Social Anxiety and alcohol Q&A

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Social Anxiety and alcohol Q&A

Postby tinydrinker » Wed Jun 01, 2016 3:49 pm

Answering the questions
Last edited by tinydrinker on Tue Jun 14, 2016 6:15 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Social Anxiety and alcohol Q&A

Postby Brock » Wed Jun 01, 2016 5:13 pm

I just want to say welcome to e-AA tinydrinker. Nobody has responded to the questions in writing, but as you can see quite a number of us have read the posts. I expect most have thought about what their own answer would be, in my experience we have never had something like this here before, so I guess we are not very keen in putting our answers into words.

Your own answers would probably be agreed to by many others, but my experience with the AA program, is that anxiety social and otherwise, is reduced more and more as we build on our spiritual lives. This program gets us loving who we are and trusting that things will be OK, for me it's not very hard to now meet people in all kinds of social situations and still feel comfortable and confident, it's just a by product of this program, it's a bit like the miracle question has come true but it didn't happen overnight. Best of luck and thanks for the questions.
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Re: Social Anxiety and alcohol Q&A

Postby tinydrinker » Wed Jun 01, 2016 6:14 pm

Thank you so much!
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Re: Social Anxiety and alcohol Q&A

Postby avaneesh912 » Wed Jun 01, 2016 7:06 pm

Doctor Silkworth, our medical benefactor wrote about this in "Doctors opinion":

They are restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks-drinks which they see others taking with impunity.

So, after putting the plug in the jug, if people don't get cranky, generally, they could be just a habitual drinker (Hard drinker).
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: Social Anxiety and alcohol Q&A

Postby K225 » Wed Jun 01, 2016 9:29 pm

I feel like this is a shout out to me since it was me who recently posted about alcoholism and SA. I will answer your questions...

(1) What are the differences you notice between your behaviors when you are drinking and when you are sober?
A: Quite simple really. When drunk I am a charismatic badass: funny, whitty, always know what to say in the right situation. Sober I am a wuss: never have the balls to call someone on their bullshit. No wits, no balls, dead inside. I've noticed that even if I don't drink in the morning the badass charismatic me is still there even after a night of getting pissed. (takes a while to wear off I guess).

(2) What do you feel right before you start drinking?

A: The urge to drink. We alcoholics have a 3rd sense as I like to call it. When a person is dehydrated, they need water (that's thirst) when a person is hungry, they need food (hunger). That 3rd sense (as I Call it) is a craving for alcohol that can't be described really but the feeling is that we need alcohol like we need food and will walk over Hell's half acre to get it, despite the pain and humiliation we go through from our drunkeness.

(3) What are your thoughts right before you start drinking?

A: "F*ck it, I'm gettin' hosed" And that's it really. It's that simple. I can't speak for everyone here, but a lot of us alcoholics suffer from low self esteem. Our way of thinking is "f*ck it, I'm a piece of sh*t, so who cares if I'm a f*cking drunk and die of a liver failure" Some of us have loved ones and friends who care about us. Some of us don't. Sad reality.

(4) What do you think contributes to your drinking?

A: Good question. A great many things really. Old habits die hard. I'm 33 years old and I've been drinking since i was 19. Other than the last couple years most of it has been functional alcoholism. Alcohol has been my life really for most of that time. Its helped stimulate my mind, write stories, come up with new ideas for video games. I'm really a loser and dont have a wife, girlfriend or children. Basically I have too much time and money on my hands.

(5) What happens when it is mandatory for you to go to a meeting/function/social gathering where alcohol is not being served? And you expected to mingle? Talk?

A:I avoid these situations for the most part. Sometimes I sneak in a mick or get drunk before I go, but as I said I am not married or anything so really I just don't go to these things.

(6) How did you cope with SA prior to alcohol?

A: Not very well. I was very awkward socially and I didn't know who I was or where I was going. I was in denial.

(7) Tell me about the first time you drank alcohol and realized it helped you in social situations?

A: I was 19. It was New Year's eve. My friends dragged me out to a party. I was very uncomfortable. A mickey of rum and a 2-6 later and oblivion. I don't remember much else.

(8)

A: My family hates me drunk. I am very depressive and self loathing.

(9)

A:I have always had SA so the question is irrellevant.

(10)

A: Genetics mostly. Being treated like garbage through school didn't help either.

(11)

A: I would hit on every attractive woman I see.
"When you're going through hell, keep going".-Winston Churchill
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Re: Social Anxiety and alcohol Q&A

Postby K225 » Wed Jun 01, 2016 9:48 pm

Questions 8 through 11 do not display the question due to technical difficulties with this stupid laptop sorry for the inconvenience....
"When you're going through hell, keep going".-Winston Churchill
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Re: Social Anxiety and alcohol Q&A

Postby Feeya » Thu Jun 02, 2016 7:48 am

1) When I am drinking: Loud, witty, sharp, extroverted, adventurous, shameless
When I'm sober: Thinking a lot, quiet, smart, introverted, shy, scared of a lot of things

2) excitement

3) don't care, this is going to be great, I'll probably regret this but will do it anyway

4) loneliness, the change in character, boredom, trauma

5) I avoid it, I'm super awkward, I wanna leave, can't wait for it to be over, anxious & panic attacks

6) I started drinking when I was thirteen and before that I did not really face anxiety..

7) I was thirteen, hung out with a bunch of older kids, got offered a drink and felt like I had found a missing peace of myself. I realised right away that it helped me to 'loosen up' and do things that I would not have done sober...

8) drunk me is angry, depressed, a know it all and loses their temper all the time...
Sober me is very wise for my age, very smart and philosophical, sober me overthinks and worries to much, sober me is easy to be around...

9) I was a really social kid, helped others, always friendly, very polite, had love for everyone, would stick up for people... I did school plays and readings in front of huge audiences and I was always singing, dancing, laughing...
Now I try to go under the radar and like to be unnoticed... When I feel comfortable I am still like I used to be, but I am only comfortable very rarely, so it doesn't happen a lot... I got really depressed for a while because I did not know where that change in character came from and just thought I was a horrible person (prior to being officially diagnosed). I watch, rather then engage and I only talk when I have something to say, I hate smalltalk...

10) Early childhood trauma that resurfaced when I was about thirteen, started cutting, felt severe shame about it, got bullied in school about it, did a lot of shameful things while being loaded...

11) less awkward... and I might actually enjoy interactions, rather then cry myself to sleep about it at night...

Sorry, not a native English speaker here :)
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Re: Social Anxiety and alcohol Q&A

Postby tinydrinker » Thu Jun 02, 2016 9:06 am

Thank you so much for your answers to these questions. I know it can be difficult to open up. It makes the feeling alone process much easier. It's strange because I love being with people so the worst thing in the world is not being able to be.
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Re: Social Anxiety and alcohol Q&A

Postby Feeya » Thu Jun 02, 2016 11:25 am

tinydrinker wrote:Thank you so much for your answers to these questions. I know it can be difficult to open up. It makes the feeling alone process much easier. It's strange because I love being with people so the worst thing in the world is not being able to be.


I can relate to that so much...
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Re: Social Anxiety and alcohol Q&A

Postby Noels » Tue Jun 14, 2016 6:10 pm

Hi tinydrinker :D welcome here :D I'll respond also as follows :

[quote="tinydrinker"](1) What are the differences you notice between your behaviors when you are drinking and when you are sober?
When I was drinking i was still responsible up to the point where i wasn't anymore (that 1 too many). If something was bothering me that particular day when i had the 1 too many i would become argumentative and once even whacked my hubby with a baseball bat just so he could feel the pain i felt at that particular moment. (in my defence :oops: i did warn him before hand and tucked him in nicely under the duvet and i didn't swing hard. Just " tapped " him - okay little bit harder than tap and the argument did go about something most women would not tolerate. ) still. That crazy swinging person wasn't me. I would never have done that when i was sober and never ever did that again.

(2) What do you feel right before you start drinking?
Excited and happy

(3) What are your thoughts right before you start drinking?
Yummie - couldn't wait to get that wine down my throat but NEVER intended to have too much

(4) What do you think contributes to your drinking?
Rationalisation. Believing it was my only " defect " so I was allowed to.

(5) What happens when it is mandatory for you to go to a meeting/function/social gathering where alcohol is not being served? And you expected to mingle? Talk?
[i]I'm 9 months sober today so I'm not afraid of alcohol anymore. This happens as we do the step work. In the beginning though i told everyone in my close circle that ive stopped drinking and was attending AA so i didn't go to family functions, restaurants or anywhere alcohol could be tempting. I didn't do this because i was selfish. I did this because i was afraid that i might cave in to the temptation and " fail ". Nowadays I'm still very weary although i no longer crave. When we visit i don't sit next to anyone drinking alcohol because the smell of liquor is awful to me and when i find its starting to get to me i simply tell hubby, we say our goodbyes and we leave. I'm very blessed in the sense that my hubby and son don't drink so there's no alcohol at home, my son don't allow his friends to bring alcohol (apart from his 18th birthday party where he kept me away from that area altogether) and we don't particularly like to go out at night so we only do breakfast in restaurants when we're alone. I haven't lost my personality when i stopped drinking. I actually [b]found[b] myself if i can put it that way. I still have fun, are still naughty, still look for trouble here and there to keep it interesting but its not in an ugly way anymore. And the best part is i [b]remember[b] everything ive done so i don't wake up scared anymore trying to read hubbys face to see how the night before went. :D

(6) How did you cope with social anxiety prior to being introduced to alcohol?
Never really bothered me. Ive always had the attitude My Creator loves me as i am knowing everything i do so i don't really give a hoot what others say or think about me. That could be a bad attitude in the sick brain but it can also be a healthy attitude in the more healthy brain.

(7) Tell me about the first time you drank alcohol and realized it helped you in social situations?
I didn't really use alcohol to help me in social situations. I drank a specific wine - only that specific brand and make - because i liked the taste of that specific wine.

8) What do friends and family members often say about the differences between sober you and drunk you?
Pfew that's a whopper. I'm now hearing on a regular basis how I'm again the person that i was 3 years ago. Still don't quite understand it but when my son held me crying on new years afternoon and told me how grateful and proud and he was that i was (at that time 3 months sober) i didn't even question the why anymore. His reaction and tears was more than enough to show me that i must have done much harm whilst drinking and that staying sober is definitely the way i want to go.

(9) What were your characteristics/ qualities/ behaviors prior to the age you first experienced signs of social anxiety? How are they the same as they are now? How are they different?
When i was in primary school i was quiet. In high school i decided (by looking around me) that quiet people will get nowhere so i changed to a funny and outgoing person. I was, however, much principled all my life. When i started working i was an over achiever and go-getter. Mega confidence and very strong and successful in business. Then my bubble burst, i came down to earth and had to learn all over again :D . Now - I'm pretty even or shall we say more balanced. I'm past the time and age where i want to impress or achieve. Ive made my mark and now just try to be happy, work hard and make sure there is a solid foundation for our son when he joins our little business in due course. Family life - apart from a few drunken moments when i was still drinking (including the bat moment) we never really argued so family life was usually calm even in those days. I still have my moments when i go overboard / over the top with everything - i'll go through periods where i JUST WANT TO work or JUST WANT TO clear out cupboards or JUST WANT TO this or that but I'm sober now so i control those moments with realizing that we all want to do this or that or whatever but take care of what i need to do (responsibilities) first and THEN do the other thing that i actually want to do.

(10) What do you think are the reasons you developed Social Anxiety?
Here I'm going to have to use gut and brain to answer - i think in the deepest corner of our heart we feel " not good enough ". And if a few things happens that " confirms " that within us we withdraw and put up barriers.

(11) Miracle Question: If by some magic a miracle occurs tonight as you sleep, and when you wake up you no longer social anxiety, what do you think your interactions with others will look like?
:D Exactly as it does right now.

I do hope my shares help a little bit. We are all good enough. Its our mind lying to us telling us that we're not and all the negative we see when we look in the mirror is usually not what others see.

Namaste my friend -
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Re: Social Anxiety and alcohol Q&A

Postby positrac » Wed Jun 15, 2016 2:34 am

K225 wrote:Questions 8 through 11 do not display the question due to technical difficulties with this stupid laptop sorry for the inconvenience....

You had some good points about what the drink did for you as the before and after.

I enjoyed the freedoms of the drink until I became combative and then I was going down toward the end of my career in the drinking department.

I will share that I've been sober over 26 years and I still face anxiety and difficulties with people and even women when I was single. The drink allowed me to talk a lot of noise to the ladies and I "scored" a fair bit and sober not so much because of my barriers and cautious attitude.

I don't need to drink today even though I do have issues with some situations and I actually game face it when I have to and other times I slip out the back door and retreat because of my fears. So risks are keep drinking and ruin your life, and or stop drinking and try and deal with life on life's terms. Success for me is I don't feel the need to drink in order to cope with society.

hope this helps because we aren't alone on this subject.
You must live your life from beginning to end: No one else can do it for you.
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