What will friends think

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What will friends think

Postby Sushigirl » Tue Jan 17, 2017 6:57 am

Hi,

I'm 24 and I've known for a while now I've had a drinking problem. I started drinking at 14 with friends, we would drink ridiculous amounts and have fun and get in trouble.
They grew out of the binge drinking, I didn't. When I was in my third year at Uni I used drinking as a way to cope with stress, I lived with my parents but hid it from them. I thought it would get better once I graduated, but a year later it's just gotten worse.
I now live with a housemate, a friend I have known since I was in high school. I hide it from her too, and drink alone in my room. I don't know if she's noticed anything but she doesn't mention it. Her partner spends a lot of time here so it seems quite normal that I keep out of their way,but it's gotten to the point I struggle to go two consecutive days drink free. I think a lot of it is down to boredom and feeling quite hopeless in life because I don't really know where it's going at the moment, I also suffer from anxiety and have recently been prescribed anti depressants which I've been taking for 5 days so far. If I ever feel unwell I panic it's from the drink and make myself even more scared but that still hasn't stopped me.

I don't know whether I should admit it to my housemate, I'm scared what she will think. I don't want it to be a permanent problem, I want to still enjoy a drink with friends at the weekend, but I don't want to need it and I want to stop drinking on my own. I'm going to my first AA meeting tonight which I'm pretty scared about, but I just want the cycle to be broken at last.
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Re: What will friends think

Postby positrac » Tue Jan 17, 2017 7:12 am

Welcome to the site and I need to bluntly ask one question.

When you refer to friends: Are they drinking friends? because sober friends notice your actions as you may smell of alcohol for example.

You are you and friends and social surroundings are huge at that age as I was 23 when I got sober and our motto was work hard-play hard and so once I became sober I had to change my events and how I acted off the clock and it was hard and peer pressure was hard. But eventually the drunks left me alone and I found new friends who lived and acted different.

my suggestions are these.
1) Get sober for yourself and yourself alone.
2) Keep your mouth shut about AA or whatever once you stop drinking. Even people stereo type sober folks and it sucks
3) You'll learn about People, places and things in time.

I know this wasn't what you wanted to hear and it isn't the end of the world just yet.

Chin up and smile it gets better.
You must live your life from beginning to end: No one else can do it for you.
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Re: What will friends think

Postby avaneesh912 » Tue Jan 17, 2017 8:02 am

I don't want it to be a permanent problem, I want to still enjoy a drink with friends at the weekend


We got bad news for you. If you are an alcoholic, you can never drink at your will and stop. What this program will help you is, not have this desire again. As long as we realize that is a fatal progressive disease and take this seriously and apply the principles in all our affairs.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: What will friends think

Postby tomsteve » Tue Jan 17, 2017 10:13 am

welcome.

if ya could stop drinkin on your own, I doubt you would have come to a recovery forum or thought about attending AA and be scared of attending.
"I want to still enjoy a drink with friends at the weekend"
'They grew out of the binge drinking, I didn't"
" If I ever feel unwell I panic it's from the drink"
" I just want the cycle to be broken at last"

hope ya rethink that wantin to drink on weekends thing.
I had a major fear of walking into AA:fear of the unknown- what life without alcohol would be like.
fear of the known- what life with alcohol still in it would be like.
best move I ever made was getting the courage to walk into an AA meeting.
next best was getting the big book.
next best was getting the courage to keep goin back and work the program.
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Re: What will friends think

Postby Spirit Flower » Tue Jan 17, 2017 11:24 am

I got sober when I was 26. I have been sober ever since, now with 31 years. I can't tell you how grateful I am for a sober adult life. Having a drink PALES in comparison with the experience of AA life. But you can't have both.

Also, there are other young people getting sober so you will have buds to hang out with; and alot more fun doing things sober.
...a score card reading zero...
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Re: What will friends think

Postby Noels » Tue Jan 17, 2017 11:54 am

Hi Sushigirl thanks for reaching out :D

I'm 24 and I've known for a while now I've had a drinking problem. I started drinking at 14 with friends, we would drink ridiculous amounts and have fun and get in trouble. They grew out of the binge drinking, I didn't.

I can relate to that the only difference being that I started drinking in my adult life but my drinking was visibly different to the ones I was around. When we're young its not always easy to see the difference as everyone do at times drink too much so knowing (as you do) that you have an alcohol problem is definitely a positive sign.

I don't know if she's noticed anything but she doesn't mention it.

Its been my experience that the ones around me knew long before me that I had a problem. They also knew when ive had a drink as they said my personality changed. My hubby for instance would walk in to the kitchen and without getting close to me or seeing a drink or a bottle he would look at me and tell me that ive been drinking. I could never understand that so one day I asked him about it and he said my eyes changed. Thinking I was clever after having had that knowledge I started wearing my glasses more often but even if he didn't notice anything after that, the only person I was fooling was myself. She has possibly not said anything yet as you may not have graduated to the level where your drinking is affecting her environment - i.e causing arguments with her or possibly even between her and her boyfriend. Should you choose, however, not to do something about the drinking that level is definitely in your near future. Alcoholism is a progressive disease - it doesn't get better if we don't do something about it. It only gets worse.

I don't know whether I should admit it to my housemate, I'm scared what she will think.

As explained above chances are she knows already. What it could do by admitting it to her is that it could remove the fear from you which could make it easier for you to change course. I have found that secrets hold us hostage. Once a secret is no longer a secret that fear is removed and we can merrily skip along if we so choose. The only way to find out though is to open up and tell her and by doing so to remember that you can not dictate her reaction and actions to the news but that you CAN control how her reaction or action is going to make you feel.

I don't want it to be a permanent problem, I want to still enjoy a drink with friends at the weekend, but I don't want to need it and I want to stop drinking on my own. I'm going to my first AA meeting tonight which I'm pretty scared about, but I just want the cycle to be broken at last.

:D Every person who is an alcoholic wished we could do that hon. Unfortunately that is not how it works. Alcoholism is a disease - an allergy. The easiest way it was explained to me is that some people can eat peanuts and some cant because they're allergic to peanuts. The person who is allergic to peanuts perhaps enjoyed peanuts for some time and then became allergic so the next time he/she ate peanuts there was an allergic reaction. If this person went to the doctor for tests it would be found that he/she is allergic and it would be recommended that person refrains from eating peanuts as the next time could be death. If that person values his/her life they take heed. If they don't, they continue eating peanuts and suffer the consequences. In my mind its a bit silly to continue eating peanuts if you know you are allergic :D

I think a lot of it is down to boredom and feeling quite hopeless in life because I don't really know where it's going at the moment, I also suffer from anxiety and have recently been prescribed anti depressants which I've been taking for 5 days so far. If I ever feel unwell I panic it's from the drink and make myself even more scared but that still hasn't stopped me.

Why don't you be kind to yourself and give yourself the right to live and possibly become free of one fear - alcohol and face the rest as it comes / if it comes? You are clearly young, beautiful and smart with your entire life ahead of you. Break free and become the person who you are supposed to be.

Good luck and believe in yourself. I do.

Lotsa love and light,
Noels xxx
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Re: What will friends think

Postby Lali » Tue Jan 17, 2017 2:47 pm

Your question was whether to tell your housemate about your drinking. I wouldn't worry about that right now. Put your energy towards taking care of yourself for now, worry about telling others later.

Kudos on planning to go to a meeting tonight! Please come back and tell us how it went!

I remember when I first wondered if I was an alcoholic and decided to finally check out an AA meeting (years before I finally got sober). Well, I went to this meeting intending to prove that I was NOT an alcoholic. So I listened intently for the differences when I listed to shares, NOT the similarities. So I made the diagnosis that I wasn't an alcoholic after all and didn't attend again for many, many years. When I became willing to go to any length to stay sober, I started meetings again, chose a sponsor and started the steps right away. I wasn't able to stay sober right away, got drunk before I gave the steps a chance and lost my sponsor as a result. I dived back in, got a new sponsor and this time I followed the suggestions. God willing, I will pick up my 7 year medallion in April.
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Re: What will friends think

Postby ezdzit247 » Wed Jan 18, 2017 3:10 pm

Hi Sushigirl and welcome.

My name is Mary and I'm an alcoholic.

I knew I had a drinking problem when I was about 25 but didn't seek AA's help until I was about 29 and had tried other options like will-power, therapy, etc. I bounced in and out of meetings for about 2 years after my first meeting, mainly because I just could not accept that I was "powerless over alcohol". When I finally did surrender to being powerless, I discovered AA's 24 hour plan for keeping away from that first drink and that worked really well for me. There's a description of how the plan works in an AA pamphlet entitled: "This is A.A.... an introduction to theA.A. recovery program". You can read it online by clicking on this link:

http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-1_thisisaa1.pdf.

Here's an excerpt from the pamphlet on AA's 24-hour plan also known as the One Day At A Time plan or ODATT.

"....For example, we take no pledges, we don’t say
that we will “never” drink again. Instead, we try
to follow what we in A.A. call the “24-hour plan.”
We concentrate on keeping sober just the cur-
rent twenty-four hours. We simply try to get
through one day at a time without a drink. If we
feel the urge for a drink, we neither yield nor
resist. We merely put off taking that particular
drink until tomorrow…."


Another thing that really helped me was going to Young People's AA meetings. They were just beginning to proliferate in my area and I made one of them my home group. Same program but a younger fellowship working it. It was just easier for me to identify with and relate to AA members in my own age group. Here's a directory for Young People's AA meetings in different US states and other parts of the world. I really recommend that you try a YPAA meeting in your area. Lots of good positive energy to connect with and you can be fairly sure that no one in a YPAA meeting will ever tell you are too young to be an alcoholic.... :D

http://www.ypaa.info/meetings.php.

Keep coming back....[/quote]
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Re: What will friends think

Postby addictedto.youu » Mon Feb 13, 2017 1:08 pm

if you want help then tell her. the worst she can do is kick you out which if she cared about you she wont
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