Still sobering up

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Still sobering up

Postby Nubshock » Thu Jan 05, 2017 6:40 pm

So I've been to one meeting before, and I guess I'm still coming to terms with my problem. I know my behavior isn't acceptable, and it's a stress on my marriage. My wife and I are having a hard enough time dealing with IVF treatments, which makes me want to drink more, but it makes it even harder on her. I probably developed my drinking problem in the USMC. Lots of weekend parties playing beer pong and getting F*** up just so the nights in the barracks wouldn't be so boring. Today my wife went to work, and I'm a full time college student so I'm free all day until the 9th when classes start back up. I bought a $10 bottle of vodka and drank half of it. I know I have a problem. I need to attend meetings in person (I think) and I need to keep myself busy (idle hands are the devil's tools as they say).

I want to get sober and stay that way. I had one grandfather who almost ruined his family (he literally shot my grandmother while drunk) and another who committed suicide while drunk. I don't want this to ruin my marriage. I have the willpower, I'm a damn US Marine. I just need to apply it and I know I can. I look forward to talking with you about how to stay sober and hopefully I can achieve a long standing sobriety and be a good part of the community. I've only ever gotten a 24 hour chip (which I don't even deserve at the moment) but I will achieve it again and more.

I look forward to talking with you all more in the future.
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Re: Still sobering up

Postby rpinkard » Fri Jan 06, 2017 2:25 am

ru still on active duty. If you are discharged reach out to the veterans affairs. I am a retired soldier. I wish it was about will power brother.
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Re: Still sobering up

Postby Spirit Flower » Fri Jan 06, 2017 4:47 am

Welcome Nubshock.

AA is a program. Go to a meeting and listen. Then use your will power to work the program.
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Re: Still sobering up

Postby Brock » Fri Jan 06, 2017 5:13 am

Welcome here Nubshock. If I point out a few misconceptions in your summing up of the problem don't get annoyed, they are traps we all fall in at first -
I probably developed my drinking problem in the USMC.

We tend to look to see where and how we developed this 'problem,' but if we could check all the men who drank just as much while serving with us, I am willing to bet very few developed a long term problem. For example, we have people on here sometimes speaking about certain drugs, saying things like one hit of heroin and you are hooked, yet we have statistics developed from vets returning from Vietnam, and of all those who used a lot of the drug only a small percentage had any problems after they returned. You might say we have the gene for alcoholism, many call it an allergy, and it runs in families although not all members inherit it, therefore your grandfathers are a signal to you that it's in yours.
I have the willpower, I'm a damn US Marine. I just need to apply it and I know I can.

Well done on your service, I don't live in the US but respect the marines as some very tough men, but this time we don't need tough, because if you are the real alcoholic our literature speaks of, no amount of human power will work. The book 12 steps and 12 traditions in explaining step one says this on page 22 -
Then we had been told that so far as alcohol is concerned, self-confidence was no good whatever; in fact, it was a total liability...we were the victims of a mental obsession so subtly powerful that no amount of human willpower could break it. There was, they said, no such thing as the personal conquest of this compulsion by the unaided will.

Give those meetings another shot, and please don't think when they talk about higher power and stuff like that, that being successful in AA means turning into some kind of nerdy monk, or being tied to meetings for life, it's not like that at all. Just a simple program that removes the urge to drink, and gives us a kind of peaceful way to live, doing all our old hobbies and anything we feel like, best of luck to you.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
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Re: Still sobering up

Postby avaneesh912 » Fri Jan 06, 2017 6:22 am

Read Bills Story, he was a war veteran. He couldn't sober up using his will power. Hopefully you can relate to his story. We need an attitude shift and thats what 12 steps is about. A new outlook upon life.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: Still sobering up

Postby Layne » Fri Jan 06, 2017 9:02 am

Hi Nubshock. Welcome and I am glad that you are here. I would suggest going to a meeting. Get there a little early and introduce yourself to a couple of members. Ask about obtaining a copy of the "Big Book".

After attending the meeting, if you see, or hear, or read anything that you want for yourself; then return again in the future. After starting to read the big book, if you read anything that you want for yourself; then continue with reading the big book and follow the suggestions.

Alcoholics Anonymous has shown me a better way of life. Today that life is one that exceeds my wildest imagination and expectations. I wouldn't trade it for anything and I am so grateful to be here.
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Re: Still sobering up

Postby Noels » Fri Jan 06, 2017 9:16 am

Hi Nubshock welcome to e-aa :D you sound positive and know where to start - go to your first meeting :D
We look forward to talking with you in the future also and please feel free to relate your experiences and ask questions. We will help wherever we can.
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Re: Still sobering up

Postby Duke » Fri Jan 06, 2017 10:20 am

I'm glad you've joined us Nubshock. Good luck on your journey. We'll be here if you need us.
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Re: Still sobering up

Postby tomsteve » Fri Jan 06, 2017 11:34 am

keep comin back!
it works IF ya work it so work it youre worth it!
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Re: Still sobering up

Postby Lali » Sat Jan 07, 2017 3:47 pm

Nubshock wrote:I need to attend meetings in person (I think)


Welcome, Nubshock! You say you have attended one meeting before so then you know how to find meetings in your area? Let us know if you need help.
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Re: Still sobering up

Postby Nubshock » Sun Jan 08, 2017 3:40 pm

Hey guys, firstly I would like to thank you for your replies and support.

Brock wrote:A lot


Yeah I definitely have epi-genetic family history on both sides. I always knew I should be careful with alcohol but it definitely snuck up on me. I can't blame the USMC, they didn't buy me a bottle of 151 every weekend, I did that myself.

rpinkard wrote:ru still on active duty. If you are discharged reach out to the veterans affairs. I am a retired soldier. I wish it was about will power brother.


No, I was active from 2008 until 2013. Spent my time doing component level repair on aviation electronics (radar systems mainly), if the USMC flies it I probably fixed a part of it lol.

avaneesh912 wrote:Read Bills Story, he was a war veteran. He couldn't sober up using his will power. Hopefully you can relate to his story. We need an attitude shift and thats what 12 steps is about. A new outlook upon life.


Is Bill's story part of the Big Book or is Bill a user with a post I should look at?

As for everyone else, thanks again for the support. I attended one meeting previously (early 2016) but I found myself convincing myself I didn't really have a problem. Over the course of the last year I have definitely come to terms with the fact that I do have a problem, that I am an Alcoholic. I know where I can find meetings in my area, and I will be going back. I think connections with people who understand alcoholism is vital to remaining sober.
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Re: Still sobering up

Postby avaneesh912 » Sun Jan 08, 2017 3:54 pm

Is Bill's story part of the Big Book or is Bill a user with a post I should look at?


The co-founders story that appears in the Big Book.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: Still sobering up

Postby porcupine » Wed Jan 11, 2017 3:19 am

Nubshock wrote:As for everyone else, thanks again for the support. I attended one meeting previously (early 2016) but I found myself convincing myself I didn't really have a problem. Over the course of the last year I have definitely come to terms with the fact that I do have a problem, that I am an Alcoholic. I know where I can find meetings in my area, and I will be going back. I think connections with people who understand alcoholism is vital to remaining sober.


Welcome Nubshock!
What I found is that I was able to stop for short periods (hey one time about 10 years ago I white knuckled 6 months!) but I couldn't stay stopped. I'd always be justifying it again to myself, whether it be a nice hot day, a party, a crappy day at work, a good day at work. Eventually I couldn't stop for even a day. What I learnt from the program has been that it's my mental state when 'stopped' that needs treating, and it was what I had been treating with alcohol all along. The program treats exactly this, and that is the absolute gold in the program for me.
You are spot on when you say that connections are vital, specifically connections with other alcoholics. I know for me that not a single person in my social circle (or what remained of it at the end) understood my drinking and where it took me. But within minutes of my first meeting I heard people that spoke the exact same language and it was like 'oh wow... I'm home' Funnily enough, eventually the connections end up (through the 12th step) with alcoholics that haven't yet found the program. In a way you end up treating yourself through treating others - just the way it helps me by typing this now and putting a hand out to you.
Keep coming back buddy. I wish you all the best, as this program works!
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Re: Still sobering up

Postby positrac » Wed Jan 11, 2017 3:34 am

I drank like a fish back in the day as I was active duty and the Philippines did cater to the opportunities and I took advantage of it all in south asia. I chewed on a lot of nasty dirt in exciting places like Somalia and one of my bucket list check offs. Panama was a short skirmish and we were in and out quickly. And Storm was just what it was back then. See by the time I was ducking my head as the bullets whizzed over my head I was sober some two years. Tolerance was a lot different than it is today in the military.

I would assume that you aren't active and at best in the reserves? You know if you can't come to terms with your disease our loyal friend Uncle Sam will and it won't be pretty.
You know those yellow foot prints in the Sergeant Majors office? You know the purpose and those ideals be it good or bad make you pay attention to details. So take your pride, abilities and get to a meeting and just listen. Of course you will compare out to who you are most like and who you aren't and those are normal. Keep going back no matter and you will start seeing what is being said. Keep the plug in the jug and press on.

I was in the Navy and had every excuse to need to drink and did and found every excuse not to drink once I got sober.
You must live your life from beginning to end: No one else can do it for you.
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Re: Still sobering up

Postby thebowsie » Thu Jan 12, 2017 7:00 pm

First, thank you and all of the service personnel that may read my post for your service. Just hang in there - you've already done the hard part with accepting Step One. From all of what I have read on this website you can rest assured that we all were in your same exact spot at one time: new to the Program of AA and sobriety. When I got sober on 4/12/99, there was no Internet forum like what I have found here (actually today was the first time I visited and joined in.)

Step One is the most important step as that will never change no matter how many years pass by. My husband will celebrate his 31st AA Anniversary on 1/14/17 and he got sober at the age of 30. What I am saying is it is possible to get and maintain your sobriety. Get yourself a physical and tell your doctor that you are getting sober to ensure if there are any medical difficulties he/she can help. I was a Stage 4 alcoholic and I wouldn't wish that on anyone. I made it through - it was tough and I really lost the desire to drink probably at about a year and half sober. What kept me going was the fact I was lucky enough to remember what it felt like at the end of my drinking when I couldn't even hold a cigarette without shaking and the headaches of withdrawal made it feel like my head was splitting open. Those memories will stay with me forever. When I took my first 24-hour chip, I said, that's it, I'm done. I had the help of some doctors so I could medically detox without stroking out or having a heart attack. That's why I push at least a physical. My liver repaired itself after two years. I was/am lucky. To drink for me again, is tantamount to selfishly inflicted suicide.

One Day At A Time sounded so corny when I first got sober but all these years later - that's exactly what it is. I don't attend meetings but I sure did daily for about the first year and a half of my sobriety and then sporadically for the first five years or so. It was important for me to listen - not talk in a meeting ever. I wanted to hear what people had to say about staying sober. I maintained this silence in meetings until I took my one year chip. It drove the other AA's nuts in meetings when I would just say my name, that I was an alcoholic and pass. The last meeting I attended was a year ago to give my husband his 30 year chip. You will find a whole lot of opinions but the one takeaway is if you don't drink you wont lose your hard-earned sobriety. Alcoholism is not stagnant it just progresses into hell in my opinion. You don't have to go there.

Again, sit on Step One, maybe get yourself a sponsor to help guide you and answer any questions you may have. When you are ready, you can build, what I term your foundation, with Steps Two and Three. There's no prize for completing the steps early - you'll be repeating 4 through 12 in various ways and degrees for the rest of your life. There is life after alcohol - its completely up to you whether or not you choose sobriety. Don't compare yourself to anyone else and just listen, ask questions and make your program your own. You'll find a tremendous amount of similarities from all walks of life. It's awesome and the Program of AA does work: One Day At A Time.
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