if been given the aa ultimatum.

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if been given the aa ultimatum.

Postby dla2011 » Sun May 01, 2016 9:05 pm

Hi,
I've just been to a couples counseling session in which I was given the ultimatum - go to AA and stop drinking or loose the relationship.

The truth is my initial response was to end the relationship of 4 years. At this point in time that would be the easiest option if not the best one. I'm thinking that the fact that i think that, is a pretty good indication that i'm in the throws of alcohol addiction and the idea has merit.
Of course I understand that if I choose to continue to drink my puny little life is going to get even more pathetic and isolated but the idea of giving up my crutch is terrifying thought.

I understand that AA membership is open to anyone who doesn't want to drink. I can't say that I don't want to drink, in fact I do. If I didnt have to go to work soon, I would probably get a little pissy now and part of that is just out of spite..
Going to AA seem grossly dishonest and disrespectful to people there. Is there room in AA for people like me who the idea of stopping drinking seems like an awful proposition?
dla.
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Re: if been given the aa ultimatum.

Postby D'oh » Sun May 01, 2016 9:16 pm

Where there is smoke, there usually is fire. It may just be smoldering right now but only you can answer that.

There might be an Open meeting in your area. Open being for anyone interested in finding out what AA is all about. Try one and see for yourself.

Good luck, on your Relationship and your Journey.
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Re: if been given the aa ultimatum.

Postby dla2011 » Sun May 01, 2016 9:34 pm

Thank you D'oh. Will check it out.
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Re: if been given the aa ultimatum.

Postby Spirit Flower » Mon May 02, 2016 2:57 am

Is there room in AA for people like me who the idea of stopping drinking seems like an awful proposition?
Many many people are like this at first. Some are desperate to quit, but some just come until they see something they want in the people there. "...can't imagine life without alcohol..." comes from our book. In the rooms, you will find people just like you who have solved the drink problem.

Welcome to e-AA. Keep coming back.
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Re: if been given the aa ultimatum.

Postby avaneesh912 » Mon May 02, 2016 5:36 am

if I choose to continue to drink my puny little life is going to get even more pathetic and isolated but the idea of giving up my crutch is terrifying thought.


Choice. If we had it, we should be able to not even argue/have conversation in the head whether we have a problem are not. We should be able to "not drink" at will. Try it. Decide to stay stopped for a year on your own. See how you act/react when having interactions with other people. Watch yourself, see if you drift into a melancholic state, where your mind is not functioning at its peak.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: if been given the aa ultimatum.

Postby Roberth » Mon May 02, 2016 8:49 am

Hello dla2011 and welcome to E-AA , My name is Robert and I am a Los Angeles area alcoholic. ….AA is not here to convince you to stop drinking, we are here to show you the way we found that allows us to live a alcohol free life. Go or don’t go to AA that’s your choice, we will still be here if you ever want to stop.
Robert
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in pretty, well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming WOW What a ride!!!!
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Re: if been given the aa ultimatum.

Postby Reborn » Mon May 02, 2016 9:14 am

Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.

Above is the openning paragraph from the chapter More About Alcoholism in the Big Book. I know how you feel...I did not want to admit I was an alcoholic...or that I had a problem. The way I finally diagnosed myself is I read the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous and looked for similarities. No one in AA will tell you you are an alcoholic...you have to decide this for yourself.
We have recovered, and have been given the power to help others. BB pg 132
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Re: if been given the aa ultimatum.

Postby PaigeB » Mon May 02, 2016 11:13 am

if I choose to continue to drink my puny little life is going to get even more pathetic and isolated but the idea of giving up my crutch is terrifying thought.

... Decide to stay stopped for a year on your own. See how you act/react when having interactions with other people. Watch yourself, see if you drift into a melancholic state, where your mind is not functioning at its peak.

Forget about a year, a normal person might be able to do that... And don't fall for the thinking that "one will be ok" ~ Once I take in ANY alcohol whatever into my body, I have a reaction that makes me want MORE. It is called the phenomena of craving. Just try to stay stopped for 24 hours at a time to start with.

When I got here, I thought I was just going to give my liver a break. At the end of three months, I realized that this was not so insurmountable as I once thought. I couldn't recall a time in my history I had gone 3 months without a drink. But I thought there was NO WAY these Steps would solve MY kinds of problems, so I decided that maybe I could give them a try ~ couldn't get any worse if they didn't work. Funny thing was, working with a sponsor they DID work! I don't think about drinking every day now (I haven't for sometime!) but I live life like this is the only day I really have to live. AA helped me find a way to live life without alcohol.

It can't hurt. Give it a try. We have a misery-back guarantee!
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
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Re: if been given the aa ultimatum.

Postby dla2011 » Mon May 02, 2016 6:10 pm

wow, thank you everyone for your comments. Kind and insightful, I actually had a moment of hope reading those. I've located a couple of open meetings I could make it to this week so I will check one out. Thanks again. dla.
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Re: if been given the aa ultimatum.

Postby avaneesh912 » Tue May 03, 2016 5:18 am

And don't fall for the thinking that "one will be ok"


An alcoholic will. Thats the peculiar mental twist the big book talks about over and over again.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: if been given the aa ultimatum.

Postby Joe H » Tue May 03, 2016 8:19 am

Hello Dia2011,
I came into the rooms of AA court ordered with no intentions to stop drinking. Quite frankly, I hated it...but I listened.
What I soon could not deflect was the fact that after a meeting, I may not have been able to connect with the speakers' shares but I kept finding myself saying - I think that way, I feel that way and I react to others that way. If I am like what they say they used to be, could I possibly be what they say they are?
I came to meetings drinking for six months and I for some reason (the grace of God) became sick and tired of being drunk, cold, damp and lonely. I asked a God I did not know or trust for help. I wanted to still drink but I didn't want to be drunk and it was crystal clear that if I took a drink I would be drunk.
April 12, 1996, I did what was suggested. I was honest to myself about my problem. I was open to a new way of doing things. And I was willing to do these things one day at a time ever since.
I am a strong believer that me telling you what you are and what you should do. I do hope that you investigate our rooms, you may find a answer...
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Re: if been given the aa ultimatum.

Postby Stepchild » Tue May 03, 2016 8:21 am

dla2011 wrote:Hi,
I've just been to a couples counseling session in which I was given the ultimatum - go to AA and stop drinking or loose the relationship.


I went through the same thing with a seventeen year marriage.

The truth is my initial response was to end the relationship of 4 years. At this point in time that would be the easiest option if not the best one. I'm thinking that the fact that i think that, is a pretty good indication that i'm in the throws of alcohol addiction and the idea has merit.


I had the same thought but I found a way to justify it.

Of course I understand that if I choose to continue to drink my puny little life is going to get even more pathetic and isolated but the idea of giving up my crutch is terrifying thought.


I was completely terrified by that thought...And I also thought it would be impossible for me to do. But you are correct about life getting worse....I can assure you of that.

I understand that AA membership is open to anyone who doesn't want to drink.


More like alcoholics that can't quit on their own...They've run out of options. If you find yourself there....I highly recommend it.

Going to AA seem grossly dishonest and disrespectful to people there.


Don't worry about the people there...Getting honest with yourself is the hard part.
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Re: if been given the aa ultimatum.

Postby clouds » Tue May 03, 2016 11:27 am

Welcome dla,

I hope you give AA a try. :D
" Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house." page 98 A.A.
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Re: if been given the aa ultimatum.

Postby positrac » Wed May 04, 2016 2:34 am

dla2011 wrote:Hi,
I've just been to a couples counseling session in which I was given the ultimatum - go to AA and stop drinking or loose the relationship.

The truth is my initial response was to end the relationship of 4 years. At this point in time that would be the easiest option if not the best one. I'm thinking that the fact that i think that, is a pretty good indication that i'm in the throws of alcohol addiction and the idea has merit.
Of course I understand that if I choose to continue to drink my puny little life is going to get even more pathetic and isolated but the idea of giving up my crutch is terrifying thought.

I understand that AA membership is open to anyone who doesn't want to drink. I can't say that I don't want to drink, in fact I do. If I didnt have to go to work soon, I would probably get a little pissy now and part of that is just out of spite..
Going to AA seem grossly dishonest and disrespectful to people there. Is there room in AA for people like me who the idea of stopping drinking seems like an awful proposition?
dla.

We all have had to run our courses in order to figure out things.

So if you drop the relationship you've hurt yourself and the other person for starters, then you hook up with others and hurt them as well over time because you have issues with drinking. And not to mention you are falling lower and lower into alcoholism, and or other issues because you aren't ready to stop drinking. For the record just because you stop drinking doesn't clean your slate as you may and will still act the same and continue to make excuses for your problems.

I am not judging you as much as trying to express that you are being selfish and life is really too short to be like that. I can say that when you are ready to really get sober you will if you live that long and then I hope you can get to living and have a better life.

I am the one on here that throws the BS flag and that is because life is short and we all deserve to have a better quality of life. I get my stuff called out a lot as well and it keeps me honest and I hate being called out as I do have a thing called an ego!

I have been shot at in war time, many health issues that can and could take my life and all of those events I was and remain sober as to feel each event. And yes they have stung me over time and this is why I highly suggest get over yourself and try a new kind of life style, and if it totally sucks after ninety days of continuous AA meetings and this means 7 days a week then go get piss drunk! You know you have and will go to many lengths to get a drink and so 1 hour out of your life to attend AA isn't that much to expect.
You must live your life from beginning to end: No one else can do it for you.
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Re: if been given the aa ultimatum.

Postby clouds » Wed May 04, 2016 5:38 am

Hi again.

You could read from the book of 'Alcoholics Anonymous' on page 20 where it says "It is the purpose of this book..." over to page 25 where it says " There is a solution." That will give you a good grasp of your own condition and help highlight most of the main differences between a hard drinker and an alcoholic. this will help you to begin to sort out why you find yourself in the situation you are having now.

Best wishes. We are here to offer the solution we have found to out drinking problem whenever.
" Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house." page 98 A.A.
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