Starting again after relapse

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Starting again after relapse

Postby racheleanor » Sat Aug 05, 2017 2:23 am

I've been coming to AA for 8 years and find myself 10 days sober again, struggling not to give into my cravings to drink again. I've come to realise I don't think I've ever truly accepted that I'm an alcoholic. The last time I drank I thought I could control it but like every time before I could not. I feel like I'm on the edge of either drinking or accepting my path into recovery. I have seen so many people over the years get sober through the 12 steps but for myself I just haven't got it, not through lack of desire but I just don't know how. I am desperate to stay sober but not just white knuckling through each day, but rather actually live an enjoyable sober life.
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Re: Starting again after relapse

Postby Brock » Sat Aug 05, 2017 7:49 am

Welcome to e-AA Racheleanor.

It took me a few times coming in to AA and going out thinking I could control it as well, each 'failure' got me closer to the truth that I could not, and finally acceptance of the program. And as you mentioned this was my problem - “I've come to realise I don't think I've ever truly accepted that I'm an alcoholic.” Once I accepted that even in part, and did what the book asked, my acceptance grew to the point I don't really think about it anymore, I accept many things in life, including being an alcoholic.

It is difficult to say why you haven't found the peace and serenity many of us have found, but a good guess might be that if we lack acceptance, we might not do the steps with a truly open mind. It's all about a spiritual experience as a result of those steps, and if we give this a sincere try, even by half way through many find that the white knuckling has eased, in discussing step 5 in the book it says - “The feeling that the drink problem has disappeared will often come strongly.”

Not everyone likes him, some say he is rough and controversial, but Chris R has an experience similar to yours, on you tube you can type AA and his name and give a listen to his talks. After being in and out for years like yourself, in just two weeks with proper direction he speaks of finding the answer. Please keep the faith this program will work for you, and if you like keep in touch here, your progress even if you are struggling can help others, and you will find support, all the best to you.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
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Re: Starting again after relapse

Postby racheleanor » Sat Aug 05, 2017 8:40 am

Thank you so much for your reply. I will have a listen to the guy you mentioned on you tube.
I've had many sponsors over the years and started on the steps but have always relapsed. I went into rehab for 6 months 5 years ago and managed to stay sober for nearly 2 years but as soon as i stopped going to meetings and speaking to my sponsor I relapsed. I know AA is the answer and I am willing to put all my effort into it and try and be open minded, not thinking about my past failures but start fresh.
This site seems really helpful so I'll continue to look on here too
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Re: Starting again after relapse

Postby avaneesh912 » Sat Aug 05, 2017 8:43 am

The first step in recovery as the book states is the deep down realization we are indeed alcoholic and that we cannot stay away from the first drink unless we get transformed. Then we launch on a course of rigorous action of cleaning up.

Selfishness and self-centeredness is the root of all our problems.

Get hold of a person who can help you see this. And then we carry this part of cleaning up rest of our life. The power we tap into keeps the desire away for ever. Not this one day at a time deal. We live life one day at a time then.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: Starting again after relapse

Postby Blue Moon » Sat Aug 05, 2017 10:27 am

racheleanor wrote:I've been coming to AA for 8 years and find myself 10 days sober again, struggling not to give into my cravings to drink again. I've come to realise I don't think I've ever truly accepted that I'm an alcoholic. The last time I drank I thought I could control it but like every time before I could not. I feel like I'm on the edge of either drinking or accepting my path into recovery. I have seen so many people over the years get sober through the 12 steps but for myself I just haven't got it, not through lack of desire but I just don't know how. I am desperate to stay sober but not just white knuckling through each day, but rather actually live an enjoyable sober life.

Hi, did you never truly accept that you're alcoholic, or never truly accept the recovery process? Alcoholics drink when there's nothing else which seems to work in combating the care, boredom and worry of life. Accepting our alcoholism doesn't fix anything, we're still left with the problem. I accepted my alcoholism years before accepting and embarking on recovery. So the usual interpretation of that famous story about "acceptance is the key" is only half right - until I accepted both the problem and the solution, I was still fighting something. Mostly it was about doubting that the solution could possibly work in my case.
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Re: Starting again after relapse

Postby johnd » Tue Aug 08, 2017 5:03 am

Hi racheleoner,
The hardest thing for an alcoholic is acceptance that there is a problem... From my experience I have gone through to stay sober no matter what attitude in the beginning.. I needed to change .. I got into the steps and got familiar with how they can be incorporated into my life.. Today I no longer crave or desire to drink due to the process of the steps and learning how to live life on life's terms.. Time is what we all had to put into getting sober and staying sober...... I heard early the experience of others and did what they did.. Went to meetings, joined a very active group , got a sponsor and dove in .. Whether your 1st time or 101st time you still have to put in the time to get sober once and for all
Good Luck
John D.
Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans- Anonymous
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Re: Starting again after relapse

Postby positrac » Tue Aug 08, 2017 6:36 am

racheleanor wrote:I've been coming to AA for 8 years and find myself 10 days sober again, struggling not to give into my cravings to drink again. I've come to realise I don't think I've ever truly accepted that I'm an alcoholic. The last time I drank I thought I could control it but like every time before I could not. I feel like I'm on the edge of either drinking or accepting my path into recovery. I have seen so many people over the years get sober through the 12 steps but for myself I just haven't got it, not through lack of desire but I just don't know how. I am desperate to stay sober but not just white knuckling through each day, but rather actually live an enjoyable sober life.



So what you can't drink! World is not going to stop and throw you off because you can't drink like those other people. get to meetings and get into the steps and change will happen if you can refocus on what will really matters.

I was told a long time ago that misery is optional and I am the key to my own success.
You must live your life from beginning to end: No one else can do it for you.
Hopi Proverb
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Re: Starting again after relapse

Postby D'oh » Tue Aug 08, 2017 9:38 am

Welcome to e-AA Racheleanor

Hey Racheleanor, You survived the Lesson, welcome back. Many never make it back. You have a Whole New outlook if nothing else.

Now, keep the lesson close to you, share it with others, treat everyday as a Gift, not a Right. I have learnt a Great Deal from my Slip (Crash and Burn again). Life's Gift is mine to use, Anyway I believe my HP will would have me use it. It is not mine to keep, just to use Daily if I ask for it.
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