Introduction

New to AA? Got questions? Here's the place to ask. Note that no one person speaks "officially" for AA. AA meetings in your local area are always the best source of information. Note that anyone may post and reply to messages in this forum.

Introduction

Postby aleight » Wed Jun 08, 2016 1:15 pm

Hello. I am a 29 year old woman, I am married and have 2 kids. I am trying to get back into the program after a really long time of me lying to myself. I feel like I don't know where to begin, and I do have the big book and the 12 step book. I know where meetings are, but I feel so lost. My husband is very upset with me, but he just needs a little bit of time. I just feel, if I tell him I am going to a meeting that he won't take me serious and/ or he will think I am going to go drink somewhere (not the case). I have been sober for 2 days now, and my anxiety for sure is going crazy. I am trying to keep busy while walking on eggshells around my husband...he does have a right to be angry though. Don't worry he has not even yelled at me or anything, just giving me the cold shoulder. Ugh, I just needed somewhere to talk to someone.
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Re: Introduction

Postby Reborn » Wed Jun 08, 2016 1:35 pm

Welcome to E-AA...The anxiety will get better with time. I identify with your situation...I wasn't married when I got here but I had strained relationships with almost everyone in my life. I have since made amends and continue to work the program...actions speak louder than words. You must remember that everything you are experiencing here and now is temporary...everything in life is. If you can work this program fearlessly and thoroughly from the start...once you experience the spriritual awakening that is promised all of the sweet relationships tend to work themselves out...that has been my experience. Get to a meeting...and more importantly find a sponsor and get busy...a happy, joyous and free life awaits.
We have recovered, and have been given the power to help others. BB pg 132
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Re: Introduction

Postby Noels » Wed Jun 08, 2016 1:56 pm

Hi Aleight :D welcome :D I'm so glad you found us :D for me the important message from your post is that you know you need help and also know where to get it. The only thing standing in your way is fear of your hubby's reaction.
I messed up plenty when I was drinking and walked on eggshells many days with that enormous fear of the future until one day I woke up and knew that regardless what happens I could and would no longer continue drinking. The same day I searched for a meeting which I went to 2 days later and the bonus was. .... my son and his girlfriend accompanied me!
Thereafter I went to some more meetings and now my hubby accompanies me to each and every meeting and event :D
Perhaps chat to your hubby. Tell him and I'm sure he's noticed that you are already 2 days clean. Ask him to take you and fetch you from meetings or ask him if he'd like to accompany you to the first few. Unfortunately we have apologised so many times that the only way to show our loved ones that we mean it is by getting AND STAYING sober. We are people who have sold them hope time after time just to pull the carpet from under them again and again and again.
Then take action. Attend your meeting, find a good sober sponsor, work the 12 steps and hold nothing back. Phone your sponsor as often as you need to. That is part of our service to the still suffering alcoholic - to be there for them whenever they need us. Regardless of the day and time.
Good luck. You can do this. You and your family is worth it.
Love and light
Noels
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Re: Introduction

Postby ezdzit247 » Wed Jun 08, 2016 1:57 pm

Hi aleight and welcome back.

Congratulations on two days sober!

I can relate to being conflicted about going back to AA. I experienced the same after I relapsed just before what would have been my 2nd AA birthday. What I decided to do was just dive back into meetings and let the chips fall where they may. The best decision I could have made was to forget about others judging me and just save my own ass. I did that and it turned out to the right decision. My ESH is that normies can get all hung up on that woulda-shoulda-coulda blame game but it's not a healthy game for me to play. I have to stay in today and play the "what's the next right thing?" game Going to a meeting is usually the next right thing. Glad you found the forums and look forward to reading more of your post, aleight.

Keep coming back.....
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Re: Introduction

Postby Larryp713 » Thu Jun 09, 2016 12:37 pm

Welcome and best wishes. I know my wife didn't talk to me for about 45 days after my last spree, the one that finally brought me to AA. Eventually she did, and I allowed her to learn to trust me again by not trying to manipulate the situation but by really throwing myself into this program. Once I did, I started to change. The way I treated her and my kids, the way I reacted to situations. We are much closer today than we have been in years, and I have God and AA to thank for that. I wish you the best! Larry
Trudging the Road of Happy Destiny!!!
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Re: Introduction

Postby aleight » Thu Jun 09, 2016 12:48 pm

Thank you all! My husband and I talked last night and he is slowly coming around. I know it will take a lot of time and effort on my part, but I really feel that one day it will be better than ever. My anxiety has been okay today, just trying to keep busy. I go back to work tonight, so that will be nice feeling productive. I am lucky enough to not have lost my job, they are very supportive of my recovery and will help where they can. Again, thank you all!
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Re: Introduction

Postby Timotheus » Thu Jun 09, 2016 1:10 pm

Wonderful to hear, aleight - I'm glad it's moving in a good direction!
"You can't stop the waves but you can learn to surf." -Jon Kabat-Zinn
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Re: Introduction

Postby Feeya » Thu Jun 09, 2016 9:02 pm

Hi aleight, my name is Feeya, I am an alcoholic!
First off all, congratulations and welcome to e-aa.
I am facing similar problems, people not believing my sobriety, people getting angry and upset!
I try not to focus on them, I don't explain myself in front of them, because I feel like actions speak louder than words! I can do all the explaining in the world, or I can just work on myself and show them what I am willing to do, in order to stay sober!
Working will give you some structure, good for you!

Best of luck and keep us posted!
One day at a time.
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Re: Introduction

Postby aleight » Fri Jun 10, 2016 12:37 am

Work went good, it felt good to be back! The only thing that I will have to change is my coming home routine. I used to come home and open a beer...I get off work at 4 or 5 am! What was I thinking? Well, now I'm drinking my powerade and about to eat a couple tacos :o Hope everyone has a great day! I will check back in later...
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Re: Introduction

Postby Tosh » Wed Jun 15, 2016 1:24 pm

aleight wrote:WThe only thing that I will have to change is my coming home routine.


I think that's a good start, and pompous though this may sound (I struggle with words), the real solution to my problem was that I had to change. What I used to do when I got myself into a tight spot is that I'd shower, wear some better clothes and get a haircut. Maybe I'd try to exercise. I'd try to straighten out my life.

And then - normally on the same day - I'd end up drinking again. There's only so many times I could do the 'get a haircut' routine before I even gave up on that.

I suspect at some level I knew I had to change, which is why I'd try to clean and smarten myself up, but it was very superficial and never worked for very long.

Eventually I ended up at my first A.A. meeting - feeling ultra-anxious and uncomfortable - but that's the best single thing I ever did.

It took a while and a bit more drinking, but I found a sponsor and went through the 12 Steps which changed me, and in doing so it changed everything, and along the way the desire to drink was removed. It was flipping amazing! :lol:

I think the point I'm trying to make (without annoying you hopefully), is that those little things we do to try and straighten out - probably won't work well in the long term. What really worked for me and many like me was doing the basic things A.A. suggests we do; you know, go to meetings, find a homegroup, do a little service, and of course - the 12 Steps.

They really work, even for skeptical (in the true sense of the word) atheists like myself.
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)
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Re: Introduction

Postby trumpets » Wed Jun 15, 2016 2:59 pm

aleight wrote:I am lucky enough to not have lost my job, they are very supportive of my recovery and will help where they can

back before i experienced AA, i got busted drinking on the job and they too were supportive. in order for me to remain employed i had to attend something called "Rehab After Work" 3 times a week. i had to submit breathalizer tests each visit and you were allowed 1 strike. naturally, i knocked that first strike out of the way on my first visit. after a week went by the rebel in me grew into a monster and i said who the hell are they to say i cannot drink at home? what kind of invasion of privacy did i sign up for? this is insane. so i checked in the next time absolutely blasted - sideways walking, everything. waving the middle fingers like they were uzis.
needless to say i was warmly greeted by some higher ups at the time clock the following day. at least they let me clean my locker huh. this was also the highest paying job i ever had even to this day.
thought i'd share and i hope the moderators here dont mind that i shared as well.
be well.
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Re: Introduction

Postby cpr123 » Wed Jun 15, 2016 9:50 pm

Power aid and Tacos in the early AM. That is great. I Work night shifts too and had the same problem with the beer store (aka gas station) right outside of our work gates. I didn't go inside for almost 3 months. It is hard to stay awake on the ride home in the morning so I use peanuts and soft drinks now. Some of the cashiers have even started to treat me differently. No matter what reasoning I used the truth is it aint normal for anyone to buy beer at five in the morning. I also got some AA speakers on CD that was helpful too.
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Re: Introduction

Postby tyg » Fri Jun 17, 2016 11:42 am

We are not the only ones affected by alcoholism. Alcoholics cause a lot of wreckage & spiritual damage to everyone around us too. So, I had to be patient and realize I don't control the changes only what I do for my sobriety. Treating my alcoholism with getting through the 12 steps (with another alcoholic), having a home group, doing service work and talking with others in the Fellowship, things started to change automatically. People see a difference. When I change, things get better. My whole environment becomes different. Communications with people & family open up. In a good way, react differently towards me. I become less restless, discontent and just know how to handle everything in my life a lot better.

I had to do the work to get any results. Just being dry doesn't produce change. My thinking will convince me I am changing but most of it is just is an illusion. Another aspect of how Alcoholism is cunning, baffling and powerful.
~The secret to the AA program is the first three words on page 112~
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