New and scared

New to AA? Got questions? Here's the place to ask. Note that no one person speaks "officially" for AA. AA meetings in your local area are always the best source of information. Note that anyone may post and reply to messages in this forum.

New and scared

Postby LMDM » Mon Feb 06, 2017 1:45 pm

Hi all. I have been going back and forth with do I have a problem or don't I! I know know that I do and need help. I have been drinking every day and at times blacking out at night and not remembering anything that happened. I come from a line of alcoholics and drug abusers and never thought I would be the same. I have health issues as well and this is just making it worse. I think that I am depressed and self medicating. I just feel lost and like I am failing my family and friends
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Re: New and scared

Postby avaneesh912 » Mon Feb 06, 2017 2:10 pm

Welcome to E-aa. I could totally relate to what you stated. I self-medicated my condition using alcohol but then a stage came where I couldn't stay stopped. Thats the real powerlessness. My mind would come up with some excuse to take that drink. Thats the insanity of step one. Even at times, it was a deliberate act, we never think of the consequences.

Un-manageability leads us back to that blind spot where we just look for that effect that comes by drinking a couple of drinks and then something happens within and we drink more and more. Much more than originally planned for. This is the vicious cycle of alcoholism.

The book talks about an attitude shift (Spiritual awakening) is the only solution. We have that fixed by working the 12 steps.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: New and scared

Postby Noels » Tue Feb 07, 2017 12:42 am

Good morning LMDM and welcome to e-aa :) I remember that feeling of disappointing not only everyone I loved and cared about but also myself. I also remember sitting in AA meetings, listening to the shares and stories of other alcoholics and thinking " but I didn't do that! I didn't drink any brand of anything as long as it didn't contain water. I was a wine drinker so surely i'm not THAT bad! I didn't finish 2 bottles of Vodka or Whisky every day nor did I drink every day so surely I cant be an alcoholic".

That was until I heard, understood and believed a very important word regularly used in Alcoholics Anonymous. The word YET

See, alcohol is a progressive disease and if what you hear in the stories and shares haven’t happened to you “YET” …. It surely will.

So once I understood and believed the word “YET” I allowed myself to find the similarities in the shares and stories rather than the differences. I found that it doesn’t matter how much or what my choice of drink was, what mattered was how my personality changed when I drank as I would do things when I drank that I would never do when I was sober. I found that in all the other stories and shares they talked about their loved ones saying to them that they became a different person when drinking. My family said the same thing. I found that they couldn’t remember what they did when they were drinking. Nor could i. They didn’t feel well enough the day after a drinking session to go to work. Nor could i. They got a really excited feeling when they thought of their next drink. So did i. They woke up feeling guilt, shame and remorse every morning. So did i.

Alcohol worked for them to “make it better”. Until it didn’t anymore. The same for me.

That is how I realised that I am indeed an Alcoholic and almost 17 months later I feel grateful and blessed for being an Alcoholic. See, if I wasn’t an alcoholic I would never have been introduced to the beautiful, warm fellowship of AA or the 12 steps of recovery. If I was not an Alcoholic I would never have known true joy, peace and freedom as I know and live it today.

Be blessed and thank you for letting me share.

Love and Light
xxx Noels
There is only Love
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Re: New and scared

Postby Roberth » Tue Feb 07, 2017 8:31 am

Hello LMDM and welcome to E-AA. My name is Robert and I am a Los Angeles area alcoholic. I have some great news for you. It doesn’t matter whether or not you know if you are an alcoholic. AA will work for anyone who wants to stop drinking.
Our drinking masks a lot of different issues, depression being one of them. I would suggest you give AA a try. Once you can stop the drinking you can tackle any other issues that are left.
Robert
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in pretty, well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming WOW What a ride!!!!
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Re: New and scared

Postby tyg » Tue Feb 07, 2017 8:46 pm

Welcome to the forum LMDM...Hope you come back and share often.

For me I learned a lot about my alcoholism when I met one-on-one with another alcoholic who was taking me through the Steps. For Step 1 they took me through Chapters, "Doctors Opinion" and "More about Alcoholism" and some other material. Doing that, I learned about the illness - alcoholism and it's symptoms and could diagnose myself whether I have it or not.

You don't have to want to stop drinking to sit down with an alcoholic and learn about alcoholism. That is the purpose of meetings. We are there to be helpful, to support, teach and learn from each other. I hope you will go check it out and ask some alcoholics for their help. You will be helping them too!!
~The secret to the AA program is the first three words on page 112~
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Re: New and scared

Postby clouds » Sat Feb 11, 2017 2:11 am

Hi LMDM, Welcome!
" Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house." page 98 A.A.
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Re: New and scared

Postby Duke » Sat Feb 11, 2017 3:41 am

Hi LMDM. I felt unique, alone and doomed before I came to this program. That all changed for me at my first meeting as I listened to six people tell me their stories and how they felt exactly as I had. By the time they were done, I really wanted what they had. They told me all I had to do was embrace the program and work it like my life depended on it. I've never looked back, and in a week or so, it'll be thirty three years for me.

Best of luck to you. I hope you find what I did.
"If you are humble nothing will touch you, neither praise nor disgrace, because you know what you are.", Mother Teresa
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Re: New and scared

Postby Lali » Sat Feb 11, 2017 10:41 am

Welcome, LMDM! Have you considered going to a meeting? You can find local meetings by googling "Alcoholics Anonymous, your city, your state". You say that you drink every day so you may want to find a meeting that starts before you normally get started drinking. As Noels said, just go and listen and look for the similarities in your own drinking.

Should you decide to go, we will be waiting here for you to let us know how it went!
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