New comer, Black outs and aggresion

New to AA? Got questions? Here's the place to ask. Note that no one person speaks "officially" for AA. AA meetings in your local area are always the best source of information. Note that anyone may post and reply to messages in this forum.

New comer, Black outs and aggresion

Postby sheba86 » Thu Jul 07, 2016 9:48 am

Hey Guys

So its with a deep breath and a stomach full of anxiety that I have brought myself here. Ive been drinking on and off heavily for the past 8 years. My drinking might not be as frequent but when i do start i find i cant stop till i am not drunk off my ass. Even though every time i tell myself i will go home after two beers, or three drinks, i land up finishing off more than my body weight. This cycle has led me to make an ass of myself, and two nights ago i hit rock bottom for the upteenth time when i blacked out and apparently verbally abused my boyfriend to hell, and drove off whilst blacked out. Apparently i made pit stops at the gas station to get cigarettes and gum, and parked on the side of the road and snoozed on and off till i didnt get sober again.

Ive started suffering from severe anxiety and panic attakcs especially after I binge drink and it lasts for days. My boyfriend is obviously not speaking to me at the moment and i fear i have wrecked my relations with him. I don't know where the anger comes from or who this person is that i become. I live in pakistan so talking about there things and getting therapy is not as easy as it might be aboard.

Help please.
sheba86
Forums Newcomer
 
Posts: 2
Joined: Thu Jul 07, 2016 9:42 am

Re: New comer, Black outs and aggresion

Postby positrac » Thu Jul 07, 2016 10:11 am

First off your story sounds very much like mine except for the BF part as I am a guy ! Serious though if you want to stop and just can't when those urges hit I might recommend going into detox and or rehab. Yes meetings are available and they can help only as much as you allow them to.

I believe separating people, places and things is important and yes it is foreign right now, but you'll get it later. So you had courage to post this now and now you need to make a drastic decision that might scare the hell out of you; but it might save your life and also prevent you from making anymore asses out of yourself---Well at least next time you'll be sober and can remember everything.

Look online and get the local AA for face 2 face help and or call your insurance to see if they have a bed in a facility that can get you cleaned up.

Take a breath and in time this will be much better.
You must live your life from beginning to end: No one else can do it for you.
Hopi Proverb
User avatar
positrac
Forums Old Timer
 
Posts: 1131
Joined: Wed Oct 29, 2014 4:03 am

Re: New comer, Black outs and aggresion

Postby Feeya » Thu Jul 07, 2016 10:16 am

positrac wrote:
I believe separating people, places and things is important and yes it is foreign right now, but you'll get it later. So you had courage to post this now and now you need to make a drastic decision that might scare the hell out of you; but it might save your life and also prevent you from making anymore asses out of yourself---Well at least next time you'll be sober and can remember everything.

I agree, sometimes that separation is important and I too would recommend you go to rehab, or at least detox in a professional environment!
AA is pretty much everywhere, look at the front pages of your phone book and you will probably find them... once you are there you can ask the people there if there is any inpatient treatment available or what they can recommend!
I know your scared, I totally understand that! You made a first step by posting here, now keep going!

Best of luck to you!
One day at a time.
User avatar
Feeya
Forums Contributor
 
Posts: 326
Joined: Sat May 21, 2016 6:53 am

Re: New comer, Black outs and aggresion

Postby Brock » Thu Jul 07, 2016 10:54 am

Ive started suffering from severe anxiety and panic attacks especially after I binge drink and it lasts for days.

I think you will find they last as long as alcohol is still active in your system, (while you are in fact detoxing), then you feel better again until the next time you have the first drink, then the second and so on.

I don't want to disagree with others here, but I also live in a third world country in the West Indies, and many who speak of checking into rehab and detox and so forth, may not appreciate that it is either not available, or when it is it's either a crappy place, or expensive as hell for the nice ones, I suspect Pakistan is pretty much the same.

If you visit an AA meeting in your area you might be surprised, especially if you can Google for your local AA inter group, and ask if there are ladies only meetings, it would be better to start there and progress to others. If there are none I believe they will give you at least the address of those meetings nearest your home, there is nothing to fear, nothing to sign, come and go as you wish, just some friendly people who have found the answer to the urge to drink, and who are happy to help others. Best of luck, this program really does offer a lovely way to live drink free.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
User avatar
Brock
Forums Coordinator
 
Posts: 3164
Joined: Fri Sep 07, 2012 1:45 pm

Re: New comer, Black outs and aggresion

Postby gailermels » Thu Jul 07, 2016 12:46 pm

Hi, Sheba. I'm not sure what resources you've already discovered here in the e-AA Group, but if you want to stop drinking and would like to communicate by email with an alcoholic who has solved the drinking problem -- go to the e-AA Group Home Page and select "Get Help Now". There is a form there that you can fill out to get you started. If you'd like a temporary sponsor to walk with you through your journey to sobriety -- go to the Discussion Forums and select "Board Index" and then scroll down to the "Recovery" forum. There's a topic link called "Sponsorship" that you can follow to begin the process of getting help that way. I would also suggest that you begin reading the book Alcoholics Anonymous, or the "Big Book" as it's commonly called. This book is the basic text of Alcoholics Anonymous and it describes how so many of us have recovered from the terrible disease of alcoholism. You can find an online version by going back to the e-AA Home Page and selecting "About AA". The link to it should be at the top of the list in the window to the right.

Keep your chin up! There is hope -- and a solution. You do not have to live this way. You're aware that you have a problem and you want to change. That's a huge step. Good luck to you and keep coming back.
Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God's world by mistake. (Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 417)
User avatar
gailermels
Forums Newcomer
 
Posts: 6
Joined: Thu Jun 16, 2016 9:42 am
Location: Nebraska -- USA

Re: New comer, Black outs and aggresion

Postby ezdzit247 » Thu Jul 07, 2016 12:49 pm

sheba86 wrote:
.... I live in pakistan so talking about there things and getting therapy is not as easy as it might be aboard.

Help please.


Hi sheba.

So glad you decided that you need to do something about your drinking problem and have reached out for help.

I understand about the special challenges of acknowledging a drinking problem and getting help for that problem in a Muslim country, especially if you're a female alcoholic. I'm a sober female alcoholics who lives in California where there is a large, diverse international population in and around the Los Angeles area. It is much easier for both male and female alcoholics who are also Muslin to get help here as there are many free or affordable rehab facilities and many dozens of weekly AA meetings for people of the Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist, or Sikh faith. Unfortunately, there are not a lot of AA meetings in Pakistan but I've sent you a PM with contact information so that you can find a meeting or another sober alcoholic to talk to on the phone. Also, what AA members call the Big Book was written specifically for alcoholics seeking help to get and stay sober who live in remote areas where there are no AA meetings and it has been amazingly successful in helping alcoholics to do just that for decades, with or without meetings. Plus, as you have probably already discovered, there are blogs like this forum for alcoholics all over the world on the internet now so there is always another sober alcoholic to contact and chat with almost 24/7.

AA's General Service Organization has a pamphlet entitled "This is AA - An introduction to the AA recovery program" which will help answer some of your questions about how the AA program works. You can read it online by clicking on this link:

http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-1_thisisaa1.pdf.


Here's an excerpt from the pamphlet on AA's 24 hour plan for staying away from that first drink:

"For example, we take no pledges, we don’t say that we will “never” drink again. Instead, we try to follow what we in A.A. call the “24-hour plan.” We concentrate on keeping sober just the current twenty-four hours. We simply try to get through one day at a time without a drink. If we feel the urge for a drink, we neither yield nor resist. We merely put off taking that particular drink until tomorrow…."

Please feel free to post any questions you have.

Keep coming back….
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
User avatar
ezdzit247
Forums Old Timer
 
Posts: 2077
Joined: Tue Mar 11, 2014 4:38 pm
Location: California

Re: New comer, Black outs and aggresion

Postby sheba86 » Fri Jul 08, 2016 10:19 am

Thank you all so much. All of the information you shared was very helpful. I would like to go to counseling, but I have found it difficult to find a "non-judgemental" counselor again due to where i live. Also i don't want to be medicated or put on anti deps as i dont need those. I would like to find a good therapist, to discuss my problems. there has to be a reason why I am this way, Why i cant be a normal happy drunk and just enjoy a limited amount of drinking like everyone else. I want to know why I cant stop at just a few and have to binge drink, and why it is that i turn into this bitter angry person.

I will be downloading this book first thing. Thank you all so much once again.
sheba86
Forums Newcomer
 
Posts: 2
Joined: Thu Jul 07, 2016 9:42 am

Re: New comer, Black outs and aggresion

Postby Brock » Fri Jul 08, 2016 12:13 pm

I will be downloading this book first thing. Thank you all so much once again.

The book is not easy to read like a novel, there are various sections that might give you a good idea of what alcoholism is, the 'Doctors Opinion' near the front, & 'More About Alcoholism' from page 30 might be most useful as a start.
there has to be a reason why I am this way, Why i cant be a normal happy drunk and just enjoy a limited amount of drinking like everyone else. I want to know why I cant stop at just a few…

If you find a counselor who knows what he's talking about, he would probably say “because you are an alcoholic,” in various sections of the book it shows what alcoholic behavior is like, and why we can't drink like normal people, here is one such section that they actually recommend as a sort of test -
We do not like to pronounce any individual as alcoholic, but you can quickly diagnose yourself, step over to the nearest barroom and try some controlled drinking. Try to drink and stop abruptly. Try it more than once. It will not take long for you to decide, if you are honest with yourself about it. It may be worth a bad case of jitters if you get a full knowledge of your condition.

If you are in fact an alcoholic, it's not the end of fun in your life as some people might think, especially young people who feel the party will be over, yes we make certain adjustments but life is still cool. Check out a meeting if you can't “pass” the test above, and best of luck.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
User avatar
Brock
Forums Coordinator
 
Posts: 3164
Joined: Fri Sep 07, 2012 1:45 pm

Re: New comer, Black outs and aggresion

Postby avaneesh912 » Fri Jul 08, 2016 12:45 pm

there has to be a reason why I am this way, Why i cant be a normal happy drunk and just enjoy a limited amount of drinking like everyone else. I want to know why I cant stop at just a few and have to binge drink, and why it is that i turn into this bitter angry person.


This is the reason we pick up that 1st drink:

The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink.


This is the text you will find on page 24 of our basic text. Our mind will trick us into believing that this time its going to be different. Thats the peculiar mental twist that overcomes the normal functional of the will power. They illustrate this with 2 beautiful stories in "More about alcoholism" one is the car salesman and the other the accountant story.

One had a resentment because he lost his business once he owned, the other pure exalted state (thats dangerous too for an alcoholic) he succumb to that thought that he can handle just a couple.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
User avatar
avaneesh912
Trusted Servant
 
Posts: 4641
Joined: Fri May 30, 2008 12:22 pm
Location: Atlanta, GA

Re: New comer, Black outs and aggresion

Postby Lali » Fri Jul 08, 2016 8:33 pm

Sheba stated:

sheba86 wrote: My drinking might not be as frequent but when i do start i find i cant stop till i am not drunk off my ass. Even though every time i tell myself i will go home after two beers, or three drinks, i land up finishing off more than my body weight. This cycle has led me to make an ass of myself, and two nights ago i hit rock bottom for the upteenth time when i blacked out
(Emphasis mine)

It is clear that Sheba recognizes that she has lost the ability to control her drinking. That is exactly what she has stated here. Why then would she be given the suggestion to go back out and “try some controlled drinking” to see if she can “pass the test”? She did not ask if she was alcoholic. She came here seeking a solution and fortunately was given the advice to read the Big Book and attend meetings. God forbid she should harm someone driving home yet again in a blackout because someone in AA said she ought to go back out for more road testing.
Lali
Forums Old Timer
 
Posts: 4869
Joined: Sat Jan 31, 2009 8:13 am

Re: New comer, Black outs and aggresion

Postby Brock » Sat Jul 09, 2016 4:53 am

If Sheba thought I was suggesting to “go back out and try some controlled drinking,” or that “someone in AA said she ought to go back out for more road testing,” I apologize.

As was said - “It is clear that Sheba recognizes that she has lost the ability to control her drinking.” Then I thought common sense would suggest, that by saying check out a meeting if you can't pass the test, does not mean go and do the test again. The very test says - “It may be worth a bad case of jitters if you get a full knowledge of your condition,” and she said - “Ive started suffering from severe anxiety and panic attacks,” test taken you can't pass, check out a meeting.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
User avatar
Brock
Forums Coordinator
 
Posts: 3164
Joined: Fri Sep 07, 2012 1:45 pm

Re: New comer, Black outs and aggresion

Postby clouds » Sun Jul 10, 2016 7:08 am

Hi Sheba and Welcome! :)

I hope you have found the book of AA and a meeting to go to in your area by now.

Let us know if we can be of help to you in any way.
" Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house." page 98 A.A.
User avatar
clouds
Trusted Servant
 
Posts: 1061
Joined: Mon Mar 23, 2015 11:45 am
Location: España


Return to For the Newcomer

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Bing [Bot] and 6 guests