want to go deeper

Postby Patsy© » Fri Sep 29, 2017 3:39 am

I'm wondering if I'm supposed to feel different or transformed after saying the prayer? Because I don't, not really. I feel relieved - that I have committed to taking the action in the next steps and trusting that process will be good for me and the people around me, and trusting that while I don't know and can't control the outcome, that I am in the safe and caring and attentive hands of a higher power.

But I didn't get a bolt of lightning or anything. Just a sense of calm and relief and willingness to do the dirty work that comes next. Is that right?

With thanks


We came, We came too, We came to believe. Time takes time Lansbury, and the truth is that those around you will see the difference in you WAY quicker than you will. I think that John Daniels post about going back to your first post, and reading them all.... just may surprise you. I see the change in you and its huge :)

Lansbury, the 4th step is not dirty work, its a wonderful process of helping us to discover the person that we brought into AA, to find the Truth.... so that we may change that person, one step at a time, one day at a time.

You are doing amazing work, the inside work... and I have to share with you that I think your Sponsor is a God Send in your life.... God puts the right people right into our life when we need them and He obviously has done that for you :D
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Re: want to go deeper

Postby avaneesh912 » Fri Sep 29, 2017 3:51 am

Almost everything my husband says to be right now is about casting blame my way for some piece of unhappiness or inconvenience he's feeling. This is who he is - everything is someone else's fault. Today he's angry because I gently suggested an alternative to a plan he'd made that wasn't working (it was a plan that involved me and the kids, otherwise I'd have left him to it.) He says that is nasty.

These will all come out as part of the 4th step. And if you have an able sponsor, they can point out the selfishness and self-centeredness around this issue. Read the part just after Resentment the number one offender of the alcoholic and little bit after. There is a prayer to deal with others.

This was our course: We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick. Though we did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too. We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person offended we said to ourselves, "This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done."

We avoid retaliation or argument.

if we feed bad energy into already negative situation, its not going to help us.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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