Finally ready

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Finally ready

Postby Helpwanted » Fri May 19, 2017 10:43 pm

The past two years have been hell since I seperated and finally divorced my very narcissistic husband of nearly 20 years. We were married as teenagers and I stayed at home because I was not "allowed" to work. I always enjoyed drinking and my dad is a recovering alcoholic as well as my moms brother and it has always been very *hush hush* which made me see alcohol as very very bad. So while I drank during my marriage it was mostly in moderation but the past two years it has escalated and I'm on my 3rd beer after not sleeping for 24 hours and the anxiety that I can't seem to beat because I came home determined to quit and then convinced myself I will have a heart attack or DT's soon. I just got a wonderful new job but my BP is high and I cannot seem to sleep without a drink or 10 every night and on my days off it's all day everyday. My ex is poisoning my kids against me and I've been to many different counselors with no luck. I don't trust anyone anymore (my ex cheated 3 times), my family is hours away and I have maybe two friends, one of who is an alcoholic herself I believe.

I was seeing a nurse practioner but I never felt 100% comfortable and won't go back. I used to work at our hospitals main psych/behavioral health floor and won't go anywhere associated with them and I don't know what to do. I'm not sure my anxiety isn't related to "that upcoming time of the month" but I'm so afraid with my high blood pressure at such a young age (mid-thirties) that a few beer until I see a doctor seems better than no sleep and constant fear.

Please I just need support, I hate this and want to be done!!!!
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Re: Finally ready

Postby PaigeB » Sat May 20, 2017 1:18 am

Welcome Helpwanted. You don't have to be sober to walk into an AA meeting and they will be able to tell you what worked for them. There are also hotlines you can call and talk to another alcoholic ~ We are always happy to share our experience!

Here is the main website for AA General Service Office for USA/Canada. http://www.aa.org/

You can read the Big Book, Alcoholics Anonymous or the 12 Steps & 12 Traditions. Be sure & read the Dr.'s Opinion! (scroll to the bottom)
You can also find a face to face meeting anywhere in the world and most of the listings have the local websites and phone numbers!
click on AA Near You > Your State (Mine is Iowa) > Choose the town closest to you and get Connected.

We are here to help one another. Reach out ~ eager hands are ready to share what is was like for them, what happened and what it is like for them now. We have a Real Solution if you want to quit drinking.
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
The e-AA Group's 7th Tradition link: www.e-aa.org/group_seventh.php
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Re: Finally ready

Postby Duke » Sat May 20, 2017 5:08 am

Welcome Helpwanted. Boy, can I ever identify with what you described so well about your drinking. I didn't want to, knew I shouldn't, but really couldn't see any way I could sleep, much less deal with all the cr@p in my life without a drink.

The good news for me is that I gave up the struggle of trying to figure it all out on my own and went to an AA meeting. For me, the rest is history. I've haven't had to drink since then.

I know you can find that too. You just have to give up fighting and ask the people who've been there for help. I hope you do.
"If you are humble nothing will touch you, neither praise nor disgrace, because you know what you are.", Mother Teresa
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Re: Finally ready

Postby Brock » Sat May 20, 2017 5:58 am

Welcome here. I agree with all that has been said, and hope you manage to find a meeting, nothing to fear just some friendly people, and you don't need to commit to anything, come and go as you please.

We tend to dodge giving medical advise, but I usually walk close to the advise line, although what I might say has been said in these forums before. I think your idea of a few beers until you get to see a doctor is fine, when you explain that trying to stop led to these 'heart attack' type feelings, and extreme anxiety, something that I know very well, I expect the doctor will give you a course of tranquilizers to get you through the withdrawal. The sleep problem is something that is bought up here by newcomers often, and some report it lasts a good while, even after the withdrawal has passed. There are many over the counter sleep aids which are quite effective, including melatonin which is all natural, some people feel sleepy the day after using these things, maybe experiment on your day off.

When you do make it to a meeting, please keep in mind that the recovery lies in the 12 steps you usually see on a scroll on the wall, these point to a way of life without so much of the fear and anxiety we see in many people today, a real cool life. Take care of this alcohol problem first, and the other things with kids and ex husband will fall into place, one thing at a time. And ask any further questions here, we take joy in answering and it helps us as well. I will put up links I have to some AA information, including the Big Book chapters Paige recommended, the links make them easy to find, you can't go wrong with this program, best of luck.

Is A.A. For You – 12 Questions.
http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/is-aa-for ... can-answer

A Brief Guide To AA.
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-42_abriefguidetoaa.pdf

Three Chapters From The Big Book-

1.The Doctors Opinion.
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbo ... pinion.pdf

2.There Is A Solution.
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbook_chapt2.pdf

3.More About Alcoholism.
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbook_chapt3.pdf

A.A. Meeting Finder.
A.A. Near You.
http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/find-aa-resources
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
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Re: Finally ready

Postby ezdzit247 » Sat May 20, 2017 1:11 pm

Hi Helpwanted and welcome!

Glad you decided to reach out for help with your drinking problem and very glad to hear you plan to see your doctor about your sleeping problem and high blood pressure.

I also struggled with trying to quit drinking. I couldn't stay "quit". I finally discovered AA's 24 hour plan and that plan worked real well for me. There's a description of how the plan works in an AA pamphlet # 1 entitled: "This is A.A.... an introduction to the A.A. recovery program". You can read it online by clicking on this link:

http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-1_thisisaa1.pdf.

Here's an excerpt from the pamphlet on AA's 24-hour plan also known as the One Day At A Time plan or ODAAT.

"....For example, we take no pledges, we don’t say that we will “never” drink again. Instead, we try to follow what we in A.A. call the “24-hour plan.” We concentrate on keeping sober just the current twenty-four hours. We simply try to get through one day at a time without a drink. If we feel the urge for a drink, we neither yield nor resist. We merely put off taking that particular drink until tomorrow…."


In addition to doing AA's 24 hour plan, I also finally followed the advice of AA old timers who suggested attending at least one AA meeting a day in the first 90 days of recovery. It's called the "90 in 90" plan. That worked real well for me too. One day at a time, one meeting at a time, I felt better physically, stronger emotionally, much clearer mentally, and was finally able to begin to grasp how the AA program works and the things I needed to do to make it work for me.

Looking forward to hearing more from you. Keep coming back..... =smile
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Re: Finally ready

Postby Roberth » Tue May 23, 2017 11:35 am

hello helpwanted. My name is Robert and I am a los Angeles area alcoholic. thank you for reminded me what it's like to be new to AA. If you were anything like me a lot of what you will hear and read will not make a lot of sense in the beginning. The best advise I would give you is to find a women's meeting and ask for help.
Robert
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in pretty, well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming WOW What a ride!!!!
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