Just to say hello .

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Just to say hello .

Postby Nick soton » Sat May 27, 2017 2:50 pm

Hi , I'm Nick and I'm a Alcolholic , I am 37 living in Southampton in the UK and I first went to AA on the 9th of March 2017 , i have been sober for 31 days which is the longest time I have gone without a drink for 20 odd years . I was completely obsessed with drink and where my next drink was coming from .
Though the years I have managed to hold down a relationship ( just ) , a career ( I am on my second one ) and my driving licence ( just , again , never been caught drink driving unbelievably) , never been arrested ( although a few times some nice Police Officers have picked me up from the streets ) , suicide attempts , ending up in strange places , wet beds , upsetting everyone , lost days and hours , lying , cheating , stealing , making a drink/s the first thing I did in the morning , sneaking around , the madness in my head , obsessive behaviour , blackouts , money pissed up a wall , debt , splat face on more than one occasion , the fear and shame the next day , the silences the next day , hiding bottles ( empty and Full ) being comatose whilst babysitting, the list is endless and what did I do each time , picked up another drink after drink after drink .
Since coming into the rooms , I have realised that I have never been without a drink , ever .
I have a sponsor , go to as many meetings as I can and met so many wonderful people and have taken phone numbers and the big book has been read .
I have to do this for my sake other wise I will be back at rock bottom as I was when I was 22 and that is not a place where I would like to go back to , my Liver is not very good at the moment but after all of this I still have that little voice in my head that is still trying to convince me that " just the one won't hurt " . I walk down the street and to the left is people dining al fresco with their Pasta and Wine and to the right I have young cool dudes with their shorts and shades on with their Stella's and San Miguels and I just have to keep walking on and on . A bit resentful I have to be honest but I cannot have another drink as I do not know where that drink will take me .
I am new to AA ( everybody says I am doing well )and these boards so I would like to hear from others with their shares .
Thank you , a bit rambling I know but I have to get this stuff out ( finally ) .
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Re: Just to say hello .

Postby Brock » Sat May 27, 2017 5:06 pm

Welcome here Nick, very nice post I enjoyed reading it. After I did I sat and thought about your City of Southampton, I am from the West Indies but my heritage is British and French. In the late 60's I attended the College of Technology and lived at the Y in Southampton, haven't thought about those good old days for a while, your post reminded me of them.

To my mind it seems you are certainly going in the right direction, it's amazing why it takes us alcoholics so much punishment before we finally surrender. Just a couple of points you made which affected me and many I have heard speak, in much the same way as they are affecting you. The little voice 'just one won't hurt,' I knew that well, it was my downfall many times. But I have found just as our literature promises, by half way through the steps that little voice finally shut up, and he has never opened his mouth again in a good number of years.

The other thing was the cool dudes, it's true I was a little older when I finally accepted AA, but still I thought my social life was going to be crap not drinking, I couldn't even play a sport unless booze was involved. But I have come to see that those I looked at with the beer in hand, are a very small portion of the population in any country, and once the 'little voice' was no longer active, I came to see them as not particularly cool after all. The steps and program can instill a sort of calm serenity that beats drinking hands down, and when I really looked there were very many folks who didn't drink at all, and others who might have one or two, and they weren’t 'nerds' they were pretty cool as well. It's true that some of our socializing like going to pubs and such are no longer that much fun, but there are many other things I have found, that I didn't think of while drinking, which I now enjoy.

I wish you the best working on those steps, it's nowhere as hard as it first looks when we read them, and that's when the magic of this program kicks in.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
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Re: Just to say hello .

Postby Nick soton » Sun May 28, 2017 12:58 pm

Thanks Brock for those kind words , I have had many from other members of the fellowship .
The first few days were hell to be honest , nausea, head all over the place , sweats , shakes and insides like a washing machine but I got though them with help from others , guys who gave up their time to meet for coffee and general chats . I will always be grateful to them . 32 days sober .
Today I have been to Two meetings and have now found my home group , I start service as " tea boy " next week which I am looking forward to .
I was asked in the week if that any part of me has surrendered, I do not know to be honest . Does anybody know what it feels like to surrender?
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Re: Just to say hello .

Postby PaigeB » Mon May 29, 2017 11:39 am

Surrender was best explained to me like this...

We quit trying to coach the losing game and came over to the winning side!

It takes practice - it doesn't happen all at once. It usually feels like a decision has been made and I am ready to get to work on that decision.
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
The e-AA Group's 7th Tradition link: www.e-aa.org/group_seventh.php
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Re: Just to say hello .

Postby Noels » Mon May 29, 2017 12:28 pm

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Re: Just to say hello .

Postby Noels » Mon May 29, 2017 2:55 pm

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Re: Just to say hello .

Postby ezdzit247 » Mon May 29, 2017 3:18 pm

Hi Nick and welcome to the e-aa forums.

Congratulations on 32 days of sobriety!!!

I was asked in the week if that any part of me has surrendered, I do not know to be honest . Does anybody know what it feels like to surrender?


Yes. It happened when I finally admitted to my innermost self way down deep inside that I was indeed an alcoholic and could not manage my own life. It felt good.

Keep coming back.....
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Re: Just to say hello .

Postby tyg » Tue May 30, 2017 2:12 am

Hi Nick, glad you are with us and hope to read more of you often around the Forum.

When finally realizing nothing I do was ever going to solve my drinking problem and change my situation, I became determined to accept help and thoroughly do many things differently and not give up on them. Surrendering is about the actions I take, not what or how I am feeling.

In the beginning, I surrendered by setting aside everything i think I know, about myself, this disease, the 12 Steps, God, the Fellowship long enough to see if I could have new experiences and change with AA's program. With conscious actions and Honesty. Having a sponsor, applying their suggestions, meet regularly with them and, work ALL 12 steps so I could learn how to use them in every life situation. Becoming a part of the Fellowship through service and reaching out to others was equally important.

Absolute hopelessness and desperation was a Gift. In the beginning I was forced to surrender but today I want to continue surrendering because it is exciting and adventurous working on spirituality and growing in new ways while discovering the multi dimensions of this Life and myself.
~The secret to the AA program is the first three words on page 112~
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Re: Just to say hello .

Postby avaneesh912 » Tue May 30, 2017 4:53 am

Does anybody know what it feels like to surrender?


Got a good answer from Eckharts Power of Now. The publisher asks:

How will I know when I have surrendered?

When you no longer need to ask the question.

**-----***
Its like a soldier putting down the arms in those days in the battle field. He doesn't ask any questions, but just does what was asked of him. It is almost like a battle initially, but once we start working the 12 steps and have a spiritual awakening, we look at life with e different perspective. We look at the positive. I was at a beach resort and i rented a scooter for my daughter who lost her balance and we both got tripped. Both have a burn on our right leg. Absolutely no pain. We just got up and I thought man, we didnt hit the car that in a driveway, we fell next to hit. We didn't get hit by on coming traffic.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: Just to say hello .

Postby Roberth » Tue May 30, 2017 11:38 am

Hello Nick and welcome to E-AA. My name is Robert and I am a Los Angeles area alcoholic. Congratz on 31 day that is a big deal for an alcoholic. I will tell what they told me when I was new " you will never have to take a drink if you don't want to and even if you want to you wont have to if you are willing to do a few simple things." That has been true for me for over 25 years.
Robert
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in pretty, well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming WOW What a ride!!!!
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Re: Just to say hello .

Postby kdub720 » Wed May 31, 2017 2:57 pm

Hello, Welcome and thank you for sharing. Congrats on a month or more. That was the hardest for me. I had a hard time surrendering my weakness of my person to addiction. I love this site because you can read so many peoples stories and perspective. Everyone is so insightful and willing to help. Thanks for joining us. Stay tough. and Surrender. The Sober life is the good life.
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Re: Just to say hello .

Postby Nick soton » Sun Jun 04, 2017 3:11 pm

40 days sober tomorrow and things are ok , I have started a new job which is good as it keeps me busy and I am very much loving it at the moment. I take one day at the time although sometimes I struggle as I have a tendency to worry about what might happen , I used the bottle to get though each day so whatever happened I really did not care , now the bottle is gone after 20 odd years I am now finding out how life is without the bottle , it is hard to be honest as my head is telling me " it's only a beer , what harm will one do " . The reality is that it will not be just one beer , it will be one after the other and when I am bloated by all the beer I will go home and start on Spirits , then no idea . I have an idea .
A guy who I met in an Alcohol group ( not AA ) who has his own struggles with alcohol was telling me how much he admired me how I was staying sober when I gave him a lift home . I , to my shame just thought how much I just wanted to grab a bottle with him and join him . I don't know if I am more annoyed with myself with thinking about it or not acting on it .
The question is , do I tell this guy about the thoughts I have been having and confess or just leave it be . I do feel quite drawn to him for some reason . I think because we are similar although he is younger .
Positive news however , I started service today in my home group as tea boy . It was nice to get involved, having responsibilities like buying all the stuff and looking after others in the fellowship , keeping them refreshed and all that .
This week more meetings , meeting up with my sponsor and keeping busy plus getting my head on the pillow each night sober .
Thank you to everyone , I can not do this without all the support I get and advice , I appreciate everyone who has given my the time and experiences .
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Re: Just to say hello .

Postby Spirit Flower » Sun Jun 04, 2017 5:15 pm

do I tell this guy about the thoughts I have been having
no
...a score card reading zero...
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Re: Just to say hello .

Postby avaneesh912 » Sun Jun 04, 2017 5:50 pm

it is hard to be honest as my head is telling me " it's only a beer , what harm will one do " .


Thats the peculiar mental twist. If we dont shut the voice down, we succumb to it. Thats what may old-timers also dont take care off. Then they blame the program.

Sanity gets restored once we start working the reminder of 12 steps and stay plugged.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: Just to say hello .

Postby Blue Moon » Sun Jun 04, 2017 7:48 pm

Hi, I sobered up in Poole, Dorset. Went to college in So'ton back in my drinking days, I was quite familiar with the St Mary's area.
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