First meeting. What about my parents?

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First meeting. What about my parents?

Postby Feeya » Mon May 23, 2016 1:45 pm

Hey everyone!
I'm Feeya and I went to my first AA meeting today. It was absolutely terrifying and it left me feeling absolutely relieved in a weird way.
While I was sitting there I thought about my parents, who I still live with and I was just wondering if anyone here has any kind of experience with parents at Al-Anon? Should I ask them to go? And how do I start a conversation like that?
I mean, they obviously know what's going on, but they don't 'believe' in recovery! Should I even bother getting them into meetings, or should I just focus on myself?
I'm just curious as to how much of an impact my parents view on recovery will have on my recovery, once I stop drinking and doing drugs.
One day at a time.
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Re: First meeting. What about my parents?

Postby Spirit Flower » Mon May 23, 2016 2:02 pm

I'm glad you made it to a meeting.

The answers to your questions depends on your situation; but it is ok to wait a little bit and get your feet on the ground.
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Re: First meeting. What about my parents?

Postby Feeya » Mon May 23, 2016 2:32 pm

Thank you!
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Re: First meeting. What about my parents?

Postby Tosh » Mon May 23, 2016 2:36 pm

I'm with Spirit Flower; just give it some time before you broach the subject. Mrs Tosh got annoyed with me when I suggested she goes to Al-Anon; she said "Hey, I'm not the one with the **beeping** drinking problem!" :lol:

Well done - a huge well done - on getting to your first meeting. What was it like (I know you told me by PM, but I'm sure other people, including interweb lurkers who haven't been to one would love to hear about it).

And how did you feel during and after?
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)
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Re: First meeting. What about my parents?

Postby Tosh » Mon May 23, 2016 2:38 pm

Feeya wrote:I'm just curious as to how much of an impact my parents view on recovery will have on my recovery, once I stop drinking and doing drugs.


Huge! Life changing. Their daughter isn't killing herself any more (and all the other related stuff that often goes on).
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)
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Re: First meeting. What about my parents?

Postby D'oh » Mon May 23, 2016 2:48 pm

Congratulations on your first meeting. Keep going back, they work if you work them.

Don't worry about your parents, your Actions will convince them more than your words.

You have already started your Amends to your family.

verb (used with object)


1. to alter, modify, rephrase, or add to or subtract from (a motion, bill, constitution, etc.) by formal procedure:
Congress may amend the proposed tax bill.


2. to change for the better; improve:
to amend one's ways.
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Re: First meeting. What about my parents?

Postby Feeya » Mon May 23, 2016 2:51 pm

Okay, thank you! Yeah I mean, they are not going to be upset about me being sober, that is for sure...
I think I'm just worrying without really knowing what I'm worrying about...

At the meeting everyone was really nice! I think I was the youngest person there but it didn't really seem to matter...
I was asked to introduce myself and I did, I didn't say that I'm an alcoholic, just said my name and told them that it was my first meeting and then they moved on...
Someone talked about being 6 month sober and that was really emotional and it made me wonder...
Afterwards an older guy came up to me and told me to keep coming back and that made me feel really good and really ashamed at the same time...
I feel really relieved, even though nothings really happened yet it feels like a first step... :)
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Re: First meeting. What about my parents?

Postby positrac » Tue May 24, 2016 3:26 am

First things first and that is working on you and the rest might eventually follow in time. And remember if you go in all righteous because you've found sobriety it might cause problems you had never considered and it may cause everyone a lot of pain and pressure that could have you drink again. I believe in time your actions will show you are doing something different and so this might be a better path in the long term.
You must live your life from beginning to end: No one else can do it for you.
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Re: First meeting. What about my parents?

Postby Feeya » Tue May 24, 2016 6:48 am

Thank you positrac!
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Re: First meeting. What about my parents?

Postby clouds » Tue May 24, 2016 8:18 am

Good on for getting to that meeting. :)
" Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house." page 98 A.A.
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Re: First meeting. What about my parents?

Postby Db1105 » Tue May 24, 2016 8:45 am

Welcome!

It worked the opposite way for me. I was directed into The Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous through family court way back in the 1970's. While I was trying to prove to everyone that I didn't have a problem with alcohol, my parents were introduced to Al-Anon. Thankfully, there were a few other parents who's "teens" we're have alcohol issues and they went on to form an Al-Anon meeting for parents with alcoholic children.

I sobered up about a year later and both my parents attended that meeting for 34 years until my father passed away. The members still pick up my mother and take her to this day. The best you can do is suggest they give it a try, but it's more important for you to concentrate on your recovery. Get a Big Book, get a sponsor, work the Twelve Steps, and get involved.
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Re: First meeting. What about my parents?

Postby PaigeB » Tue May 24, 2016 9:36 am

And remember if you go in all righteous because you've found sobriety it might cause problems you had never considered

OOOhhhh I totally did that. I was literally ranting around the house belly aching about me having to do it all and stay sober too ~ Family stared at me, frozen and slack jawed. BUT I was just about ready to throw a coffee cup when I realized that I liked that cup! I stopped and set it down and said, "Sorry. I am a crazy person. There is this thing called "amends" and I don't know what it means, but I am gonna go call my sponsor now. Sorry. Carry on."

Yeah. That was not my last self righteous rant. I still have them once in awhile. But I must say, I have always "collected" coffee cups. After being sober a very short time I found that I had WAY too many coffee cups and had to go through them and get rid of the plain jane ones. To me, it was proof that I was getting better. I was no longer throwing coffee cups.
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Re: First meeting. What about my parents?

Postby Feeya » Tue May 24, 2016 1:24 pm

Thank you!
I will focus on myself for now and not worry about confronting my parents with anything until it is time to do that... I guess I'll just show them by action...
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Re: First meeting. What about my parents?

Postby positrac » Wed May 25, 2016 3:14 am

PaigeB wrote:
And remember if you go in all righteous because you've found sobriety it might cause problems you had never considered

OOOhhhh I totally did that. I was literally ranting around the house belly aching about me having to do it all and stay sober too ~ Family stared at me, frozen and slack jawed. BUT I was just about ready to throw a coffee cup when I realized that I liked that cup! I stopped and set it down and said, "Sorry. I am a crazy person. There is this thing called "amends" and I don't know what it means, but I am gonna go call my sponsor now. Sorry. Carry on."

Yeah. That was not my last self righteous rant. I still have them once in awhile. But I must say, I have always "collected" coffee cups. After being sober a very short time I found that I had WAY too many coffee cups and had to go through them and get rid of the plain jane ones. To me, it was proof that I was getting better. I was no longer throwing coffee cups.

That would of been a great youtube vid..... :wink:
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Re: First meeting. What about my parents?

Postby Larryp713 » Wed May 25, 2016 8:18 am

Feeya wrote:Thank you!
I will focus on myself for now and not worry about confronting my parents with anything until it is time to do that... I guess I'll just show them by action...

That is the exact attitude that will best serve you. Today your the youngest one there, but very soon another young person will come through the door, and if you are still there, that person will have a little more hope that they too can recover. Get plugged in and you'll be amazed at the results. Larry
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