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Postby Drunk hobbit » Mon Jun 20, 2016 2:14 am

I have been attending aa for a few weeks but I have been having a couple of drinks after the meeting,2 small cans of pressure mixed g and t,this is nothing compared to what I was drinking and feel kind of proud I have managed to moderate but I can't stop and keep playing head games with myself and now am torturing myself with guilt,i can't find a sponsor and just feel loss,i honestly have understood the programme and want to stop so much but I can't stop lieing to myself and feel a failure
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Re: Drunk_hobbit

Postby Noels » Mon Jun 20, 2016 2:31 am

Good morning Hobbit :D I'm not using " drunk hobbit" as that is no longer who you are. :D Well done so far! You have been attending meetings, you have reduced your alcohol intake HUGELY and you have a serious desire to stop altogether! That to me is not failure! That to me growth my friend! Positive changes already without a sponsor and working the actual 12 step program. Now can you imagine how successful you are going to be when you start with the actual program with a sponsor!

Now I'm going to leave the thread and responses to the more experienced people on our site but honestly. Lift your head and look everyone straight in the eye for you have done well with what you've had to work with so far.

Love and Light
Noels xxx

Re: Drunk_hobbit

Postby Tosh » Mon Jun 20, 2016 3:06 am

Hi Drunk Hobbit,

I've seen a fair few try to moderate their drinking while going to A.A. meetings. It never seems to work in the short run (never mind the long run) and I think it's a dangerous habit to create.

I also relate to your thoughts of being a failure. I created a concept of myself that I was a weak man, who didn't deserve to get sober and happy; someone who deserved to die in the gutter. A.A. showed me how to change that negative self concept. And really all those negative thoughts were just thoughts; try not to believe them.

My suggestion is to take a leap of faith and just ask another lady to be your sponsor who will take you through the steps. Focus on that. Meetings are great, but they're not the solution; the solution really is in A.A.'s program of action.

Stay safe,

Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)
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Re: Drunk_hobbit

Postby PaigeB » Mon Jun 20, 2016 10:31 am

but I can't stop and keep playing head games with myself

We deal with this once we put down the alcohol.

Do not be discouraged, many many folks continued to drink for a bit on coming to AA... but I can tell ya life is hell with a head full of AA and a belly full of beer! I had to choose and I chose to lose the booze.
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
The e-AA Group's 7th Tradition link: www.e-aa.org/group_seventh.php
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Re: Drunk_hobbit

Postby Larryp713 » Tue Jun 21, 2016 8:36 am

Welcome Hobbit. I am glad you are putting forth some effort and wish you well. I encourage you to keep looking for a sponsor by getting to know local AAs and listening during meetings. The most important thing for me early on was to truly desire to stop drinking. For a long time, I sought relief from the consequences of my drinking, but I didn't want to stop drinking. Read the Doctor's opinion and Bill's story in the Big book and see if you relate to the definition of an alcoholic. If you do, and you truly want to stop drinking, then you will be ready to take certain steps. By that time, I think you will have a good idea of who could help you on this path. Best wishes!!! Larry
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Re: Drunk_hobbit

Postby tyg » Fri Jun 24, 2016 1:15 am

It is easy to get too picky regarding getting a sponsor and fears and excuses (alcohol-ISM's) are right there with endless reasons why nobody is good enough to take us through the process. We don't need to have things in common with our sponsor, what i found important though is:

~They have taken the 12 Steps with another alcoholic
~They are active in the Fellowship and in Service and also working with other alcoholics
~They are a gender in which only a platonic relationship can develop for both people

I just asked a woman with the most sobriety. The more I met with them the more I felt alright to keep going and gained trust. There were a couple of things in my 5th Step I chose to do with someone else. The important thing is I exposed every nook and dark cranny of my life to God and another human so I could be free of the obsession to drink and move forward in sobriety.
~The secret to the AA program is the first three words on page 112~
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Re: Drunk_hobbit

Postby 4thDimension » Fri Jun 24, 2016 8:25 pm


You remind me of me when I got here. I kept a couple of beers under the front seat, so that after the meeting I could get back to things while I mulled over the meeting.

I couldn't stop drinking until I stopped drinking. I found that easier to do when I surrounded myself with meetings for a while. I attended 90 meetings in 90 days, sometimes going to 2-3 meetings to get past thoughts of drinking.

After a few months, I throttled back to 3-4 a week, which is roughly where I've been ever since.

You don't have to pick a sponsor for life. Find someone you can talk to, who's been through the steps. If things aren't going well you can change sponsors, no big deal.

Be kind to yourself. People with cancer or diabetes are not failures. Alcoholism is an illness too.

Hang in there, get into recovery, and The Promises will come true for you my friend!
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