I really need help/advice please

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I really need help/advice please

Postby halh » Sat Mar 18, 2017 6:19 pm

I feel so bad but so inconsistent in everything I am,feel, do.

I am 28 and about to graduate university but I feel so empty. Recently I have been drinking 2 bottles of wine a night and I just feel so lost in life. I cannot imagine not drinking, I hate myself when I am not drunk.

I have no meaningful relationships or friendships anymore and just feel alone. I guess I just want to talk to someone who perhaps feels the same and who can offer some support?

Thanks
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Re: I really need help/advice please

Postby Noels » Sat Mar 18, 2017 10:51 pm

Hi Halh and welcome to e-aa :D I remember the feeling you describe - the emptiness which only alcohol could fill - for a time - till the next morning when I woke up badly hungover, filled with disappointment in myself, fear as to what nonsense I got up to again the previous night, regret for being so weak and eventually complete and utter disgust and contempt for myself for who I was and had become.

This all changed when I firstly made the decision personally that alcohol HAVE TO go. Then i made the decision to reach out for help by finding out where the nearest AA meeting in my area was and I followed that up with ACTION by physically getting myself to that meeting and walking through the doors ashamed and broken yet with a tiny flicker of hope that it may actually work.

Reaching out on e-aa is a good start. The next step to get yourself and your life back will possibly be in the same way as I did it - by ACTION. i.e physically getting yourself to the next available AA meeting in your area. Once there sit down, relax, just listen and allow all the hurt and pain you've been holding inside to come to the surface. That will be "being honest with yourself". After the meeting if you're not approached by any members just ask around for the details of one of the members with long term sobriety and get in touch with that member. I'm pretty sure from thereon you will receive the guidance you need to become sober and whole again.

Thank you for sharing your pain with us. Now take action and change that negative into a positive. AA will walk with you for as long as you need us to so you never need feel alone again ...

Mwah xxx
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Re: I really need help/advice please

Postby avaneesh912 » Sun Mar 19, 2017 5:19 am

I cannot imagine not drinking, I hate myself when I am not drunk.


Yes, at the end of my drinking career, BTW, it varies for different people, how long it takes. There are teenagers in AA today in that position. By reading the book of alcoholics anonymous I concluded I am an alcoholic and that I cannot stay away from that booze on my own power. Because I have lost the power of choice in drink.

The 12 steps of AA helps us realize that and launch a vigorous action so that we have a different outlook upon life so drinking doesn't come to us an option. We look for solution, real ones.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: I really need help/advice please

Postby clouds » Sun Mar 19, 2017 7:07 am

Welcome halh, :D

Give AA meetings a good try, read the AA book.

Like you I had tried to quit drinking on my own for some time and finally realized I couldn't, so I tried AA and it worked.

Most of us feel pretty deflated when we come to the decision to try AA, how else could it be? If we were sailing along enjoying our drinking and had no hangover or fallout from it we would never realize the reasons to stop.
So although this seems the bleakest time of your life, its in fact the beginning of a new and better way of living.
" Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house." page 98 A.A.
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Re: I really need help/advice please

Postby Blue Moon » Sun Mar 19, 2017 10:55 am

halh wrote:I cannot imagine not drinking, I hate myself when I am not drunk.

My ex- used to say to me "you change when you drink". My response was basically "yes, I know, that's good isn't it?"

Drinking was never my problem. It's not yours either. My problem was feeling, and I had to drink to stand it. That's called "alcohol dependency", or "alcoholism". When I wanted to feel good about life itself without drinking, and was willing to do whatever it took to stop feeling the way I did, AA worked for me. I honestly didn't think it would. Many times I didn't feel it would. But if thinking and feelings were all I needed to go by, I'd be sober without any program at all. The magic word here is "action".
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Re: I really need help/advice please

Postby Roberth » Mon Mar 20, 2017 8:50 am

Hello halh and welcome to E-AA. My name is Robert and I am a Los Angeles area alcoholic. I always felt better about myself when I was drinking but I was the only one who felt that way towards the end of my drinking career.
If you are like me and want to stop drinking you are in the right place. AA taught me to live an alcohol free life. With some help and effort I was able to make peace with who I really am. I got to like the guy I see in the mirror.
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Re: I really need help/advice please

Postby SoberInMI » Sun Apr 30, 2017 9:56 am

Blue Moon wrote:
halh wrote:I cannot imagine not drinking, I hate myself when I am not drunk.

My ex- used to say to me "you change when you drink". My response was basically "yes, I know, that's good isn't it?"

Drinking was never my problem. It's not yours either. My problem was feeling, and I had to drink to stand it. That's called "alcohol dependency", or "alcoholism". When I wanted to feel good about life itself without drinking, and was willing to do whatever it took to stop feeling the way I did, AA worked for me. I honestly didn't think it would. Many times I didn't feel it would. But if thinking and feelings were all I needed to go by, I'd be sober without any program at all. The magic word here is "action".


When we cross that "invisible line" and become alcoholics, drinking is our greatest problem which is reflected in the 1st step. When we remove alcohol from our lives we can work on those underlying problems, but first we must admit we are alcoholics and that drinking is our problem.

To halh, your ex was communicating that you were changing for the worse when you drink, but we all come in in denial of alcoholism and do anything to continue or justify our drinking.
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Re: I really need help/advice please

Postby ezdzit247 » Tue May 02, 2017 6:45 pm

Hi halh and welcome.

How are you doing?

If you want to talk to someone who understands how you feel and can offer you some support, I would suggest calling the number for the AA hotline in your area and asking the operator to connect you with a sober member of AA. Whoever you talk to will probably ask you if you'd like to go to an AA meeting and/or suggest some reading material to help you get acquainted with how the AA program works.

Keep coming back...
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Re: I really need help/advice please

Postby avaneesh912 » Wed May 03, 2017 5:38 am

but first we must admit we are alcoholics and that drinking is our problem.


Yes, drinking is a problem, to start with. But we got to quickly realize that our mind is the problem. Selfishness and self-centeredness it the main cause.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: I really need help/advice please

Postby SoberInMI » Wed May 03, 2017 6:06 am

avaneesh912 wrote:
but first we must admit we are alcoholics and that drinking is our problem.


Yes, drinking is a problem, to start with. But we got to quickly realize that our mind is the problem. Selfishness and self-centeredness it the main cause.


The Big Book was written and the first 164 pages remain almost virtually unchanged from a time before alcoholism was understood well. I understand that Bill W had a hand in the research into alcoholism after AA's formation. But reason should otherwise win out. Alcoholism is a potentially fatal dis-ease and the underlying emotional problems are not, so alcoholism is in fact "the problem" in the end. We all agree that alcoholics can not get truly sober without abstaining completely from alcohol. Thus the idea that drinking is only a symptom may have been true until we crossed the line to become alcoholics.

Restoration to "sanity" is accomplished by completely abstaining from alcohol, step 1, and working steps 2-12.

I agree with one drug addict who denies being one hiding out in AA, though his story and what he shares proves otherwise, we must put things into perspective and this one of those.
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Re: I really need help/advice please

Postby avaneesh912 » Wed May 03, 2017 7:07 am

the underlying emotional problems are not


The whole point of working the inventory is that to identify the areas where we go coo-coo and get some help. Spiritual Malady stems out of emotions (un-checked). Hence the book talks about "when the spiritual malady is overcome we straighten out mentally and physically". Un-treated alcoholism/spiritual malady leads us back to the blank spot and which then leads to drink or other substance.

Thats why its key for us all to be in fit spiritual condition. Thats the 10th step warning.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: I really need help/advice please

Postby SoberInMI » Wed May 03, 2017 9:14 am

avaneesh912 wrote:
the underlying emotional problems are not


The whole point of working the inventory is that to identify the areas where we go coo-coo and get some help. Spiritual Malady stems out of emotions (un-checked). Hence the book talks about "when the spiritual malady is overcome we straighten out mentally and physically". Un-treated alcoholism/spiritual malady leads us back to the blank spot and which then leads to drink or other substance.

Thats why its key for us all to be in fit spiritual condition. Thats the 10th step warning.


Not sure where the 4th step enters in here....

I haven't confirmed the spiritual quote or context, but facially it contradicts the program because we become spiritually healed through steps 2-12, but your quote indicates that you can't stop drinking (step 1) until you become spiritually fit which is putting the cart before the horse. And I do seem to recall a general consensus that the steps are in "logical" or rational order, but I could be wrong.
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Re: I really need help/advice please

Postby avaneesh912 » Wed May 03, 2017 9:26 am

there is a grace we get when we enter the fellowship and that carries through a bit. for a permanent sobriety we have to take care of the causes and condition.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: I really need help/advice please

Postby SoberInMI » Wed May 03, 2017 9:31 am

avaneesh912 wrote:there is a grace we get when we enter the fellowship and that carries through a bit. for a permanent sobriety we have to take care of the causes and condition.


The former I don't agree with because plenty of AA members slip-slide along for a while. So where is their Grace? The latter I agree with, I just disagree as to the order in which these are to be accomplished.
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Re: I really need help/advice please

Postby avaneesh912 » Wed May 03, 2017 10:05 am

The former I don't agree with because plenty of AA members slip-slide along for a while. So where is their Grace?


I am sharing my experience. When I came in without fully understanding the fatal nature of this I was dilly dallying and was suffering. Then my HP lead me to a proper understanding and I was able to work toward the permanent solution. Even today I am grateful for that grace that gave me the willingness to pursue a solution. Even before I entered the fellowship, I realized I had to change and can't continue like this any longer. So my HP was at play always.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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