Coming back (again)

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Coming back (again)

Postby jade » Thu Jan 05, 2017 9:36 pm

Hi, I'm just coming back after a few false starts. I was sober for 12 years and went back out for about 10. I've been struggling to get sober ever since. My job is on the line this time... I have way too many absences and lates, and am just phoning it in when I am there, and it's been noticed. I've been at my job for 18 years and can't lose this job. I'm also miserable and have been battling depression. Last month I spent almost $700 at the bar. Obvi I'm in a bad place. I've been sober for 4 days and went to a meeting tonight, and it was a good one. I'm looking forward to getting a sponsor and really sticking with this.

Thanks for reading.
It's the emotional pain that's the bottom. The tragedies are optional. Sobriety date Jan 2 2017.
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Re: Coming back (again)

Postby Noels » Fri Jan 06, 2017 1:23 am

Good morning Jade and welcome to e-aa :D
Welcome back my friend. It's never too late to try again. Good luck, do whatever it takes and you WILL be victorious.

Love and light
Noels xxx

Re: Coming back (again)

Postby Spirit Flower » Fri Jan 06, 2017 4:43 am

Hi Jade, welcome back.
...a score card reading zero...
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Re: Coming back (again)

Postby avaneesh912 » Fri Jan 06, 2017 6:24 am

Last month I spent almost $700 at the bar.

Unfortunately that knowledge is not going to keep us sober. We need an attitude shift. We in AA suggest we use the 12 steps to achieve it.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: Coming back (again)

Postby clouds » Fri Jan 06, 2017 6:30 am

Jade, so glad you are back, no matter how many times the door swings!

The best thing is that now you have the desire to stop drinking and you are making good use of that by getting to a meeting.

I guess you know what to do and probably what it was you didn't do at the end of that other 10 years.

Welcome! :)
" Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house." page 98 A.A.
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Re: Coming back (again)

Postby Chelle » Fri Jan 06, 2017 7:21 am

Welcome Jade, I have been where you are. I too quit for about 7 years when the booze started to effect my life, thought I was fine, and spent another 10 years out there. I remember clearly being called into the bosses office regarding my attendance. Seems I had been missing quite a few Mondays...and not worth much on the days I was there. I tried to do some controlled drinking...not much luck there. I still lost the job and had a little more suffering to do :cry: but it got me to desperate and miserable. What a gift. I had no idea at the time.

In April 2015 I went to my first meeting and started working the steps after getting a sponsor. I went to 90 meetings in 90 days and did everything I was told. My life
has done a complete turn around since I have been on the program. Not only have I lost the desire to drink, I have peace, learned a new way to live, and some pretty cool new friends! I still attend about the 4 meetings a week and do some service work too.

Congratulations on the 4 days, that's a great start. Keep coming back, it gets so much better.
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Re: Coming back (again)

Postby Duke » Fri Jan 06, 2017 10:23 am

Welcome back jade. I look forward to hearing your shares about your journey. It's the best decision you'll ever make.
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Re: Coming back (again)

Postby tomsteve » Fri Jan 06, 2017 11:31 am

jade, when so many dont make it back, im glad to see ya made it back. I haven't had one of them "false starts" yet, but I really dont know what a "false start" is in recovery. I do, however, know what resting on my laurels is- I came dam close to a drink- a premeditated drunk. was working on my house on a hot,humid day, then said,"f-it. im going to get a 12 pack." this was about 3 or so years sober.
the ONLY thing that saved my ass was takin a shower. in the shower it ALL hit me how insane that thought was. my past flashed before me and I knew, for a fact, that if I drank I would more than likely die( not necessarily from alcohol).
after I got back into the solution,i saw that I was working on that thought for months. about a month before, my sponsor said to me after a meeting,"tom, youre on a pre meditated drunk." wth did that old fart know!?!?!?!?
what I saw was that thought started a couple months before that- I was going to meetings allright- at least 3/week. but I wasn't doing anything else- no practicing the prinicples. I took my will and life back.

jade, just my opinion, but I think you should do something the BB says:
if you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any lengths to get it....

do you want what we have?
do you know what it is we have?( its much more than just not drinking- theres promises for EVERY step that can happen).
are you willing to go to ANY lengths for victory over alcohol?

if yes, then you are ready to take certain steps. 1st step is dont drink even if your ass fall off. im guessing, by what ya type, ya might get donw to one second at a time- I was thoroughly convinced early on that there were 1,367 second in a minute- the mental obsession was a bear and very frustrating.
I prayed like crazy, went to meetings, read the big book,started doing what the big book said,and didn't drink when my ass fell off( I called a friend in aa when that happened and he helped me get it back on. actually, I think what was really happening is my head was comin out of my ass).
eventually, I made it a full 24 hours without even thinkin about a drink. un friggin believable!!
then the 10th step promises happened

And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone - even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality - safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition.

getting sober was the hardest thing ive EVER done- even harder than fighting cancer, which started 13 months into recovery.
staying sober has been easy, EXCEPT for when I take my will and life back.
but there IS a solution and it doesn't involve a drink.

a question for ya: is it possible that depression is brought on by drinking or was it something you experienced during the 12 years you were sober?
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Re: Coming back (again)

Postby PaigeB » Fri Jan 06, 2017 11:45 am

I'm looking forward to getting a sponsor and really sticking with this.

Do that. Wake up every day and do Steps 1, 2 & 3 to the best of your ability and understanding. It takes practice - but I had to start practicing ASAP!

Glad you lived to tell the tale of your relapse. Our stories are alike in a lot of ways and I look forward to hearing more from you!
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
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Re: Coming back (again)

Postby ezdzit247 » Fri Jan 06, 2017 4:33 pm

Hi Jade

Welcome back!

I was a chronic relapser before I finally "got it" What Paige posted worked for me:

"....Wake up every day and do Steps 1, 2 & 3 to the best of your ability and understanding. It takes practice - but I had to start practicing ASAP!"

I did that every day and also went to an AA meeting every day during my first three months of sobriety. Keeping my focus on those three Steps every day in the beginning gave me a strong foundation and worked really well for me. Glad you're back.

Keep coming back....
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Re: Coming back (again)

Postby Mike O » Sat Jan 07, 2017 7:42 am

Welcome back, Jade.
There are 12 steps...they do work.
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