First AA meeting

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First AA meeting

Postby Hopefulforrecovery » Mon Dec 19, 2016 2:42 pm

Im an alcoholic. It took me so long to be able to realize this, and saying these words is hard and I am terrified. I have always been "that girl". That girl that had a little bit too much to drink whenever she goes out, that girl that makes a fool of herself when she drinks, and that girl who hurts the ones she loves the most when she drinks. I always think that I am just your average "high functioned binge drinker", though, I saw a problem, but I've never coined myself as an alcoholic, so I went to a therapist and thought that this will help me control my drinking and certainly I am no alcoholic, and certainly I didn't need any additional help. I WAS WRONG. I have been able to have only 2 drinks a week for a long stretch. Last time I blacked out was August. But since then, I was good, I didnt black out, I just had 2 drinks per week. But for the past 2 weeks, I felt that urge, that tiny little voice in my gut telling me, it's ok to drink a little bit more, its ok to be out of control again. So I did. 2 nights ago, I went to a dinner party, and had too many to drink and made a fool out of myself. Possibly ruined my husbands 10 year friendship with that couple, and undoubtedly hurt my husband in ever which way that I can't imagine. Ive been searching online, and am going to get myself to a meeting tomorrow. Like many posts I've read here, I am scared, worried and anxious about going to a meeting. But I cannot think about any other way to make myself better. I am an alcoholic, and I am afraid that I will never be better. But Im going to take that first step, Im going to a meeting.
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Re: First AA meeting

Postby ezdzit247 » Mon Dec 19, 2016 3:42 pm

Hi Hopefulforrecovery and welcome

Millions of alcoholics, including me, have faced this truth about their drinking and made the decision to reach out and seek help from the fellowship of AA. It's okay to be scared, worried and anxious about going to your first meeting. I certainly was and I think most new AA members probably felt the same way. For me, the discomfort melted away and I relaxed as soon as I laughed at something another member shared about 5 minutes into the meeting. I knew instantly that I was in the right place and that everyone in the room was there for the same reason I was. To stay sober and learn how to live life on life's terms. Glad you found this forum. Let us know how you liked the meeting.

Keep coming back....
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of leave the world a better know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Re: First AA meeting

Postby PaigeB » Mon Dec 19, 2016 3:53 pm

Welcome Hopeful!!! My name is Paige and I am an alcoholic.

And you sound a lot like me! Office parties are the worst! I preferred a nice seedy bar where I could look like the normal one! LOL. I sometimes went for long stretches - until I didn't... Then I had weekends, then added Thurs. and Monday bowling night... then noon on the weekend through monday night... you see the pattern.

Like any disease, this disease of alcoholism gets worse NEVER BETTER. I tell ya, I tried everything they talk about in Chapter 3 of the Big Book (I LOVE that chapter! The Doctor's Opinion (Preface) too!) But still, I really never knew where I was going to end up... I might be home with enough money to pay the cab that brought me or I might be in another town in a house full of strangers with puke in my hair.

Problem was, really ~ I could not drink safely. Not a drop. I got the "phenomena of craving".

I know I was glad my FEET got me to a meeting! I haven't had a drink since, but I was truly desperate. Are you DESPERATE? Let you feet do the walking cause your brain will/might try to talk you out of it.

AA worked for me and it can work for you!

Check out the Big Book Here: (remember Dr's Opinion & Chapter 3 as a suggestion!) ... traditions

Keep coming back - we understand what is going on inside you and we can help!
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
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Re: First AA meeting

Postby Hopefulforrecovery » Tue Dec 20, 2016 7:50 am

Thank you for the support guys. You guys are right on point, this morning I woke up already thinking.. hey, i dont need to go to a meeting, I can do this by myself. Went to my therapist last night, and somehow I convinced myself this morning that I dont need to go to a meeting today. However, my therapist had offered to link me to someone who would go to a meeting with me today. Hopefully, having another person there will alleviate some of my anxiety of going. Wish me luck. I want to get better and I hope I have the strength to go today.
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Re: First AA meeting

Postby Tosh » Tue Dec 20, 2016 11:51 am

I didn't get much time to ponder on whether to go to my first meeting or not. Something snapped, my anxiety forced me to the phone and I called the A.A. Helpline. The lady there told me there was a meeting close to where I live in about an hour; I showered (my first in a few days :oops: ) and headed out to the meeting.

On my return, Mrs Tosh asked me "Will it work?" whilst my step-daughter (who was 12 years old) said "He'll never stop drinking!" and started checking out my usual hiding places for bottles.

Unusually for me, I planned to do whatever A.A. suggested I do.

At my second meeting I asked for a service job and I made coffee. That might sound like a small thing, but I think it's the difference between being a visitor to A.A. and a member of A.A.. Service is very important.

I'd like to ramble on about other stuff too, that were crucial for my recovery, but I think that's enough.

I hope something chimed with you, Hopefullforrecovery, at your first meeting, and if it didn't, my suggestion is to get to as many different ones as you can; pack 'em in. Every meeting is different. I liked them all in the early days; they took my mind off myself for a while; from drinking. A.A. is a good fit for me, an alcoholic wanting to stay sober.

I love the humour too. I feel very lucky to be an alkie in A.A.. Given a choice, I don't think I'd have it any other way, not that I have a choice in the matter. :lol:

Get excited; a new life awaits you.

Good luck,

Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)
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Re: First AA meeting

Postby Noels » Tue Dec 20, 2016 12:36 pm

quote="Hopefulforrecovery"]Thank you for the support guys. You guys are right on point, this morning I woke up already thinking.. hey, i dont need to go to a meeting, I can do this by myself. Went to my therapist last night, and somehow I convinced myself this morning that I dont need to go to a meeting today. [/quote]

Hi Hopefull, welcome to e-aa.
Yes this is something you will learn from meetings and other alcoholics who have found and practice/live the solution - those alcoholics who successfully complete each day without having picked up a drink. The day after we indulged and messed up we awake filled with shame, guilt and remorse and swear never to do it again.
Until we do
...... as unfortunately we are people who continuously make promises and give hope just to pull the rug from underneath our loved ones feet time after time after time. Without fail. Until we either loose those most precious to us or if lucky enough to hold onto them, loose ourselves beyond recognition and barely recoverable.
There is much to learn about the disease of alcoholism and the quickest way I could suggest is what worked for me - don't trust everything your mind tells you for your mind have been trained to lie to you. You will learn about this further once you start reading the big book called alcoholics anonomous. So Find a lady at the meeting you attend who have several years of sober living and to whose shares you can relate to. Ask her to guide you through the 12 steps to recovery. Listen much and speak little for at least the first 3 months. Ask questions but don't argue. Consider the responses you receive to your questions properly to see if it feels right to you.
Refrain from placing yourself in situations where you would normally drink. Change places, playgrounds and people associated with alcohol for the first 3 months and call another sober alcoholic immediately should your mind think anything related to alcohol.
Sobriety is within your reach if you want it and worth more than words can ever express.
Good luck, work the program and let us know how it goes.
Love and light

Re: First AA meeting

Postby positrac » Wed Dec 21, 2016 3:14 am

Welcome and I am "that guy" as well and so our genders are different and yet our blood is red! You'll be ok and I say this once you stop comparing yourself to others and realize you are you and they are "them"

Keep coming back and if you do I can promise your life will change in ways you never imagined for the better. oh you'll have good days and not so good ones and you will be able to handle them sober! What a concept huh.
Be well, and smile it'll do you good inside and out.
Work hard, stay positive, and get up early. It's the best part of the day.
George Allen, Sr.
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