I keep slipping and about to start the steps

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I keep slipping and about to start the steps

Postby Chris M » Tue May 03, 2016 1:00 pm

Hi all,

I need some advice. I got out of treatment about 8 weeks ago where I got 12weeks sober, the longest since I first picked up. I had been going in and out of AA for 2 years prior to this and couldn't get it, I would start slipping and then eventually say "F*** it" and stay out there, things would get worse and I'd go back again. Round and round.
I had a slip not long after getting out of treatment which gave me a bit of a fright when I blacked out again so I phoned a good member and asked him to sponsor me.

We have since started going through the book (at the start of Bills Story now) but I keep having small slips, about 1 a week at this rate now. I'm only having 1 or 2 beers each time and walking away but it's like my head is trying to tell me "look see you can have a couple and walk away, you don't get the craving, knock this recovery stuff on the head, this is not for you"
I want recovery more than anything, I have gone through enough and lost enough to get where I am today and to know that I can't control my drinking and it doesn't work for me any more.
However the minute that thought gets a hold of me I'm gone and its really starting to get frustrating now.... And having to go to my sponsor "happened again... I know I didn't call you" (I didn't tell him about the last one for this reason)
I'm pretty sure it's just a matter of time before I do end up going "F*** it" again.

Has this happened anyone else or anyone got any advice about what I should do?

Chris M
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Re: I keep slipping and about to start the steps

Postby Brock » Tue May 03, 2016 1:45 pm

Welcome to e-AA Chris. I don't want to say that this is a common story here, but it's not uncommon as well. I myself had two 'tries' at AA spread over about a thirty year period, and several times when I would force myself to quit for a limited time, due to work or a nagging wife, but all through this I was unhappy.

My final return to AA about six and a half years ago I finally 'got it,' mind you this was after being sent to a crappy third world mental hospital against my will, I was in bad shape.

From what I read of your position you seem to understand well the powerless part, and since you can't stop on your own, accepting that the help of something bigger and more powerful is required seems the obvious conclusion. That's pretty much steps one and two, and three is just saying OK I will let this power, even if I don't understand it too well, have a go at helping me. So with the sponsor you might be at four and five in the near future, and as the book says this is where most of us felt the stupid obsession to drink leave.

The main thing I found important is to believe that it really does leave, and that a life without the booze can be damned good, whereas I was scared of a life of constant meetings and living like a hermit nerd the opposite has happened, I go to one or two meetings a week, mainly because I like them and like speaking to new members, apart from that a few simple principles to live by on a day to day basis, and I am happy as hell, no lie best time of my life. Good luck in getting to steps 4 & 5 you can't go wrong after that.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
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Re: I keep slipping and about to start the steps

Postby Chris M » Tue May 03, 2016 2:31 pm

Thanks Brock!
When I snap out of it I certainly do see my powerlessness at work and I do get the feeling that this should all change on steps 4-9. It just feels like a case of trying to get myself there.
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Re: I keep slipping and about to start the steps

Postby positrac » Wed May 04, 2016 2:45 am

You know the security of rehab and that pink cloud do come with a cost because they end! The real question is are you ready to get-stay sober? if you are then you'll go to any length to make this work. Saying F*** it and pick up is the easy way out and we have to overcome that weak desire. All of us have had to deal with life on life's terms and when we least expect it we can get that urge to drink. You should use tools learned at rehab, unless you went to some touchy feely spa and told you don't have a problem! But if you went to a rehab that focuses on the issues of the drink and you then think that first drink through. Call another sober person who actually understands the disease of alcoholism. You need accountability and not being enabled in order to get sober. Once you have figured out that life is only as hard as we make it-----Sometimes we do have some say in life. So review your plan of recovery and actually try and make the effort and get involved with your recovery as I can speak to the disease; but I can't make you do anything no matter how much I want you to get sober. We are given choices and free will and so now is the time to actually take the suggestions and once you submit to being powerless over alcohol and believe this step your life will be much better in time.

Keep pressing forward.
Work hard, stay positive, and get up early. It's the best part of the day.
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Re: I keep slipping and about to start the steps

Postby Lali » Wed May 04, 2016 12:51 pm

It seems to me that since you keep slipping, you haven't fully grasped step 1 yet. You can't move on in the steps until you get step one 100%. It is good, however, that your sponsor is taking you through the book. Some of it should start seeping into your brain as you are reading.
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