On this path

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On this path

Postby brittanylouis » Wed Jul 06, 2016 5:48 pm

Just wanted to introduce myself and tell a little bit about
myself.

I grew up in a large family of strict teetotalers. Didn't have my first drink until I was 20 years old and immediately became a severe binge Drinker. This continued for a handful of years before I had any idea that I might have alcoholic tendencies.

I remember it was on my 25th birthday, on a celebratory weekend trip to Chicago with a friend,. She was recounting what to her was a terrible story of having blacked out once when drunk. I didn't understand the point of her story, and stated, with some confusion, well, I black out everytime I drink. I was blacked out last night.

She turned to me shortly, and said, you know that's one of the signs of being an alcoholic?

That was the first time I ever heard that word applied to me. And it was years more before I seriously thought about it again. Fast forward 5 years. I had been diagnosed with a digestive issue, and was going on a strictly limited dietary plan in order to control stomach pain and irritation. While I was readily able to give up starches, Sugars, fried foods, and any other junk, I found myself unable to give up alcohol. No matter how carefully and healthfully I was able to eat in order to control my stomach issues, I didn't want to give up my nightly ration of vodka.

It's hard to believe, but it's only been 4 years since then, and I progressed from a binge Drinker to a daily Drinker, to a drinker that would drink during the work day and wake up at night to drink. It has been getting worse and worse. While I have my professional and social life mainly under control, my private life has been spiraling downward. I couldn't sleep without drinking, my hair was falling out, I was covered in bruises from poor nutrition and probably anemia which I attribute again to the drinking and I have tried every which way to limit my drinking and failed at all of them. I really didn't want to give up drinking. I tried measuring the amount, controlling the times of day, controlling the situations, drinking only certain alcohol or at certain times or with certain people...

Nothing worked.

Cracks begin showing in the facade of my privacy. And bit by bit I had to let close friends know that I had a problem. It was hard to explain away being near passed out drunk on the floor in a friend's bathroom at 2 p.m. at a barbecue. No one else was even drinking! But I had secreted in a stash of hard liquor in a soda bottle.

I can't even begin to explain all the many many reasons that led up to me ultimately realizing that I have to stop this and I have to help myself before it is too late. But ultimately I had to take a hard look in the mirror, recognize that I truly am powerless in the grip of alcohol, and seek out help.

I went to my first AA meeting, and as others have mentioned here, I was so nervous that I sat outside until it was too late to go in. I tried again a couple of days later, and this time went inside. Almost cried from fear and shame sitting in that first meeting. But after hearing the group share one by one what brought them to AA and the things that have changed in their lives since then, I realized that there was nothing to cry about. I was doing the right thing.

My journey is still brand new. I am only 24 days sober. But I thank God that I have finally have the courage and humility to admit the truth to myself and work toward a better future
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Re: On this path

Postby Stepchild » Wed Jul 06, 2016 7:09 pm

Welcome Brittanylouis....That's an awesome share. You're probably making one of the best decisions you've made in your life. I know it was for me. The solution for our problem is in the steps....Find someone to take you through them. You describe the progression of this illness beautifully.....It rang some bells. And the things we try to carry on....

From the Big Book...

Despite all we can say, many who are real alcoholics are not going to believe they are in that class. By every form of self-deception and experimentation, they will try to prove themselves exceptions to the rule, therefore nonalcoholic. If anyone who is showing inability to control his drinking can do the right- about-face and drink like a gentleman, our hats are off to him. Heaven knows, we have tried hard enough and long enough to drink like other people!

Here are some of the methods we have tried: Drinking beer only, limiting the number of drinks, never drinking alone, never drinking in the morning, drinking only at home, never having it in the house, never drinking during business hours, drinking only at parties, switching from scotch to brandy, drinking only natural wines, agreeing to resign if ever drunk on the job, taking a trip, not taking a trip, swearing off forever (with and without a solemn oath), taking more physical exercise, reading inspirational books, going to health farms and sanitariums, accepting voluntary commitment to asylums - we could increase the list ad infinitum.

pg 31
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Re: On this path

Postby ezdzit247 » Wed Jul 06, 2016 8:01 pm

Hi brittanylouis and welcome.

Congratulations on 24 days of sobriety!

So glad you decided to reach out for help with your drinking problem and have already been to an AA meeting. That's awesome. Welcome to the Road of Happy Destiny. Looking foreward to reading more of your posts.

Keep coming back.....
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Re: On this path

Postby positrac » Thu Jul 07, 2016 3:42 am

Keep coming back and more will be revealed to you.
You must live your life from beginning to end: No one else can do it for you.
Hopi Proverb
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Re: On this path

Postby Brock » Thu Jul 07, 2016 5:58 am

Welcome brittany, you have had a hard time of it indeed. Some of us myself included, couldn't find the way out until we were really flat on our backsides, others see the trouble ahead and find the program sooner.

One good thing about going that far down for me, was that steps like one and two were easier to accept, anyone who has tried that hard to stop on their own, usually doesn’t find it too hard to accept that something more powerful than them is needed. Your story will also encourage those who perhaps are having problems, to seek help themselves.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
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Re: On this path

Postby brittanylouis » Sat Jul 16, 2016 10:43 pm

I rang in my 30th day of sobriety at a midnight AA meeting on Monday night of this past week. A dear friend of mine was just by coincidence celebrating her two year birthday on the same day, so we celebrated together. Tomorrow will be 5 weeks of sobriety for me!
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Re: On this path

Postby Feeya » Sat Jul 16, 2016 11:51 pm

brittanylouis wrote:I rang in my 30th day of sobriety at a midnight AA meeting on Monday night of this past week. A dear friend of mine was just by coincidence celebrating her two year birthday on the same day, so we celebrated together. Tomorrow will be 5 weeks of sobriety for me!


Congratulations Brittany! :)
One day at a time.
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Re: On this path

Postby Noels » Sun Jul 17, 2016 12:53 am

Congratulations Brittany :D keep doing what you doing cause it's working
There is only Love
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Re: On this path

Postby LisaB » Sun Jul 17, 2016 9:26 am

We done
Keep coming back " it's works if you work it, so work it your worth it" :D
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Re: On this path

Postby Lali » Sun Jul 17, 2016 9:56 am

Congrats, Brittany! Please stick around and keep us posted on your progress!
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Re: On this path

Postby clouds » Mon Jul 18, 2016 3:14 am

Very good start Brittany, congrats!

Glad you're here. :)
" Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house." page 98 A.A.
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Re: On this path

Postby brittanylouis » Fri Jul 29, 2016 10:57 pm

Sunday will be 7 weeks sober!
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Re: On this path

Postby Stepchild » Tue Aug 02, 2016 5:09 am

That's fantastic...Keep moving forward with the steps!
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Re: On this path

Postby Larryp713 » Wed Aug 03, 2016 5:55 am

Great share and congrats on your 7 weeks, Brittany. Stay grateful and humble and keep working. This program will lead to miracles.
Trudging the Road of Happy Destiny!!!
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