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Postby newday45 » Sat May 07, 2016 8:28 pm

New to e-AA, but glad it is here as I am finally coming to the realization that my drinking is a problem in my life. I have spent some times in the rooms in the past, but relapsed due to the belief that I could control my drinking. This control never lasted long and my binges began not long after.

One of the things i am dealing with is the feeling of embarrassment about my condition. I keep trying to tell myself that the embarrassment that comes with being a drunk is SO much worse than opening up to the truth about my life, but the shame is very much real. I feel as though i have lived a double life the past 5 years, and that my alcoholic life was gradually consuming my work/personal lives.

I believe that when I get over this shame and embarrassment that the truth will take a huge weight off my shoulders, but the first step is always the hardest. I'm looking forward to committing to the steps and the aa system fully this time around, because I know the alternative is bleak. Its just, I have been able to maintain my "dual" self to this point without significant consequence in my life, but I know I can't keep it up for ever.
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Re: Embarrasment

Postby Brock » Sun May 08, 2016 4:38 am

Welcome to e-AA newday. Your report of being in and out of AA rings true to me, and it just keeps getting worse and worse, some of us just keep digging deeper than others until we admit we hit bottom, unfortunately some even dig their own graves.

You spoke in a great positive tone about committing to the steps this time around, and put a smile on an old West Indians face this morning, because this was my problem also. Finally I found by doing the work that it looks much harder on paper than it is in practice, and the results for me have been the best years of my life without wanting or even thinking about a drink. Also this site has been a very good 'second home' for me, lots of good sobriety here, best of luck with those steps you can't go wrong.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
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Re: Embarrasment

Postby PaigeB » Sun May 08, 2016 11:06 am

the truth will take a huge weight off my shoulders, but the first step is always the hardest.

You are right. But I can tell you from experience that my brain will always talk me out of action. Make a decision to go and let you feet do the walking! Do not listen to the fear. Once I got through the doors I was with my people and there is no shame there. We are Anonymous for a reason and no one else need to know, except maybe your child caregiver or spouse. I know mine were happy that I was making a change. Really happy. Too happy for me in the first few weeks! But there again, the folks in the rooms knew what I was talking about!

Take the Step. It is not as scary as your thinking makes it seem!
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
The e-AA Group's 7th Tradition link: www.e-aa.org/group_seventh.php
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Re: Embarrasment

Postby Lali » Mon May 09, 2016 10:32 am

newday45 wrote:I'm looking forward to committing to the steps and the aa system fully this time around, because I know the alternative is bleak.

That's good to hear newday! Believe it or not, some people don't understand the importance of the steps. So vital to this program!
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Re: Embarrasment

Postby positrac » Tue May 10, 2016 2:56 am

it is hard to look beyond ourselves and I do agree and understand about being embarrassed as I too had to get retreaded several times. What I've learned is the faces may change in the rooms but the disease doesn't and so we are not unique! I mean I want to be special and I am not I am just the garden variety drunk.

It is not about perfection as we'd all fail and have. But what we can do is dust off and get back in the program and learn from our mistakes and use it for better things like staying sober and living life on the terms of life gives us no matter how it starts out.

Be well
Work hard, stay positive, and get up early. It's the best part of the day.
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Re: Embarrasment

Postby ezdzit247 » Tue May 10, 2016 11:27 am

Hi newday45 and welcome.

Congratulations on your decision to reach out for help with your drinking problem. The AA program has many suggested "tools" for getting and staying sober and the one of the tools that was most helpful to me was AA's 24 hour plan. AA has a pamphlet entitled "This is AA - An introduction to the AA recovery program" which will help answer your questions about how the program works. Most AA meetings have this pamphlet on their literature shelf or you can read it online by clicking on this link:


Here's an excerpt from the pamphlet on AA's 24 hour plan:

"For example, we take no pledges, we don’t say that we will “never” drink again. Instead, we try to follow what we in A.A. call the “24-hour plan.” We concentrate on keeping sober just the current twenty-four hours. We simply try to get through one day at a time without a drink. If we feel the urge for a drink, we neither yield nor resist. We merely put off taking that particular drink until tomorrow…."

Glad you found this forum, newday45.

Keep coming back….
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
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