Thinking about relalpsing

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Thinking about relalpsing

Postby Ilovelayne » Fri Mar 31, 2017 6:06 pm

I have been sober for 3 months. I was a binge drinker most of the time. I would always start out saying I would just have a couple and every time I would get black out drunk and not remember a thing. Next day I would make my apologies to my daughter, feel ashamed and full of ananxiety, feel physically shitty for 2 days and then do it all over again. I'm feeling great. Healthy and energetic. However, today I want to drink more then ever. I think it's a combination of the nice weather and me being pissed off at the man in my life lol. I know that if I drink it will be a huge mistake. Thought I would try this and see if anyone can relate. Happy sober Friday.
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Re: Thinking about relalpsing

Postby tyg » Fri Mar 31, 2017 11:05 pm

Hi ILoveLayne...welcome to the Forum. Glad you are talking about it instead of isolating and keeping these things to yourself. Telling on ourselves is a great spiritual principle tool that works.

I learned that alcoholism is an illness of the mind and an allergy of the body. Because of this, my body reacts mentally and physically different than most other people were alcohol is concerned. This explains the uncontrolled drinking episodes (allergy) and why I always returned to drinking (Mental Compulsion) over and over again, even though it was ruining my life.

Have you gotten into working the 12 Steps with another alcoholic? The 12 Steps, which are spiritual in nature, will permanently expel the compulsion to drink. Without the program the alcoholic does not have a mental defense against the first drink and eventually goes back to doing it again even though it causes major problems.

Here is a small morsel of the many promises we get when using the program (12 Steps) as a way of life:

We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality - safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition. (pg 84-85)
~The secret to the AA program is the first three words on page 112~
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Re: Thinking about relalpsing

Postby avaneesh912 » Sat Apr 01, 2017 4:39 am

This is the un-manageability that step one talks about and the basic text has some great stories in the chapter "More about alcoholism". You could relate to all the stories there. I like the car salesman story because it illustrates the vicious cycle of alcoholism the best.

The story goes, he was bit irritated for having to work as a salesperson for a concern he owned. That was a resentment. And story goes on to say, he was visiting the country for prospects and had stopped at a restaurant. Still no thought of drink. After filling his stomach, suddenly a thought comes through. If only he could mix whisky with milk on a full stomach, it wont hurt. That is the peculiar mental twist the book talks about over and and over again.

Before they get into the story, they talk about working with Jim. But he failed to enlarge his spiritual life by working the reminder of the steps.

Anxiety, depression, irritability, boredom are all some form of internal pain, there could be other forms but at the end of the day, it all shuts you off from sane thinking.

BTW, I am glad you came forward and opening up, instead of going out. Before you hit the blind spot like the Fred story talks about, get into action.

Good luck.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: Thinking about relalpsing

Postby Brock » Sat Apr 01, 2017 5:18 am

Welcome here, and as tyg and avaneesh said well done in talking about this feeling.

We have discussed the topic of relapse here a few times, and usually we agree that it starts with the sort of thoughts that you are having, I hope you find the will power this time to not act on those thoughts. The beauty of the AA program is that it stops us having to depend on will power, and removes the compulsion to drink entirely, we are given new ways to deal with being pissed off, and we are happy for nice weather and enjoy it without drinking.

I endorse entirely what tyg said about the mental compulsion, no amount of will power was able to keep me off drinking either, it worked for a while every time I got a new job or promised my wife I would quit, but it was an unhappy way to live. Our main text the book we call the 'Big Book,' goes to great length as avaneesh has pointed out, to give examples of people who tried to depend on the will to stop, and it states over and over that we have no defense against the first drink, unless we employ the power of the AA program. And the program opens up a new way of life and happiness that we never expected, we go where we want and do anything everybody else does, just without having the need to drink to relax and enjoy life. I sincerely hope you find the answers we have found.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
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Re: Thinking about relalpsing

Postby tomsteve » Sat Apr 01, 2017 7:12 am

welcome!! just my thought, but youre not thinking about relapsing- youre already doing it. relapse ends with a drink.
one thing I learned early on is how dangerous anger and resentments were- 1st thought that would pop into my head when those happened was drink.
the great fact for me was I remembered my past and how good that didn't work. so I searched the BB. talked to others, went to meetings, and worked the steps- I learned about causes and conditions for my anger and resentments. I did a LOT of trudging early on, but well worth it.

even before learning how dangerous anger and resentments were, I realized EVERYTHING was a great excuse to drink. and that's all it was- an excuse. there is absolutely nothing that a drink will make better. picking up a drink is a great way to destroy a perfectly beautiful day.
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Re: Thinking about relalpsing

Postby Noels » Sat Apr 01, 2017 8:14 am

Hi Love and welcome to e-aa :D what are you and your man disagreeing about? The gents above responded well on the alcohol side perhaps I can assist on the female view? That's what I would call the root of the problem :)
Mwah xxx
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Re: Thinking about relalpsing

Postby Ilovelayne » Sat Apr 01, 2017 8:24 am

Wow. Thanks everyone. Some great insight there. I did not end up having that drink. Sure glad I didn't. It appears to me the working the steps are imparitive to working it all out. Quite honestly I'm stuck on step 2... Step one was easy for me. I feel like I'm avoiding the steps all together. Maybe I don't understand them entirely. I think I should hit some meetings. I don't want to become this dry drunk everyone's talking about. Thanks again for all the words of encouragement.
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Re: Thinking about relalpsing

Postby Noels » Sat Apr 01, 2017 8:55 am

: :D D no problem. Feel free to pm me if you you ever need assistance with manproblems. They can be a handfull at times :wink:
Mwah xxx
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Re: Thinking about relalpsing

Postby tomsteve » Sat Apr 01, 2017 5:10 pm

very glad ya didn't drink! prolly wise to hit meetings AND get a sponsor.
step 2 is simple:
"Do I now believe, or am I even willing to believe, that there is a Power greater than myself?"
who,what,where,when,why, and all the questions to complicate it aren't necessary- just yes or no.

those questions get answered as the rest of the steps are worked.

the simplest way for me to answer "yes" was to see just how awesomely I did running the show-that got me to the doors of AA.
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Re: Thinking about relalpsing

Postby clouds » Sun Apr 02, 2017 7:00 am

Hi! =biggrin a Big Welcome to you! Glad you are here and really pleased you are going to get to meetings.
Listen in the groups for people who have been able to find some longer term sobriety and ask them to give you some tips on those areas of the steps you find confusing or difficult. Tbh, I took a while to understand the book. I had no concept of a Higher Power and not even a nodding clue about identifying character defects like resentment or pride, but still, I did my best at the 12 steps and managed to find the solution of freedom from drinking they promise.
Interested to know how everything goes for you over the coming weeks as you give it all a chance to sink in!
" Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house." page 98 A.A.
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Re: Thinking about relalpsing

Postby PaigeB » Sun Apr 02, 2017 9:28 am

Ilovelayne wrote:Wow. Thanks everyone. Some great insight there. I did not end up having that drink. Sure glad I didn't. It appears to me the working the steps are imperative to working it all out. Quite honestly I'm stuck on step 2... Step one was easy for me. I feel like I'm avoiding the steps all together. Maybe I don't understand them entirely. I think I should hit some meetings. I don't want to become this dry drunk everyone's talking about. Thanks again for all the words of encouragement.

"I feel like I'm avoiding the steps all together. Maybe I don't understand them entirely."

I feel ya! Whew. Looking at those Steps gave me 2 opposite reactions... just like a true alcoholic mind.
1) I thought that was just asking too much of me and I could never be able to do it. Suggestion: Eat one bite at a time.
2) Those silly things will NEVER be able to Help with MY problems. Suggestion: No harm in trying them then!

So then my problem was getting a sponsor. I was grateful to know that it was not like getting married and I could change my sponsor whenever I thought I needed to. No sponsor-hopping - that won't help. So I got a sponsor, but she wasn't getting into the Big Book like people were saying was NECESSARY for recovery, so at about 6 months I got another one and we got to work. She answered my questions and thoughts as we went along, as well as being available by phone to talk about tools to handle daily life (aka living in the solution, not the problems). Trust me, my sponsor told me stuff I never really knew before AND she reminded me of the tools as we went along too. JUST ASK any woman at your next AA meeting if she has been through the Steps with a sponsor - if she says yes, ask her to sponsor you. There is no requirement that you are best friends or anything - only that you like her sobriety and want what she has.

Turns out the Steps were indeed the solution to my long term problems as well as teaching me the principles for practical ACTION in daily living. Then 7 years later I got a new sponsor. The sponsor who originally took me through the Steps moved an hour away and her life changed quite a bit when she retired and it was hard to contact her. And I wanted to go through the Steps again to get a new experience, to grow more spiritually fit.

And I still come here DAILY to Read and write on the Daily Reflections forum as to help maintain my conscious contact with god as I understand. This program is work, but it is practical work. I do the work and I get the benefits whether I think they will work or not! lol.
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
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Re: Thinking about relalpsing

Postby Ilovelayne » Sun Apr 02, 2017 9:50 am

tomsteve wrote:very glad ya didn't drink! prolly wise to hit meetings AND get a sponsor.
step 2 is simple:
"Do I now believe, or am I even willing to believe, that there is a Power greater than myself?"
who,what,where,when,why, and all the questions to complicate it aren't necessary- just yes or no.

those questions get answered as the rest of the steps are worked.

the simplest way for me to answer "yes" was to see just how awesomely I did running the show-that got me to the doors of AA.
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Re: Thinking about relalpsing

Postby Ilovelayne » Sun Apr 02, 2017 9:54 am

Wow! And all this time I've been completely over thinking step 2! Thank you thank-you thank-you. This has simplified it and helped me immensely!! I feel alot better. The answer was yes all along but I didn't think that was enough. I thought I had to identify what my higher power was exactly and it was very discouraging.
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Re: Thinking about relalpsing

Postby Ilovelayne » Sun Apr 02, 2017 10:00 am

A big thank-you to everyone who has commented. You've all given me lots to ponder. Feeling very positive and ready to getting some work done! It really does make a difference to know I'm not alone in this. Appreciate all you had to say. So happy I joined!!!
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Re: Thinking about relalpsing

Postby PaigeB » Sun Apr 02, 2017 10:04 am

Happy you are here Ilove! Keep trudging beside those of us in AA and we will show you the way.

Have you been to an AA meeting yet? It is really a joyful place to be!
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
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