Frustrated

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Frustrated

Postby Boatliftman » Thu Apr 20, 2017 7:31 pm

Been going to meeting for 4 months with very little progress. It's driving me insane
I don't drink as much or as often but still can't seem to get to the point I need to
I know I need to do step work and get a sponsor just really frustrated and disappointed in myself to the point where I don't even care if I drink?? I'm not drunk know. But tomm I will try but am afraid I will once again fail and I don't even really drink enough to get drunk maybe 2-3 shots BUT I CANT STOP
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Re: Frustrated

Postby positrac » Fri Apr 21, 2017 3:18 am

I understand perfectly your situation as others here will. Nothing I say or others will get you sober. I mean you might think about it and ponder and most likely drink until you have gotten so tired of your situation you are backed into a corner. That outcome sucks and it is real and it happens.

Have you gone to other meeting locations in your area? You've got nothing to lose as we know you are drinking at times. The program of AA is easy and we people make it hard because and this is me: I have to over think it and work it my way and it was designed to work under different terms. Once you accept you have no control then it will be easier to start the steps. 1,2,3 are basically asking yourself the questions and then admitting and coming to have an understanding. You know misery is optional and I don't quote the big book to people like you because my experience was I needed to trust and learn to be ok going in and saying I was an alcoholic and the rest followed as I accepted the program.
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Re: Frustrated

Postby Noels » Fri Apr 21, 2017 3:45 am

Hi Boathliftman and welcome to e-aa :D

I know I need to do step work and get a sponsor just really frustrated and disappointed in myself to the point where I don't even care if I drink??

From my experience looking back over my own life you're doing yourself more harm than good beating yourself up about not being able to / wanting to stop drinking yet. I say this because I found in my life that all it did for me was to break down my self-confidence, trust and belief in myself because deep down inside me I actually really didn't want to stop drinking and I knew it but to satisfy everyone else around me I "tried". So yes, I managed to fool some but i never managed to fool myself. It simply wasn't my time to give up on alcohol yet and if I rather accepted that "truth" for myself at that particular time it would have saved me from a lot of pain.

There is absolutely nothing "wrong or bad" with drinking. It only becomes "wrong or bad" when I have it in MY hand. Again ... not because "alcohol" as such is "wrong or bad", but of what I BECOME when I have the alcohol in me.

So although we don't usually make suggestions i will stick out my neck on this one and say - from my own experience - you're doing great. Everyday without alcohol is a good day. Everyday with not being sloshed is a good day. Attending the AA meetings whilst you're making up your mind is a good thing as you're learning about alcohol, alcoholism and yourself.

So id say give yourself a break. Stop trying to convince yourself you're "bad" simply because you're possibly not ready to let alcohol go altogether yet. Once you've decided "which wolf inside" you wish to feed the alcohol will go.

Love and Light
xxx Noels
Last edited by Noels on Fri Apr 21, 2017 4:28 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Frustrated

Postby avaneesh912 » Fri Apr 21, 2017 4:18 am

Re: Frustrated


We think we have a choice in this matter. No we don't. So dont get frustrated. Without the power (which is our dilema) we will drink again. I remember a friend of mine went to a convention, she was doing the 123 shuffle. And the happy hour came, someone offered her booze. But she gave some excuse and declined it.

Then someone called here a "Pussy". She went "Whom are you calling a Pussy?" and took a drink.

Lucky she survived that spree which kept her out next 9 months and she came back and started working the steps seriously.

Many don't understand the peculiar mental twist that precedes the first drink. The book over and over talks about the alcoholics will is very weak when it comes to combating liquor. Yet we in the fellowship ask them "not to take a drink and come back" as though they have a choice.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: Frustrated

Postby Boatliftman » Fri Apr 21, 2017 6:57 am

Thank you for replying I know I am a alcoholic I've admited that to myself months ago
I just need to move forward
So I am going to try very hard today to have zero drinks
Seems for me sometimes I just need to say things out loud or post on a forum to?? Just get it off my chest for lack of better words
You've helped me by just listening as for that I thank you
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Re: Frustrated

Postby avaneesh912 » Fri Apr 21, 2017 7:06 am

You are most welcome. Read the stories in "More about alcoholism" especially the Jim the car salesman story and Fred the accountant story. How the mind tricks them into taking the drink. They are there to show an alcoholic will drink if he does not undergo a psychic change. In AA we use 12 steps to have that.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: Frustrated

Postby positrac » Fri Apr 21, 2017 8:47 am

Boatliftman wrote:Thank you for replying I know I am a alcoholic I've admited that to myself months ago
I just need to move forward
So I am going to try very hard today to have zero drinks
Seems for me sometimes I just need to say things out loud or post on a forum to?? Just get it off my chest for lack of better words
You've helped me by just listening as for that I thank you



Hardest part for me was just reaching my hand out and introducing myself, if you meet another guy in the rooms who has what you want then try and keep trying until you can find success. It is easier said than done at times and yet each of us have had our struggles and we can overcome.

Chin up and smile and the rest will just happen if we relax.
You must live your life from beginning to end: No one else can do it for you.
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Re: Frustrated

Postby PaigeB » Fri Apr 21, 2017 10:53 am

Yet we in the fellowship ask them "not to take a drink and come back" as though they have a choice.

Maybe "Keep coming back and don't quit before the miracle"?

I was (am) pretty egotistical and I had a lot of blocks in my way before I was able to become willing. So when I got here, I had already convinced myself that this was not a matter of praying for what I wanted, it was a matter of finding out what the sober person DID and what then doing what they told me to DO. It is called a "12 Step Program" for a reason. It is called "an action program" for a reason. Neither one of those refer to how to get your butt in a chair at a meeting. But I found that meetings were indispensable for me to find, with my own eyes and my own experience, WHAT TO DO and what not to do. I guess I needed to look people in the eye... still there was a part of me that thought that I was beyond hope. I was desperate... AA was the last house on the block for me and I was lucky that around here that house is bursting with loving & happy people who have WORKED THE STEPS with a sponsor and that suggestion is repeated to newcomers as the plan of Action.

"Don't quit before the miracle" only meant a statistical miracle to me, but I needed to hear it. Many many times I thought that the Steps were NOT working because they are hard and they do not always give instant gratification (sometimes they do though!). BUT I KNEW through watching others that if They can get sober, I can get sober. I got busy in all 3 legacies from the beginning: Unity, Service & Recovery. I drove people to meetings and shook hands at the door, I went to a lot of meetings "go early - stay late" and I got a sponsor and started working the Steps. On that last one, I changed sponsors at 6 months and started the Steps over. And now, even though I have several years in, I got a new sponsor and I am working the Steps again ~ to get a new experience (miracle).

So what do are you Willing to DO?
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
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Re: Frustrated

Postby avaneesh912 » Fri Apr 21, 2017 11:50 am

Maybe "Keep coming back and don't quit before the miracle"?


I tell the newcomers "try not to take a drink" and tell the truth about the first step. That they could hit the blind spot anytime before the next meeting. The permanent solution is in working the 12 steps. It may not make sense to them. But for chronic relapsers it will.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: Frustrated

Postby ezdzit247 » Fri Apr 21, 2017 3:22 pm

Hi Boatliftman and welcome.

My name is Mary and I'm a sober alcoholic. When I first reached out for help from AA with my drinking problem, I wanted to be sober, tried to stay sober, and I did everything AA members suggested, but I could not stay away from that first drink. I understand your frustration. After two years of relapsing and a 10 day blackout binge drunk, my family insisted I go into alcohol rehab. By that time, I was hopeless and didn't think anyone or anything could help me to stay sober, but I was wrong. It did work for me. I was able to stay sober for almost two years after I left rehab and immersed myself in the AA program. I had a brief relapse just before what would have been my 2nd AA birthday, but got right back to working the program and have remained alcohol free ever since. If you've tried and tried but cannot go a day without a drink, are you willing to consider getting medical help in an alcohol detox and rehab program?

Keep coming back.....
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Re: Frustrated

Postby Noels » Fri Apr 21, 2017 6:16 pm

QUOTE - Thank you for replying I know I am a alcoholic I've admited that to myself months ago
I just need to move forward

Absolutely. Success is falling 7 times and getting up 8 times :D never give up. Any movement forward - no matter how big or small is progress. Good thinking. Mwah

knowing and admitting I was an alcoholic had a good but totally different meaning and intensity to 'I am an alcoholic. I have tried all the ways available to stop drinking. I can not live with myself in this condition anymore. This is not who am I or or who I want to be. If I don't change I will die. Whether from alcohol or within myself. There are no more reasons I can find to accept myself as am I.

Perhaps rather than focus on the 'I can't stop drinking ' part, ask yourself WHY can't I stop drinking and WHY do I want to stop drinking and see what answer you get.

I have found that sometimes when I battle to find a solution to a problem or question it helps me to approach it from the 'opposite / other' angle .

Whichever way, I'm sure the answer will come. Just keep moving forward. Well done.

Xxx Noels
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Re: Frustrated

Postby tomsteve » Sun Apr 23, 2017 5:27 am

Boatliftman wrote:Thank you for replying I know I am a alcoholic I've admited that to myself months ago
I just need to move forward
So I am going to try very hard today to have zero drinks
Seems for me sometimes I just need to say things out loud or post on a forum to?? Just get it off my chest for lack of better words
You've helped me by just listening as for that I thank you


if you have decided you WANT what we have AND are willing to go to any lengths to get it, then you are ready to take certain steps.

do you want what we have?
do you know what it is we have?
are you willing to go to any lengths to get it?
are you ready to take certain steps?


admitting I was an alcoholic was easy- I did that years before getting into aa.
then after I surrendered and got into AA
I admitted I was powerless over alcohol.
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