Hi I am new

New to AA? Got questions? Here's the place to ask. Note that no one person speaks "officially" for AA. AA meetings in your local area are always the best source of information. Note that anyone may post and reply to messages in this forum.

Hi I am new

Postby Hummingbird » Wed Apr 27, 2016 5:03 am

Hi,
I am new to this site and I am lost, confused, anxious, and feel dead inside. Perhaps, I am an alcoholic or not. Nontheless, I know I need relife. My human history is littered with the ravages of alcohol. Father died in a car crash while drunk. Mother was hit by a car while walking drunk (died 10 months later) sister and brothers who are fighting addiction. My husband is in recovery (he is doing wonderful sober for 3 years). It's me that is struggling, on the outside to look at me, I am a success. Great job, wonderful husband, fantastic friends; however, the inside is another story. Daily I struggle with depression, flashbacks, horrible memories, and crippling anxity. Lately, I find myself having 2 glasses of wine before I get home. I am not telling my husband, just to take the edge off I say. It's not every day but I am hiding drinking and drinking alone. I get "relife" from the anxity for a few hours but it comes back and then the shame and guilt start because I am not being honest. Additionally, I just feel dead inside. My days cinsist of working coming home watching TV or reading and bed. What kind of life is that??? I want to live! To feel alive and experience life. Not be a zombie. I have seen the transformation that AA has done in my husband's life and other members of my family. Thus, I am seeking the same to be free of the chains of drinking/alcohol. Before my mother died, she told me to look for her in the hummingbirds and rainbows. So, here I am.
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Re: Hi I am new

Postby avaneesh912 » Wed Apr 27, 2016 5:14 am

If you think you are not an alcoholic, you can always visit Al-anon fellowship and get a sponsor and start working the 12 steps. The 12 steps is what produces the transformation you see in members who work them. Some of my AA friends started with Al-anon because of their spouses but later on could relate to the drunks and moved over realizing they too are alcoholics.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: Hi I am new

Postby Stepchild » Wed Apr 27, 2016 5:24 am

Hummingbird wrote:I have seen the transformation that AA has done in my husband's life and other members of my family. Thus, I am seeking the same to be free of the chains of drinking/alcohol. Before my mother died, she told me to look for her in the hummingbirds and rainbows. So, here I am.


I'm glad you are here. I'm a male alcoholic and I totally related to your share...It could be my story. I'll be sober 5 years in a couple months from doing what these AA members did. Let me ask you this....You've seen that it works...Like I did...What's holding you back from grabbing it with everything you got? That lurking notion that you still may be able to control it? I get it.

If I could suggest a few things to get started...Read the book Alcoholics Anonymous...Our problem is described in The Doctor's Opinion and chapters 1-3. The solution is offered in the following chapters. At least check it out. Go to some meetings...With or without your husband....Just go and listen. You might see something you want. Again...I'm glad you found this place...Feel free to ask questions. Any questions.
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Re: Hi I am new

Postby Stepchild » Wed Apr 27, 2016 5:27 am

Hummingbird wrote: Great job, wonderful husband, fantastic friends; however, the inside is another story. Daily I struggle with depression, flashbacks, horrible memories, and crippling anxity. Lately, I find myself having 2 glasses of wine before I get home. I am not telling my husband, just to take the edge off I say. It's not every day but I am hiding drinking and drinking alone. I get "relife" from the anxity for a few hours but it comes back and then the shame and guilt start because I am not being honest. Additionally, I just feel dead inside. My days cinsist of working coming home watching TV or reading and bed. What kind of life is that???


By the way....I can't say if you are alcoholic or not....But I haven't met a normal drinker yet that has experienced the above.
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Re: Hi I am new

Postby positrac » Wed Apr 27, 2016 5:47 am

The only requirement for membership is a desire and if you are interested step forward and take a chance as you have nothing to lose and a lot to gain.

Welcome
You must live your life from beginning to end: No one else can do it for you.
Hopi Proverb
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Re: Hi I am new

Postby clouds » Wed Apr 27, 2016 7:16 am

Hi and Welcome!

The only requirement for membership in AA is a desire to stop drinking, so you are welcome at any AA meeting. It helped me to go to meetings and listen to other women share their experience with drinking. It gave me a clear idea of what the differenc is between the hard drinker and the alcoholic. Especialy good is the description of the alcoholic in the book 'Alcoholics Anonymous'. That book really nails what an alcoholic is, mentally, spiritually, morally and physically. This can help you to see if you would benefit from going to AA.

Also, as others have mentioned, since you have so many alcoholics in your family, alanon is appropriate for you too.
" Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house." page 98 A.A.
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Re: Hi I am new

Postby Hummingbird » Wed Apr 27, 2016 10:29 am

Thank you everyone for responding to me. I appreciate all the kind words of encouragement and welcome. I want to stay on the online forum, find a sponsor online as well as work the steps. My career has irregular hours and I think the online forum will work well in my life
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Re: Hi I am new

Postby PaigeB » Wed Apr 27, 2016 12:07 pm

Daily I struggle with depression, flashbacks, horrible memories, and crippling anxity. Lately, I find myself having 2 glasses of wine before I get home. I am not telling my husband, just to take the edge off I say. It's not every day but I am hiding drinking and drinking alone. I get "relife" from the anxity for a few hours but it comes back and then the shame and guilt start because I am not being honest. Additionally, I just feel dead inside.

Sounds like me when I walked through the doors of AA and accepted the 12 Steps as a new way of life.

I completely identify with you and I am an alcoholic. I especially feel the "dead inside" part. Well, I DID feel that way, I don't anymore! Today I am alive again and awake. You can have this solution we offer in Alcoholics Anonymous and all you have to do is show up at a meeting or 2 and see if it is something you would like to have... Don't worry about whether you think it is something you want to do, cause I talked myself out of DOing anything for years. Just go see if the freedom from alcohol sounds like something you would like to have. Tell the people at the meeting that you are new and ask the women there for their phone numbers. Call them to discuss the details of your case and listen to the details of theirs. You might even ask one of them to be your sponsor to work together through the 12 Steps.

If you need help finding a meeting in your area, no matter where you are in the world, you can follow the links through right to your neighborhood using this link
http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/find-aa-resources
It will also allow you to link up with the Online Intergroup where you can find various online venues for meetings with other alcoholics. E-aa has several venues to chose from beyond this great Forum!
http://www.e-aa.org/talk.php

I won't wish you "good luck" because this is work and it can be scary. Let your feet DO the walking. I will only wish you "God Speed" and Peace.

(By the way ~ AA helps me "take the edge off" now!)
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
The e-AA Group's 7th Tradition link: www.e-aa.org/group_seventh.php
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