Relapse.

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Relapse.

Postby Feeya » Thu Jun 16, 2016 12:23 am

Hey everyone, my name is Feeya, I am an alcoholic and an addict.

Yesterday, within seconds, without really knowing why I went back and relapsed. It wasn't a major relapse, it didn't end in a disaster other then me feeling like absolute utter sh*t today.
I feel like an idiot. I have been doing so good, I have done so much progress the last 20 days and now I am starting back at zero.
How do I tell my sponsor? How do I tell my homegroup? What do I do?
Right now I feel like just giving up... like it is absolutely hopeless...
I am so full of self pity, and so full of hate towards me, towards life and towards the world... and so pissed because I keep going back even though I don't want to and I am back at feeling so weak and it feels like the last twenty days have just gone to waste...
I am embarassed and so ashamed and I dont know how to let people know...
One day at a time.
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Re: Relapse.

Postby Noels » Thu Jun 16, 2016 12:56 am

Good morning Feeya :D thank you for your honesty hon.
It wasn't quite the same as other relapses and that is very important and already a positive. That shows that there has already been a change in you. Now you just need to discuss it with your sponsor so you can find out the why - that will be the lesson in the relapse - then you're ready to go again girl. Each time with a bit more wisdom :D . No need to be embarrassed or to hate yourself. The only time we fail is when we give up trying. The rest are learning curves to get to know ourselves on a deeper level.
Also - when I read you were getting on with step 4 immediately after the step 3 I wanted to suggest that you pause a while to work and live step 3 for a time first as step 4 had me all over the show emotions wise so perhaps discuss this particular aspect with your sponsor? I suggest you wait a bit before proceeding with step 4. Just live for a few months on step 3 - practise incorporating your Creator in your daily life and activities 24/7, get used to living sober in your activities, change the past messes caused by drinking and using into positives, concentrate on getting your grades up, etc. Get into a living sober daily routine if I can put it that way. And when you have about 3 months sober THEN move into step 4 with the guidance of your sponsor. But NOT if you're under pressure studying or writing exams.
So lift your head up, phone your sponsor and forgive yourself hon. It's a learning experience and better it happened now than 20 years down the line - yes? :D
Happy 24 hours and keep coming back
Love and light
Noels
Mwah xxx
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Re: Relapse.

Postby PaigeB » Thu Jun 16, 2016 1:36 am

When I suffer a major "failure" in my life I have found that shaming myself is worthless - seriously, it gets me no where but worse!

We HAVE to live in the solution. Read A Vision For You out of the Big Book. "We have a substitute and it is vastly more than that. It is the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. There you will find relief from care, boredom and worry..." You need some Hope right now and the people of AA have it by the bucket full and are ready to share what they have with you.

Someday you experience will save the life of another alcoholic. I can pretty much assure you of that. Get busy livin' girl! Keep swimming! The alternative sucks!

My heart goes out to you this very moment as you read this. You are NOT alone and you ARE Loved.

Peace.
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
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Re: Relapse.

Postby Patsy© » Thu Jun 16, 2016 3:27 am

Hi Feeya,

Feeya, the way to let those AA members know, is simply to let them know. They will welcome you back with open arms! You are not the first, you will not be the last, I am just praying that this drunk helped you too see what Actions you need to take to stay in this one day, this one moment and away from a drink! Many people have been where you are at and they have a solution that works, but we have to be where the solution is...at AA meetings surrounded by people who you can reach out to and allow them to help you.

We don't need to know why Feeya, there are no reasons,no why's and no excuses.... we just need to take the ACTIONS necessary for this one day of sobriety!

Feeling like an idiot, being full of self-pity, full of self-hatred and angry isn't going to help you to move forward! Those kind of feelings will keep you stuck, right at the point of pain, and will have a drink looking really good!
This is a disease Feeya, its not a weakness! Waking up full of guilt, remorse and shame is exactly where this disease wants us, that is the place where this disease does its worst. Honey, those 20 days were NOT wasted, it gave you the opportunity to know that there is another way and that way is wonderful.

Feeya, I would suggest that you ask your Higher Power for help and then please call your sponsor asap and allow her to help you to stay sober today....that is how she stays sober, because its one alcoholic helping another. Hopeless? No, you get your butt to that AA meeting, put it in a seat.... you are a powerful example right now Feeya....that there is HOPE and all we have to do is take the Actions..the mind will follow.

Stop beating yourself up and pick up that phone...call your sponsor, she will help you to realize that We are not BAD people trying to get good, We are sick people trying to get well!

Now....GO and pick up that phone and call your Sponsor!

Welcome Back Feeya :)
Failed 12 Step Call? Not if we walk away sober!
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Re: Relapse.

Postby avaneesh912 » Thu Jun 16, 2016 3:53 am

Yesterday, within seconds, without really knowing why I went back and relapsed.

Yeah this is what BB talks about on page 24:

The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink.

Da blank spot-Read the car salesman and the accountant story as they re-inforce that the alcoholic without the help of the higher power will hit this blind spot and pick up that first drink.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: Relapse.

Postby D'oh » Thu Jun 16, 2016 4:20 am

A Relapse means very little, If you have Learnt Something from it. It even says this in the BB. If you are not sure, try some Controlled Drinking. Nowhere in this statement does it say "Try until Hopeless again or dead"

The fact that you are back so quickly shows that a Lesson has been taught. What you choose to do with that Lesson is entirely up to you and your HP.

Good to see you back Feeya.
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Re: Relapse.

Postby avaneesh912 » Thu Jun 16, 2016 4:22 am

Hope you are able to realize the difference between an alcoholic and a hard drinker now! The hard drinker (There are plenty in the fellowship today) they can afford to do 90 in 90, try various meetings, pick and choose which meetings they want to go to and maybe 6 months, 1 year later, think about working the 12 steps or maybe not. But the alcoholic has to work the 12 steps quickly and have a spiritual awakening and get connected to his/her higher power because thats what is going to keep them sober.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: Relapse.

Postby Feeya » Thu Jun 16, 2016 4:36 am

Thank you.
My sponsor insisted on meeting later on, so I will do that and see if there is a meeting available in the evening...
One day at a time.
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Re: Relapse.

Postby trumpets » Thu Jun 16, 2016 5:14 am

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Last edited by trumpets on Thu Jun 16, 2016 4:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Relapse.

Postby Spirit Flower » Thu Jun 16, 2016 5:20 am

Feeya, glad you talked to your sponsor.

We don't shoot our wounded. AA welcomes you back in the rooms.
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Re: Relapse.

Postby avaneesh912 » Thu Jun 16, 2016 5:30 am

Nowhere in this statement does it say "Try until Hopeless again or dead"


But it talks about the alcoholic mind that will keep persisting:

The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: Relapse.

Postby Patsy© » Thu Jun 16, 2016 5:54 am

avaneesh912 wrote:
Nowhere in this statement does it say "Try until Hopeless again or dead"


But it talks about the alcoholic mind that will keep persisting:

The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.


I just love how you keep it simple Avaneesh, thank you :) I look forward to reading your ES&H, it is fantastic and right from the Big Book! :)
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Re: Relapse.

Postby Brock » Thu Jun 16, 2016 6:25 am

And i suggest to get sober in person, not online forums where you get this kind of advice...

A bit of advise was given in kindness and it may be workable for certain people, in this instance it was given because of the possibility that the difficulty which often comes with step four, was partly to blame for the relapse. I myself messed around for several months before deciding to do #4, the memory of a terrible stay in a third world mental hospital kept me sober, but the book is pretty clear that we should get to it right after #3, from pages 63/64 -
Next we launched out on a course of vigorous action, the first step of which is a personal housecleaning, which many of us had never attempted. Though our decision was a vital and crucial step, it could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face, and to be rid of, the things in ourselves which had been blocking us. Our liquor was but a symptom. So we had to get down to causes and conditions. Therefore, we started upon a personal inventory. This was Step Four.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
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Re: Relapse.

Postby Stepchild » Thu Jun 16, 2016 7:09 am

Feeya wrote:Right now I feel like just giving up... like it is absolutely hopeless...
I am so full of self pity, and so full of hate towards me, towards life and towards the world... and so pissed because I keep going back even though I don't want to and I am back at feeling so weak and it feels like the last twenty days have just gone to waste...


That's a good place to be. That's not time wasted...That's a good hard look at what powerless over alcohol means. Now is the time to get over the self-pity and remorse...And get busy. There is a reason these hopeless drunks put the directions down in a book...They knew it would work for hopeless drunks like us.

I saw in another post your sponsor suggested to you that this is a journey and not a destination.....Something about sobriety is not something we achieve...But something we carry on. I guess I side with the book on this one...Where they mention going through the process of steps four through nine....And coming to a successful finish....Finding a solution.

Almost none of us liked the self-searching, the leveling of our pride, the confession of shortcomings which the process requires for its successful consummation.
pg 25

The result being...the problem has been removed....It does not exist for us...Have a chat with your sponsor....And tell her that is where you want to be.

They continue in the book...

But we saw that it really worked in others, and we had come to believe in the hopelessness and futility of life as we had been living it. When, therefore, we were approached by those in whom the problem had been solved, there was nothing left for us but to pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at our feet. We have found much of heaven and we have been rocketed into a fourth dimension of existence of which we had not even dreamed.
Page 25

That's a destination.
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Re: Relapse.

Postby Lali » Thu Jun 16, 2016 7:40 am

There's a lot of wisdom here so I don't have much to add. I have to kindly disagree with Noels about taking months to digest step 3. The relief for this disease is in the steps. Do not dally. Keep moving forward. The steps are necessary so that you can avoid relapse in the future so there is no reason to stay stuck on a step for a protracted length of time.
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